I’ve been thinking a lot about whether or not I would share more of hubby and my journey to get pregnant so far, but I think I need to.
We’ve been trying since the end of April, and it’s now the beginning of October. And….nothing. I’ve taken a ton of tests and been broken every single time. Even if I knew it wouldn’t be positive, I still wept and got angry and cursed anyone who was listening for making me feel this way.
All I’ve ever wanted was to be a good wife and a good mother. I feel like in a lot of ways I already am a mother to babies who don’t yet exist because I love them ferociously. I dream about their little fingers and toes and I imagine where I would put the bassinet and I’ve planned their nursery. But no matter how hard I try, I haven’t been able to will them into existence yet.
I’m on my first round of a medication to help me ovulate, but I’m honestly not hopeful. Anyone who knows me knows that I’m full of hope, that I bleed optimism and positivity. But I’ve been burned by my body too many times in the last several months to muster hope that this time I’ll see two lines on the stick.
For anyone else going through infertility or having trouble conceiving, you truly aren’t alone, even when you feel it most. I’ve written about my feelings regarding my desire for a baby, so please let me know if you’d like me to post it.
I know this isn’t my normal feedism content, but I felt that it was important to share this. Please be kind to others, you never know what they might be going through 💖
