The Garden Of A.

A safe space for someone like me.

[thegardenofa]

February 28, 2023🧚🏽

I wrote something here, but I hit a button, and deleted every word I typed. So instead of wasting my energy getting mad, I’m just gonna start where I last left off.

To continue:  

If I told myself about what happened last month on the 23rd, I probably would have never wrote my still unfinished poetry book. It’s called, “Unconditional Madness,” btw and it is coming out like a woman after her wax. Okay? Okay.

Anyways, that has been the story of my life right now. Coming to the realizing that the way I got here is not the way that I had wanted to. If I had typed you  my story from start to now, with each detail, and feeling. I’m sure you would be be looking at me side eye and ask me, “Damn girl, you ok?” 

And I would of been nodded my head with tears rolling down my eyes. But girl all I can say is “God.” He’s the only reason I have the courage to write this in vulnerability. Now before I continue I know that there are people who have a different belief and that’s between you the Lord. But, if you have something or someone you believe in, than you can us that. 

To continue, but FR. If God would of ran me my script of my life ahead of time, I would of said, “Nah find someone else to do it.” Just like TikTok sound. I would of been a real rebel and disobedience. I would be in more disbelief and trauma than I already am now. I would of never lived. Would of been in hiding avoiding all the experiences and lessons that life has to offer. I mean in reality the way life is set up, it does not belong to us, but it is natural to treat it like such. 

Anyways, I’m currently sitting at my desk, trying to put this piece together, because I need to clear my thoughts. Mind you I had no intentions on letting the world know where I am in my life currently, but ha. Jokes on me right? I felt compelled to write this, because even thought I didn’t say much it still has an impact. I hope you’re enjoyed this, because it was unnecessarily tense as hell for me🫣.  

Word of advice:

Keeping going, no matter what you lose. No matter what happens or doesn’t. Know theres a lot more coming your way. I love you. 

[thegardenofa]

*sigh

February 3, 2023

There's an ignorant truth that lies

Robbing me of my time

Sending my in routine with

Of depression & paranoia

And whatever else

That comes with mental health

I repent 7xs for things

No longer present

While my old

Body seems to not want life

Just wants to be dried out

But that's why the world wants

To see my dried blood and wounds

To see how broken I am after their

Accusations, lane switching, and ego dumpin

I'd rather not do anything less, but grow up

Hit snooze and move on

Because I knew these people knew

Death only while love

Was better off counted out

But that's not my heart

Not even a representation

Of me...

[thegardenofa]

“I know you want to be someone…..” -Cleo Sol

Self care tunes 4 you.

[thegardenofa]

So I am here blogging

May 31, 2021.

So this is me, a woman who has a dream that is fueled and ran by passion. I decided to share this picture of me because it is worth it, I am worth it. I’m going to be turning 22 in a couple of months and I am learning to accept my womanhood, my reality. I write about the soft reality for people who have been traumatized and have been degraded throughout their life time, but I have come to find out that there is not anything soft about reality. It is hard and invasive. It can be destructive for people who get up everyday and try to run that race. Reality can take away hope for people that have a dream, wants, and needs. I am people and I have seen reality’s capacities. I’m very much frustrated and bothered that this is the reality I’m faced with.

But I’m embracing the fact that I’m a woman who embraces the beauty of it all. I’m a woman who breaths love, and sees beyond the struggles though which helps me face reality. One door closes, I have the endurance of a child so I wait. I’m learning that I’m a powerful being, but I am not powerful enough to force what does not belong to me. I can only move when life frees up space and also takes it up. I’m a classic individual. Something that can only happen once in a lifetime. You see me and that will be the only time you‘ll witness my beauty. Inside and out. I’m learning that I’m immaculate because I’m breathing and I’m moving with dignity. I’m soft, but can engulf anything in flames if I want to. I bring pain, but I also bring heart. I’m a mixture of everything which is why I’m either hot and cold. But I’m an experience that brings you hope and growth. No matter how crucial reality may get, I can never be lost because I’m founded in everything. My reality is just the external, but I am the internal. I am not just what you see, but what you feel.

I’m here to introduce myself as A.P. I am a woman sent from Heaven. I’m a writer, an artist, an advocate for self love, a friend, a lover, a daughter, a creator, and God’s daughter. Agree to disagree. I’m writing this to release pain and confusion. And in the mist of it all, I hope whomever reads this remembers you can be whoever your heart craves for you to be. You are worth it. Thank you for reading, sending love to whomever may be struggling.

“Learning to embrace yourself, I believe is a way to help youself through your journey.” -AP

[thegardenofa]

If you truly want me, you’ll come find me.....

Est by:A.P

[thegardenofa]

January 17, 2020

Kneel and take me to the alter.

Love me and don’t go missing.

Mother me and give me children.

Trust me and believe in what I’m saying.

Listen to your intuition and let’s keep on building.

Smile and remember our future.

Kiss me and do it again.

Hold me and rub on my skin.

Drop them and come back home.

Reassure me and tell me like the last time.

Pray for strength and guidance.

Give up and try again.

Look at me and be honest.

Patience and understand my heart.

Lead and protect me.

Just a few things I want from the man that has my heart.....

Est: By A.P