John Allerdyce. 19. Pyrokinetic. I'd say that I'll try not to burn you, but that'll be a lie. Mutant and proud and not going to change that for the world.
Back from hell and… it felt like everything had changed. Really, John had not expected that. He wasn’t sure what he had expected, but it hadn’t involved a disgusting human getting between him and Illyana (for that was what it felt like). It hadn’t even included Illyana being hurt (for John had not been able to picture her being hurt, but hurt she had been, and it was a thought that his mind stuttered upon and was unable to fully comprehend).
Nor had it included him playing video games with someone who, before hell, he hadn’t been able to be in the same room as for five minutes before they tried to beat one another to kingdom come.
The only bit that did seem to fit into his understanding of the world was the fact that Kebira Shirk was, to put it bluntly, kicking his arse. He wasn’t someone who was good at computer games (after all, it was not like he’d really had the chance to practise). Being beaten by someone in a way that didn’t actually hurt, that was somewhat refreshing.
There was also the fact that, while he still didn’t like the other mutant, he disliked that human so much more than it almost felt nice to spend time with her.
And it was distracting, which was always a good thing.
“Oh come on!” he said, pouting and throwing the controller down as his little cart, once again, exploded into a fancy shower of sparkles and stars that mocked him through the screen. “You have to be cheating. I’m fucking shit, but I’m not this bad!”
“Fire holds so much power. It controls, corrupts, gives new life. There are times when I think it’s beautiful. I’m beautiful. But then everything I love turns to ash.”
That was the thought that was almost ruling the mind of John Allerdyce now, as he stood before a non-descript building with wide eyes and nervous fingers dancing over the metal casing of his lighter; too wracked to even fumble the lid upon for a snapping close.
This is a mistake...
Illyana would be angry at him. Raven would be angry at him, even Cassie would be angry at him. If any of them found out that he was here… the result would not be pleasant (to the part of his mind which ignored the whispers that said that none of them actually cared, at least). The result would be nasty and painful and not something he wanted at all, except…
Except it could also be wonderful.
He had not snuck out of the school under the guise of going into the city, and then snuck away further and bought and bribed his way into truck cabs to carry him across state after state in as short a time as possible, for nothing. He had not done all of that (had not broken his promise, had not let desperation win, had not traded in that which was not his to give) for a bad result.
He had done it based off a small flicker of hope. Hope that had started as a mere idea and bloomed into a fireball that roared within him, and hope that was the only sustenance he had consumed in days, but which was yet still enough to drive him forwards.
No, he was not meant to be here. But at the same time… he had to be.
John had told Illyana, in one of the many messages he had left on her answering phone (for he still kept ringing it, still kept calling, for the hope that she would one day answer never fled from his heart), that he was going to come and find her. He had told her that he would reach into hell himself in order to pull her out, and he would. Just, perhaps, with the Idea… the hell he would delve into would not be the hell in which she was trapped.
Perhaps the hell would be in the form of the man who he knew dwelled just the other side of the wall before him. He didn’t care if it was. That had been a startling realisation… this may be a bad thing, and the results may be bad, and this might be his own brand of hell, but… he didn’t care.
How could he care about things that only focussed on himself when this (this place, this wall, this man) might be the only way to get Yana back?
He couldn’t.
And so he took a few steps forward, then raised a hand (the hand with the lighter in; metal on skin providing a sense of safety that should not belong, not when the last time he had been in a situation like this and metal had been near his flesh it hadn’t been comforting at all), and pushed open the simple door before him. A moment later, he plucked up the tattered remains of his courage, and stepped through; barely even flinching when the door swung shut behind him.
“I need your help,” he called out into the darkness, voice weaker than he had intended and filled with the nerves he was trying to hide. Though then he paused, and frowned, frowned to himself in the dark, before…amending that. He had planned a speech about that, had rehearsed the words, the words which begged for help (for after the journey, John had no shame left, not for this)… but now they were foolish. For while that had been true, the act of talking about himself… it would not be enough. John would be a fool to think that it ever could be.
“She needs your help.”
A breath in the darkness, a flutter against his skin, the pulse of the lighter in his hand and the fight to stop the trembles that threatened to burst forth.
Cassie: For the record, my apology wasn't sarcastic. You're not evil, you know I wouldn't call you that if I hadn't been pissy. You're not evil, just like we're not crazy.
Cassie: Take the class. You have every right to be skeptical, but I wouldn't have told you about it if I didn't think it would get your mind off half the crap going on.
John: No. It was passive aggressive and it was not on. We're not crazy, and I'm not evil, but sometimes you can be a blunt little bitch.
John: I wish I didn't actually trust you sometimes, you know that? If it had been anyone else suggesting this I would have told them to shove it where the sun doesn't shine right up. But it's /you/.
Cassie: Fine, I admit that using evil was a really poor choice of words. Especially to you. Super insensitive, my bad. The team that you were on involved terrorist plots and threats when evaluated around the general population of victims. You were on a team that sure, made decisions that you agree with, but that hurt large numbers of innocent people otherwise. I don't judge you or hold it against you, we all do what we have to. Facts, however, are facts.
Cassie: If you think causing explosions and burning everyone to a crisp is how you're gunna make the world a better place, fine. Knock yourself out. Feel free to stick with what you've been taught and refuse to learn different, perhaps healthier and happier methods of thinking and living. Stick to your burning everyone who gives you a dirty look and I'll admit that I was totally wrong about you.
Cassie: I'd never expect you to do anything you don't support or believe in. That's wrong. I thought you'd want a chance to try a class that would actually help you with going out on your own. But hey, if you don't want to go out anymore, fine.
Cassie: I don't want to argue anymore. I don't like fighting with my friends, so unless this takes a drastic turn I'm just gunna stop replying. I don't want some dumb feud with you.
John: My girlfriend's in hell and I don't even know whether she can be called that any more because of a fucking prick who's back from the dead, and my one fucking friend in this fucking place is acting like she's trying to recruit me to a class run by the team who have tried multiple times to kill me in the past, and I'm actually considering it because part of my wants to end it in regards to my life as well. So yeah. Grumpy. Whoopee. How the fuck am I meant to be right now?
John: Seriously, if you could tell me it'd be a load of help because right now I'm just angry and my head is seriously killing me right now. D'ya have any aspirin?
John: But you're a real fucking arse sometimes, you know that? I mean, wow. Way to sound fucking sarcastic. Seriously. You deserve a medal or something for that pile of passive aggressive bullshit you've just piled on me.
John: Tell you what, are you busy now? Because I can come and show you the scars I have on my body if you want. Counted them, before Erik got me and the ones which aren't from my own flames. I'll see if you can guess how many of them came from a non-human, and then wonder whether the word 'evil' really applies to me.
John: There's no such thing as an innocent person. People died, so what? Mutants died because the x men couldn't be bothered to get off their arses and stop humans thinking they had the right to kill them, but you don't see anyone crying about them.
John: How is a classroom taught lesson about going out at night wearing a mask and stringing up a mugger or two meant to make the world a better place when burning a building full of them wouldn't? Go on. Tell me that as well. Honestly, I'm listening.
John: After all, fuck that about not learning. If I wanted to go back to that life I would have gone and found Erik again the moment Yana went but I fucking didn't. And I said I'd give it a go, didn't I? If it turns out to be how you're saying and not how I think it is, I might actually forgive you for being such a dick. If it turns out to be useful or even good I might even say sorry for the shit I'm saying now.
Cassie: Actually I was attempting to make a joke about my own ability to string thoughts together but OBVIOUSLY it didn't work.
Cassie: Not once did I deny the fact that the team meant something to you. I know how much a team can mean to a person, but I also know how to look at a situation and actions objectively. I respect the loyalty and love you have for your team, wherever they fall on the moral compass. I'm not here to have a long debate about good and evil and the gray areas.
Cassie: And stop using the X-Men as a way to discredit me, especially since I'm not an X-Man anymore, fun fact. I'm not asking you to cozy up to mutant haters and frankly I'm peeved that you think I would cozy up to them in the first place. ALSO peeved you would think that I'd force you to do something you don't want to do, ever. Seriously, you do remember you're talking to me, literal hug bug? Seriously John.
Cassie [unsent]: You know I'm a homo sapien right? Genetically, I am homo sapien and its shit like THIS why I think you need someone older to teach you. STOP with your hatred at first glance and
Cassie: It's not about the spandex or taking down every stock bad guy. It's about knowing what you believe in and taking action to keep those beliefs in line. It's about keeping innocent people safe that deserve to be safe. I would NEVER ask you to go against a mutant hater, even if they friggen single handedly ended world hunger. I wouldn't do that. I'm your friend and that would be like asking me to shake hands with the guy that killed my dad.
Cassie: But you bet your ass I'll call out a friend when I think they need it. Tough love, Sparky. Literal hug bug still stings.
John: You suck at jokes.
John: I see. Tell you what, hint for the future; if you actually want me to /believe/ that you mean that crap and you're not here to debate good and bad and that shit with me, how about you /not/ refer to them as being 'super evil' in the first place?
John: I mean, seriously Cassie? Way to play the double fucking standards.
John: I wasn't using them to discredit you, though kudos on you seeing some fucking sense and getting out of them. I was using that as an example for how little I believe in this shit you are spinning about this class. The headmistress of this school is a fucking X Man, am I supposed to believe that there are any classes taught here that don't try to preach their fucking ideals in one way or another?
John: Didn't think you'd force me. Didn't think you ever could. Also, I said nothing about not wanting to face mutants haters. Sure, send me at them. I'll go against them. I'll burn them to a crisp, it wouldn't be the first time, would it? But I'm not /saving/ them. Fuck that. The world has too many of them already, they can die for all I care. Someone who bullies on mutants deserves everything that they get and if this class is going to be about how 'everyone is innocent and everyone deserves a chance' then you can count me out.
John: No one's innocent Cassie. Not in this fucking world.
John: Call me out all you fucking want, I ain't a hero and I ain't going to put my neck on the line to save pieces of shit that deserve what's coming to them. I'd rather continue what I'm doing and just burn those who try to strike at me first.
Cassie: Okay can you take your attitude from a ten to like a five?? And no, they're not.
Cassie: This class doesn't just cover butt kicking. There are PLENTY of classes here that cover butt kicking. It covers the morals and dilemmas and problems around what people like me do.
Cassie: Spending time in a largely evil super team proves absolutely nothing other than you can take orders. So do ants, congrats. If I wanted someone to mindlessly take orders, Id get a bunch more ants.
Cassie: NOW. I shared this info because you're my friend and I trust you enough to take you out on the streets but that's gunna end of you don't bother to make like 50% of an effort to move on from that evil super team and realize there's more to this life than kicking ass and taking names. It's about hard decisions and strategy and careful thinking. So get your head out of the fireplace and either make the effort to grow from the evil super team or don't. If you're gunna, I want to help.
[two minutes later]
Cassie: I got mean, I'm sorry. I want you on my side, REALLY on my side. I trust you, but if you keep pushing away attempts to move on then you're just going to sit in the same place. Take it from the self-mutilating idiot.
John: What? You were being fucking patronising.
[five minutes later]
John: Yeah. You got mean. Congrats for crossing a line there.
John: Just because Erik (AND LOOK I DIDN'T CALL HIM SIR TAKE THAT FOR NOT MOVING ON) went batshit crazy it doesn't mean that the team was super fucking evil. That 'team' was my fucking life, and members of that team saved my life when I got in over my head, so you can take your view that has been warped by the human loving bunch of x dorks and stuff it in regards to that.
John: And if you think I'm going to dress up in matching spandex like the x-fuckers and sit in a classroom to learn about methods of saving humans or preserving the lives of homo sapien scumbags who would happily shoot me down or cage me up, you can forget it.
John: But if it's not all that, I'll think about it.
[two minutes later]
John: I'm no hero, Cassie. Fuck it I don't even know why you're asking me; it's not like people here would /let/ me. If they knew I snuck out at night they'd probably lock me in until Yana gets back.
John: I'm not like you or Yana and I'm definately not like the spandex clad moron brigade. I just like setting fire to people who are made of shit. So hey, if this class will let me do that then brilliant. I'll do it and plan nicely as well and play along like I care, and I'll take down bad humans.
John: I just won't go out of my way to save those you might consider to be good.
Cassie: Well, there's one I really really super really want you to go to. For reasons.
Cassie: Reasons being that this class is a vigilantism class and I think you should take it.
Cassie: Mainly because it'll help. You know, for those times when I ask for your help in the city and stuff? ;)
Cassie: (Please tell me you're catching my drift)
John: I'm not that fucking stupid, Cassie. Caught your drift and am sailing on it.
John: Urgh I cannot believe I just sent you a water metaphor what the hell is wrong with me.
John: Seriously though? They are giving lessons in how to kick the arses of people that you don't like and get away with it without a silly spandex costume? I've been doing that for fucking years. Why would this be any different when I can just keep sneaking out anyway?
John: not that I've been going out without you much at all, forget I said that.
I am [deleted]Agent Grant[/deleted] Sean Grant and I’m here at Clint Barton’s request to teach Marksmanship Theory and Beginner’s Archery, among other things. As you can see I’m new here, but I’ll be answering your questions for a while.
I may not have the softest touch
I may not say the words as such
Though I may not look like much
I’m yours
Though my edges may be rough
I’ll never feel I’m quite enough
It may not seem like very much
But I’m yours
germansingergirl
janainaart
romaincrisis
ellievsbear
stormborns
2087
snowghoul
