Brain Wrinkles 19
Feeling like i'm being constantly used or left by people who I think love me and care about me but it's mostly my fault.
My first online best friend left me. She's no longer alive. She blamed me for her death the day before. It was my fault, I wasn't there for her like she needed. In return, I think my punishment is exactly that.
I could blame my mother for lying to me when she said my friend could move in with us because she needed to get out of her situation and have a fresh start. We started the process, talked to my friends mother and her probation officer. She had been hanging with some bad kids, she wanted out and we wanted to see each other. It was going to happen. My mom said no last minute. My friend was just a child, lost and needing help. I had no say. I got depressed and stopped talking to my friend as much. That was a mistake.
My parents used me for emotional support. I was my parents therapist before I even knew what it meant to get therapy. My mother took me to get therapy finally at age 18 but guilted me about how she never got to get therapy herself and that she needed it more than me. She made me feel like it was my fault that she's not getting therapy.
I stopped going eventually. She didn't care, never tried to get me the help I needed.
I deserved that.
It's my fault.
