if i look back, i am lost
hello vonnie
Sade Olutola
Kaledo Art
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shark vs the universe
Cosimo Galluzzi
will byers stan first human second
DEAR READER
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Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
Discoholic 🪩
AnasAbdin
Three Goblin Art
oozey mess
PR's Tumblrdome
izzy's playlists!
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@thecolourpurple123
These are my artworks made for Fruits of sloth. It is made by the amazing https://archive.transformativeworks.org/users/TheColourPurple123
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
You should check him out!!
Amazing art as always!! Very honored to have it on the fic,,, https://archiveofourown.org/works/85661636/chapters/226350531
Look at this two idiots (point and laugh) (starts crying)
Original template: https://x.com/SweetStove/status/2016857342529217007
Subaru couldn't look at Julius's face for awhile but they survived!!! EVERYTHING IS OK.
self indulgent heinkel and joshua doodle
Part 1 my interpretation/analysis on witches of sin (minor witches side story spoiler)
Carmilla might be the worst of all the Witches of Sin — if not the outright worst. She’s introduced in Arc 4 as the Witch of Lust. A lot of people, especially anime-only viewers, interpret her as innocent and meek because of how she presents herself and due to anime cut content. That perception of her is exactly how people in-universe perceive her too — and that’s where the problem begins.
This sets up the initial disconnect between appearance and reality, highlighting how surface impressions can be deceiving both to viewers and the characters within the story.
Authorities Are Born from Desire
First, let’s establish something important: Authorities are born from the cravings of a person’s desire. Carmilla is fully compatible with her Witch Factor, and it was her own desire that gave birth to her Authority, Faceless Bride.
Tappei excepts:
“Aside from Echidna, the witches seem to view the Witch of Envy and Satella as separate personalities. Aside from Satella, how much influence has the Witch Factor had on the witches' personalities? It’s mostly had no effect. They’re compatible, after all.”
“It's closer to being something that popped out from the authority, yes. It's not something that she desired to create, more that the authority itself has a tendency to reflect the cravings of the holder of the witch gene, so it's more correct to say that it turned out like that even if she didn't want it.”
This excerpt establishes that while witch Authorities arise from desires, those desires may not be consciously willed. The Authority’s nature reflects hidden or even unwanted cravings, which helps explain the core contradiction: Carmilla did not desire to become what she did, but her Authority still emerged from within her.
This context is crucial when analyzing Carmilla’s personality. The witch factor did not distort or exaggerate who she really is — it is who she is.
This stresses that Carmilla’s essence and her witchhood are inseparable. Her Authority is not some external force imposed on her; it reflects a fundamental part of her identity, even if she resists or denies it.
Backstory: From Ordinary Village Girl to Witch of Lust
To understand Carmilla’s personality, we have to look at how she became the Witch of Lust. Carmilla is an ordinary village girl from a poor village, with no noble name — just “Carmilla.”
Her backstory, revealed in Arc 6, gives us the foundation:
This grounding in an ordinary and loving past makes her fall into darkness tragic and relatable. The traumatic violation of her humanity by powerful men sets the stage for her transformation, explaining the bitterness and bitterness in her personality.
But the world began to worship her — not for who she was, but for the illusion of her. She became a fantasy, a symbol people projected onto — until it all burned. And she knew it was wrong. However, she never thought she was the problem; they were:
And yet — she didn’t stop it, she fully believe the people were intoxicated. She left, abandoned everything, Her family, friends, fiancé and everything else she left behind.
and the world kept following her. People kept loving her, and she let them. She didn’t correct the illusion. She let it grow because that cursed love was all she had left. However, it’s not as if she did not want real love. She really did desire.
These excerpts together reveal a truth: though she never wanted or wished for this fate, she became a living symbol of lust and desire that trapped her which made her lose everything even if she did not consciousently wished for it. She abandoned everything yet was still followed and worshiped — a victim of the illusion and curse her Authority spread
Carmilla knows the love she receives is hollow. She knows it brings ruin. And she still chooses to use it. Faceless Bride doesn’t just make people love her — it erases their identity, reduces them to tools of affection, silences them for her comfort. It’s weaponized idealization.
So while she presents herself as meek and gentle, Carmilla is not harmless. She deliberately uses her Authority (something the fandom does not believe she does) — and in doing so, she becomes the very embodiment of lust: a love that consumes, that distorts, that never sees the real person.
Despite her outward meekness, Carmilla actively wields her power in a devastating way. She knowingly allows others to lose themselves for her sake, confirming that while she never wished for the power originally, she embraced and controlled it with intent. It explicitly says “because she so desired”.
The narrative directly states she made them throw their lives away because she so desired. So why does her backstory paint her as a tragic victim? It’s simple. Carmilla believes she is a victim — and the Book of the Dead contains her memories, thoughts, and emotions. It isn’t objective; it is Carmilla’s view.
This clarifies that her perspective is subjective — while she sees herself as a victim of circumstance and power, her actions show that she consciously uses that power, highlighting the contradiction between her self-perception and reality. She believes she’s in the right, always.
Carmilla Through Others’ Eyes (Arc 4 LN)
If we want to see Carmilla from other people’s perspectives — those unaffected by herAuthority — we only have to look at Arc 4 LN:
This shows that beneath her meekness is a strong and unforgiving core, she is merciless to those who “bore enmity towards her”. She is not a helpless victim but a person with firm will and a fierce self-love. She didn't help Subaru in castle of dreams for him but for herself, because she was wronged. Others see her as someone who embodies self-love rather than pure lust for others, complicating her characterization .
She is the love of self personified. In a way she is a witch of lust that represents the sin of lust by loving herself. Not others. However, I think there is something to say about Carmilla never desiring all of this. For example in her book of the dead which is from her POV it states:
How can she have lost everything and never wish for it but yeah from other people perspective we see she can control her authority. She never wishes for all of this but yet received it? It’s quite contradictory.
This paragraph explicitly acknowledges the contradiction: Carmilla did not want or wish for her Authority or the fate it imposed, yet it happened regardless, and she eventually gained control over it. That is why Carmilla sees everyone in her backstory as wrong. Anyone who does things to her she does not like is unforgivable. So to make sure everyone does what she likes and to not fall back in the same place she takes conscientious control of her authority.
Carmilla is Self-Loving Witch Who Hates Being Used
Carmilla is the ‘love of self-personified’. She loves herself, and anyone who uses her or tricks her into doing things she does not want are unforgivable. She hates anyone who uses her, goes against her or forces her will. That is supported by Tappei in a Q&A:
“Roswaal would hate being forced to love Carmilla despite having no interest in her, and Carmilla would dislike Roswaal for not loving her, so it pretty much couldn’t be worse.”
In fact, she even states everyone who is her enemy becomes an enemy of everyone due to her Faceless Bride charm:
She is a witch that even Echidna does not want to make an enemy, and making Carmilla do anything against her will is a bad idea. Carmilla has no comraedy with anyone, Carmilla is always on her side. She does not align with anyone.
Carmilla has always been on her side. She always put herself first without any shred of hesitation and never doubts it.
This notion of faceless bride and always being on her side is even again supported further:
By the power of the “Faceless Bride,” she can present herself in whatever appearance she wishes to be seen as. Her highest priority is “love.” Through this ability, she specializes in being “loved” and never permits any hostility or anything resembling it to be directed toward herself.
She “wishes to be seen as” . Carmilla lost one love, the love she desired, but she gained another “love”. The love to protect herself and never have any hostility directed to her. This is why her authority manifests as something which absolutely protects her no matter what. It is also why her highest priority is to never “permit any hostility” which would even include her own fellow witches of sin.
Carmilla’s guilt
There is something to say about Typhon’s authority not working on Carmilla.
This is really important. Typhon’s authority works on the principle of anyone being slightly guilty for their actions will break, this can be something simple such as a white lie.. This means despite Carmilla asking people to die for her, charming people, taking conscientous control of her faceless bride and authority of lust she does not believe in anyway she is guilty. Carmilla has whatsoever not even a slight shred of guilt for any of her actions and the consequence it has had on the larger world.
The people who saw Carmilla almost always died
Q: Carmilla’s deadly sin is lust; did she not get angry about damage to her reputation because of that? Together with the ability to charm those who look at her, it seems like she’d be called a demon of desire.
A: People who see her generally die, so there’s not much chance for rumors to spread, wouldn’t you say?
She does not feel anything about this and it is important. Carmilla has caused the most destruction in the world and has never caused anything good. Typhon's twisted sense of justice, Daphne's sense of order and giving food to the world, Minerva healing the world despite the destructions they cause, Echidna giving knowledge of the world and Sekhmet I will cover in a later topic because she is a bit different. These witches, while actively causing the world to become worse, have a desire to help the world. The same cannot be said for Carmilla.
She was such a threat 400 years ago and reaping lives everywhere she went that Vollachia had created a whole race entirely opposed to her authority and its powers.
The Spirit Eaters were created to counter Muspel (the same description for him is used in side stories) who even Carmilla charmed and they are devised for the purpose of fighting this sole witch who cannot be bewitched for her faceless bride. To create an entire race that opposes one witch alone shows how much of a threat Carmilla was to the larger world, a threat and damage that she feels no guilt over anything she had done in the world.
She grants "The Stone, Muspel, a sanctum that merely exists, possessing no will, words, or ideology” and a granter of love for the world because Carmilla loves herself. It paints Carmilla as this benevolent figure overflowing with love, someone who brings emotion to those who lack it. But given what we know about her Authority, it’s not love in a pure or selfless sense.
Her power forces people to love her — it overrides their identity and will. So when it says she “grants emotion,” it’s not an act of kindness, it’s about control. The love she gives isn’t about connection; it’s about being the object of devotion. It’s less that she loves the world, and more that she wants the world to love her — even if it means distorting it to do so.
So to wrap this up on what I think of Carmilla.
Carmilla embodies a tragic contradiction — once a normal girl who never wanted the twisted love forced onto her but it was born out of her craving, she gave in to it and weaponized it. Though she sees herself as a victim who "never wished for it," she actively uses her Authority to make others love her, choosing illusion over reality. Her love for the world isn’t selfless; it’s rooted in the need to be adored, to be reflected back through others' affection and to protect herself. In the end, her story shows how someone broken by obsession and objectification can become an agent of that very obsession — not out of malice, but because it’s the only way they know how to survive. She lost one love to gain "love" that protected her above all. Furthermore, people who see her die and no one remembers Carmilla, there are not any rumours to spread about her, she has been forgotten. She has become a “lone witch” who charms all and the normal village girl has disappeared, she’s become only the 『witch of lust』.
I asked this on Twitter too and maybe its too niche but
is there any Epic:the musical songs that remind you of anything/characters in re zero and which
just curious cause i love coming up with animatic ideas even if I dont do much with them
okay so I actually gave this a lot of thought for over an hour about two months ago. I came to this cast list:
Odysseus as Julius Athena as Anastasia Telemachus as Joshua Polites as Subaru Eurylochaus as Felix Poseidon as Al Cercei as Capella Hermes as Otto Polyphemus as Garfiel Tiresias as Reinhard Calypso as Emilia
Would need to shuffle the casting around to figure out Penelope and Zeus but I hope the vision is clear. Josh and Tele with the inferiority complex and heroic idealization,,, Juli and Ody with the obsession over ideals,,, Polites and Subaru as the naive optimists who die because of it,,, Poseidon and Al as the (one-armed) jaded cynics,,, Otto and Hermes as twink travelers helping others arbitrarily,,, Calypso and Emilia as these isolated, lonely woman harkening back to Bonds of Ice,, Cercei and Capella with their family/mother motifs and being able to transform ppl,,,, Reinhard as the prophet because he's trapped by his own power, so capable and yet can't make real change on his own,, Garfiel as the cyclops due to the isolation and grisly idealism in how they treat outside threats I thought a solid amount about each choice but I'm happiest with Eury and Ferris, since the back and forth Eury goes through from being skeptical to selfish to standing up to Ody's growing monstrous traits and eventually wanting things to just… end, yeah, can def see Ferris going through the same events with Juli under the right circumstances. Anyway, it is def a niche overlap but there are a vocal few re zero fans who also like Epic. Hope my yapping helps!
More doodles for my re:zero au because it lives in my brain rent free and haunts me regularly
Hello Re:Zero tumblr fandom. Today I offer you a silly au I came up with while reading the light novel. Re:Zero where everything is the same but Subaru gets isekaied while crossdressing.
Some of my ideas below the cut:
For @thecolourpurple123’s Zine Essay (<- link here, please give it a read it’s incredibly well written) 🥰
A Pivot Away From Greatness
Author's Notes: below is my analysis of Bordeaux Zellgef done as part of the Engravers Re:Zero fan zine. please check it out here: https://engravers.itch.io/engravers-zine Also, big big thank you to @deafknell, @immaclaire-ify, @braineatingamoebalaboratory, and @2amethyst-sky2 for their feedback on the structure and content of this analysis. it would not have been possible to write it to the quality it has arrived to without them. furthermore, thanks to sapphiim for proofreading. and of course, thank you to @melancholicmaze for both inspiration and illustration!! ---------------------------------------------------------------- Bordeaux Zellgef is one of two named members of the Sage Council running Lugunica that has been given any significant characterization so far in the series. His first appearance is in Arc Three (Re:Zero LN Volume 4, Re:Zero Season 1 Episodes 12-13). Most fans of Re:Zero would barely remember him, knowing Bordeaux only as that racist old dude with the big blue eyebrows. This is not helped by Arc Three being notoriously cut down in the anime, leaving his one main story scene to be a handful of prejudiced lines.
And it’s only moderately more nuanced in the novels. Bordeaux still insults Emilia, but after some flashy interference from Puck and Roswaal both, Emilia has an extended speech that prompts Bordeaux to apologize to her, kneeling before her, “displaying the greatest respect he could.” (Re:Zero LN Volume 4, pg 194) He maintains that he’ll still be racist and doesn’t take back his pointed comments about her looking like the Witch, but he also extends her respect and fair treatment—because that’s all she asked for, while having the option to take his life then and there.
There’s a conversation to be had about Subaru’s outburst in the throne room being reframed by this omission, but focusing on what this exchange means for Bordeaux: it is clear that he is a principled and strict man, even when challenged. The average reader will be able to tell he has great conviction, before forgetting about him since he doesn’t show up again.
But that is by design. Everything that he has become by the time of the main story is his legacy. The other aspects of him—his great deeds of leadership, his institutional impact on the nation, his connections with his former comrades-in-arms, his position and status which grant him sway over an entire country’s politics as its second highest ranking official in present day—are all swallowed up by his grief, less than footnotes defining the shell of a person he’s become, the shell that is not even his own.
He is forgotten by the reader and forgotten by history, his existence vapid save for the rumors that linger from when he was young and persist because of who he’s become—this is the essence of Bordeaux Zellgef’s story, one that takes place in the background of a dozen side stories, and one that embodies Lugunica itself.
Bordeaux is introduced as a “well built and tall” man, “the picture of gallantry.” He’s a matching pair with Pivot Arnancy, described as “delicate” and “kind but tightly wound.” Bordeaux is the leader of his own regiment, the Zellgef squadron, with Pivot as his Deputy Commander, his “minder.” (Re:Zero LN EX Volume 2, pg 41-43) Bordeaux is the brawn while Pivot is the brains; Bordeaux is carefree and rambunctious while Pivot is composed, witty, and responsible.
His temperament was a lot less bitter too. As a knight, a leader, a grown man with a strong warrior’s reputation, Bordeaux dueled a fifteen year old Wilhelm in their first meeting and lost. He received that with no spite, treating it as a pleasant surprise. Later, we see his squadron go up against evil magic—the corpses of their comrades reanimated in a way that traumatises Grimm—but Bordeaux didn’t see them as a threat. When Roswaal said they must exercise the utmost caution, Bordeaux brushed it off with “It’s just some walking dead. What’s the danger?” while joking around. (Re:Zero LN EX Volume 2, pg 69)
His defining moment comes four years into the war and after three years of the Zellgef Squadron leading the fight, at the Aihiya Swamp. There, the demihuman alliance struck a decisive blow against the kingdom’s forces in a trick attack. Wilhelm Trias, the Sword Demon, was set to die if not for Pivot sacrificing his own life, the majority of the Zellgef Squadron dying soon after in pursuit of the same goal.
Bordeaux didn’t have time to grieve over Pivot, not even accept that he was dead, before Pivot’s corpse attempted to kill Bordeaux. Not only did Bordeaux lose nearly all his men, but moments later they were all reanimated as zombies set after his life by a Witch’s evil magic. He cursed her name over and over. “Shouting the words almost like an incantation, Bordeaux swore revenge against the true evil, the one that was doing all this despite not being present. And then he and his battle-ax set to work butchering all his newly deceased subordinates. As he cut down the encroaching zombies, sending them back into death, Bordeaux laughed. He laughed and laughed. The howls went on and on until they mingled with sobs. The echoes reached every corner of the battlefield.” (Re:Zero LN EX Volume 2, pg 122)
In the aftermath of this battle, Bordeaux underwent a drastic internal change. “He had begun trying to speak more properly… and strove to say things befitting his position. It was as if Pivot’s departed hollow, his spirit, were whispering to him… Bordeaux’s face as he spoke was all darkness and doubt. There wasn’t so much as a hint of a smile or laughter,” (Re:Zero LN EX Volume 2, pg 132-133) and this is the root of his bitterness in the main story.
A leader of demihuman rebels, a Witch who profaned against the sanctity of death with evil magic, someone cruel despite seeking supposed fair treatment—a disgusting series of hypocrisies to Bordeaux, an offense against the kingdom he serves, that Pivot and all his men died for. The joy in Bordeaux’s heart died alongside them, leaving only a cold sense of responsibility, bouts of rage, and a targeted prejudice against those that have wronged his men and his people at large. His racism isn’t excusable, but this context explains his treatment of Emilia, a Witch aiming for the throne. What’s more revealing is how despite that, Bordeaux still chooses to respect her.
After all, Bordeaux inherited Pivot’s will and logic for the benefit of the kingdom. That is why Bordeaux went on to enter politics in EX 3 after the war, recognizing his station and hanging up his battle-ax. In contrast to Wilhelm’s tactlessness as a leader, Bordeaux changed himself to the core for the sake of being one. He founded the Six Tongues—the organization that becomes Lugunica’s secret police in just a few decades’ time—with the help of a con man named Orphe, which is a shrewd move the straightforward Bordeaux of his youth would never do.
And yet, these are decisions that run counter to the kingdom’s long-term stability, and to Bordeaux’s credibility. In the pursuit of blaming demihumans, of desperately holding together a shaken kingdom with the intelligence-gathering Six Tongues, of growing slow to counteract Wilhelm’s recklessness—Bordeaux’s greatest trait in youth, his decisive action, is stripped away from him, coming forth in uncontrolled moments of rage, serving only to distract him without Pivot there to bring out the best in him.
Bordeaux’s last battle is in retaking the city of Picouttate from Stride in Battle Ballad/EX 6, where he reaffirmed the path seen in EX 3 and showed off his Mad Dog side one final time before retiring from combat. The story there ends optimistically, and yet after years pass and Theresia falls to the Whale and Wilhelm abandons his post and family alike in a revenge quest, the cracks in Bordeaux’s order show.
At a turning point of Wilhelm’s investigation, as depicted in the Crusch CFS, he determines the Whale will appear in Vollachia, and begs Bordeaux to send an envoy. It’s a political overstep, a breach of procedure, and Bordeaux chooses bureaucracy over his friendship with Wilhelm—Wilhelm, who Bordeaux once brought “back from the path of a beast to that of a human.” (The Sword Demon Battle Ballad, Act Seven, Part 2) The pragmatism of Pivot dictating Bordeaux’s action leads him to refuse the answer to Wilhelm’s own grief, and their decades-old bond is shattered in one final violent outburst.
Around a decade before canon, a young prince Fourier brought Ferris to study with healers in the capital—many of which refused to work alongside a demihuman child, regardless of talent. Bordeaux was there on an inspection, and before he could warn Fourier about which friends he ought to make, Fourier went out of his way to chastise Bordeaux’s racism. In response, Bordeaux knelt with utmost respect, saying, “His Highness has given you his stamp of approval. Be fully aware of how big a deal it is. As long as you live up to his expectations, I will overlook your lineage and evaluate you fairly. You have my word.” (The Saga of the Great Duchess Crusch Begins: Blue’s Studies, Scene 3)
Half a year before canon, when Bordeaux and his fellow Sage Council member Miklotov were being escorted to Vollachia by Reinhard, Julius, and Ferris, Bordeaux reprimanded them for their lax bantering more than once. Notably, Bordeaux nagged Julius about his behavior and not Ferris, despite Ferris making the most jokes out of the three of them. Later, Bordeaux commended Ferris for talking back to the Emperor after Vincent besmirched the Lugunican royal family. After Ferris apologized for his outburst, Bordeaux corrected him, “A man can’t be loyal if he would let a slight to his king or his prince go unchallenged. You spoke for all of us. Got nothing to be ashamed of, kid.” (Re:Zero LN EX Volume 4, pg 40)
Ultimately, Bordeaux kept to his word regarding treating Ferris fairly. He’s condescending, holding high expectations for everyone without compromise, but he is honorable and consistent with his ideals—ideals that came about due to the trauma of his youth, the war that shaped his priorities, and the very real evil that he dedicates himself to putting down. The same evil that took Pivot from him, one that he extends to an entire population due to the war where that population was literally led by a Witch.
Bordeaux has moments of brief softness around the knights who were just like him in his youth, but he lives up to the title and status he’s climbed to no matter how much it goes against his prior nature. Even still, his expectations for those he looks down upon are continually surpassed in a way he is not so delusional to deny. Bordeaux extends the same uncompromising standards to everyone subordinate to him, placing that pressure on himself and them the same amount, but when push comes to shove, he folds, accepting the humanity and fallibility of people—otherwise, he would not in EX 4 deem himself as expendable compared to Miklotov’s VIP status.
But it is this internal conflict that holds Bordeaux back. He cannot be vulnerable, even if there are moments where he accepts vulnerability. He cannot be tolerant or lax, even if at times he’ll begrudgingly overlook such conduct. He is in a constant state of repressing himself, an echo of what he remembers Pivot did for him, and thus he suppresses the good that he can do for the kingdom and its people.
A member of the sage council, second to Miklotov, who sits at the nation’s pinnacle with the royal family dead. And yet, he is nothing to the story of Re:Zero. His friends from youth—Carol, Grimm, even Wilhelm—all find themselves tied closely to camps in the royal selection, attached to larger-than-life figures in the candidates, all of whom can see a future greater than the status quo. But Bordeaux cannot count himself amongst any of them, for he is the status quo, he is Lugunica—withered, old, bitter, and fading into obscurity. Bordeaux is the stagnation of his nation. He turned down every chance at real greatness he could.
Take one look at Arc Three to see it. In the same story he’s introduced and immediately forgotten about, a calamity is slain without his involvement. The Whale that killed a Sword Saint, that deprived the kingdom of their Sword Demon, that drove a rift into the Astreas and plagued Lugunica for centuries, is destroyed by the young candidates and their camps. People who, unlike Bordeaux, gave Wilhelm a chance at the closure he wasted over a decade of his life chasing. People who are pursuing power with an intent to change, who have a will to shape Lugunica to be better rather than merely preserve it. Five young women—a Witch, two foreigners, a slum rat, and a blasphemer—and their retainers, all of which defy Lugunican traditions in their own ways, or embody them better than Bordeaux ever could.
Compared to their presence, their impact, Bordeaux’s is negligible. Head of a nation and yet all of him we get to see is an embittered elegy, an afterthought to the names which will be engraved in history.
I'm unsure how much I'll post here as I don't really post on social media much but for the time being we can have this as a treat
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Otto Suwen's Crippling Debt Hustle Log Chapter 3: Safe Bet, a re:zero fanfic | FanFiction
ch3 of me and @thecolourpurple123 ‘s fic otter swain’s debt hustling log is out!!! there is now THREE PURPLE HAIRED PEOPLE in the anastasia camp-otto crossover fic !!! WOOOO!! 💚💜
So this section right here is easily the most headache-inducing Otto yapping in the entire 20k chapter where three quarters of that wordcount is Otto being Otto (derogatory).
It reaks so bad, in fact, that when I wrote it with rue on vc, we had to stop writing for a minute to figure out what in the world Otto was even saying. It took like twenty minutes across two conversations to understand the depth of this evil twink's mental illness without our brains sputtering smoke.
So, basically, put yourself in the shoes of Otto (nightmare, I know). You took out a massive loan, spent it all on a risky investment, and you're hauling that investment to the one place where it'll pay off, only for the border to close in front of you. Your investment is made worthless by this factor outside of your control.
What does a normal person think about this situation? Well, many people would accept that they don't control the politics of states so much larger than them. There was no way to know this would happen, and thus it's not their fault. You may be one of these people, deciding to do the best with the hand you're given and try to pay back the loan with the shitty merchandise you've saddled yourself with one way or another, no matter how much of an uphill battle it is.
Alternatively, other people with a bit more humility or less self esteem may accept that it was their own decision to take a risk that put them in such a terrible spot. Why gamble not only everything you have, but also the entirety of a massive loan on something so volatile? Why take a make-or-break risk for not only your entire career, but your entire life? You may be one of these people, and most likely in such a situation, you would fall into despair at the impossibly deep hole you've dug for yourself. You'd rightfully put the blame for your misfortune at your own two feet.
There are other permutations of responses to such an occurrence, but these are the primary ones. With two courses of action resulting from them. As Otto puts it, "giving into despair [or] accepting the fault in his own decision-making by trying harder." "Giving up" or "naive optimism about the terrible circumstances he found himself in."
As we all well know by now, Otto Suwen is anything but a normal person, so he decides himself above an unavoidable binary, all the while claiming himself to be average and insignificant but that's a whole other discussion.
Otto acknowledges that "his debt was caused by factors outside of Otto's control" but not in the same way as the first option while also not blaming himself like the second option. Otto decides to lay responsibility for the failure of his plan at the feet of his own ego, his own merchant's pride. Which... is somehow not him.
Because Otto also acknowledges that "no one, much less himself, is clean enough to go through life without a single lie." Which he uses to rationalize his conclusion that his ego is the reason outside of his control that this has happened. In his terms, "It's not a pure lie, though. It's just a half-truth."
Which doesn't make any damn sense because that's still a lie. Otto accepts that he, like anyone else, must lie to themselves to keep going, and by lying to himself he tells himself that he's not lying to himself about the fact that it's not his fault that he screwed up with the oil plan. He lies to himself about lying to himself so that he feels better about his mistakes, all while condescendingly looking down upon any mindset outside of the one he has selected.
And it only works because that initial acceptance of everyone telling a lie gives him one free lie and that free lie isn't actually a lie it's just a half-truth. Which is still a goddamn lie but Otto is mentally ill and obfuscated the reality in enough layers of rationalization that he doesn't have to confront that.
It's tangled knot of inconsistent logic to justify his hypocrisy in ideals compared to actions.
hello re:zero fan. in front of you is a re:zero character. describe them and who they are as a person without mentioning or angling your analysis around subaru natsuki.
You are Cecilus Segmunt, the Blue Lighting. The strongest swordsman in all of Vollachia, and the leading actor of this world.
You wield not one, but two of the most magical weapons to ever exist. You had siblings, but they’re all dead because your father decided they wouldn’t be strong enough to reach the heavenly Sword. This doesn’t effect you much. Depsite being born and raised in Vollachia, you are obsessed with Kararagian culture to the point of always dressing yourself the the traditional garments of that country.
You’ve killed more people than any currently living person on the planet. Not to say you’re an unfeeling monster. You have feelings. They just are more often than not utterly divorced from what a normal human would ever feel in a given situation.
You are so strong it is utterly impossible for you to be able to relate to anyone. There’s one person in the world who could actually exceed you in strength. But in truth, the gap between you and him is almost as large as the gap between you and other people. You can only do so much to reduce each other’s loneliness.
There’s another person. She’s trying to kill you, because she thinks that it will make someone else happy. She’s nowhere near strong enough to do it. But you think she has the potential. If you let her keep fighting you over and over again, maybe one day she will be as strong as you are. And then maybe the stairs of power that you climb will be a little less lonely.
You’re a stargazer. The point of stargazers is that their entire existence is meant to be guided by one sole commandment. You are an unbound stargazer. This means you have no obligation to follow the commandment that has been given to you. You are a paradox. You can hear voices that you never understand. The conclusion that you reached is that you are the lead actor of this world, and are constantly observed by your loving audience. Is it really really main character syndrome when everything the world does justifies your role as the main character? Strange how your existence is still so lonely with so many people constantly watching you. What a paradox.
Every decision you have made has been a part of this “act”. Although this does raise the question: With such dedication to this course of life, have you really chosen your own destiny, or are you following the commandment that was given to you as a stargazer? And if you’ve been following your commandment this entire time, does it really matter if you chose to follow it of your own free will?
How much of your life is a performance? Is any of “you” really you?
You have a best friend. He’s nothing like you at all. He may play a role in your story, but he’ll never be a challenge for you, he’ll never make you stronger, he’ll never improve your chances of reaching the Heavenly Sword. But you’re still friends, and you spend time together like normal. Or as normal as things can be given the respective lives you lead. But he will never be able truly understand you.
But that doesn’t stop you from throwing aside all your loyalties and ambitions because your best friend said “please”.
So not everything about you is a performance, is it?
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Hello, hello! Chapter 2 of @suffarustuffaru and I's collab fic is here! This time, nearly twice as long as the first chapter! Otto won't shut the hell up! Let's see which will die first, our patience or him!
Anyway, for the Ana camp lovers out there, I've pulled out all the stops for my first try at Ricardo pov as the opening to this chapter, so even if Otto makes you as ill as he makes us, you'll be sure to enjoy at least part of the fic!!
Be sure to leave your thoughts in the comments, the support means a lot. I've cross-posted it on ffnet if anyone somehow prefers that site, but so far all I've gotten for doing so is two spam bots clogging my reviews. If any of the half-dozen debt hustle fans feel so inclined, out-yap them please!
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
hello hello!! do YOU 🫵 happen to be a fan of one (1) otto suwen??? or, perchance, the anastasia camp????! including fun little guys like those cat triplets ??!! OR 🫵 perhaps you are open to these possibilities even if theyre not your favs??? then YOURE IN LUCK !!! introducing: this fic, which crosses over otto and ana camp, was written with my pal @thecolourpurple123 for @deafknell 's birthday !!!!!! here is a snippet for chapter 1:
Which re:zero character do you like to write about the most and why? Are you comfortable writing a character you absolutely loathe or don't understand?
it's really really hard to choose just one character I like writing about tbh. I like the variety of flexibility to do a bunch of different characters, or at the very least different interpretations of the same characters in different fics. I like working with a variety of writers too, so that I can learn from them how to handle their favorite characters, and then mix and mash everything I've learned going forward. Many such cases: Ram and Ros from Bob, Ana camp from Pidgie, etc.
Furthermore, what stage of writing I'm doing of course factors in. Outlining, prose, editing---all pov vibes come with different challenges. Shaula is more fun to write the oh so jolly prose of, while it was difficult for me to capture Eridna without being too verbose. Meanwhile, I love to outline Sloth IF stuff, but charting out stuff with Subaru specifically (any version) has gotten a little dull from overuse. And then sometimes I like being challenged and sometimes I want to relax and do something that comes more naturally.
I suppose I have a special fondness for the characters I've had to learn from the ground-up myself. Namely Sloth IF family and Fourier. But more than anything, my favs to write depend on my mood and what I'm working on in any given moment.
As for the second question, I will try to never write a character I don't understand. I've done that before and I always come to regret it. I want to embark upon writing a character only when I have a solid grasp of what they're about, and if I don't then there's no reason to have them in the plot. Everyone in my stories must be fully-realized people, after all. Sometimes, like with Eridna, I have to figure it out as I go, and I'm content with that. But I'll never publish a fic unless I'm confident in my interpretation of every character involved, whether by my own research or the beta reading of someone who knows them in and out.
Regarding characters I loathe... there are very few of those that exist in re zero for me. I love or at least like almost all characters in this series, which is why I'm so obsessed with it. I find some characters boring, like several of the Shudraks from arc 7, and would not write them. But that doesn't really count as loathing. Similarly, I really don't care for most of the Witches of Sin as characters on their own. At most, they're contextual elements of worldbuilding to me.
I guess this leaves only the likes of Arakiya and Theresia to consider. Both were highly disappointing characters to me, with elements I wanted to see expanded on/handled better. Characters I felt active frustration with reading about and constantly ranted about my dislike of. I wrote a short Arakiya drabble already, and I could probably write something similar for Theresia. But it would be different in nature compared to most of my writing. I consider my fics to be celebrations of re zero, whereas anything I create of these two would be corrections. I would be rewriting elements I disliked rather than expanding on what I already loved. So yeah, I'd still write characters I loathe, but it would be a lot more work and is far from a priority since the people who like those characters like them for the reasons I loathe them. I would be fundamentally changing them in my writing, preserving and enhancing only what I find interesting.
from one purple enjoyer to another..... why is purple your favorite color
also if youre Really updating this week then whats your thoughts on this new mysterious project of yours. if it exists
purple is my favorite for many reasons. I used to have a whole rant written out for it from years ago detailing a dozen of the primary ones but I can't find it atm. a story from my childhood, my favorite part of my favorite games, the historical significance, the blending of my next favorites. but more than anything, it has become my favorite by merit of just being purple. I think that's enough for me now.
as for my next fic..... well........ let's see if any purple-haired people will end up featuring at some point.
Sympathy for the Damned is still one of my favorite re zero fics. The way you and pidgie wrote Heinkel and Joshua there just broke my heart, and while that's precisely why we like sad fics (the more it hurts, the better the fic is) i keep wondering if there is a way to make the ending "happier."
Let's imagine that Subaru does loop and meets the appa man again. Does he get to save everyone as he promised he would? I feel it would lead Subaru to a very "Greed If" scenario.
Dunno. What do you think? How would you make the ending happier?
Well, realistically speaking, it would start out closer to Pride IF than anything. Subaru would probably rush ahead to the loot house out of a sense of manic guilt, and imo the TonChinKan trio would mug and beat the shit out of him the moment he steps foot into the slums (given the fact that they were following him for awhile and that Pride IF has him kill them every time, I imagine they would be an obstacle he can't just ignore, hence why I think they'd follow him to the slums).
They probably wouldn't kill him, just take all his stuff, but Subaru would resist enough due to his frantic headspace that they'd leave him unconscious similar to the very first loop, except he has no one to heal him. So he wakes up hours later, too late to save Emilia, and then bumbles over in the direction of the loot house in denial about his failure. It starts to get cold and snowy, Subaru gets flash frozen by Puck, end of loop.
Next loop, Subaru would notice the TonChinKan trio trailing him. This time, he turns around to confront them directly. He hands them his belongings to their utter confusion and runs off to the slums. Need to save Emilia before all else and he doesn't have time to waste on them. This time, he considers going to Emilia first on her way to the loot house, but remembering the loop where he called her Satella, decides against it. He has to be the hero to save her, and he has learned from experience that he can't avoid the loot house. It's fate that she gets there. But it can't be fate that she dies there.
So he presses onward for several unsuccessful loops, starting each time with effectively bribing his muggers to leave him alone. He tries manipulating/working with Felt, he tries negotiating with Rom and Felt, he tries and tries and fails over and over. Each time is especially painful because he learns more about these people, grows attached to them, sees the quirks of their personalities and the depths of their bonds and no matter how much foresight he has there's no beating Elsa.
He does not consider any option besides pushing forward, refusing to ever turn back like he once did and create a world so wretched, but each time he dies takes a toll on him. He mutters those names he learned at the end of Sympathy each time he dies and comes back. Julius Joshua Juukulius Louanna Heinkel Astrea. He adds Felt and Rom to the list, and eventually Emilia after learning her name through the loops.
Eventually, he does it loud enough that Kadomon is like "wtf bro why are you saying the names of a bunch of nobles??" and Subaru is like "do you know where any of them are???" Kadomon is obv hesitant to give this random weirdo stranger kid info, so Subaru hones in on one person. Not the drunk mercenary or his wife, not the noble guy who tried saving his life, but Joshua's brother. The Finest Knight.
Kadomon is like "Idk man, have you tried asking a guard? Worst case you can try the barracks on the other side of town maybe? But what business do you have with someone like that anyw---" "WHERE IS THAT BARRACKS" and Subaru asks that in a near shout loud enough to make Kadomon flinch. Kadomon gives him directions, despite his reservations, and Subaru runs off.
Subaru runs straight past the TonChinKan trio trailing him, keeps to the main roads as he heads toward the barracks, and he's feverishly saying those names on loop in his mind over and over. Julius's name comes out of his mouth. He mutters it as he goes until he's out of breath, he can't keep up. For them, for those people, he needs to give everything he has to save them. And everything he has isn't enough, has never been enough, so the only choice left is to seek out another hero. Someone with the right role in this twisted fucked up fantasy world to do what Subaru can't. No one can survive the goddamn ice nuke that happens after everyone's dead, but maybe the Finest Knight can do something about Elsa. Elsa is terrifying, death incarnate, but the ice is a calamity. It is the end of the world and even Elsa herself can't escape it. Which means she can be beaten. There must be someone who can beat her too, even if Subaru is too pathetic to do it himself.
In his mad dash, he collapses, pushing his body too far past his limits. From the ground, his eyes dart to the sky. The sun. He knows exactly at which height it must be for him to be too late, for the ice to be inevitable. But looking up it's blocked out. Someone is standing over him, their head in front of the sun, the light wreathing their hair like an angel's halo.
"My maiden's informed me you were calling my name," Julius says, and Subaru scrambles up to stand. He stares at Julius while breathing heavy. A knight... the regalia, the sword, the floating orbs of light like the spirits Emilia showed him so very long ago... this guy must be the hero. Subaru is in awe of Julius until Julius asks him what's the matter. Subaru hastily and formally explains the situation. They have to get to the loot house. Elsa is there, the bowel hunter. Julius does not stop to question the information due to how serious and certain Subaru is, and agrees to go along.
From there, Julius will help drive Elsa back (TonChinKan never attack because Subaru is right next to a knight). With In to increase his speed and perceptions and Nes to decrease Elsa's, no one gets hurt. Subaru did it at last, but he doesn't feel safe. He's dreading the ice. Fears that it will come. Everyone starts to question how Subaru knew about Elsa, and Subaru tries to admit the truth only to get stopped by the taboo. Subaru tries to push through it until Julius is like stop that dude you're clearly hurting yourself.
From there, Subaru's reward from Emilia is to have her stay with him until the next day. He wants to make sure she's safe from the ice, if nothing else. Julius suggests taking them to the knights barracks. No safer place in the capital besides the castle itself and Julius has to report this to Marcos anyway. They take a brief detour to meet Ram otw, who accepts Emilia's insistence to stay one more day.
And thus ends arc one with everyone saved. Subaru is substantially more fucked up mentally, in a position where he idolizes Julius massively and has no presumptions of staying with Emilia beyond keeping her safe from the ice nuke, and is struggling to process everything that's happened in his first moment of true calm since the start of his isekai adventure. He would probably go on to stay at the Juukulius estate for a time (Julius offers) while they try to figure out wtf is wrong with him physically that he can't explain himself, and Emilia would return to the Mathers Estate a day later having not died.
Naturally, this would put Subaru in a position where he would encounter Joshua as his host, and they would be on the same page about how amazing and perfect Julius is. It would nearly be a Cecilus-Joshua kind of dynamic where Subaru gets some levity by indulging in stories and literary habits with Joshua while both praising Julius highly at every turn. And of course, they both understand how worthless they are in comparison.
Could also easily lead into Heinkel content long-term, but that's far beyond the scope of Sympathy's premise and this ask both. Hope this satisfies your curiosity, Zei!
