The Disabled Life

Two Canadian sisters documenting the jerks and perks of living #TheDisabledLife. This is an archive of our original blog. It is no longer active.

[thedisabledlife]

PSA

So this family medical situation is taking much longer than expected. Which means we're officially shutting down for a bit. BUT NEVER FEAR we have some exciting things that we are working on in the meantime... That needs our full attention. Super top secret. Can't talk about it.

BUT you know what we can talk about?? Instagram!! We're officially on the IG now. Give us a follow @thedisabledlife where we will be sharing all of our favourite comics.

Plus look out for teasers there for our super top secret exciting thing we're working on. BECAUSE we're not saying nothing yet!!! Got it?? Nooooothing.

Also thank you for your support!!!

[thedisabledlife]

ATTENTION FOLLOWERS!

[GIF of Boo from Monsters Inc. dozing off from exhaustion while trying to keep her eyes open.]

Due to life, some family medical things and general exhaustion. We will be taking the month of February off! We intend to come back fully energized, and trust us we have some great material to work off of.

Thanks! Everyone get some sleep.

Love: Li and Jess.

[thedisabledlife]

Lianna Solo

That time Lianna went to a restaurant ALL by herself, only to find out all they had were high tables. Did she give up? No. She got them to drag a cold a** patio table from outside INTO the restaurant so she could sit and have her pizza all on her lonesome.

We just wish we had a picture to show you how ridiculous she looked. But BRAVA to the restaurant for their quick thinking accommodations.

[thedisabledlife]

When the elevator at your doctor’s office is down so they come down to you to administer flu shots.

[GIF scene from Diamonds are a Girls Best Friend, where Marilyn Monroe turns around and dozens of men with heart cutouts flock to her.]

[thedisabledlife]

[Video clip of Lianna’s feet dangling because they do not reach the footrest on her chair.]

Because apparently “fully” adjustable footrests aren’t fully adjustable at all (yes this is as high as they go we checked).

[thedisabledlife]

Just call her Optimus Sassy

Jess was appointed this title after responding with “coooooooooool” to a not-so-friendly message from a person who “didn’t see the chair" and wasn’t prepared for all that “baggage”.

[thedisabledlife]

HAPPY NEW YEAR from Lianna and Jessica of The Disabled Life!!!!! To all of our LOVELY followers: 

[GIF of Jonathan Van Ness from Queer Eye, lying on a bed saying “I love you” to the mother.]

[thedisabledlife]

[One Panel Illustrated Comic Titled “Half Decked Halls”. Image description: Lianna and Jessica, sitting in their wheelchairs and dressed in holiday attire, are attempting to decorate a holiday tree. The tree is only decorated with ornaments and lights on the bottom half, with many broken ornaments scattered on the ground. Lianna is focusing while holding their dog Robbie and says “Almost got this thing on...” as she is putting an ornament on the tree. Jessica looks down on the ground and says “...oops, I dropped another one!”]

Happy holidays to our lovely followers!! We hope you enjoy whatever festivities you celebrate, and for those who decorate trees that you can reach the top!

[thedisabledlife]

Dear Normies #6

To those of you who wrap elegant holiday gifts with no regard for the later process of opening said gift...look we get it. Presentation is everything! After all you wouldn’t want to give a sub-par looking gift. It’s Christmas, or the holidays, or whatever appropriate title is used these says; and you have to be at your best! Even the crappiest of crap gifts deserves proper wrapping to, quite literally, mask the fact that the gift is garbage. But for the love of Santa, know your audience!

How in the world do you expect a person who can barely grasp a cell phone to have the dexterity to rip open paper? “Well it’s just paper” says the accused, and while that is true, it is glossed paper. “Why should that matter?” retorts the now increasingly guilty party. Let’s look at this logically: 

Gloss makes things slippery

Slippery, flat objects require x amount of grip by the recipient to control. 

Therefore if a gift is wrapped in glossed materials, it will take x amount of grip by the recipient to handle and open said material. 

Pretty basic right? But let’s not forget to add the ultra-super-sticky-grip-tape to the equation. Frosty forbid you use no-name brand tape to do the job! What’s the worst that could happen? The gift opens slightly on one side?! Well that would actually help in this case; so don’t bother waisting the extra few cents on the tape with the duck, or gorilla, or whatever other brand there is out there that promises the “perfect seal”.

“Ok, I hear you. So I’ll just use a bag this year” says Brenda (the gift wrapper is named Brenda now). Dammit Brenda, we’re getting teary-eyed with all the growth you’re showing! But wait, did you just tie the handles together with an impossible knot of ribbon? “Well ya I thought-” BRENDA SHUT YOUR MOUTH WITH ULTRA-SUPER-STICKY-GRIP-TAPE! Do you really need us to spell this one out for you too?! No, no we refuse. Now you’ve gotta sit there and awkwardly watch as we take 10, 20, hell maybe 30 minutes to untie that stupid ribbon you HAD to get super tight! Were you worried the gift would just fly out of the bag?! You know what else would prevent that from happening? It’s a phrase most post-men and women ignore: “Handle with f***ing CARE”!

Brenda...Brenda stop crying, for nutcracker’s sake. Look, just open the damn gift for us, and we’ll all have a merry whatever.

Sincerely, Li and Jess (and others who feel the same way)

[thedisabledlife]

IT’S JESS’ BIRTHDAY!

We don’t post today, because it’s not Monday. But Jess liked that Li had a birthday post and she wanted one too. Except she loves social media and loves a good day-of-birth-wishes. So feel free to reach out on all platforms, and wish her a very happy birthday! Did Li write this post? Does Jess know? She knows, and she wrote it. But Li was right here.

[GIF of Michelle Tanner from Full House, pointing to herself and excitedly saying “happy birthday to me!”]

[thedisabledlife]

Please come back on Dec 13th.

This Monday post has been rescheduled to post on Thursday for reasons you’ll understand on Thursday. Good day to you all.

[thedisabledlife]

When someone complains that the elevator is down, and they had to walk up and down all those stairs, meanwhile you’re stuck in the lobby with no way of getting where you have to go.

[GIF of Cornelius from The Planet of the Apes 1968 film, rolling his eyes, while leaning against the mantle.]

[thedisabledlife]

[Three Panel Illustrated Comic Titled “Baby Driver”.

Panel 1 Description: Lianna is at the park, driving her little cousin on her wheelchair. The toddler is sitting on Lianna’s footrest and cheers “Wee! Fastew Yee-Yee!!” Lianna responds “No, no. This is fast enough kiddo.” A voice off panel yells “Stawp!”

Panel 2 Description: A little toddler dressed in a suit and briefcase holds out a $5 bill, and with a snooty expression asks Lianna (who has now stopped) “I’m vewy wate fow busy-ness. Hewe is extwa if you get me dewe in five minutes.” Lianna looks perplexed at the child and replies “Uh, what?” Lianna’s little cousin looks angrily at the little boy and says “I don’t shawe...”

Panel 3 Description: Another toddler comes on frame, also holding a brief case. She asks the other business toddler “Wait! I’m vewy wate fow busy-ness too! Can we shawe dis cab?” The boy replies “Well...” Lianna looks shocked, as her little cousin (sitting on her footrest) screams “I don’t SHAWE!!!”]

For those who are confused, we used to drive our little cousins around all the time. “Yee-Yee was in fact her way of trying to say “Li-Li”. Also, replace all the “w”s with “r”s and you should be good for translating to adult talk.

[thedisabledlife]

Dear Executive Producers (or whoever is responsible) of Speechless:

Listen, we’re huge fans. HUGE. The show’s great. Representation is pretty much on point. And you’re educating all those normies out there. However, with all due respect (and we mean with ALL due respect), we have some mother f*cking questions.

AGAIN, we love the show. Makes us laugh EVERY time. But you need to explain, HOW DOES JJ GET OVER STEPS? HOW???? You can’t just clip from outside a house (with a step) to JJ being inside said house, WITHOUT showing the struggle. WE WANT TO SEE THEM UNFOLD AN AWKWARD METAL RAMP and drop it a couple times because some of them are really really long. We want to see how less than 4 grown men (or women) carry a 400lb electric wheelchair. Or are to we to believe it was some sort of magic/witchcraft that got him there??

Again, please don’t mix up our words. WE LOVE THIS SHOW. The family dynamics are legit, and reminds us of younger, less hairier us. BUT WHILE WE’RE AT IT... that London episode. The f*ck. PLEASE tell us where the f*ck JJ’s chair went while they were in the double decker bus??????? Does it go in cargo or something? (We’re seriously asking, we have no idea.) Or did he pay for two seats? Cuz he sat in one, and put his chair G*D knows where!!

We’re just saying, a little D*sney magic, a little more HORRIFYINGLY realistic unaccessible boundary hurdling. We’re also curious about the wake up / bed time routine? We’ve never really seen it, like all of a sudden he’s just up. How did that happen?? Jks we know how, but the normies definitely don’t.

But seriously, we love your show. DON’T CANCEL IT! Just because we had some itty bitty questions, doesn’t mean we don’t love it. Keep up the good work... little less D*sney magic.

K bye.

[thedisabledlife]

I'll load up the bigger chair first.

A bus driver referring to Lianna, unaware of the fact that we have the exact same sized chair... and yes she was offended.

[thedisabledlife]

[Photo of a path made from wooden planks of flooring, laid out on top of wet grass, connecting the sidewalk to a concrete slab.]

Just so you know, for wheelchair users this is the chivalrous equivalent to someone laying their jacking over a puddle so your shoes don’t get wet.

[thedisabledlife]

[Three Panel Illustrated Comic Titled “Master of Death”.

Panel 1 Description: A title bar reads “One random Halloween...” Lianna (a girl in a wheelchair) is having a conversation with a man dressed up as Harry Potter. She is dressed as a construction worker with a moustache. The Harry Potter guy is arguing “...So of course Harry Potter is the master of death!” Lianna points to herself with her thumb, and with a matter-of-fact expression responds with “Nah, I was supposed to die years ago. So I am the real master of death! So suck it.”

Panel 2 Description: A title bar reads “Years later...” Lianna is at the doctors office. Her doctor reads from his chart and says “And with all these new findings on your condition, you weren’t in any danger of dying all these years ago.” Lianna, looking curious, replies “You don’t say...”

Panel 3 Description: The man (still dressed as Harry Potter) from the first panel bursts into the doctors room. Screaming in maniacal laughter, he yells “HA! HARRY IS THE TRUE MASTER OF DEATH!!” Lianna, looking horrified, replies “How the f@#k did you get here?!?”]

Alright Harry lovers, you win this round.