i've gotta be me

hey guys. it's me, Finn Hudson. Parts technician, dad to my awesome son, Liam.

[thefinnh]

mercymejones​:

She nodded. “No expectations just a fun night. Sounds good to me.” She followed him inside and laughed. “Oh I get dinner and a movie. See now you are spoiling me!” She teased. “But if it is Liam approved then I can not wait to try it. And if you like I can teach you an easy way to make sloppy joes and fries, I know for a fact the kids in the class love them. And it will add to your list of things you can make.” She didn’t know why but the moment they really got to talking all her nerves went away. It wasn’t like she had thought Finn was going to make things awkward it was just you never knew how things like that went, and they were exes so nothing good came from that sometimes. She was glad that Finn at least understood that right now they had to get to know each other again.  

“Of course,” Finn said nonchalantly with a soft smile, pulling out a chair for her. If there was one thing his mom had scorched into his brain, it was the small, polite gestures that made all the difference when it came to dating. Not that this was a date if they didn’t want it to be, but it still mattered to treat your guest with respect and hospitality. When Mercedes sat down, he filled their glasses with water first, thinking it was a safe choice to start with. “I have a bottle of wine somewhere if you wanna have it too,” he chuckled, taking a seat opposite her. “Well, dig in. I hope you like it.”

[thefinnh]

mercymejones​:

When Mercedes was finally able to get out of the car, she smiled being greeted by Finn. Why did he have to look so damn good every time she saw him. Why did her heart have to skip a beat, like she was back in College, in love and on top of the world? She knew the answer, it was because she still loved him. That was her shame, that she was still in love with the man who broke her heart. Smiling at Finn she chewed her bottom lip. “Thank you.” She said stepping into Finn’s place. “I’m sorry for staying in the car I was just…” She sighed turning towards him. She didn’t lie to him before she wouldn’t lie now.  “I was nervous. I know we are just hanging out or whatever but with us, its never just handing out you know? Its always something more lingering in the air.” She looked away from him, trying to figure out the best excuse to use if Finn told her that she was being ridiculous to think there was anything other than friendship hanging around. 

Finn was taken aback by how amazing Mercedes looked. She always looked amazing no matter what she wore or how much effort she had put into her appearance, but something about the way that dress looked on her just had him nearly floored. She definitely had remembered what he liked seeing her in, and he was curious to know if it was an intentional choice by her. “No worries. And yeah, I got you. I’m not gonna lie - I’m a little nervous too,” he admitted with a light chuckle. “But no expectations, okay? We’re just gonna chill.” He couldn’t tell if she thought it was a good or bad thing that there was something more between them, but he surely hoped that she was considering it to be a good thing. Neutral, at least. “I did make us dinner though. It’s Liam approved,” he laughed as he guided her to the kitchen, gesturing to the dinner table with the spaghetti and meatballs already plated. “Just happens to be the only thing I truly can make without messing up.”

[mercymejones]

Movie Night || Finncedes

To say Mercedes was nervous, would be an understatement. She wasn’t sure what tonight was. Was it just two friends hanging out? Two exes rekindling something? Or just a teacher spending time with her students father? As much as she wanted to cancel, she didn’t because it was far too late for that. So instead she spent three hours trying to find the perfect outfit. One that said that she and Finn were hanging just for fun instead of the pressure filled one. So she wore a purple and pink tie dye jersey dress iwth a Jean jacket. The dress clung to her curves in a way she knew Finn used to love, but the tennis shoes and light makeup showed it was just hanging and not serious enough to constitute a date, at least she thought so.

Heading to Finn’s place, she stayed in her car for an extra ten minutes trying to get all of her nerves out. The way she and Finn ended was hard on her and if she fell back down the rabbit hole of loving Finn Hudson again, and he hurt her, she wouldn’t be able to deal with that. So it was decided she would keep her distance as best she could she would give him friendship, but nothing more, and she hoped that was enough. She also hoped her heart understood that as well.

@thefinnh

[thefinnh]

Finn had worked up the courage to ask Mercedes out for a while now--although he wasn’t being particular about it being an actual date. Either way, he wanted to test the waters because he was the one who broke her heart all those years ago after all, and he didn’t want to do anything she was uncomfortable with. Seeing her again lately had sparked some feelings in him, though he wasn’t sure what it was exactly. All he knew was that he wanted to get to know her again, make up for lost time and for the things he had done in the past. Once he sent Liam off to his mom’s, he started cleaning the house as quickly as he could and put on a plaid shirt and some jeans to look somewhat presentable, but still casual enough for a movie night.

While he hadn’t specified a dinner happening, he felt it was only right to provide some food for the both of them as Mercedes was already making the effort to come all the way over, so he whipped out the only dish he had truly perfected--and only because it was Liam’s favorite--spaghetti and meatballs. He was nervous, and once he started setting the table, it truly kicked in. Why was he so nervous? This was just going to be the two of them hanging out, talking and hopefully having a chill time. He’d lie if he said he didn’t want anything more to happen, but again, just testing the waters. Looking out the kitchen window, he saw Mercedes’ car standing outside, slowly walking over to the entrance door to welcome her when she was ready to step out of the car. “Hey, Mercedes. Welcome to the Hudson’s,” he finally said, gesturing for her to come in.

[thefinnh]

text messages 📱finncedes

Mercy: Okay its a date then!

Mercy: I mean not a date but you know what I mean.

Finn: Haha yeah, gotcha. Can't wait :)

[thefinnh]

text messages 📱finncedes

Mercy: Friday is perfect, can I bring anything?

Finn: Just your best self ;) I got snacks, food and drinks covered. And movies, of course.

[thefinnh]

text messages 📱finncedes

Mercy: Yeah well like I tell me kids, everyday you are learning so everyday you get better

Mercy: Thats a good way of thinking about it.

Mercy: Sure, just tell me when

Finn: Friday good for you?

[thefinnh]

text messages 📱finncedes

Mercy: hey at least you aren't totally clueless!

Mercy: Well the most Challenging things are worth the most.

Mercy: Um sure that sounds good. Since you have Liam we can do a Movie night if you want.

Finn: I do have my moments. It's all a huge learning curve.

Finn: Yeah, for sure. Try my best not to take those stuff for granted, especially if I ever get another kid.

Finn: Yeah, that'd be awesome. My place?

[thefinnh]

text messages 📱finncedes

Mercy: Yeah that is why I send home suggestions and things for families to do.

Mercy: I am sure he is just happy to be with you, and I am sure you got it down now. I saw you while we were camping, I saw how you taught him and were so patient. Not all parents are like that.

Mercy: Oh. Really?

Finn: Yeah, I saw them too. Genius idea for clueless parents like me, hahaha.

Finn: Thanks for saying that. I always try to be patient. It's been a challenge for sure.

Finn: Yeah, we can catch a movie or just grab a cup of coffee? Anything you want :) It was really nice talking to you and catching up with you at the camp, but we didn't have that many opportunities to just sit down and talk about ourselves, you know?

[thefinnh]

text messages 📱finncedes

Mercy: With his imagination I am sure that won't be a problem.

Mercy: Ha I know there is a story there! What happened?

Mercy: I guess, gets kinda lonely but I always manage.

Finn: Yeah, for sure.

Finn: I obviously don't have that much experience parenting, so last year I didn't even think that I had to take time off work to, you know, go do stuff and have a whole week planned out with him on those longer breaks... Thought it was gonna be fine to have him stay with his grandma during the day and have a normal evening with him when I got back from work.

Finn: But I didn't know he was growing more and more restless and apparently the neighboring kid had been bragging about seeing all the animals in the world at the zoo and he cried for about two days about it because I couldn't take him. Was the most exhausting week of my life.

Finn: If you don't mind, I'd like to keep you company sometime. If you're free, of course.

[thefinnh]

text messages 📱finncedes

MERCY: Thats great!

MERCY: Lol well there are fun things he can do at home that will make all the difference

MERCY: Okay that is how you do a vacation. It sounds like you guys are all set.

MERCY: Not really, just going to do nothing which isn't as fun as it sounds lol

FINN: He'd have to settle with the backyard and his toys, haha.

FINN: Yeah, I learned the hard way that you can't have a break or a vacation without going on some kind of adventure outside the neighborhood...

FINN: It seems like you're doing a lot when you're working, so maybe nothing is good, huh?

[thefinnh]

text messages 📱finncedes

MERCY: Hey Finn!

MERCY: I am glad you and Liam came and enjoyed yourself! Are you looking forward to the break next week?

FINN: We definitely did.

FINN: Yeah, I don't think Liam's looking forward to it because he's starting to like himself at school, haha.

FINN: I only managed to get half the week off from work, so we're probably just gonna go to the zoo one day and chill for the other days I'm off.

FINN: You got any plans for next week?

[thefinnh]

text messages 📱finncedes

FINN: Hey.

FINN: Thanks for suggesting to join the camping trip, it was a blast.

[thefinnh]

mercymejones​:

With the bus ride continuing and the kids enjoying laughing and playing, Mercedes found herself beginning to feeling the pangs of familiarity with Finn. They spent so much of their time together, so much of their lives. And now after all these years it was still so very easy to fall back into that habit with him. So very easy that for a moment, just one she was tempted to lean in and kiss him the way she used to do when he got nervous around her. Biting her bottom lip she was glad the bus came to a stop. That ride up there was a lot for anyone especially her. As they all stepped off the bus, Teacher mode set in and they split all the kids up, got to know the area and prepared for the day.

As night began to fall it wasn’t hard to see how much Finn truly adored his son. He was right there by Liam’s side discovering all the different things of nature, exploring and not even worrying about getting dirty just like the rest of them. Even during the camp fire seeing them together it warmed her heart. She always knew he would be a great dad. After doing her checks and noting all the campers were fast asleep, Mercedes found herself sitting outside the cabin, staring at the stars thinking about what ifs. And for a moment giving in to the thought that she and Finn were here together with his son acting like a family even though they were not.

Finn didn’t expect the bus trip to come to an end so quickly - he truly felt like he had reconnected with Mercedes, and it exceeded his expectations by miles. In a way, it almost seemed like nothing had changed between them, but as the bus stopped and Mercedes put on her teacher hat, reality kicked in and he realized that it actually was the first time in years that they had been so open towards each other. He left the bus with a grin on his face, hopeful for the weekend.

The camping trip was more exhausting than he realized, but he was not only dealing with Liam, he was dealing with a handful of kids on top of that. Still, he had a blast engaging in activities with his son, getting in that father-son time while getting to see him interact with other children and making friends. It was a particular bonus to experience everything with Mercedes around as one of the main providers and authority figures for the kids. She was amazing with kids, truly beyond his abilities, and it made him happy to see her do something she loved. He couldn’t help but think of what it would be like to have a big family with Mercedes - kids running around, outdoorsy trips, watching her sing lullabies to their children... The more he thought about it, the more he wanted that. And maybe it was time to do something about it.

[thefinnh]

mercymejones​:

Mercedes listened to Finn and nodded. She never understood why he left, why they were so happy, so in love and then they just weren’t. Hearing his confession it did lay a lot of her concerns and pain to rest. She turned his face to hers looking into his beautiful brown eyes. “Finn, I wish you could have told me. I wish you could have trusted me enough to tell me how you felt. You are…” She stopped hesitating for a moment realizing what she said. “You were every thing to me Finn, I think I deserved that much. But its better now than ever…and at least I know now.” She sat back and smiled at his compliment and blushed. “A good one? What exactly does that mean?”

For a moment, Finn felt a little insecure, but kind of glad that Mercedes seemed so composed about his confession. “I wish I told you too,” he admitted sheepishly, a nervous chuckle escaping his lips. “But I told you now, didn’t I?” His tone was playful, but it was truly a shame he didn’t face her earlier regarding that. One of his biggest weaknesses was to let his insecurity get the best of him, often making bad decisions based on it. He felt a blush creep on his face when she talked about her past feelings for him, wondering if there would ever be a time where she’d feel like that again. Possibly because he was slowly starting to catch feelings again. “You’re just,” he paused for a second to actually think about what he wanted to say, something he rarely did. “You’re one of the good ones, you know? Your heart is always in the right place, you make people happy and you put good things out in the world, so you deserve to get good things back.” He laughed nervously as he spoke, rubbing his neck when he didn’t know what to do with his hands. 

[thefinnh]

mercymejones​:

Mercedes shook her head. “Finn I forgave you a long time ago, because if I didn’t I would have let that hurt and anger consume me. We were young and in school and you realized that you just didn’t want me.” She looked at him. “Stop it, at least you told me why you were dumping me. Some girls, they don’t even get that consideration. You could have just left me with no words.” She said. No matter how they ended she didn’t want him to feel bad, it was years ago. She reach for his hand. “Its okay we survive and move on. Thats life.”

Finn shook his head slightly, his gaze fixated on Mercedes. “That’s not true,” he denied, the tone in his voice a little sad, if not disappointed. “I was just scared I would hold you back if we kept dating after graduation. I felt like I wasn’t good enough for you.” It was probably the first time he truly admitted that to her--to anyone, in fact. It felt like a stupid excuse, but that was really how he felt back then. It remained a lingering regret ever since. “I would never do anything like breaking up with someone without talking to them. I know what that feels like now and it sucks.” He had learned so much about communication during his relationship with Mercedes, because God knows how bad he was at it before he met her. And while he hoped to take all those great lessons and bring them forward to his next relationship, it seemed like his partner wasn’t as willing to do the same. He couldn’t help but smile when he felt her hand on his, squeezing it lightly back. “You’re a good one, Cedes. You really are.”

[thefinnh]

mercymejones​:

Mercedes looked out the window as the bus drove on, why wasn’t this weirder? Why was talking to Finn easy, when back then she could barely look at him? She didn’t know but she was happy they could at least have this. Even before they dated they were friends, maybe they could get back to that. She did miss him, and maybe he was back in her life for a reason. She laughed at his words. “I guess that is why I haven’t, after you I just had a hard time dating, it took some time to get over that hurt.” she said truthfully. “We were supposed to have a future you know? And everyone else just seemed… wrong. But things are looking up so at least there is that.”

Finn always admired the way she always was honest no matter how abrasive or hard-hitting it was. It was a trait he definitely didn’t have and something that he was very taken aback with when dating Mercedes. He quickly learned to appreciate it because it meant that he almost always knew what she was thinking. “I’m sorry things didn’t work out between us back then,” he apologized, uncomfortable with the thought that he had left that kind of pain that lasted long. “You deserved better than getting the treatment I gave you when we broke up. But I feel you. It took me a while to get used to not having you in my life.” Thankfully, somehow the universe had led them back together, and maybe that meant something. “Wow, I feel like such a dick.”

[thefinnh]

mercymejones​:

Mercedes  listened to him and frowned, no matter how much she may have wanted Finn to hurt when they broke up but she would never want that hurt to affect his son. Liam didn’t deserve that, and neither did Finn, after a while she only wanted the best for him. “If it makes you feel any better then you should know he doesn’t seem to be lacking anything. He is as smart and outgoing as those other kids.”  At his words she shrugged. “I mean I am happy, I love my job, I love these kids. But when it comes to my personal life, it hasn’t progressed as much as yours did. But I can’t complain I still have time to be a mom and have a family.”

Finn couldn’t help but feel taken aback by the genuine sympathy Mercedes was exuding. As he recalled it, their break-up weren’t amicable, and he was certain she wouldn’t ever talk to him again. But somehow, through everything, she had been nothing but kind and open to him, only showing how great of a person she really was. It made him wonder if he didn’t make that irrational, fear-filled decision to let go of her that senior year, she would be Liam’s mom and they’d be one happy family. “I’m pretty proud of what he’s starting to become,” Finn mused, his gaze wandering over to his son a few rows ahead, smiling contently to himself. “I was almost sure you were married or something like that when I saw you again. You always had your life together more than I did. Not that I have my life together at all.”