✷❙❚ @knightofrenkylo
E I G H T M O N T H S P O S T S T A R K I L L E R D E F E A T :
Eight months of useless search only to come to the conclusion
that he’d been wrong the whole time. Every step he’d taken from the very beginning had been wrong. There was no power in his path. The power was as i n a c c e s s i b l e to his being as it would be to someone like Hux. Someone who couldn’t even touch the Force. It was a form of cognitive dissonance, the struggle had caused Ren genuine agonizing torment. Something in him had b r o k e n i r r e p a r a b l y when he had taken the life of Han Solo. Months of search for an answer or a meaning to it, a meaning to the weakness that had suffused him when he had committed the act meant to seal his R I S E . Nothing. There was nothing. N o a n s w e r. The Light within him glimmered, haunting his w a k i n g hours and plaguing what little sleep he got. N i g h t t e r r o r s rocked him, flashbacks, an u n e n d i n g stream of the death he had wrought on the world. The crushing knowledge that he w a s w r o n g . Guilt. Shame. Dishonor. Neither Ben Organa or Kylo Ren were free of it. There was no balance that either of those names could inspire. The balance in the world that Kylo Ren was responsible for upsetting on a truly horrifying l e v e l . Somehow aware that there was nothing he could ever truly do to make up for his transgressions, and yet unable to continue along the path he’d chosen so many years ago. The taint of the Dark Side lingered in his mind, a sickness that poisoned every thought, just as surely as the Light beckoned with it’s siren’s song. Ripped in two by his own nature. How it was that he found himself at the entrance to a First Order outpost, their current command center was another question altogether. This w a s suicide. Why was he here? Yet his feet carried him forward, the assurance of one who belonged, who would be unquestioned. It was late enough that only the night s h i f t s were about. Men who looked at Ren and i m m e d i a t e l y f o r g o t s e e i n g h i m . Following the layout of the base in his mind, Ren made his way to the command personnel quarters, a shadow moving through a machine, oiled to perfection. Y e t w e a k . Feeling through the Force, Ren was certain he had reached the correct room. Connecting a small device to the lock, the door whirred for a moment before flashing green and granting the K n i g h t access. Lifting an eyebrow at the keypad, Ren almost s c o f f e d . The emergency codes hadn’t been changed. Either an oversight, or Hux truly believed Ren dead and Snoke was keeping his mouth shut about the defecting p r o t e g e . A man who is Kylo Ren, and yet not Kylo Ren, enters the private quarters of General Hux through the front door. His access is almost entirely silent, other than the soft closing ‘whoosh’ of the door. A few swift steps carry him past the sitting room and library alcove to Hux’s bedroom. For a moment, he stands on the threshold in a quiet trance. Never before has he seen such an expression of peace on the other’s face. The harsh lines are smoothed, the worry at the edges of H u x ’ s eyes and lips gone, the tension r e l a x e d . There is no furrow of concentration at Hux’s brow, though Kylo can still see/feel the weight of the Order bearing on the other, even in sleep. For only a moment more, he marvels, knowing that he has never seen the general so defenseless. A sick surge of hate rises in him, reminding him what he has done—— what Hux has done—— w h a t h e c a m e t o d o . Lack of sleep has carved deep purple circles under Kylo’s eyes. F e a r , indecision, anger, and pain have added a touch of frost to the young man’s dark hair. The face is the same, but it has been carved of a different stone. This one so much more jaded and lacking in the tones of arrogance and superiority it once held. The anger that had once cracked the facade was still there, but underneath something–an instability, the face of a man whose faith had met something shattering. The face of a man who had lost something q u i n t e s s e n t i a l . “Hux,” he murmured, low voice laced with something different than any tone he’d ever employed with the other. Pleading? Apprehension, resolve, and a raw edge to him. Black-gloved fingers d e t a c h e d t h e l i g h t s a b e r f r o m h i s belt with practiced ease, as though he were checking a watch, rather than drawing an instrument of d e a t h . He turned the weapon in his hands, for a moment standing on a bridge, the radiant warmth of a superweapon flowing up through the oscillator. He wavered, turning his eyes back to Hux, unseeing. His face twisted with a wave of t e r r i b l e d e s p a i r . And then he was before Hux, lightsaber cool in fingers that began to instinctively tighten around the familiar metal of the hilt. T h i s w a s d i f f e r e n t . This was not a choice guided by any hand but his own. This was D I F F E R E N T . It had to be a c h o i c e .
GENERAL HUX SLEPT. only in the sixth month had this begun, and tonight is the first night that he does not dream of the annihilation of starkiller, of kylo ren, of the sky &&. the snow &&. something within his bones, beyond the marrow. there is the halcyon silence that comes in the dead of night, arriving with the darkness &&. born of an absence of action. a gear clicks faintly somewhere. the air hangs still, a somber shroud.
normally so measured, not a hair out of place, he cannot betray his own mortal nature in slumber. hux’s hair is wild ; the neckline of a simple standard-issue t-shirt askew ; sheets tangled behind ankles &&. knees. WHO KNEW HE WAS SO HUMAN ??
❛ HUX . ❜
who can say what wakes him ?? perhaps it is the craving whisper, so different from ren’s usual vitriol -- perhaps it is the sense of stealthy intrusion, ingrained in him from years of Academy training -- perhaps it is the beam of light, slimmed by the harsh edges of a curtain, that streams blue &&. soft through the window as a moon passes in transit.
❛ HUX . ❜
it echoes in his dreams. so much for a night without remembering. he wakes without a SOUND, fluidly upright in an instant, looking as though he had always meant to be this way, woken in this moment. even when nothing goes according to plan, it is anticipated in his plan. sleep still weighs at the corners of his mouth, behind his fragile eyelids. hux shivers at the sight of the GHOST standing over him ; draws one ankle sideways beneath the sheets, looks up into that face. that face.
&&. OH GOD, it is so different. LUMINESCENT. BETRAYED. kylo ren is no more ; a transient soul occupies the space he has left. the man has gained &&. lost worlds, galaxies. it shows in his nascent face ; in the catch of his breath as he inhales &&. the stars pool in his lungs. hux wonders what can break a man so. -- -- he isn’t sure he wants to know.
he is seized by the desire to touch the swathe of fabric draped across ren’s chest -- he wants to know if it will feel any different now that the man has clearly traveled in places between anything that hux, as a mere human, AS A MACHINE, can hope to know. ... can hope to imagine to know. he wonders if, in doing so, were his fingers to brush the flesh of ren’s neck, would the skin feel any different than skin ?? would the pulse that fluttered there beat with the same astronomical rhythm as the rest of the universe ?? the air is charged with silence, &&. yet calm. everything is, in this moment, exactly as it is meant to be. eight months have preceded this, the culmination of the time before those months, of the events that haunted his waking &&. even sleeping hours. mere seconds have passed. hux’s eyes slide to the saber, weighty in the fingers of his ... guest. one breath. two. dare he indulge in a third ??
he dares. this night is not for their usual games. the green gaze, dulled by dusk, slips back to that of kylo ren. hux does not think, reborn. he thinks, destroyed. unmade. obliterated. &&. yet, there is something distinctively BEAUTIFUL about it, though it should be weak, this loss of hellfire &&. depravity. it was a break, but a clean one. one that they both knew was coming, every moment.
minutes pass. there is only the sound of their breathing. there is only the brush of the general’s fingers as they curl into his sheets. there is only their stares. there is only something new.
his faculties return to him. white hands correct neatly the collar of his shirt ; align as much hair as is possible &&. relegates it to its proper position. perhaps kylo has found his niche in some vacuum twixt LIGHT &&. DARK, but hux’s place will never be anywhere but here. he has heard the unspoken plea in the utterance of his name. he will allow the other to make the plea anyways. he speaks.
❛ kylo ren . ❜
