I've been rewatching Re:Zero with a very trans perspective and I just got the the trial in arc 4 where Subaru sees his parents again. And the walk where he talks with his dad, let's out all his fears and frustration, the absolute dread that his parents will have and disown him for being a failure you can't accomplish anything, but knowing that they will likely still love him unconditionally despite that and it causing an even worse internal conflict. It really hit home for me.
Subaru growing up constantly under shadow of how great his own father is. The way he looks so much like and even acted like him when he was younger and that pushing the expectation further. And that all making his inability to meet those expectations, the expectations of masculinity and leadership his dad clearly had, feel infinitely worse. And the one thing that he did get from his mom being his eyes.
The way that his interactions with his dad and combative. Being wrestled awake, made to go on a walk and confront so many people that recognize his father, and the one that takes notice of Subaru making mention of his distinctive eyes that he got from his mother. That giving him a pang of pain and frustration. Every moment around his dad is about his frustration of failing to be like him.
Meanwhile his walk with his mother is calm and cooperative. It reflects a comfort and ease he has with her. He has light banter without getting heated in his delivery. He isn't against any aspect of his time with her. And the way she mentions her knowing he was under all those expectations and how exhausting it likely felt. Subaru being shocked at it, asking how much she knew.
And while all of this is very much the idea that boys will grow up with the expectation to be like their dad and they pull push against that to be their own man, while their relationships with their mothers are going to be more relaxed and of little note. I feel there is still room to view it as Subaru's relationship to gender being a fight against performative masculinity while being feminine is something that comes much easier and feels more natural to him. They are both two of halves of one self, but one fits better than the other.
Also the conversation being in two halves is also interesting. The talk with his dad takes place at a park bench where they sit and stand around, Subaru wallowing in his past failures and inability to grow into the expectations of manhood he thought were placed on him. Meanwhile, his talk with his mom actively takes place as they walk, moving forward as Subaru finally accepts he'll never be a man like his dad. He has to be his own person, and doing so requires moving on.
All of this has read as a great allegory for trying to come out to your parents as trans. At least for me based on my experience. Knowing the love is unconditional but being completely unsure of how being trans specifically would be taken by them. Almost wishing they would actually get angry to validate your own unfounded fears. It's suffocating and enough to make you completely close off.
And even though it is just meant to be about depression and self-worth in the face of unconditional love, I think it still does a great job at accidentally showing a part of the trans experience.
And while Subaru, myself and plenty of of other people have been able to come out to our parents and be met with acceptance, it is more likely that people will be met with anger. Derision. The exact fears Subaru expects to have lashed at him for finally opening up about what was eating him alive inside.
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