The Fertility Marathon

I learned the hard way that the road to conception is a marathon, not a sprint. Here's my journal about the process, hoping to offer insight into my experience.

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300 IU follistim and 150 IU menopur. Boom boom done! 💪🏼

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Getting ready for game time! I received clearance from the doctor to start stimulations tonight. 😬 To help me stay calm and sane during this process, I have lined up a couple of wellness appointments, including #acupuncture. #needlework

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This makes so me happy! I found a yoga room today at the airport. Went in and did 20 minutes of sun salutations to calm the mind. Tomorrow I will start a new job, and yes I'm starting a new job and my first IVF cycle at the same time. Some people think I'm nuts, but both my doctor and therapist agree this will be good for me. I took nine months off to rest and start a family but things didn't work out that way. I realized I had TOO much time on my hands, and while I would love to have a child, I also want to invest in other parts of my life. It's time to get my career back on track!#namaste (at San Francisco International Airport)

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Tonight we stumbled across the film @vegasbabyfilm on Netflix. If you haven't seen it yet, I highly recommend it. It's a documentary that follows the Las Vegas based fertility clinic, Sher Institute, and their controversial social media competition that offers a free round of IVF to struggling patients. The contestants' stories reminded me that we are not alone. #breakthesilence

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I can't believe we're finally starting our first IVF cycle! Fingers crossed. Will need to test my LH surge in about a week and then start taking estrace to prime those follicles. I treated myself to a 30 minute session of restorative yoga today. Now waiting for my esthetician to arrive for a relaxing facial! #treatyourself

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IVF Injection Class! 🤓 (at San Francisco, California)

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Back on my feet. Onwards!

After spending the last couple of months healing from the miscarriage, I’m finally back on my feet again. I started to see a therapist to help re-frame the loss into a much more positive outlook. I embarked on a gluten and dairy free diet, which has dramatically improved my energy levels. And I’ve been dedicating an hour almost everyday to yoga to clear my mind. In general, I feel better and stronger, both mentally and physically. 

One of the positive outcomes that have emerged over the past couple of months is that I also landed myself a new gig. I took a sabbatical about nine months ago because I needed a break from working (I was severely burnt out at my last job) to focus on my health and fertility journey. After suffering through the IUI failures and the miscarriage, I realized that I was foolishly putting all of my eggs (no pun intended!) into the fertility basket. The past several months made me realize that the fertility journey may or may never happen and it could be dragged out over the course of several months or years. Instead of trying to exert “control” over the fertility journey, I realized I needed to channel my energy into other areas, including getting my career back on track, stimulating my brain again and working to solve other problems instead of just infertility. I’m super stoked about this new job. It’s a melding of tech x social impact, which has always been a passion area of mine, and I can’t wait to see where this new job will take me. 

In the meantime, my husband and I are preparing to start our first IVF cycle in July. Most people probably wouldn’t start a new job and IVF at the same time, but I’m excited to jump into it and hope for the best. We spent the last couple of weeks interviewing several REs and clinics, and we’ve made our choice. If you haven’t interviewed other doctors, I strongly suggest you do so. We learned a wealth of information from our conversations, and I feel much more confident as an informed patient who is going to work closely with my doctor, rather than as a naive patient who expects my doctor to perform miracles. We picked up our medicine yesterday, so sh*t’s getting real for us. 

All of the steps I’ve taken over the last couple of months have really made me feel like I’m preparing for a marathon (or a battle). Like I said before, I learned the hard way that the infertility journey is unpredictable and can take a very long time. Maybe the therapy has helped me control my emotions, but right now I find it empowering to have the ability to tackle this issue with deliberate intent and exercised caution. 

Onwards!

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Excuse my profanity, but sh*t just got real! #julyivf #bagofneedles (at San Francisco, California)

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This morning's brekkie. Fresh ingredients from our local farm and a cup of rooibos tea ☕️. (at Brentwood, California)

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Just organized my supplements for the week. Does this look crazy or what? I feel like an old lady. Here's what's in the pill box:⠀ ⠀ Prenatal Pro by Designs for Health - Recommended by a nutritionist, this brand has active forms of most of the nutrients as well as folate (5MTHF) and B12 (methyl). It also turns my pee yellow. 😳 ⠀ Bone-Up Vitamin D3/Calcium by Jarrow - Also recommended by the nutritionist, these are made from free-range New Zealand calves. I like swallowing these capsules. You take 2 capsules 3x per day instead of one big giant calcium tablet. But they sure fill up my pill box.⠀ ⠀ CoQ10 - Bought the NatureMade brand from Costco. My acupuncturist swears by CoQ10, and I've heard many women take it as well. Hopefully these will improve chromosomal health?⠀ ⠀ Carlson Norwegian Fish Oil - I don't eat enough fish, so I take 1,000 mg every other day. ⠀ ⠀ Methyl Folate from Jarrow - My acupuncturist told me to take up to 1,000 mg of folate per day. Since the pre-natal vitamins only have 800 mg of folate, I take 400 mg of extra folate every other day to make up the difference.⠀ ⠀ Baby aspirin - Supposedly will help thin out your blood to encourage blood flow to the ovaries. Also recommended by my acupuncturist. Apparently it's a small enough dosage not to harm you. ⠀ ⠀ So here's what I take. #IVFsisters, what supplements do you take, if any? ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ #ivf #ivfsisters #ivfcommunity #fertility #infertility #infertilityawareness #infertilitysucks #ivfsupport #ivfjourney #iui #iuijourney #health #infertilitywarrior #fertilityawareness #hormones #healthy #ttc#ttcsupport (at Mission District, San Francisco)

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Happy #nationalwineday to all my #ivfsisters! (BTW this Benziger Cabernet Sauvignon is delicious) #youdeserveit (at Mission District, San Francisco)

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Getting back into the fertility game means a renewed focus on diet and nutrition. Tonight I made chicken bone broth with organic chicken drumsticks, goji berries and ginger. I prefer to double boil the chicken because it retains the flavor better. #ivf #ivfsisters #ivfcommunity #fertility #infertility #infertilityawareness #infertilitysucks #ivfsupport #ivfjourney #iui #iuijourney #health #infertilitywarrior #fertilityawareness #hormones #healthy #ttc#ttcsupport (at San Francisco, California)

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Hi there, what’s new?⠀ ⠀ It’s been quite the experience since my last post on March 1 (!!!). I started this account to document my fertility journey. Things barely got started when life threw me in for a surprise. I conceived naturally and was pregnant in early March. What started off as hope soon turned into joy, and my husband and I thought the universe was finally giving us a lucky break! ⠀ ⠀ Sadly, the baby lost its heartbeat on April 5 when I went in for the week 8 ultrasound. What started off as joy quickly turned into the worst feeling in the world. Because my body didn’t recognize the baby’s death, I had to get a manual uterine aspiration procedure to surgically remove the baby. ⠀ ⠀ Needless to say, it has been a difficult journey. Two weeks ago I barely made it out of the bedroom door. Sometimes I would cry endlessly while the feelings of grief over consumed my body. Infertility and miscarriages are tough on all of us, women and men. My husband hasn’t slept well since the incident happened.⠀ ⠀ Today I want to reach out to all the parents who are struggling with fertility and those who have suffered losses. I’m sorry for what you’re going through. I finally know how it feels (at least how an early miscarriage feels). Today I want to reach out and say you’re not alone. Today I want to remind myself that I’m not alone.⠀ ⠀ The image that you see here is our baby at 6 weeks when things were progressing well. Despite all of the agony, the act of creating life is a beautiful experience. I'm broken at the moment, but I haven't given up on the fight, and I don't want to give up. I hope all of us will get a chance to participate in nature’s toughest act.⠀ ⠀ #ivf #ivfsisters #ivfcommunity #fertility #infertility #infertilityawareness #infertilitysucks #ivfsupport #ivfjourney #iui #iuijourney #health #infertilitywarrior #fertilityawareness #hormones #healthy #ttc#ttcsupport #miscarriage #miscarriageawareness (at San Francisco, California)

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"Caring for myself is not self indulgence, it is self preservation, and that is an act of political warfare." -Andre Lorde⠀ ⠀ #ivf #ivfsisters #ivfcommunity #fertility #infertility #infertilityawareness #infertilitysucks #ivfsupport #ivfjourney #iui #iuijourney #health #infertilitywarrior #fertilityawareness #hormones #healthy #ttc#ttcsupport (at San Francisco, California)

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According to my acupuncturist, the luteal phase is a good time to fuel up on chicken. Why? Chicken generates "warm" energy, and the luteal phase is all about creating higher temperatures to help hold a (hopefully!) pregnancy. Yesterday I marinaded boneless organic chicken thighs with cilantro, coconut aminos, sesame oil and garlic for a few hours, then stir-fried the meat. I served the chicken with braised collard greens (dark green leafy veggie!) for a yummy and healthy dinner. #youarewhatyoueat #fertilityfoodjournal⠀ ⠀ #ivf #ivfsisters #ivfcommunity #fertility #infertility #infertilityawareness #infertilitysucks #ivfsupport #ivfjourney #iui #iuijourney #health #infertilitywarrior #fertilityawareness #hormones #healthy #ttc#ttcsupport (at San Francisco, California)

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Roasted oxtails for this week's bone broth! #warmthoseovaries #bonebrothforfertility #fertilityfoodjournal⠀ ⠀ ⠀ #ivf #ivfsisters #ivfcommunity #fertility #infertility #infertilityawareness #infertilitysucks #ivfsupport #ivfjourney #iui #iuijourney #health #infertilitywarrior #fertilityawareness #hormones #healthy #ttc#ttcsupport (at San Francisco, California)

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The weather was gorgeous today! Went out for a run. According to my acupuncturist, I should exercise to feel good, but I should not over do it. Otherwise the blood will flow to the muscles instead of the ovaries/uterus. (at Mission Dolores Park)