I'm a slut for potato salad @seedscraver - Tumblr Blog

thepowergame-deactivated2015091

happy watermelon soup day yall

i always loved how eggman was so obsessed with himself

like he was making a speech about blowing up the earth and he had like a bunch of self compliments going along in the background

knuckles-the-himbo-deactivated2

I know these are probably the worded the way they are because some Japanese person wrote them but they make me laugh so much.

They’re written like positive affirmations you’d write on sticky notes to paste on your bathroom mirror when you’re depressed.

thomas-is-my-name

I am great.

I am smart.

I am valid.

I WILL piss on the moon.

lawfulgood

spidersonline

I was in a group interview for a petsmart once, and this girl who had bullied me at our past job was there. We were all told to go around the circle and say why we wanted to work there. All of us sensible folks answered with generic interview stuff like “I love animals” and “I admire the help this company gives to shelters” and all that… then the bully spoke up.

I think of my life as having occurred in four parts. The first part closed with the revelation that songs on the radio are in fact pre recorded and the artists are not being summoned to the station with dark magic every time someone requests their song. The second divider was the first time I tasted custard pie. And the event that launched me here, into the most surreal and disjointed phase of my life, was this girl’s answer to the fateful question “why do you want to work at petsmart?”

And the answer

I shit you not…

“I have a reptile fetish.”

The silence after that statement… the hopelessness, the confusion, the despair in that silence, it fundamentally changed me as a human being. I witnessed cosmic justice at its darkest and its coldest. The universe is powerful, the universe is vengeful, and the universe is merciless.

frogitivity

Welcome to Build-a-Frog!

Click here to enter

we-willbe-thin

gUyS please click the link you won’t regret it

mylifeisasimplething

I love this so much..

forestlion

trashboat

dollar store got wise and started charging for broom handles and the broom head, trying to charge me $5 for the whole deal, 3 for the handle and 2 for the head.

i said fuck that because while they thought they were getting smart, they were dumb enough to write that they had over 1500 different products on the front of the store, which tells me that the cashier who works for close to minimum wage is n e v e r checking up on what each individual item costs and how it’s sold

so i put the broom handle and matching head together and kept my hand on the handle, a subtle move to hide the second barcode, saving me three dollars, and the confidence to walk out like i own the place

trashboat

me, in the housewares aisle trying to think 19 moves ahead and exactly what my alibi will be for the police: