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[themodernmarriage]

Pinned Post: Chastity Cheat Sheet!

I am aware that there is a lot of information on this blog - plenty of detail and explanation into the mindset and procedure of Male Chastity play. Perhaps too much detail!?

I get a large amount of emails and messages asking for a simple place to start, and while I usually point them to the very first post in this blog, I think the time has come to provide a quick 'Cheat Sheet' for those of you who need to recap or want to get started quickly and dig into the details later. As a starting point, here are some hotlinks to the main sections of the blog:

Introducing Male Chastity Play

The Science of Male Chastity

When to allow Release

How to allow Release

Teasing in T&D / Chastity Play

In addition to these articles, I will also provide a quick 'Cheat Sheet' based on a summary of the information above, blending in my 10+ years of experience as well as hints and tips I've picked up along the way. Here we go!

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WHY MALE CHASTITY?

Chastity play is the best example of 'power exchange play' where the (usually) female keyholder takes control of the couple's sexual dynamic.

Handing over control of their sexual release is a highly arousing experience for males. The tease and denial that comes with it heightens sexual excitement, increases the male's energy levels and (most importantly) makes YOU the focus of the sexual experience.

Male chastity play is not about having less sex - in fact, most couples in chastity play have a significantly more active sexual dynamic than the 'vanilla sex twice a month' crowd.

WHAT DO KEYHOLDERS DO?

Hold the keys and control when and how release takes place (see links) .

Set, communicate and enforce the keyholding rules at the start of the lockup.     

Tease - to keep arousal in peak state throughout lockup.

Make the most of (literally!) holding him by the balls ;).

BASIC KEYHOLDER RULES:

The wife can choose the chastity device. If you don’t feel like buying them then he should present you with a few options, colors and sizes.

It is no longer his penis - it is your 'nub'. Take ownership.

Hold the keys, keep them safe, do not let him access them - take it seriously.

The wife decides when the male will be unlocked, allowed an erection, or allowed release. SEPARATE the concept of 'unlock= orgasm'. In most cases it’s unlocked purely for teasing or training, for example.

TEASE AND DENIAL

The way to maximize benefits and (again, counterintuitively) maximize his chastity experience is teasing / arousal. This does not have to take a lot of time or effort. My ideal teasing effort is 2-5 minutes a day, or every second day… mix it up.

Is teasing cruel for the locked male? Absolutely not. Denial after 2-3 weeks of lockup is often described by locked males as "feeling like being half way to orgasm 100% of time". Quite heady stuff.

Some basic ideas:

Talk about his predicament: Tell him you like how it looks, how tight it must be, how full his balls look… Ask him to show it to you as a 'cage check’ at random times.

Make fun of it! “Ah sweet such a cute little nub.” A little-known side-effect: locked boys leak precum like crazy. Tease him about his constant ‘dribbling’ or ‘wet spot’ - you are sure to fire up even more production 😂.

Tell him to sleep naked now and again. Join him in the shower. When at home, make him wear tight clothing where the cage is clearly visible.

Play with his balls. With the nub locked, his exposed balls are infinitely more sensitive. Tickling / stroking will be irritating - what he will need is squeezing, slapping, hitting. Start slowly and build up intensity - he will tell you when to stop. Women are way too gentle with balls in general - most makes prefer far more rough play than they let on. Let him guide you if you are unsure.

Play with the cage - stroke any exposed bits, blow on it, whatever!

Kiss - the fastest way to turn him on, and it will make him strain in his cage. For added heat, hold his cage / balls while kissing.

Make him worship your body: make him go down on you, massage you, stroke you... use your imagination! Denying him an orgasm DEFINITELY does not mean reducing your orgasm count.

Nipple Play: With his cock locked, his nipples will heighten in sensitivity dramatically. Play with them by using nipple clamps, clothespins or even just by pinching and squeezing. Be careful, some locked males have been known to cum from just nipple play alone!

Edging: Stimulate your male until he reaches the edge of orgasm – then  pause or dramatically slow down your play to prevent him from climaxing.  You can do this many times in a row. This is extremely pleasurable for him, because it prolongs his pleasure and ultimately gives him a much stronger orgasm when compared to regular sex when you finally decide to  let him pop – although, of course, you can always change your mind and lock him back up before that happens.

HOW OFTEN SHOULD HE BE ALLOWED RELEASE?

This is up to you! If you are new to chastity play, I recommend a minimum 3 week initial lock up - no unlocking, no release whatsoever. 3 weeks is a full week beyond the typical 14 day prolactin/oxytocin cycle that follows a full orgasm in males. We want to maximize oxytocin (caring, devotion, sexual energy) buildup (14+ days) and minimize prolactin (grumpy, tired, loss of libido), which usually starts to stabilise at the 14 day mark.

Beyond that?

Feel  free to go with a fixed schedule, such as one ejaculation allowed per 3 weeks, if that makes things easier for you – but don’t make it too  predictable, so also consider delaying or skipping a release date.

For more experienced lovers, it is almost universally held by women who seriously practice chastity for their male that initial enforcement of chastity should be at least  three months of continuous wear without relief after you go through the  break in period of getting a device that fits.

HOW SHOULD HE BE ALLOWED RELEASE?

So many options!

Penis-in-vagina (PIV) orgasm: I discourage this one because I feel that sex and ejaculation need to be separated  to avoid accidents. We have sex several times per week and ejaculation  is never expected and rarely a topic of conversation. But if you do  enjoy the feeling of him ejaculating inside you, then you can of course  go ahead and allow him. Sex with a dildo or with him wearing a cock sheath means you get all the benefits of hot PIV sex without him having to orgasm.

Handjobs: The easiest and quickest for you! To spice it up, use a Timer - for example, if  his last ejaculation was two weeks ago, you could give him two minutes  to cum. If he doesn’t make it in time, he will be re-locked. If you don't feel like unlocking him, simply use a vibrator / electric massager on his cage - the vibrations will eventually lead to a strange, unsatisfying orgasm (perfect!).

Masturbation: Tell him to masturbate in front of you. Again, use a timer here to increase the pressure!

Prostate stimulation: If you are into this sort of thing, did you know you can actually 'milk' a male. It's true. Stimulating the prostate in the right way will lead to semen release without any orgasm and without even the need to unlock the nub.

Finally, and my favorite: The 'Touchless (aka Ruined) Orgasm': stimulate him until just before the “point of no  return” and then remove your hand and stop all stimulation. If you time  it right, instead of ejaculating in “bursts”, the semen flows  effortlessly down the penis – hence they are also misleadingly called  “ruined” orgasms. If done correctly, he will still be horny afterwards  and will stay hard as a rock, still wanting more. Perfect!

THAT'S IT!

Above all, enjoy it! I guarantee you, it will be a different, fun, unique and highly arousing experience.

[strictdominantsadisticeducator]

[acunningcunilinguist]

RESISTANCE IS FUTILE !

[themodernmarriage]

On Libidos... and Chastity as a Tool

One of the things I hear from so many women in our community is the quiet struggle of mismatched sex drives. You love your partner, the relationship is otherwise solid, but over time — especially after kids, stress, careers, or just the long haul of marriage — your desire for sex drops while his stays high (or vice versa, though that’s less common in the stories I read). The result? Pressure, guilt, resentment, and that slow drift where intimacy starts to feel like a chore instead of a connection.

My husband and I hit this wall too. For years we had a healthy sex life, but life got busy and my libido naturally ebbed. He was understanding, but I could see the frustration building — the subtle initiations, the porn use he thought I didn’t notice, the way it created distance even when we weren’t arguing about it. When he gently brought up chastity, I was sceptical. It sounded like something from a very different world. But after reading, talking, and a careful trial, I’ve come to see it as one of the most practical, low-drama tools for bridging that gap without anyone feeling like they’re forcing or faking it.

Addressing the Mismatch Without the Pressure

The core problem with libido differences isn’t usually a lack of love — it’s the pressure and the mismatch in timing. He wants connection and release more often; you might want it less, or only when you’re truly relaxed and in the mood. Without structure, that often leads to him pursuing, you feeling guilty or obligated, and both of you pulling away emotionally. Chastity flips the script in a surprisingly helpful way.

By taking control of his orgasms, the constant “will we or won’t we?” negotiation fades. By holding the keys, you're actively involved in his daily sex drive. Even the smallest little tickle, slap, tease of comment will create a rush of excitement. He get this glorious, steady buildup of sexual energy, dramatically increased sensitivity and his romantic / courtship hormones kick into overdrive. On top of this, he’s not secretly 'handling' things on his own, and I’m not worrying about disappointing him or feeling like I have to perform on his schedule. Sex happens when I want it, on terms that feel good to me. And because he’s locked and denied, those moments feel more genuine and desired on both sides.

Why It Shifts His Focus Back to Courtship (The Psychological Side)

There’s a real psychological shift that happens with consistent orgasm control and denial. When a man can’t easily release through masturbation or quick sex, that sexual energy doesn’t just disappear — it gets redirected. Psychologically, the buildup of arousal without climax increases motivation, anticipation, and attentiveness. He becomes more tuned in to you because pleasing you becomes the main outlet for all that drive.

In our case, I noticed it quickly: more thoughtful gestures, better listening, spontaneous help around the house, foot rubs, massages, and enthusiastic focus on my pleasure (oral whenever I wanted, for as long as I wanted). It’s like the early dating days returned. The cage acts as a constant, gentle reminder of me and our dynamic, channeling what used to go into solo habits back into us.

For many men, the denial creates a simmering, deeply pleasant arousal that motivates positive behaviors rather than frustration. It reduces the mental load on me (no more feeling pursued when I’m not in the mood). The result is less resentment and more real connection.

Guidance for Keyholders: The Simplest, Easiest Way to Start (Without “Lock and Forget”)

If you’re considering this as a tool for your own libido mismatch, please don’t overcomplicate it or treat it like a full-time lifestyle you have to perform. The beauty is in keeping it practical and sustainable. Here’s the simplest approach that worked for us:

Start Small and Talk First: Have an honest, non-bedroom conversation. Share where your libido is at and why. Let him explain his side. Agree that this is an experiment to reduce pressure and bring back courtship — a tool, rather than a kink. Set a short trial period (a few weeks) with clear rules.

Basic Rules That Require Minimal Effort:

Default locked most of the time, with unlocks only when you decide.

No initiating cage talk or requests for release except real needs.

Focus during intimacy is on your pleasure. Unlocks don’t automatically mean his orgasm.

Stay Engaged — Don’t “Lock and Forget”: This only works if you check in. Notice and appreciate his efforts (a simple “good boy” or affectionate touch goes far). Adjust cycles based on real life — 2-3 weeks is often plenty to see benefits without plateauing; 1-5 days is not enough to get him to the peak. Tease lightly in everyday ways. The goal is mutual benefit, not neglect.

Prioritize Your Comfort: Only do what feels good to you. If your libido is low, use the dynamic to enjoy non-penetrative intimacy, massages, or service without obligation. Communicate openly outside the dynamic about how it’s affecting you both.

Your turn is your turn: Allow him to bring you to climax without the need to reciprocate.

Chastity isn’t a magic fix for every relationship issue, but for couples dealing with mismatch, it can be a compassionate, effective way to restore balance, spark, and courtship without guilt or constant negotiation. It helped us turn a point of tension into something that makes us feel closer and more tuned in to each other.

If you’re in this spot, you’re not alone — and you don’t have to become someone you’re not to try it. Start gentle, stay practical, and see how it feels for you.

I’d love to hear from other women who’ve used this (or similar tools) to navigate libido differences. What worked for you?

[cravingfemaleauthority]

[charliechastity]

Phase 1 of chastity is playtime. Lots of little 3-day lock-ups. "Extra cruel" is saying no, keeping him locked a 4th day, for a thrill. Phase 2 means pushing for more. He's so proud of a week locked. You're exploring how different oral might be from a chastity boy. Phase 3 really begins once he's passed the 10-day mark. He's surprised to discover he doesn't need out. Maybe doesn't even want out. (Don't take it personally.) This is a good time to start compiling lists of chores and such you can keep him busy with when caged. Because he's starting to ask to be locked more often, for longer. Oh, and threats of chastity rev you both up when you DO have sex. Phase 4: Two-week lock-ups are a regular thing now. Or maybe you release him for a fuck, then lock him right back up because it feels hot. You get oral on demand. Try out things you wanted that he "wasn't into." He wants to serve? Let him. Oh, and... don't let him out because you feel some guilt. Ask him. He doesn't want that. Phase 5: You break the month mark. It's up to you. He can't make it without you keeping the key and directing all his hyper-productivity. The erotic intensity of a cage-ruin or a milking makes him realize this could be a lifestyle, not a game. Which is funny, since he can't turn back now. Because you won't let him. Phase 6: Permanent or at least semi-permanent chastity where you'd count days Out rather than in. His lust for you is never-ending. Your pleasure is ever-available. You both find unceasing joy in his enslavement. So ask yourself: which level have you reached? How far would you like to go? Then sit him down and ask him how far HE wants to go. It's good to know where he *thinks* his ceiling is.

[mistress-peyton-deactivated2026]

Any questions?

[princessbunnybubbles]

[stevealero]

[vacation-rental-by-own-her-favs]

[missystella3]

🔥🔥🔥

[themodernmarriage]

Low Key(holding)

Levels of Orgasm Control and Chastity - A Guide for 'Vanilla' Keyholders

There are many different kinds of orgasm control. The chastity/denial/control dynamic exists on a spectrum and - as you will see from the countless resources online - there is no one 'right answer'. I've had a large number of DMs requesting variations of the blog posts that I have put out there so far - many of which ask for a 'watered down' version that they can take to their significant other as a way to start the chastity / orgasm control conversation. The most interesting questions are from more typically 'vanilla' wives and girlfriends who have clearly been sent my blog by their husbands / boyfriends and are at a loss to find ways to make this dynamic work. So this article will be a very basic guide to a 'gentle' start in this space to see if you and your partner can make it work.

Starting Out

In most cases in this dynamic, the man has initiated this conversation. First off - well done to him for plucking up the courage to tell you about his desires and fantasies. He's probably been thinking about it for ages and it's healthy to have this openness and vulnerability in a relationship.

Secondly, the most important thing to remember, is that he is proposing that you take the reins in terms of your sexual play. This is crucial, because if you truly take the reins, it means that you don't have to do exactly what he is proposing. You can, and should, put your own spin on things.

Teasing, denial and chastity are all essentially about orgasm control. This means that you man is saying to you that he would like you to take charge of when and how he orgasms. It's as simple as that. If you choose to participate and make this part of your play, this should be the starting point of all of your decisions. So, I'll say it again: "This is about you taking charge of when and how he orgasms."

Again, Why Does He Want This?

I am not going to spend much time on this question, as there are other posts and many resources about this online. However, the cliff notes:

"Not orgasming" for a long period has a profound, often positive, impact over a male's hormones and headspace.

Giving you control may be a turn on for him.

It spices things up in long term relationships.

Some men use it to break habits like masturbation / porn.

It helps a lot of men focus more, exercise more and sleep better.

It's sexy and fun to have you in control.

etc.

There are many benefits for you as the female, but again, these have been outlined ad nauseam. More cliff notes:

No pressure on you for sex

However, you get sex when and how you want it.

Cages look sexy

You set the rules

You can often 'redirect' the male's sexual energy into other things like service, massages, exercising and more.

etc

The Spectrum of Orgasm Control

Here is an opinionated view on the 'levels' of orgasm control you can choose from (or blend) if you and your man decide to give this thing a spin.

All orgasm control dynamics operate under the premise that your man is simply not allowed to orgasm without your permission. Should it be during sex, play or even him masturbating, he must wait for your express permission before he goes over the edge.

Chastity cages often play a role in this spectrum because they serve as a constant reminder and/or partial barrier that the male's choice to orgasm is no longer his own.

1. Not Locked

Here, the male does not wear a chastity cage and is free to touch, pleasure and edge himself at will. He is simply not allowed to come.

This is the simplest form of orgasm control for you as there's no cage component, but, interestingly, it's extremely difficult for him, as it relies purely on his evolution-proven, questionable sexual self control. It requires Buddha-level quantities of zen for most males to not sneak an orgasm while unlocked after 2-3 weeks of denial.

In my view, a major benefit of using chastity in this dynamic is that it is impossible for him to get hard while locked. This reality really keeps his erotic urges in check.

2. Self-locked

Here, you say to your man that you encourage, or are happy, for him to wear a chastity cage during his denial periods, but the locking and management thereof is purely up to him. There is no need to communicate about the lock ups, and the male is using this on his own accord to help control his desires.

This is a good place to start for couples beginning their chastity play which you both get the hang of things, and is also often a landing spot for those looking only for the lowest admin play.

3. Sometimes Locked

Here, you as the female will be more active in the lock up process - primarily by instructing your male to lock up for a specific period of time. You will decide the parameters for when it will be locked on, and when it will be removed, and the male is not allowed to unlock without your permission. In most cases here, you will actually physically keep the key, aka become the 'keyholder'.

This is probably the most 'standard' version of chastity that is practiced by couples, as it is more collaborative in nature. The male may be locked for portions of each month, 'every now and then', for trips, for events like 'Locktober' or 'No Nut November' or for randomly timed durations decided upon by the keyholder.

This is most 'active' version of keyholding as you will be steering the decision-making here. It's also potentially the most fun as there is an uncertainty and anticipation on the part of the male which is hugely exciting for them.

4. Default Locked

In this situation, the expectation is that the male is locked unless there is a clear exception in the form of agreed instances where he can be unlocked - like doctor's appointments, cleaning, certain sports, or airport security. Or, of course, if you want him to be unlocked for sexual reasons. There no need to define a lockup period, because there is no a 'period', per se. He's locked and can only unlock for pre-defined reasons or emergencies.

This is a more intense version of chastity for the male, but is significantly easier for you as the keyholder, as you don't need to set or manage lock up or release periods.

When Default mode is on, you will allow your man to unlock for his doctor's appointment, and then he will relock when it's over. You may unlock him for sex, but as soon as it's over, he will refit the cage immediately. No need for discussions or negotiations, and no questions asked.

Locking Pragmatics

Some keyholders are fans of dealing with the cage all that much, and enforce their keyholding by telling their man to lock themselves and present them the key.

Some keyholders really enjoy this little ritual, and like doing the cage fitting themselves.

Some keyholders want to avoid having their man touch or even see their unlocked penis at all, so will have their men bound and blindfolded at all times when the cage is unlocked.

Again, this is a spectrum. Pick and choose.

I'm Super 'Vanilla' - Where Should I Start?

Short answer - wherever you like.

But my recommendation? I would start in the 'Sometimes Locked' space. Let your man do the locking up part. Try it for a couple of weeks per month - maybe something like the first two weeks of the month are 'locked' weeks. Get a sense of how things go, what you like and what you don't like.

If your man tries to talk you out of your suggested lock up period, or tries to 'top from the bottom', then remind him that you will do this by your rules or not at all. Trust is everything here, and remember that it's ultimately about having a good time.

Expand your Knowledge

Read some other articles or blogs about some of the ins, outs and practicalities.

Communicate, tease, be selfish, have fun!

[licks4ever]

This is a brilliant post. Wearing a chastity device 24/7 is not without its problems. Trying to find a cubicle wc to just pee being one of them in a busy pub lol. My wife and I practice the ‘not locked’ much of the time but I’m thinking of a ‘locked when not in her presence’ method to see how it goes. I am able to play with myself but I rarely ever have an orgasm without her but after 2-3 weeks I’m going mad and have to ask to give me a ruined orgasm which takes the edge off for a week or so. My wife is happy to cum once a week except for holidays when we both go mad and fuck like young bunnies lol

[lovethoughtfulcollectionpainter]

I edge my husband because...

It’s what his body wants, whether his mind knows it or not

It’s more pleasurable for him to be edged and denied than for him to cum – simple biology

I can do this every day, and he’ll stay aroused and excited every time

He makes the sexiest noises when I edge him

I love watching his mind go numb with pleasure

He gets so stiff and hard for me, I can’t resist touching it, and I want him to stay that way as long as possible

He stays in a hypersexual state, always eager to pleasure me any way I want

It arouses me to see him lost in bliss

Edging him is so easy, and it gets easier every day I do it

I want him to be happy, and he’s obviously happy when he’s on the edge

I love that he trusts me with his most intimate, natural reflex, so I trigger it as often as possible (or almost-trigger it!)

He fucks me so hard after I edge him for a few days – he’s like an animal, I fucking love it!

He thinks of me all day and texts me the sweetest things

He works hard, doesn’t get enough respect, and deserves to “zone out” for a while in my hands or mouth

It makes him dream about me, so I’m part of literally every moment of his life

[teasedenialideen]

For wifes and girlfriends with men fascinated by male chastity

This article has been written for women who’ve just become aware of their husband’s or boyfriend’s interest in male chastity. You’ve probably lots of questions running around in your mind, and although we may not have all the answers we’ll try to give you some tips. The main thing to remember (assuming you want to join his fantasy) is that male chastity can be whatever suits you both as a couple. You don’t have to experience it in the same way as others, you can adapt and use what best suits your love and life styles.

So he’s explained his chastity desires, and wants you to join him by becoming his keyholder. What do you do now?

One thing to bear in mind is that it’s probably taken your man a lot of courage to let you into his secret chastity desires. It’s not easy to talk of something which may cause surprise or even rejection, and he’s probably thought long and hard about how, when and where to tell you. It’s unlikely to have been an instant, spur of the minute, decision.

What´s in a title? Mistress, Keyholder, Goddess?

Another thing to consider is the title he wants to bestow upon you – and do you want that! Along with discovering he’s into male chastity comes a lot of specific vocabulary and acronyms, grouped within that is the title your husband or boyfriend addresses you as in his mind or fantasy. If you don’t like any of these names don’t accept them. If you don’t like the thought of being called Mistress, Goddess or Lady that’s absolutely fine, if you don’t like the name “Keyholder” that’s okay too – but if you want to join his fantasy simply take on the role of holding his key, the key to his chastity device, the key to his release. Names don’t matter, what’s important is the fun you can both have with male chastity, providing you adapt what you read to your own personalities and way of life. Personally I like “Keyholder” it’s sexy to discretely wear his key around your neck, it’s a nice gently tease as he glimpses a view of it in a restaurant or whilst out shopping!

Why is your Husband or Boyfriend interested in chastity?

The concept of being denied sexual pleasure for the privilege of pleasing you is highly arousing for your lover. We all have secret fetish dreams, fantasies and hopes and male chastity is just one of those. Because this sexually arousing desire involves the use of a chastity belt or device it may be considered to be a fetish, or a bit kinky, but that’s no bad thing really! We all need a bit of spice and excitement in our lives sometimes.

What attracts him?

It’s a secret fetish that your man finds highly provocative, arousing and very sexy, to the point that even just an image of a chastity device could cause the beginnings of an erection. It links in with the sexual fantasy of surrendering himself to you in erotic submission. It’s not just concerned with physical sensations, but the mind, body, emotional and inner most self. He will understand chastity as all encompassing desire, fetish or kink, that’s an intellectual, physical, emotional, sexual and spiritual experience. From his sexual fantasy perspective the allure is that his loving wife or girlfriend holds the key to his penis. His cock becomes yours, it’s freedom is dependent upon you releasing him. You hold the key to this release. You become his Keyholder. Your lover believes that he’s masturbating far too much and would like your help to control this by making him wear a chastity device to prevent him touching himself. He longs to be “Loved, Locked and Owned” by you, and he believes that wearing a chastity device will demonstrate his commitment and faithfulness to you. He longs to escape from every day realities and to allow his submissive desires freedom. This is a “need” for many men who long to set free their sexual submissiveness in the safety and security of their own homes and with their loving wife or girlfriend. Orgasm denial is highly arousing to him. He believes that you are superior to him and needs to demonstrate his acknowledgement of this by wearing a chastity belt or device. A highly sexy aspect is that your husband will aim to seek his pleasure in pleasing and pleasuring you, thinking of his keyholder’s needs above his own. Wearing a chastity device help him to sexually achieve this. He is interested in practising Tantric Sexuality and wearing a chastity device may help save his sexual energy for his higher, emotional and intellectual self. Although the above list is inclusive of the most common themes, your husband or boyfriend may find chastity appealing for one, several or none of the above reasons. A fetish or kink is a very personal thing and you might want to discover from your lover what is it about chastity that personally turns him on.

If he’s found the courage to tell you about his desires and sexual fantasies he’s probably done so because he believes it’s something very special he can share with you, and feels that, in being his keyholder, you may really enjoy and relish it just as much as he.

He longs to be “Loved, Locked and Owned” by you.

What´s special about it?

Chastity between a loving couple is unique, alluring and arousing. It is a special intimacy between you both, which you can keep secret from the world.

How does chastity enhance your sexual pleasure?

When a man is locked in his chastity device he learns through servitude and chivalrous behaviour that sexual gratification is not limited to the pleasure and moment of his orgasm.

He learns and wants to place your pleasure above his.

In our culture how often is sex considered finished after he cums? Are you sexually satisfied at this very moment too? Does it feel like you’ve been watching a good film together and he’s switched off the television half way through the movie?

Chastity teaches him to consider you, and your orgasms. Whilst holding his key can could gently deny him permission to cum on many an occasion, and yet expected him serve his keyholder with his tongue and lips, or perhaps you favourite dildo, with skill, devotion and love. He will become a sensual, playful, confident lover considering only the needs of his Lady.

Doesn´t it mean i`ll have less sex?

Quite the contrary!

Male Chastity is about you sharing his sexual fantasy and him fulfilling your sexual needs. His chastity fetish is all about pleasing you. (Although honestly it shouldn’t take the wearing of a chastity device to get him to do the washing up!)

Wearing a Chastity Device does not mean your man is sexually inadequate. He can be masculine, sexually able, enjoy wearing a chastity device and be virile. If you want he can still make the first move in bed.

Being a keyholder to your locked up man offers a fulfilling sex life, arousal, pleasure and fun, but in a different way. A way where his attention is focused on you rather than his own penis, this means that sexual delights have much less to do with traditional “penis-in-vagina” intercourse, and more to do with the delights of extended foreplay, exploration, sensuality, and arousal. You could even combine it with Tantric sexuality.

Holding the key to has chastity device means you can orgasm as often as you like, he can be the soul provider of these orgasms, whilst he is denied the pleasure of his own.

When you’d like to experience full intercourse, release him, then lock him up again. You might like to experiment with his self control, with cum-control, in this case release him ask him to pleasure you but instruct him not to cum. Afterwards lock him up again.

Should he be allowed to cum?

Yes! But how often this happens is up to you. He will probably suggest when it should be, but really it is your decision. The special allure of chastity is the promise of an overwhelming orgasm with you. It’s the build up of sexual anticipation that makes chastity work, so he must be allowed to cum – occasionally!

Once his penis is locked in a Chastity Device he lives in a state of high erotic anticipation which can be joyous, sensually provocative and yet very frustrating, but without the promise of an overwhelming orgasm shared with you, chastity may not work. Very few many men dream of being locked up and their penis totally ignored.

Why does he want me to hold his key?

What excites him is that his penis becomes yours. You control its freedom. You hold the key. You are his Keyholder.

Chastity relies on the excitement of the mind before arousal of his body. This teaches us that the role of the keyholder is pivotal to the chastity lovestyle. You arouse his thoughts by holding his key which prevents him from touching his penis and so that masturbation is almost impossible – without your permission.

When he first hands over his key, part of his fantasy is fulfilled, and if you choose you could wear the key around your neck. We’d recommend that you take a look at our Chastity Article about Emergency Keys. Always make sure you have a spare – just in case!

As you and your lover experiment with male chastity it’s possible that you may become closer and the bond between you enriches as fantasies are shared and enacted. You may discover that trust, communication, support and the love shared between you flourishes.

As a keyholder you may discover when your man is safely locked in his chastity device and looking forward to a “Cum-Day” that he will strive just a little more than usual towards better servitude both around the home and in the bedroom. The promise of release is a most compelling stimulant!

Chastity and submission - isn´t it a sign of weakness?

If your man is submissive in the bedroom he can still be masculine, sexy, have the ability to inspire you, arouse you, love you and care for you. Being submissive is to him something special that’s a part of this character which he may only allow out to play with you, because he trusts you implicitly, and no one else.

Many men in highly powerful jobs need a release from work sometimes, which is why they venture into submission and chastity.

Wearing a chastity device and being submissive in private will not impinge on his ability at work.

Submission is not weakness. Submission involves your husband having great trust and belief in you. Submission involves having the confidence to express oneself. It’s about placing your needs above his. Submission is honouring you with his mind, body and soul.

Will wearing a chastity device hurt him?

At times it will feel as if the cage of his chastity device is “caressing” his penis, this can heighten arousal, and might feel like he’s wearing your own personal “bondage cuddle”.

He will find that the beginnings of an erection feels more like an “erotic pain” rather than being unbearably painful. These sensations will bring his mind back to you, his keyholder, his loving wife.

Generally wearing a chastity device does not hurt, but you shouldn’t always expect it to feel comfortable right away, it can take a little while for him to become used to it both physically and mentally. If he does experience discomfort, it’s likely to be initially felt around the scrotum where the cock ring of the chastity device fits. He may notice a little pinching and it can take up to 2 weeks or more to get the perfect fit and comfort techniques.

His penis isn’t going to rub against his trousers or underpants as it might normally, it will be denied almost all touch. When he goes to the bathroom that will be a different experience too. Wearing a chastity device means that can he cannot touch himself and it’s likely he’ll need to sit down to pee.

He is going to feel sexually frustrated at times. As he embarks on his male chastity journey with you holding his key its almost certain that he will be expecting some amount of frustration, but it’s impact won’t be experienced until he’s gone longer than usual without an orgasm. He may get irritable and ask to be released. Whether this release happens is up to you. Don’t always give in to him, otherwise, to use a very popular phrase in the D/s world, he’s “topping from the bottom”. He’s actually controlling you and getting what HE wants.

How long should i keep him locked up?

Before locking your man in chastity for more than a few hours he needs to be accustomed to wearing a chastity device, there needs to be a breaking in period, which he must dictate. He shouldn’t simply expect to put on a device for the first time and discover a perfect comfortable fit. It take a while to adjust himself both physically and mentally. Wearing it a few hours each evening when home from work is a good way to become accustomed to wearing a chastity device. As his keyholder encourage him to temper the excitement of fantasy with the necessities of reality.

Most men once used to wearing their device tend to be locked up in timed blocks, However, when you are starting out with male chastity it’s best to agree a target between you for the first few occasions. Chat about it and be realistic, discover what he thinks he can sensibly achieve, don’t be too ambitious to begin with. You should keep these agreed periods quite short until your man is completely used to his device. Often this can mean just locking him up whilst you go shopping, then progress to lock-ins lasting for the weekend, starting on Friday night and then releasing him on Sunday evening (or Monday morning if he hasn’t done his duties properly). Over the weeks you can extend this period each time, until he has settled in to his device and is comfortable for extended periods.

Once you have agreed the length of time for him to be locked up, whether it’s a day or a few hours, as his keyholder make sure you stick to it. However much he moans and complains stick to your guns and don’t allow him the key and freedom until the hour of his release has been reached, and if he keeps on complaining, threaten to extend it by another day! He’ll thank you for it all the more in the end!

Thanks to doyouwantthetoporbottom

[imcagedbywife-deactivated201704]

Information…

[maletoserveher]

Another good read

[colorfulcuriosity]

[flrindia]

Hello, you mentioned "The Solution? As already mentioned, start educating yourself. Read more of guides. I can list out some of my favorite guides if you people need it." in of of your posts. Would you mind sharing some of favorites, would be curious to learn more and read them.

Hi there, thank you for reaching out. Here are some of the reads that are no-nonsense books. Just a disclaimer : These are instructional books and might not fulfil your fictional fantasies.

Also, you might not resonate with everything in these books. It is because every relationship is unique and there is no "One size fits all" in these books. You can learn from these books and then discuss/communicate openly with your partner.

The Hesitant Mistress - by Dvanna Hightower This book is for total beginners who are trying to unlearn the conventional way for Dominant males and Submissive Females. It also tells why Woman should actually take charge and how they should establish an FLR.

2. Male Chastity A Guide for Key Holders - by Lucy Fairbourne

This is one of those rare books which actually explain the concept of Male Chastity in a less fantasized way. Although some of the topics seem far stretched but it helps you develop a sense of direction you need to think in.

3. Uniquely Rika - by Ms Rika

This is a gem for Femdom couple. One of the masterpieces out there that are just and truly amazing. There are other books in the "Uniquely" series, which are all a must read. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED.

4. Worshipping Your Wife - by Mark Remond

This is also a classic Must Read book for gentlemen out there. Even Doms can read it to get a better understanding of expectations to keep from their submissive men. This book is focused on treating her like a queen and reignite the courtship in relationship.

5. Surrender, Submit, Serve Her - Key Barrett MSc

An Amazing Amazing read for everyone out there. Not to be missed! He himself mentions that this book should be read by the couple together and be discussed with each other throughout. Provide much more clarity about the foundations of FLR. Key Barrett also has a book about 14 days in chastity, which can be added in your collection as well.

6. Be careful what you wish for - by Sarah Jameson

Simply stated - It is a no nonsense guide to chastity. It is totally non fictional and is written by the author based on her personal experience. This is a realistic book for anyone out there seeking knowledge about male chastity.

7. Marissa Rudder Books

She is one of the world's most renowned author for FLR books. Her books are not my personal favorites but are a decent read. The only book which I truly truly recommend out of her collection is - REAL MEN WORSHIP WOMEN. Absolutely a great read.

8. She Comes First - by Ian Kerner

Not necessarily an FLR book but it is a must read for learning about female orgasms and cunnilingus. If you want to serve your Goddess orally, this book is the Bibie for you.

9. Books by Georgia Ivey Green

Must Must read books by this amazing author. She has written many books that are specifically targeted for Femdoms, Male Slaves, Chastity and Keyholders. Her books are so smooth read that you cannot feel exhausted while reading her books.

Well, these are some of the books that are my all time favorite and I would recommend every new couple to go through them.

This is not an exhaustive list but a good start. There are books like "At her feet" , "She wants" or "Erotic Slavehood" which can also be referred to for further readings. Additionally you will find many 40-50 pagers - less recognized PDFs by random authors which can also add to your knowledge.

Along with these books are also available some well known forums for discussing FLR. The main motive is to continue growing and keep learning. Hope this helps.

[poetsoflove]

Did I ever mention how much I love edging?

Like just imagine you are in bed with your baby boy after a long day, your hands move slowly, deliberately, up and down his shaft, each stroke being rewarded with soft gasps from him. Occasionally, your fingers tighten, nails digging slightly into the tender flesh of his thighs, sending shivers through his body.

You keep going, not letting up until his hips are bucking uncontrollably, his voice breaking into desperate pleas that escape his lips. His legs begin to tremble, and soft whimpers fill the room. But just as he thinks he can't take anymore, you firmly grab hold of his knees, gently spreading them wider, taking control as you push him even further.

And just as he's on the edge, you suddenly let go, leaving him throbbing and desperate. With a teasing smile, you place a single finger on his tip, barely touching him, just enough to drive him wild. Your lips brushing against his neck, planting soft kisses that send waves of heat through him. Meanwhile, your other hand trails along the insides of his thighs, lightly grazing the sensitive skin, making him tremble with need. Every second that passes, you push him closer to the brink, turning him into an even bigger mess under your touch

When he finally starts to calm down, you start all over again, your hands returning to their spot, bringing him back to the edge with slow, deliberate strokes. You repeat the process, over and over, building him up only to bring him down again, watching as his desperation grows. Each time he gets closer, you pull back, your touch light and maddening, until he's practically begging you to let him cum, his voice trembling as he pleads to be the good whore he knows you want him to be. You keep edging him relentlessly, pushing him further than he thought he could go, until he’s so lost in need that he can’t take it anymore, completely at your mercy.

[femdomdoneright]

Now is the perfect time to "Cockwarm" Him - Balls Deep!

[poetsoflove]

Did I ever mention how much I love edging?

Like just imagine you are in bed with your baby boy after a long day, your hands move slowly, deliberately, up and down his shaft, each stroke being rewarded with soft gasps from him. Occasionally, your fingers tighten, nails digging slightly into the tender flesh of his thighs, sending shivers through his body.

You keep going, not letting up until his hips are bucking uncontrollably, his voice breaking into desperate pleas that escape his lips. His legs begin to tremble, and soft whimpers fill the room. But just as he thinks he can't take anymore, you firmly grab hold of his knees, gently spreading them wider, taking control as you push him even further.

And just as he's on the edge, you suddenly let go, leaving him throbbing and desperate. With a teasing smile, you place a single finger on his tip, barely touching him, just enough to drive him wild. Your lips brushing against his neck, planting soft kisses that send waves of heat through him. Meanwhile, your other hand trails along the insides of his thighs, lightly grazing the sensitive skin, making him tremble with need. Every second that passes, you push him closer to the brink, turning him into an even bigger mess under your touch

When he finally starts to calm down, you start all over again, your hands returning to their spot, bringing him back to the edge with slow, deliberate strokes. You repeat the process, over and over, building him up only to bring him down again, watching as his desperation grows. Each time he gets closer, you pull back, your touch light and maddening, until he's practically begging you to let him cum, his voice trembling as he pleads to be the good whore he knows you want him to be. You keep edging him relentlessly, pushing him further than he thought he could go, until he’s so lost in need that he can’t take it anymore, completely at your mercy.

[femdomdoneright]

Now is the perfect time to "Cockwarm" Him - Balls Deep!

[oldman711]