The Epidemic of Busy-ness
You hear it all the time when you ask someone how they are doing. Their general reply is usually something like "I'm good, really busy" or "ugh, I'm sooo busy, I just wish I had more time". This January, I realized that my life had somehow turned into a 7 day a week, full throttle, grind, hustle and work-obsessed whirl wind and I was sick of hearing myself say how "busy" I was. First of all, being busy does not somehow insinuate that your life has more meaning or that you are more motivated than someone who takes time to do "nothing". It is not a waste of time to sit down and be still; rather, I see this as a skill that takes effort, mindfulness and humility. My mom, who is one of the smartest women I know, calls this time of stillness and reflection an "incubation period". Ideas, feelings, inspirations and more can be bubbling inside of you, growing and maturing until they are ready to come out and grace the world with their awesomeness. In today's fast paced world, we are often reprimanded for not doing anything or for not always being productive. Living life is so much more about just "doing". It is about feeling, and growing and giving yourself time to listen to what the next step is. If you are constantly moving, pushing and seeking out something to do, is that really living? Or are you just filling time? If you are charging ahead so furiously that you can't see all of the beautiful pit stops along the way, what is the point? Even if you are working towards what you are most passionate about, time for contemplation and stillness is key in staying aligned with your goals. Read more. I think a big part of the problem is that people start to identify with their goals so much, that they become them as opposed to being the creators of them. They are driven by things other than passion and compassion, such as ego, lack of confidence, ego, or ego. No that was not a typo. Ego is our worst enemy-every time. In Vancouver especially, people tend to be incredibly active, whether it be physically, socially, politically or otherwise. Weekends are full of events and plans and I myself often feel pressure to be `doing something`. Correct me if I`m wrong but aren`t weekends meant for relaxing? They may have been for past generations, but now, because the week days are so full, weekends have become days that manage the overflow of life, and are a magical space where you get to have fun and live the life that you can`t live during the week. I don`t know about you, but that last sentence made me sad. This thought process is how I began to re-define my habits around being busy.... along with a few comments from a wise woman who told me lovingly, that I was a work-aholic. I decided to do something about it. Now- for those of you who know me, you know that I have a lot on the go. This shift in moving away from being busy wasn't so much about cancelling all plans, quitting school or ending all commitments. It was about looking at the parts of my life that made me the best person possible as well as the parts that hinder me from developing. It was an up close, under-the-microscope look at what made me happiest, healthiest and of most service to others. I looked at my life, and realized that I wasn't leaving much space for contemplation, evaluation or a congratulatory pat on the back for myself. I didn't have time to because I was running (literally) from one engagement to the next. I had this fantasy that by doing it all and filling my schedule to the brim, I was living the fullest life I could. But I was wrong, and once I stopped, took a breath, listened, really listened and allowed for stillness in body and mind, I heard the truth. And it softly asked me to make the change that I had been incubating. So, what did I do, and what am I still doing, to change this habit that so many of us are addicted to you may ask? I have reduced it down to the 4 main cornerstones that make for a really solid foundation.
1. Do not use stillness as your reward for being "busy": When we get home from a long day at work, finish a work out or complete a big task, the "reward" is often to chill out with a glass of wine or a cup of tea and "veg". I truly believe that this attitude is one of the reasons why we feel so much guilt around being still. We feel that if we don't suffer in some small (or big) way, we do not deserve to be still, or happy, or content. Do not make stillness the reward!! You don't "deserve" a break... it's just a normal part of life that has somehow slipped through our busy little fingers. Yes I believe in hard work, but no one should feel like they have to come out bruised and battered in order to sit on a park bench in silence or read a book that doesn't have to do with calculating your mortgage. Instead, why not savour the stillness for what it is, without feeling like you have to earn it. You don't, and the sooner you recognize that, the sooner you will be able to find a balance, and kick the guilt to the curb. 2. Make the word "busy" a dirty word and stop using it to describe your life: This might seem obvious, but it has to do with neuroplasticity. It is about re-wiring your brain to see things from a different perspective. If you are constantly telling your self and everyone around you how busy you are, you are literally manifesting busy-ness. This is not bullshit. This is the brains desire to find patterns. If busy-ness is your pattern, your brain is going to run with it. When you get a new car and you start noticing the same make every where you turn, this is not because all of a sudden Mazdas are selling like hot cakes, it is because you are aware of them and your brain is looking for similarities and patterns. It is as easy as catching yourself before you say it out loud or to yourself. Over time, the new pattern will begin to form. When people ask you how you are, maybe your reply will be more like ``I`m great! I feel so rested!`` or ``I have so much free time, my stress levels have plummeted since I have stopped loading my schedule.`` Honestly, if someone responded to be like that, I would give them a high five and pat on the back. 3. Give Social Media a Designated Time, then get off: I urge you to take an inventory of your anxiety levels and feel how they rise the next time you open up your Facebook or Instagram accounts. Do you instantly feel pressure to `do` something like make a bird house from scratch, bake fresh bread in your perfectly clean kitchen or go run a marathon? Checking your phone is another way of filling time. It takes away from the stillness and distracts us from feeling, contemplating and learning about what we really want and who we are. I understand that phones and their apps are here to stay, but if you have the disease of being busy, it is only making matters worse. See what happens when you leave your phone at home when you go for dinner. Instead of photographing your experience, be in it! Be with the people you are with. Taste the food don't Snap chat it. We are not robots and we were made to feel things and experience them first-hand... not through a screen. 4. Do Not Mistake Stillness for Laziness I have always been terrified that people will think I am lazy. Literally, it would be the worst insult anyone could utter at me. As a Western society, we have all been taught to be individuals, to passionately pursue our own personal goals and keep moving forward. "Keep moving"- these can be dangerous words. Stillness has been confused with laziness or a lack of ambition. I challenge you to take 5 minutes out of your morning, before you start your day, to just sit. If this suggestion has just made you think "what a waste of time" then it is you that needs this the most. Do you leave any room for new thoughts or opinions to form? Do you have space for your family? Do you have time in any given day (not just the weekends) when you can stand still and truly be in your environment? Feel the wind, feel the temperature of the air, feel your heart beating... take a breath, a conscious, uninterrupted, undistracted one. I dare you to email me and tell me what you felt. Maybe it will be panic, but at least you stopped and felt something, at least you stopped.
Stop working towards the stillness or breaks in your crazy schedule, and make them the priority. Don't be afraid, your work will still be there, your bank account will continue to receive your pay, your partner will still love you (maybe even more since you won't be such a ball of busy-ness and stress), kids lunches will get made and your goals will actually flourish because you are giving them the time they need to conceptualize and grow. Try it, I dare you.