It’s me, I’m my purpose.
The reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists.
God has been showing up for me so much here lately. In the past 3 months. He’s shown me who I am. It’s crazy. It sounds crazy af. I was like, “I’m not that religious for God to be this chatty with me?”. I mean don’t get me wrong, G and I talk on the daily but it’s mostly like 87% me talking and G shaking his head. This time around, I’ve been so at peace in the moments that there are very few words. I get to wake up everyday amazed by the woman that I am right now. I love that for me. I love that for the people around me. I move how I want to, always. With love. I control my happiness, manage my pain, and write my story. I am magnetic to all things that I want to attract. I only pour my energy into things that will replenish me. Anything else is aimless.
Manifest. Finesse. Hussle.
It’s forced me to face my demons, see my evil self. It’s like every time we (G and I) talk my health meter grows a little more like in the video games we used to play. I was so deep in the red but you don’t really notice that when you’re fighting. Ya know, you just keep swinging. I immediately started to not deal with toxic relationships by valuing myself more. Baby, the price done went up! When I decided to quit a job, heavy emphasis on the “a” because it wasn’t my j-o-b. Walmart was a job to me that’s it. It held nothing else with me. I walked away with a nauseously clear spirit. But in that, my faith went up 5 points. I focused on my means, my happiness and my freedom and I went for it. My job purpose in life is find myself. For most, growing up it was instilled in us that our purpose in life was whatever we decide to do for work. You’ll have some parents that dressed that up to say “ doing whatever makes you happy” but they meant what I said above just with sprinkles on top. But what if that’s not for everybody... because in my daydreams there’s no sign of work.
I am rooted. But I flow.
I feel very strongly that my purpose in this lifetime is to find out who I am. Find myself. Discover what genuine happiness looks like, what real love feels like, what success tastes like ‘to me’. When I think about it that’s always been my biggest question. Since I was a little girl, wow. I wasn’t raised by happy people. I grew up seeing people work and get by. Very rarely did I see witness a dream chaser. But yeah sure I may find a career that makes me happier. I’ll find love, have more children ya know like the movies. But they’re just mini movies along the way. You pick up what I’m putting down? Like if we believe that childhood find your “dream job” bullshit is the only way to true happiness and that’s not our individual purpose we’re gonna miss it every time it’s presented to us. Which results in feeling lost and becoming lost. I saw a podcast once that said “we’ll never have it all figured out”. Hmph. Not with that attitude.
I find my self, I find my way.
But he could have a point as well. Maybe it’s just a race until the clock runs out. But a decent sized part of me refuses to believe that everyone that has died before me didn’t knowingly find they’re t-r-u-e purpose. Like if it’s something that we’ll never be able to really prove why not just say we did—at least. We were given one life (in this body) with an expiration date. Don’t waste it on trivial bullshit. Find yourself and do everything that makes that person happy. I know I am. I can have a shit ton of regrets tossed around in my life span but doesn’t take away from all the good. “I knew the assignment” .... put that on my hedge stone please. But seriously.... I don’t know what exactly triggered my quantum leap but I love this period of my life. It’s giving fulfilled.
For sure.