Gaspard Shingleton

Pureblood. 7th year Ravenclaw. Chaser. Available for tutoring

[thats-dorcas-meadowes-blog]

“You didn’t know her well enough to know what she would have wanted! So just fuck off!”

[thegaspardshingleton]

no, you’re right, I have no say in the matter. 

[thats-dorcas-meadowes-blog]

“No! You don’t fucking get it, okay? It’s not about wanting to die, it’s about the fact that I should have had cancer too! I am her twin! I…I can’t do this. I need to be alone.”

[thegaspardshingleton]

do you think that’s what she would have wanted? for you to be sick and dying too? because I don’t think it is.

[thats-dorcas-meadowes-blog]

“No, I don’t! She died and I didn’t! So leave me the hell alone!”

[thegaspardshingleton]

you want to die too? feeling that way is not going to bring her back. you dying is not going to have made her drow - the cancer never have happened. 

[thats-dorcas-meadowes-blog]

“Shut up! Just shut the fuck up!”

[thegaspardshingleton]

No. You need to hear this. 

[thats-dorcas-meadowes-blog]

“Just stop! I don’t want to hear it!”

[thegaspardshingleton]

It wasn’t your fault and there wasn’t anything more you could do. You made her happy, I know you did, She was almost always smiling when she was around you. 

[thats-dorcas-meadowes-blog]

“Hurts? No, this is like having half of my soul ripped from me! Like having half of myself taken away! She came into this world with me and left it alone! So you can take your stupid philosophies and shove them! I don’t need you to make sense of this for me! It will never make sense.”

[thegaspardshingleton]

you’re right, Doe, things like this don’t make sense, and that hurt never goes away. It lessens, but it will always be there. She didn’t leave it alone, maybe you weren’t right there when it happened, but I’m sure she knew that you loved her. When people are loved they’re not alone, even in the end. 

[thats-dorcas-meadowes-blog]

“No! No! I am supposed to read to her tonight! She was supposed to have more time!”

[thegaspardshingleton]

I know it hurts, but sometimes we don’t get more time to be with the people that we love. 

[thegaspardshingleton]

thats-dorcas-meadowes:

I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.

[zamiragulch]

The only person in this world that you can make happy is yourself. You can help other people, sure, but at the end of the day, that’s on them. It’s not your job to fix them.

[thegaspardshingleton]

I’m not trying to fix the, I’m just trying to make them smile. To make them feel better, like the whole world hasn’t gone to shit

[zamiragulch]

It’s not your responsibility to make everyone else happy. That’s on them. 

[thegaspardshingleton]

what about people like Lena? People that I’m not sure know how to make themselves happy anymore

[zamiragulch]

Better at what? Pretending that you don’t have a care in the world while you carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders?

[thegaspardshingleton]

exactly

[zamiragulch]

Comparing your problems to the problems of others is just toxic. I mean, maybe one day I’m pretty bummed out because I failed a test, but then there’s a kid across from me who lost his parents. Yeah, what happened to him is more severe, but it doesn’t make my feelings suddenly invalid, and the same logic applies to you. Your feelings are perfectly valid.

[thegaspardshingleton]

well good thing I’m better at this than most people

[zamiragulch]

So, everyone else is allowed to fall apart besides you? It’s your duty to make people happy? That’s unrealistic, Gaspard. You can’t do that.

[thegaspardshingleton]

people around here have more reason to fall apart than I do. my problems are nothing compared to what other people have to go through. they don’t matter.

[zamiragulch]

I believe that you genuinely want people to be happy. But this – you – this always happy-go-lucky, never having any problems act that you’re putting on isn’t real.

[thegaspardshingleton]

yeah, well people don’t need to be burdened with the kinds of problems I have, and this happy-go-lucky, never having any problems act for people is what keeps me from falling apart. Trust me no one here wants that.

[zamiragulch]

I think you do.

Don’t worry, though. I won’t say anything, and I’m sure most other people can’t tell.

[thegaspardshingleton]

I really do want people to be happy though. It’s not an act 

[zamiragulch]

No, you feel like you have to. Like it’s your duty to help everyone.

Trust me, I know. I do the same thing.

[thegaspardshingleton]

I have no idea what you’re talking about.

[zamiragulch]

You know it’s not your duty to make me have a good time, right? 

[thegaspardshingleton]

I know. I want to