not a frequent user of social media. obsessively addicted to about four fandoms. ships rare or unfavoured pairings. oh, and suffers horribly from Writer's Disease. not hereditary, and completely incurable.
come chat with me about writing, dogs, cats, fandoms, baking, or...[static crackles]. I'm friendly and sarcastic 😉
(Also! I take fic requests...there's a link for my guidelines post in my intro)
okay, first of all, heya, and i'm "thedogbard" or "N". I'm socially awkward irl, someone who pretends to be an introvert to disguise my loneliness, and someone who is really good at random living-life shit and not so good at anything specific (like maths) (ugh).
i originally made a tumblr account to promote my fanfic magnum opus. so here it is:
But firstly I'd like to specify that I do NOT support JKR. I have owned the books for years, and before I got tumblr, in Sep 2025, I didn't actually know what she was doing. Almost all of the fanfic I've written was before that. Writing fanfic does not give the franchise profit, but it might give the author or reader a bit of happiness. Anyway, I'm trying not to write anything else for the HP/FB fandoms now, and I'm steering well clear of the HP show. I don't judge you if you're an HP fan as long as you don't support JKR, so please extend me the same courtesy.
December 1993. Newt Scamander appears in Hogwarts, clutching a battered suitcase, claiming to have just been duelling Grindelwald alongside Dumbledore - who’s now aged by sixty years.
Lord Voldemort is on the rise. Dementors surround the school. A Muggleborn Slytherin witch is fighting to find a place in the Wizarding World.
And, well, Newt’s just sort of there.
Fully completed: a Newt Scamander x original female character story, spanning the events of the HP books. Posted weekly on ao3, quotev, fanfic.net, and wattpad.
I'm an incurable writer. Original stuff, fanfics, all kinds of sh*t. I also love reading, dogs, animals in general, baking, walking, and laughing at the random stuff my brain comes up with. I also have controversial ships. Live and let live, please.
Fandoms I'm in or love: Skulduggery Pleasant, Harry Potter/Fantastic Beasts, Lockwood & Co, Dr Strange (movies), Sherlock BBC (also ACD Sherlock, Mary Russell series, and Elementary), Day of the Jackal, The Aeronauts, Little Women...and possibly more? I've read all the Riordan books...
Individual books I love (and their fandoms): Jane Eyre, Tenant of Wildfell Hall, Villette, Shirley, (or anything by the Brontes), Emily's Ghost, The Blue Castle, Knights of the Borrowed Dark trilogy, The Lost World and The Poison Belt, I Capture The Castle, Little Women, and many more I can't think of right now. Little-kid-me demands that I also add A Little Princess and Coral Island to this list...
Music I love: Roxette, Taylor Swift, Adele, Emeli Sande, Enya, Dua Lipa, and some other select songs, like Money Run Low by The Score.
Songs I can't stop listening to that might well be a part of my DNA by now: Haunted, Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince, Listen To Your Heart, Anywhere Is, Getaway Car (my no.1 spotify wrapped this year, and i'm not ashamed), I Knew You Were Trouble, The Look, This Love, Wonderland, There's Nothing Holding Me Back, Blow Your Mind, The Wind and a bunch more. If you're a Swiftie, DM me your favourites. Let's agree and argue and have fun!
I am so emotionally mature for my age that I've been told I have the soul of a pensioner. It was a compliment and I'm taking it as such.
In one country I am tall, decent-looking, and socially funny. In another I'm average-heighted, average-looking, and averagely-funny. Which is weird for my esteem and opinion of myself. Whatever.
I'm not a very ambitious person. My great dream in life is to be an author. I'm also funny, weirdly knowledgeable about niche things, and addicted to chocolate. (It's becoming a problem).
Send me asks or interact! I'll send asks or interact in return - or random asks whenever I'm bored. I love meeting new people. Whoever, whatever you are, just so long as you're not a...Think of all the worst kinds of people. If you're not one of 'em, then hang out with me.
@the-archivist-system is my beloved adopted sibling and one of my best friends 🐾 They're the only one who gets to call me Logios, because of this post!!✨️
Thank you to @dramatic1nlyf for this amazing moodboard!!!!
(right at the bottom, in uncertain small print...): if you want you can request a fic. Here's my "guideline" post.
Oh and I'm adding these posts here so I can never lose them because OHMYGOSH
AFJAFSGHHDAF THANK YOU @skeletal-spire-man-aka-overfit this literally made my YEAR
okay wait - @catastrophiccblues I'm also saving this here because it's too good to ever lose ✨️
And lastly, here are song lyrics from songs that have stuck to me like glue, arranged to tell a vaguely coherent story.
Sometimes you wonder if this fight is worthwhile
You’ve got the words to change a nation but you’re biting your tongue
Something keeps me holding on to nothing
Who can say where the road goes, where the day flows?
And you know it’s never simple, never easy
Wasn’t it beautiful, running wild till you fell asleep?
I’m only one, but not alone, my finest day is yet unknown
You go there, you're gone forever, I go there, I'll lose my way
God rest my soul, I miss who I used to be
I attend Christmas parties from outside
It’s all fun and games til somebody loses their mind
There’s no comfort in the truth, pain is all that you’ll find
I held that grudge till it tore me apart
It’s the first time, the last time, we ever met
It's no surprise I turned you in, 'cause us traitors never win
You play stupid games, you win stupid prizes
And now they’ve broken you like they’ve broken me, but a shattered glass is a lot more sharp
And if I’m on fire, you’ll be made of ashes too
I pass it and lose track of what I’m saying, cause that’s where I was when I lost it all
Always learning everything the hard way
Some say illusions are her game
Don’t you worry folks, we took out all her teeth
And nobody comes to save you now, but you got something they don't
When the violence causes silence, we must be mistaken
I remember all of the things that I thought I wanted to be
When you’re young, you just run, but you come back to what you need
So, baby, can we dance, oh, through an avalanche?
You don’t need to save me, but would you run away with me?
Cause for a moment a band of thieves in ripped up jeans got to rule the world
"Don't you see the starlight, starlight? Don't you dream impossible things?"
Climbed right back up the cliff, long story short I survived
Also known as Let Us Be Calm, Let Us Be Perfectly Calm.
Also known as Uncle Benjamin Pressing the Don't Panic Button and Immediately Freaking Out Again.
But also known as the chapter that contains one of my favourite lines.
I don't for one minute buy Mrs Frederick's anguish. The only thing she is sorry about is that she lost control over Valancy--that 'premonition' was just a realisation that her daughter set herself free. But make no mistake, she is enjoying being seen as a victim. She always has.
Uncle James once again showing that he'd have no qualms about using physical force if he could. (But really, why didn't he? The only reason I can think of is that he'd need at least one other man to come along with him and he could not find anyone. Dr Marsh sees nothing concerning about Valancy's behaviour. Uncle Benjamin is right there--but clearly not joining him. As I say, that one just talks, I don't really see him using physical violence on anyone.)
“I said, ‘Doss, where are you going?’ and she said, ‘I am going to look for my Blue Castle.’”
That's it, that's my favourite line. No, not 'Doss where are you going.' But: I am going to look for my Blue Castle.
I said in a previous post that this book should be recommended reading for everyone going into mental health field and it's also a legit inspirational story. If you want nice things, just go and get them. Like that line from the previous chapter about the first step being the hardest. (To quote Anne from AOWW, 'like all bromides, that's absolutely true', from her conversation with Katherine Brooke, who is a character very similar to Valancy.) But genuinely, that line gives me the shivers. Go chase your dreams, Valancy!
Mrs Frederick wondering why she didn't drop dead on the spot, what can I say, Amelia, I wish you did. Though I'll say I find her description of Valancy as she's leaving the house interesting.
Then Doss herself came down with her little satchel, dressed in her green serge suit.
She was like a rock. That’s the strangest thing of all about her. She used to be so good and obedient, and now she’s neither to hold nor bind.
And does it not make you mad?
Uncle James suddenly pretending to agree that Cissy Gay is a human being, bc Valancy used the magical words 'Christian community'. You won't fool me, you despicable man.
Also--hellooo, 'greatest happiness is serving others', what happened? Good job that we always knew she was a hypocrite.
‘I’ve been keeping up appearances all my life. Now I’m going in for realities.’
This should be a subtitle of TBC, together with the 'I've been people pleasing all my life, now I will please myself'. You could make picture quotes of this book and filled a whole Pinterest board with them!
“Insane people never do have any regard for other people’s feelings,” said Uncle Benjamin. “That’s one of the symptoms.”
That narcissists you're talking about, Ben, and there is one right there, standing in front of you. Hint: she was the wife of your brother Frederick.
I'm cracking up at poor Cousin Stickles's rendition of Valancy's reply to her regarding the rubbing of the back. (Come on Stickles, let's have some fun, let's go to town and watch a horror film and get ice cream!)
I didn't know 'darn' could be considered a swear word--don't they darn their socks? (I'm not a native English speaker.) I suppose it depends on the delivery.
“It—it was only imitation swearing,” faltered Cousin Stickles, desirous of smoothing things over now that the worst was out.
This book is dark but it's also a comedy.
“It will be only a step from that to real swearing,” said Uncle James sternly.
I recall one of the grievances of Mr Edward Fairfax Rochester against his 'mad' wife was that she swore at him. (While it was okay for him to say 'produce [the witness] or go to hell' in church. Also later 'go to the devil' to Richard.) Oh look, two peas in a pod, men who like to put women under a lock and key. (I'll see if I can find a way how Rochester could be Uncle James's ancestor.)
I obviously disagree with Uncle Benjamin that Mrs Frederick should have been stricter with Valancy--she could not have been anyway--but it's good to see her blamed for once, if for the wrong reasons.
“And she didn’t even take her flannel petticoat!” lamented Cousin Stickles.
Actually, this is sweet. She still cares that Valancy doesn't catch cold.
I'm curious what will come of Uncle Benjamin's meeting with Dr Marsh and Uncle James's meeting with Lawyer Ferguson.
“Meanwhile,” added Uncle Benjamin, “let us be calm.”
And so the chapter ends with the same words it started with. It's hilarious. I think he's just repeating it bc he doesn't know what else to do, lol.
had a class project this year where we all had to write some nice things about every person in the class (hard for me because i’m bad with names/i didn’t really like the people in that class but i still got a 95) and anyways it was wild seeing all the things people said and thought about me
PSA to fan creators who don't have a lot of regular contact with children: They are almost always bigger than you think. A 1-year-old baby may already be walking. A toddler is likely already hip-high. A 10-year-old may already be taller than at least one of their parents. A 14/15 year old may already have reached their adult height.
Also, “partner” is just a good word? It implies an equal relationship where both of your work together in pursuit of something, whether that be life goals or just having fun together.
Silly Game Time: TWIST THAT TROPE! "There are potions and foods that have a magic effect on those who ingest them, but the twist is ___."
(Every story is made of tropes, just like how every sentence is made of words. Still, some tropes can feel a bit overused if a storyteller doesn't do something different with them. What do you think could be an interesting variation to this trope? It doesn't need to be elaborate or surprising or original, just something that might appeal to you personally.)
