From Angel

These are the things that I want to say, the thoughts that I can't voice out, the worries that I can't erase, and the feelings that I try to hide.

[theeverydaymailbox-blog]

18th of April 2016

The sound of the raindrops falling on the roof, the gray clouds that cover the blurry sky, the cold yet fuzzy feeling I get, and that distinct smell of the ground after a rain. Why wouldn’t I love it? One day I told you it was raining from where I am, and you said you liked rain. I was shocked because I didn’t know that about you and because I actually am a rainy day kind of person, too. It’s not really a big deal because I know that a lot of people out there might be like me too but at that moment it just felt so special to me that we were sharing our thoughts about rainy days and what we like about those days because, I guess… It’s you. It meant so much because it was you I was talking too. Now… I just don’t know if I like rainy days anymore. It just feels nostalgic… Maybe because I’m in a different place or maybe because… It just reminds me of you so much and how much you’ve changed. Now it’s raining from where I am and it still never fails to make me think of you and what could I have possibly done wrong to make you change the way you treat me.

-Angel.

[theeverydaymailbox-blog]

To that one guy who will always be my friend

17th of April

There was something that caught my attention when I first saw you. I immediately thought “he’s not like the others”. I wondered what was so different about you. You were quiet, timid, shy… A lot different from all the other guys in the class. We didn’t talk much but I knew you were nice. We weren’t really the kind of friends who immediately got close and comfortable with each other. It was a gradual progress of friendship and I’m glad it happened like that. Our conversations started from small talks about assignments and group projects to us opening up about our personal problems. One day we were talking and I told you how insecure I was with who I am and how I look and you told me all about these nice stuff a good friend would say to make me feel better. I knew all of my other friends would tell me that too but you just had a way of making me feel a whole lot better. Once, you messaged me out of nowhere and opened up about how you wanted to give up on your life already, and I realised how much I didn’t wanna lose you. I freaked out. I wanted to hug you and hold you tight and tell you that everything was gonna be alright and that I’ll never leave you… But I couldn’t because I was miles away. Since then I realised how much you actually mean to me, I knew I liked you more than I would normally like a friend. For months, I tried to brush off how I felt because I knew I could easily get rejected, that you only saw me as a friend, and that it would make things awkward between us. Now we’re even farther apart from each other, but we’re still friends. Until now, I still really like you. I tried to avoid it and not listen to what my mind and my heart are telling me, but there are just times when I can’t deny the truth. We still talk and you still never fail to make my heart skip a beat and even though I do have feelings for you, I’m determined to keep it to myself. I’m determined to keep this friendship going. Even though it takes every inch of my control, I’ll bottle up everything because what we have right now, this friendship, is more than enough for me. I know my limitations and even when I can’t deny how much I really like you, I know that you’ll always be my friend, and that’s just as far as it’s gonna get.

-Angel

[thesecretletter]

You’re goddamn complicated. Every time you’re feeling down, every time I say anything to you I spend the split second after every word worrying about how you would react, whether you would get hurt or get back on your feet. I would always end up saying too much or not saying anything at all. And I’ve never been good at this, I don’t know how to deal with you. I get emotionally tired every time. I’m sorry if I can’t ever make you feel better. Maybe I’m just not good enough for you.

Your secrets are safe here (via thelovewhisperer)

[thesecretletter]

Why did fate even let us meet?

Your secrets are safe here (via thelovewhisperer)

When we're not even destined to be together.

[thesecretletter]

I’m so scared things will never be the same between us, and I’m even more scared that that’s what will tear us apart.

Your secrets are safe here (via thelovewhisperer)

[thesecretletter]

He is my one true love. I wish he knew how much he actually means to me, but he doesn’t. It seems like everytime I’m trying to put my feelings into words he shuts me out. I just wanna be the right one for him, but I know I am not and it hurts so badly.

Your secrets are safe here (via thelovewhisperer)

[theeverydaymailbox-blog]

To my future someone

16th of April 2016

Good morning, love! Or good afternoon or good night, I wouldn’t know. It’s been months since I last wrote to you and there must have been a couple of times where I felt like I wanted to talk to someone and I forgot about writing to you, but here I am now. This morning I woke up and I read my last letters to you and I wondered again. Have I met you yet? I’m dying to know. Perhaps not but I kinda wish I already met you. I was happy a few nights ago, there’s this guy that I like at the moment who just happened to talk to me ‘til 1:30 AM and we talked about meaningful stuff. Could it be you? This guy that I’m talking about, we met on my first year of high school. He’s absolutely nice, tall, tan, and handsome. But what I like most about him is how he’s so open to me compared to others and how he trusts me so much, even after I’ve let him down a few times. I really like him and I guess you can say I’m kinda serious about how I feel for him at the moment. I still wonder if there’s even a slight possibility that it’s you. I doubt that though, I’m pretty sure he likes someone else. I’m pretty sure he only sees me as a friend. I’m sorry if it isn’t you, I hope you don’t get jealous or mad because I know that you might like someone else and not me at the moment, too. However I still wonder if I’m even writing to someone out there or am I just writing to someone who doesn’t really exist… Don’t worry though, even with all these doubts in my mind, I’m still holding out for you and I’m still waiting for the day when I realise who you are and how much you mean to me. At the moment, I may like someone else but in the future I promise that when I start loving you and I realise you’re the one for me, there’d be no one else that I’d rather spend my whole life with than you.

Always and forever, Your love.

[theeverydaymailbox-blog]

To the strangers I bumped into today

Hi. You probably don’t know me, too but I want to talk to you. Not just by this letter but also in person. Why, you might ask. What could I possibly want from you? To be honest, I don’t know. I’ve always been a quiet person around people that I don’t know or to people that I’m not close to. I’ve always been awkward around the people that I’m not used to seeing and talking to everyday, but as much as I want to avoid awkwardness, I can’t deny that I have a voice in my head telling me to talk to and be friends with everyone. But you know how voices inside one’s mind work, there’s a pair of them. One tells me to put a smile on my face, walk up to someone, just talk and be friendly. The other one, it stares down on me, tells me that I may be rejected, tells me that I may not be good enough, and tells me that people are just not into being friends with me. And yes, as you might have guessed, the latter one prevails. I can’t shake the thought off my head that maybe I’m just not cut out to be friends with everyone I meet. Some people might even think I’m an introvert but really, I’m kinda nooot? I'm that person who secretly wants to be friends with everyone. But I'm also the one with the voices in my head that tells me that I'm not good enough to be friends with anyone. I hope I eventually beat the voice in my head, and just walk up to anyone I meet and say hi. But for now, I'll have to stick with being the shy and quiet one who wants to be the friendly and approachable one.

[theeverydaymailbox-blog]

To my future someone

14th of December 2015

Hi love. It’s currently 1:52 AM. My eyes are tired, the TV that I so desperately tried to adjust the sleep timer just turned off, my phone’s down to 9%, and my mind won’t let me sleep. There are thoughts running through my head that I can’t shake off and then suddenly, I thought of you. I wonder where you are at this moment. Maybe you’re asleep or maybe you’re in the midst of your day, who knows? I surely don’t. But I hope you’re having a great time. (Or a great sleep.) I also wondered how it would feel maybe 10 years from now (maybe more or maybe less) when it’s this same time of the day and I suddenly wake up from my sleep but instead of feeling this alone, I’d finally just turn to you and hold you close and maybe I’d feel better and peaceful, and just drift off back to sleep. Maybe I could do that or maybe you hate cuddles. That’s alright, I could deal with that. Maybe I could just stare at you and everything would be fine. Maybe you’d think I’m depressed right now, but I’m not. 😊 I know it sounds like that, but no. I was just wondering how it would be like to finally have someone beside me and having that feeling… That security, that that person will never ever leave you alone. I wonder where you are right now. I wonder what you’re thinking of or dreaming of. I ALSO WONDER… IF YOU EXIST.

Always and forever, Your love.

[theeverydaymailbox-blog]

To my future someone

12th of December 2015

I hope by the time you read this, we’ve figured out what we are. Or at least I’ve figured what you are to me. I’m pretty sure that you wouldn’t be reading this if I’m not sure that you’re the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. I also hope I made you read this at the right time and when you’re sure if I’m the one you choose among all the fishes in the water. I hope this letter doesn’t scare you away from me, because this would make you realise how weird I am and how dramatic I could be at times. But this thing here is also going to remind you of how mysterious I could be at times, how I could keep secrets from you when I don’t want to hurt you, and how I could hide what I feel and just put on this “normal” or “usual” facade of happiness. I probably shouldn’t have just included that because assuming that YOU ARE THE ONE, you should know that by now. If you don’t, maybe I changed or maybe you just didn’t notice that or maybe I’m such good of an actress to have fooled you every time I was sad but had a smile on my face. I doubt you didn’t notice though. I’m writing to you now, because I feel like I want to talk to someone special now, but I have no one special at the moment and by writing this letter it feels like I’m reaching out to you. I wonder where you are now though? Have I met you yet? Did we already talk? I wonder if you’re one of my few high school friends. Maybe I haven’t met you yet by now, but when the time comes, I hope I don’t act all awkward and just fall on my face because well there actually is a possibility of that happening. I now wonder what you would have felt or thought the first time you saw me. Were you disgusted because well I’m not the attractive type or were you curious of what was going on in my mind? I wonder if you’re nice, I bet you are though. Anyways, this is my first letter of many more to come, I hope I already told you this and if I didn’t I’d still want to let you know that I’m grateful that I met you, I’m grateful that I talked to you, and I’m grateful that I have you. 

Always and forever, 

Your Love