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@thehalcyonhighway
New Intro:
iris • 26 • TCRC • I do not condone, romanticize, or glorify. • A space where I discuss Dylan Klebold and my thoughts the various aspects of his life and journal.
Non Columbine related thoughts are usually tagged as “th0ughtz0s”, there will be reblogging of other artwork and thoughts present.
I hope that you find this blog useful, stay wonderful!
David Shrigley
Dylan and the Number 5
Throughout Dylan's writing, the number 5 appears multiple times:
"5 more days. 5 . . . . . . a very influential number, another brick in my journeyed wall."
"Because I can’t stay thinking in a 2nd dimension, I go to the 5th! Haha. So I wait 5 more days. 5 more days. 5 eternities, & I know her & I are all conceived from ourselves & each other, every night of the self-awareness journey, every thought we conceived, we have finished the race."
I've always found this aspect of Dylan's journal fascinating. One can theorize that this was his favorite number due to his spirituality, especially with mention of the fifth dimension.
The spiritual theory of the fifth dimension, as taken from Ideapod:
"The 5th dimension is where we move beyond our human state of consciousness. It is known as the mystic dimension because, contrary to the other 4 dimensions, it can actually not be perceived by your human senses...essentially, you are free from all the limitations that our physical body imposes on us. The 5th dimension is also known as the dimension of love...it’s a place where we are not limited by the human condition – where we don’t have emotions or thoughts, and where we don’t have bodies."
Dylan, having seen himself as someone who was not human and Godlike - as well as having intensely spiritual views on love - could have viewed this a few ways. One of these ways is that he could have theorized himself living in the fifth dimension while others stayed in lower dimensions (the "zombies"), and this is a theory I've read before. Another theory I've come across is that Dylan could have perceived himself and his Halcyon girl as living in the fifth dimension, that the fifth dimension was halcyon itself to him.
Either way, I definitely think this number had spiritual significance to him, and it's important to note if one wants to understand who Dylan was as a person. I'm personally of the mind that he perceived himself as living in the fifth dimension / trying to access it in some way. To be free from his humanity is what Dylan wanted, and I believe he could have viewed death as a way of accessing the fifth dimension.
Being free from his body, as the fifth dimension is theorized to let one do, probably also appealed to him if the theory of the fifth dimension was true.
I wonder what you guys think!
Resharing one of my favorite posts I’ve written, some theories I’ve had on why Dylan’s favorite number was 5.
Also, planning on being more active around the research end of things again! I needed some time off because things were becoming chaotic, but I plan on coming back.
davina wilby
(x)
Dylan’s journal
1: Fact: People are so unaware…. well, ignorance is bliss I guess…. that would explain my depression. - Dylan A Virtual Book EXISTENCES By: Dylan Properties: This book cannot be opened by anyone except Dylan (some supernatural force blocks common people from entering). <<-VoDkA->> <<-Dylan->> 2: The 4 stages from within: most, few, some, none Me is place outside all the boxes. 3: El Thoughtzos Ah yes, this is me writing … just writing, nobody technically did anything, just I felt like throwing out my thoughts - this is a weird time, weird life, weird existence. As I sit here (partially drunk with a screwdriver) I think a lot. Think … think … that’s all my life is, just shitloads of thinking … all the time … my mind never stops … music runs 24/7 (except for sleep), just songs I hear, not necessarily good or bad, & thinking … about the asshole - in gym class, how he worries me, about driving, & my family, about friends & doings with them, about girls I know (mainly - & -) how I know I can never have them, yet I can still dream … I do shit to supposedly ‘cleanse’ myself in a spiritual, moral sort of way (deleting the wads on my computer, not getting drunk for periods of time, trying not to ridicule/make fun of people (-) at school), yet it does nothing to help my life morally. My existence is shit to me - how I feel that I am in eternal suffering, in infinite directions in infinite realities. Yet these realities are fake - artificial, induced (?) by thought, how everything connects, yet it’s all so far apart … & I sit & think … science is the way to find solutions to everything, right? I still think that, yet I see different views of shit now - like the mind - yet if the mind is viewed scientifically … hmm I dwell in the past … thinking of good & bad memories. 4: A lot on the past though … I’ve always had a thing for the past - how it reacts to the present & the future - or rather vice versa. I wonder how/when I got so fucked up w my mind, existence, problem - when Dylan Bennet Klebold got covered up by this entity containing Dylan’s body … as I see the people at school - some good, some bad - I see how different I am (aren’t we all you’ll say) yet I’m on such a greater scale of difference than everyone else (as far as I know, or guess). I see jocks having fun, friends, women, LIVEZ. Or rather shallow existences compared to mine (maybe) like ignorance = bliss. They don’t know beyond this world (how I do in my mind or in reality or in this existence) yet we each are lacking something that the other possesses - I lack the true human nature that Dylan owned & they lack the overdeveloped mind/imagination/knowledge tool. I don’t fit in here thinking of suicide gives me hope, that I’ll be in my place wherever I go after this life … that I’ll finally not be at war with myself, the world, the universe - my mind, body, everywhere, everything at PEACE in me - my soul (existence). & the routine is still monotonous, go to school, be scared & nervous, hoping that people can accept me … that I can accept them … the NIN (Nine Inch Nails) song Piggy is good for thought writing … The Lost Highway sounds like a movie about me … I’m gonna write later, bye <<-VoDkA->> 5: Da ThoughtZ Jeah Well well, back at it, yes (you say) whoever the fuck ‘you’ is, but yea. My life is still fucked, in case you care … maybe, … (not?) I have just lost fuckin 45$, & before that I lost my zippo & knife (I did get those back) Why the fuck is he being such an ASSHOLE??? (god I guess, whoever is the being which controls shit). He’s fucking me over big time & it pisses me off. Oooh god I HATE my life, I want to die really bad right now - let’s see what I have that’s good: A nice family, a good house, food, a couple of good friends, & possessions. What’s bad - no girls (friends or girlfriends), no other friends except a few, nobody accepting me even though I want to be accepted, me doing badly & being intimidated in any & all sports, me looking weird & acting shy - BIG problem, me getting bad grades, having no ambition of life, that’s the big shit. Anyway … I was Mr. Cutter tonight - I have 11 depressioners on my right hand now, & my favorite contrasting symbol, because it is so true & means so much. The battle between good & bad never ends … OK enough bitchin … well I’m not done yet. OK go … I don’t know why I do wrong with people (mainly women) - it’s like they are set out to hate & ignore me, I never know what to say or do. - is soo fuckin lucky he has no idea how I suffer. 6: Okay here’s some poetry … this is a display of one man in search of answers, never finding them, yet in hopelessness understands things … Existence … what a strange word. He set out by determination & curiosity, knows no existence, knows nothing relevant to himself. The pretty declarations of others & everything on this world, in this world, he knows the answers to. Yet they have no purpose to him. He seeks knowledge of the unthinkable, of the undefinable, of the unknown. He explores the everything … using his mind, the most powerful tool known to him. Not a physical barrier blocking the limits of exploration, time thru thought thru dimensions … the everything is his realm. Yet, the more he thinks, hoping to find answers to his questions, the more come up. Amazingly, the petty things mean much to him at this time, how he wants to be normal, not this transceiver of the everything. Then occurring to him, the answer. How everything is connected yet separate. By experiencing the petty others actions, reactions, emotions, doings and thoughts, he gets a mental picture of what, in his mind, is a cycle. Existence is a great hall, life is one of the rooms, death is passing thru the doors, & the ever existent compulsion of everything is the curiosity to keep moving down the hall, thru the doors, exploring rooms, down this never-ending hall. Questions make answers, answers conceive questions, and at long last he is content. TTYL <<-VoDkA->> 7: Thoughtz Yo … whassup … heheheheh … know what’s weird? Everyone knows everyone. I swear - like I’m an outcast, & everyone is conspiring against me … Check it … (this isn’t good, but I need to write, so here …. Within the known limits of time … within the conceived boundaries of space … the average human thinks those are the settings of existence … yet the ponderer, the outcast, the believer, helps out the human. “Think not of 2 dimensions”, says the ponderer, “but of 3, as your world is conceived of 3 dimensions, so is mine. While you explore the immediate physical boundaries of your body, you see in your 3 dimensions - L, W, & H, yet I, who is more mentally open to anything, see my 3 dimensions. My realm of thought - Time, Space, & THOUGHT. Thought is the most powerful thing that exists - anything conceivable can be produced, anything & everything is possible, even in your physical world.” After this so called “lecture” the common man feels confused, empty, & unaware. Yet those are the best emotions of a ponderer. The real difference is, a true ponderer will explore these emotions & what caused them. Another … a dream. Miles & miles of never ending grass, like a wheat. A farm, sunshine, a happy feeling in the presence, Absolutely nothing wrong, nothing ever is, contrary 180 (degrees) to normal life. No awareness, just pure bliss, unexplainable bliss, The only challenges are no challenge, & then … BAM!!! realization sets in, the world is the greatest punishment. Life. 8: Hypnosis place - It is a sky - with one large cloud, & sort of cloud-made chair - the sun is at the head of the chair … 10 o’clock up into the sky … Below, I sometimes see mist, & the green (forest green) earth - sorta a city, yet I hear nothing. I relax on this chair - actually like a chaise - & I am talking … to what? I don’t know - it’s just there, I have the feeling that I know him, even though I consciously don’t … & we talk like we are the same person - like he’s my soul … The everlasting contrast … Dark. Light. God. Lucifer. Heaven. Hell. GOOD. BAD. Yes, the everlasting-contrast. Since existence has known the ‘fight’ between good & evil has continued. Obviously, this fight can never end. Good things turn bad, bad things become good, the ‘people’ on the earth see it as a battle they can win. HA fuckin morons. If people looked at History, they would see what happens. I think, too much, I understand, I am GOD compared to some of those un-existable brainless zombies. Yet, the actions of them interest me, like a kid with a new toy. Another contrast, more of a paradox, actually, like the advanced go for the undevelopeds realm, while some of the morons become everything dwellers - but exceptions to every rule, & this is a BIG exception - most morons never change, they never decide to live in the ‘everything’ frame of mind! Laterz <<-VoDkA->> 9: <<-VoDkA->>’s Thoughts The - Situation It is not good for me right now (like it ever is) … but anyway … My best friend ever: the friend who shared, experimented, laughed, took chances with & appreciated me more than any friend ever did has been ordained … “passed on” … in my book. Ever since - (who I wouldn’t mind killing) has loved him … that’s the only place he’s been with her … if anyone had any idea how sad I am … I mean we were the TEAM. When him & I first were friends, well I finally found someone who was like me: who appreciated me & shared very common interests. Ever since 7th grade, I’ve felt lonely … when - came around, I finally felt happiness (sometimes) we did cigars, drinking, sabotage to houses, EVERYTHING for the first time together & now that he’s “moved on” I feel so lonely, without a friend. Oh well, maybe he’ll come around -> … I hope. That’s all - for this topic - maybe I’ll never see this again. (-> ô=- -=ô) <<-VoDkA->> 10: My 1st Love???? OH my God … I am almost sure I am in love … with -. Hehehe … such a strange name, like mine … yet everything about her I love. From her good body to her almost perfect face, her charm, her wit & cunning, her NOT being popular. Her friends (who I know) - some - I just hope she likes me as much as I LOVE her. I think of her every second of every day. I want to be with her. I imagine me & her doing things together, the sound of her laugh, I picture her face, I love her. If - soulmates exist, then I think I’ve found mine. I hope she likes Techno … :-) -, I love you - Dylan
“He learned so quickly and everything he did seemed to come easily to him. And that’s one of the reasons, I think, that when he became a teen, and the world wasn’t quite so easy for him, I think he just wasn’t able to handle the challenges of having to work at things or having things not feel right to him. He was the kind of kid who loved to take care of things himself, he was a “me do it” kid, he wanted to learn how to do laundry and how to cook and just how to take care of himself, he loved being self-reliant.”
– Sue Klebold.
I love Sue’s describing of Dylan as a “me do it” kid. Her words call Dylan’s own “me is a god” phrasing to mind. There’s something so painful and poignant about someone’s greatest strengths twisting and becoming a contributing factor in their self-destruction, and the destruction of others. How tragic that every time Sue remembers Dylan’s self-reliance, her next memory must be of how that ultimately hurt him.
Every word that comes out of this woman’s mouth simultaneously punches me in the gut and stabs me in the heart
“Dylan’s left ear was pierced, and he usually wore a “triple cross” earring. To Dylan, the triple barred cross symbolically represented the Ever-lasting Contrast - signifying the eternal battle of good and bad within himself, humanity and the world.”
“He learned so quickly and everything he did seemed to come easily to him. And that’s one of the reasons, I think, that when he became a teen, and the world wasn’t quite so easy for him, I think he just wasn’t able to handle the challenges of having to work at things or having things not feel right to him. He was the kind of kid who loved to take care of things himself, he was a “me do it” kid, he wanted to learn how to do laundry and how to cook and just how to take care of himself, he loved being self-reliant.”
– Sue Klebold.
I love Sue’s describing of Dylan as a “me do it” kid. Her words call Dylan’s own “me is a god” phrasing to mind. There’s something so painful and poignant about someone’s greatest strengths twisting and becoming a contributing factor in their self-destruction, and the destruction of others. How tragic that every time Sue remembers Dylan’s self-reliance, her next memory must be of how that ultimately hurt him.
Every word that comes out of this woman’s mouth simultaneously punches me in the gut and stabs me in the heart
Sue Klebold with Dylan in 1985
Moon and Venus conjunction
I know I don’t really post here anymore, but I hope people are doing okay. Here’s a reminder that you are loved and even if you don’t see it, people do care about you. I know that being in this community can be hard sometimes, and I know that a lot of us here struggle with intense emotions / feelings of loneliness & low self worth, among other things not mentioned.
I have a strong belief that although life is difficult, it is beautiful and I think that if you’re reading this, you should give life a chance. It may seem like an empty sentiment, but this is coming from someone who has struggled with pretty severe mental illnesses all of her life and has fought to come out of the other side of it.
I know you guys can find beauty in things too.
The 13 angels❤️👼
On April 20th 1999, 13 innocent people were senselessly killed in a shooting at Columbine High School in Colorado. Today, 20 years later, we still feel the void of their absence. We remember their lives, the people they were, and who they could’ve become. Although their time here was cut short, they live on in our memories everyday. We will not forget them.
Daniel Conner Mauser (15)
Corey Tyler DePooter (17)
Rachel Joy Scott (17)
Lauren Dawn Townsend (18)
Kyle Albert Velasquez (16)
Isaiah Eamon Shoels (18)
Matthew Joseph Kechter (16)
William David Sanders (47)
Cassie René Bernall (17)
John Robert Tomlin (16)
Daniel Lee Rohrbough (15)
Kelly Ann Fleming (16)
Steven Robert Curnow (14)
Remembering the 13🕯
Dave Sanders: "He saved my life," one student said. "Then there was this kid who got shot in the leg, and Mr. Sanders dragged him to the side so he wouldn't be shot again. He was the one jumping over the kids, getting people out of the way. Now we'll never see him again." After telling students to get down, then running to help others, he was shot by the killers.
Jon Curtis and Jay Gallentine who put themselves in the line of fire amid the pandemonium of the cafeteria. "It seemed like they were ready to risk their lives for us kids," one of the students said.
Adam Foss: Was in the choir room on the second floor when a classmate returned from the hallway drinking fountain with the news of advancing gunmen. Turning back to the choir room, he yelled for everyone - about 60 students - to get into the adjacent office. When several froze, he and a few other older boys quickly became a team and physically lifted them out of their chairs and guided them into the office and barricaded the door.
Science teacher Kent Friesen grabbed students from the hallway and pulled them into a classroom. Friesen took bulbs from emergency lights and repeatedly went into the hall. He got dry chemical fire extinguishers, which he planned on using as weapons should the killers try to come into the room.
In Science Room 3, chemistry teacher Theresa Miller had chaperoned about 60 more students to safety.
In another part of the building, Adam Foss' twin brother, Nick Foss, checked two wounded classmates, both with horrible wounds. There was nothing he could do for them. He looked right into the barrel of a shotgun as it went off, but the pellets missed him. Later he rescued a cook, and several other students and directed them to safety.
Crystal Woodman, 16, said Seth Houy, covered her with his body, and told her he would take a bullet to protect her. They were lucky; the killers passed by them.
Joshua Lapp is also on the long hero list. While the shooting was going on, Lapp jumped on top of two female students, shielding them with his body and saving their lives. A bullet passed within inches of him.
Bree Pasque: When they yelled White hats stand up , a boy next to her named Aaron Cohn had a white cap so Bree put her body over his so they couldn’t see him, After having the gun in her face and Eric taunting her she told Emily Wyant who was frozen in fear under Cassie Table after witnessing Cassie getting shot in the head told Emily to move by her and Bree held her hand and comforted her for the rest of the massacre
Craig Scott: After witnessing Matt and Isaiah death, after the shooters left him and Amanda stair helped Kacey Ruegsegger out the library, Doctor said if Kacey was in there 2 minutes longer she would have died, library witnesses say you could have put a softball in Kaceys shoulder wound (Pretty sure Craig was also the one who evacuated Library kids I think he yelled nows our chance to leave let’s get out because the library was eerily quite witness say except for the moans of the injured)
Amanda Stair: Kacey was shot 2 cubbyhole away from her helped her out the library with Craig Scott
Patrick Ireland: lifted his head up to provide first aid to Makai hall knee, Dylan shot him in the head , crawled through the bodies of 2 victim to escape via a window with 2 wounds to the head and to the foot
Makai Hall: Eric threw a CO2 landed on Dan Steepleton leg, Makai grabbed it quickly threw in the air exploding mid air.
John Tomlin: Motioned Nicole to come to his table when the shooters entered the library; held her hand. Confronted Dylan, saying something along the lines of “haven’t you done enough?!”
Jason Autenrieth: Was eating outside with Kim Blair and Anne Marie Hochhter, they ran Anne was shot in the spine paralyzing her when she fell, Jason Dragged her body closer to the building to keep her out of line of fire, If Anne layed there for 1 more minute she would have died (sad fact about Anne from her laying position she said she could hear the gunfire from the library)
Lee Andres: Music teachers Lee Andres, Jr and Sr shepherded 60- 100 students into the auditorium and locked the doors.
Corey DePooter: kept his friends calm and told them, “Stay tight. The police will come.” Held a girls hand under the table to comfort her.
Daniel Mauser: Attempted to jump Eric after being shot at the hand
Frank DeAngelis: Ran to the gym (toward the direction of gunfire) and unlocked the doors so students in the hallway could shelter inside.
Rich Long: Helped Dave Sanders into Science classroom 3
Aaron Hancey and Kevin Starkey: Provided first Aid to Dave Sanders
Kacey Ruegsegger: Invited Steven Curnow to sit at the table and told him to get down on the floor when the shooting began (later, she said she felt guilty for not helping him more, but Steven’s father later thanked her for her kindness toward his son).
Eric Kritzer: evacuated students
Kid in red bandanna (never found out his name :/): was in the celling near the teachers lounge, apparently during the same time where dylan was in the cafeteria, he warned people and told them to leave the school during a different direction (this was in the 11k, i made a post abt it on a termed acc)
rest in peace.
