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Note to My Suicidal Self from Myself
Written on Nov. 1 2016, Tuesday at 11:36 AM
“I will not become an angel if I put the judgement upon my hands. At least I want to do the right thing when I die. At least I have something to be proud of when I meet God.“
Gives me life
Idk why but this is beautiful~ xD
God’s compassion for the suicidal
In 1 Kings 19:4-14 Elijah feels suicidal, and tells God to take his life.
God doesn’t get angry at Elijah.
He doesn’t tell him that he’s being silly, or that suicide won’t solve anything. He doesn’t freak out, nor does he ignore Elijah’s cry. God validates Elijah’s pain. Through an angel, God provides Elijah with food and water because Elijah is probably exhausted (he had fallen asleep under a tree after telling God that he wanted to die, and this was probably the safest thing at that point for Elijah). Getting to the point where you don’t want to live any more is an exhausting place to be. You cannot think of anything else other than wanting to end the pain.
Once he’d finished eating, Elijah lies down again. But God wants to continue validating Elijah, and continues to have compassion over him. He wants to be with Elijah during his crisis. He wants to keep Elijah safe. The angel comes back again (1 Kings 19:7) and this time adds (and validates) that the journey is too much for Elijah (1 Kings 19:8) and that he needed more food. Elijah was then able to move on and travel for forty days and nights to reach Horeb.
I really love 1 Kings 19:4-14. It tells us a lot about God. He cares about people who are suicidal – he is loving, gentle, patient, compassionate, and he knows what we need. He provides Elijah with physical, spiritual and emotional healing.
The church could probably learn a lot from the way God deals with Elijah. Suicidal thoughts are something which are incredibly common but the church doesn’t always deal with them in the best way. Often, suicidal thoughts are invalidated and ignored rather than validated and accepted.
The angel is gentle with Elijah. He doesn’t tell him to pray more, nor does he tell Elijah that suicide’s a sin or that he’s demon possessed. He doesn’t even tell Elijah to stop feeling suicidal – he simply tells Elijah to eat.
When you feel invalidated, remember that God validates you fully. He accepts and acknowledges how you feel, and he says it’s okay.
If you feel suicidal, I encourage you to reach out for emergency help.
My ask is also always open for people who need help.
This is so important.
Thank you for this ❤️
Life:Question
A man once asked me, "What do you want to do with your life?" It was the sincerest way a person had asked me this. More often, I am being mocked because I haven't really tried searching. But in him, I sensed that he wanted to help me. He knew I have something to give. He believed in me; but he was gone before I could finally start paying back that trust he bestowed upon me. As I look back to the question he threw before me, I realized that my answer was not the truest reply I had come up with. I was realistic back then, I was afraid to be laughed at for being so... bizarre. "I do not know. I couldn't even see my future, sir." were the words I really would want to tell him; but nobody would believe that, nobody will take that seriously, nobody would like that answer. It's vague. "What do you want to do with your life?" but am I allowed for an inquiry too? If I do then... "What do you think life wants with me too?
I can’t explain why or how it happens, some days I just wake up and I cannot find myself. Im not even sure where I go, I retreat so far inside my own head.
Lacee Rains (via wnq-writers)
reblog this if you ever cried of your parents caus they where so mad on you for just a little thing? and that you where freaking out than and crying in your bed?if you've experienced this reblog pleas
WHEN MOVING ON IS A JOURNEY; NOT A SPEEDY RECOVERY
"I'm so done with him. I can finally go meet some new people and find a better person for me," says a girl whose heart just got broken by her ex-boyfriend a week ago. And her words... lies to cover up what has been done. There are still nights she cries herself to sleep because she misses his soothing voice when he would try to calm her down due to the panic the day had caused her. Whilst her pillow acts as a substitute to the warmth of the body of the man she just lost. There are still moments she would reach out for her phone before she realizes that the name she thought would appear will never show itself on her phone's screen. The happiness she shared with her prince and the melancholy she once fought with a knight beside her had suddenly became a memory only for her. She knew it would haunt her, she knew she'll shed tears even after a long time of trying to forget what has been because the love that took them to a wonderful journey upholds such blissful memories but true enough she knew too it'll soon be just his memoir; not today when the wound he caused is still fresh just like the moments they shared. The love which was like a paradise had suddenly become just like a battlefield she must get out of. A long war where her only armor is her already tattered heart and her weapon is the remaining courage her gentle soul have and continues to the have stories about him despite of his absence. But she will get out of it alive. Yes, bruised; but breathing. She will found herself in a new place. Before she will realize that the wounds no longer hurt her and his memories are on the other side of the border.
To the People Who Love Me yet I've Let Down
I'm very sorry.
Please know that I’m not taking all of your heart for granted, I’m taking them all in, I live because of them, I still exist because you make me feel important in spite of how I turned into someone who’s so difficult to love.
Thank you for not neglecting.
I was born into this world, its land under my feet. I had always been walking, running, hopping, and gliding happily on it and with every single step I had always have a hand to guide me so I was never really afraid of falling. You all have given me all the fun, joy and the things that I probably don’t even deserve, you gave it all to me through the best of your capabilities; and with that, I truly feel gratified. But I did not grow up to be the kind of person you have pictured. It’s as if the bright future just suddenly darkened and dreams died.
Just because I don’t trust myself enough that I’m able to walk, run, hop and glide ON MY OWN. I am emotionally, physically, mentally dependent to your love that whenever I try to let go, I start to fall and lose. I’m weak, easily disheartened.
I fear not to be found.
My anxious heart continues to fret of disappointing all of you further but as my chaotic mind venture further for a way out of my unreasonable fear, my route keeps on getting steeper and narrower; it’s suffocating. It’s nobody’s fault, it’s mine; so as much as I can, I will try to crawl my way out of this obscurity, with my own hands.
I know I’m asking too much but I don’t know how long it will take me but please give me time… until I’m no longer the reason why you frown. I’m certain that day will come.
-AzukiBeanBun
[Short Story] ONUS
She finally left her room. That day was far different from the usual course. She woke up rather early that she didn’t miss her mother preparing breakfast. She stood by her door whilst the lady of the house served a plate of sausages on the table. Finally, she turned to her with a vivid beam on her facade; a welcoming, gentle smile she remembered from her childhood.
A memory long gone.
“I cooked your favorite.” her elated voice, which was undoubtedly directed for her, cracked; which as if a sob was hidden underneath. But she never cooked the food she desires, she didn’t even eat morning meals with her. They even barely see each other and even talk for that matter. She was always in her room, doing every single responsibility her mother expected her to accomplish; at school, in her OWN life. She was born to make her overachiever mother proud.
“I’m sorry. All I wanted was the best for you. I didn’t know you were that tired.”
Her tears fell while every beat of her heart hit her chest like numerous daggers. The view of her mother’s wrinkled hands over the table, her fragile, shaken stance, the strands of white hair which proved age had already taken over her youth and the teardrops which collapsed on the surface of the counter. She realized the enormous guilt made from all of it. Her mother faced her once again, the woman’s eyes wet with flowing tears. She strided forward towards where her daughter stands and halted before the dresser. She observed her took a picture frame over the stand. It was then the woman’s sobs grew louder that her shoulder shudders from crying.
She was able to get a glimpse of the person smiling warily on the picture.
It was a beautiful portrait of her but a dreadful clandestine shrouds that pulchritudinous photograph. A wry smile curved on her lip and she moved her head to the direction of her right wrist. On it were slashes of bravery she had taken for years. And with the same wounded arm, she traced her neck with her hand; A severe laceration, the warmth of the rope that once was there. It was the badge of the last veracity that took hold of her.
It was too late to even absorb the hurt of her bawling mother.
Written by: Rui
If I die, I wonder how many people will still visit my grave, remember my name, reminisce the moments where I was still here... Even after a lot of years have passed.
What's completely paradoxical to me is the fact that SILENCE is rarely viewed as the most eloquent, grievous scream a human being can do. Isn't muteness supposed to be defeaning? Maybe... no one really listens because it's abysmal, the loudness cannot reach people's ears. -HighAndLow 09/17/16 💭
okay guys so my dad has a dog named Dash and as you can see he is kind of a trouble maker and my dad is losing patience and considering putting him up for adoption but he is seriously the cutest thing ever and i think i got my dad to agree that if i get 100,000 notes he won’t get rid of him so if you guys could help me out by clicking that ‘like’ button, i would love you all bunches xxx