Severus Snape

Half-Blood | 18 | Slytherin Alumn | Death Eater | Apothecary Assistant & Apprentice to Professor Slughorn | London  

[lowleee]

[lowleee]

[quietparanoiac]

— See, I own this place. — Is that meant to impress me? — No… but it does mean I can kick you off my property.

The Pact, e06 (2021)

[thehalfbloodprince-always]

Was It Worth It?

[thehalfbloodprince-always]

wormtailpettigrewpeter‌:

Peter looked over at Severus, he dropped a little bit of the nerves he constantly carried around with him that went into appearing semi-stable and just looked… sad. Having no believe, no confidence, no joy in yourself was a tiring and frankly sad way to exist… Didn’t mean he could do anything about it. “T-that’s a v-very long s-story.” he eventually whispered.

Frankly he’d expected things to go much worse for him during the night at Puddlemere; that he’d end up getting someone killed or even getting himself killed trying to do anything helpful. “W-we’re here… G-gotta be g-grateful for that.”

He sighed at the expression, it wasn’t far wrong; Peter had been dragged into, and out of heaps of trouble with his friends by that point and he’d always forgiven them for the scary moments (sometimes he’d even enjoyed them) but this… He’d not spoken with James or Sirius for weeks, even when the other two made up. “F-for a time.” he nodded. Peter was quiet for a few more moments before quietly saying, “F-for w-what it’s w-worth… I’m s-sorry about s-school.”  

Severus took a moment to look over Peter. Really look him over. The other reminded him of himself briefly....how sad he was. What sorrow had taken him? What had he gone through? Suddenly, Severus didn’t see him as one of his tormentors. He saw him as one of the survivors of Puddletown, wondering what on Earth had happened. Groaning from the pain, Severus fixed himself up to try and get comfortable. “We have the time.” he signaled himself in bed, “Besides, I’d rather  not talk about what happened tonight. Get mind off of it,” he said, looking down at his hands as he adjusted the sheets.

Yes, Severus supposed he had to be grateful that he wasn’t worse for wear. However, in truth, he wished it was him rather than Athena; the woman he loved. Then an innocent life could be saved. Only a nod could be given as a reply to Peter in that moment.

Hearing the other’s apology, Severus gulped. It this had been James or Sirius, Severus wasn’t sure he’d even accept the apology. Even if he did owe James a life debt. But this was Peter. The kid who followed them around. Sighing, Severus whispered a reply, “I don’t know if I can forgive it all just yet...but I appreciate the apology, and I’ll offer the same to you. Sorry as well.”

[thehalfbloodprince-always]

gryffinborn‌:

Lily couldn’t hear talk about James being killed without feeling a terrible aching fear, caught up, for a moment, in all Severus was saying. She didn’t know how Bellatrix felt about her husband but she did know the witch was capable of love, she’d seen her show it towards her sister. If she felt that way about Rodolphus, too, then Lily could well imagine the lengths she might go to. But no, she tried to calm her beating heart. This changed nothing, not really. Severus had reached for her hand, she watched him avoid the area around her engagement ring with an uncomfortable twist in her stomach. To rub her happiness in his face in this moment seemed terrible, but she couldn’t deny it either. 

“I know how you must be feeling right now, but you don’t have to take on responsibility for me, alright? I’m still a Mudblood, one who’s going to marry a pureblood, one who has already angered Bellatrix personally.” Lily spoke as rationally as she could, as if they were back in the potions classroom and she was trying to lay out an argument for why they should use beetle wings rather than antennae but the truth was that she was desperate to calm him down and her hand gripped his tightly, the warm contrast to the detachment she tried to argue with. “And then there’s Sirius. I think more than anything else, she sees James and I as responsible for taking him away. If we end up killed, even by her, it’s not going to be because of you. Please, don’t take that on.” She let emotion slip into her voice as Lily near begged. The despair in his eyes didn’t surprise Lily, she knew that with the death of Athena, she was once more perhaps the only person in the world he cared for. But it did upset her, she had seen already what he would do to protect her, it was something she could not forget. It had been frightening to see that directed at an enemy, it might be worse to see him direct it at himself. 

She watched him stand with worried eyes, following him to her feet. It didn’t seem likely he yet had the strength to stand, though it didn’t surprise her that Severus would push himself, especially now when he was so agitated. Though it was his words that really caught her off-guard. “What?” she asked, her mind numb and confused. “I don’t understand. Why would you want to do that? Why would that help you?” Why was he asking her to do that to him? She could never, she would never take away the memories of the girl he loved, the happiness he’d had. “Sev, you’re grieving. You’re not thinking clearly. You need to lie back down and sleep and if … if you still think this is a good idea after you’ve rested, I’ll - I’ll consider it,” she added wildly, not sure if she was lying or not, knowing she only wanted to convince him to lie back down so she could press the waiting Dreamless Sleep potion into Severus’ hands. 

Lily, of course, was being rational. More so now than ever. Usually, it was he who was the one detached, trying to keep his emotions from getting the best of himself. Hide them away. However, he couldn’t anymore. At least, not in this moment. In Severus’ mind, there was no other solution. While Bellatrix had plenty of reasons for hating Lily, Severus couldn’t help but think that he would be the cause of any untimely death for her. “That’s just it, Lily,” Severus closed his eyes, trying to articulate it all, “You don’t know what I’m feeling...you haven’t lost James. Watched the one you love, die in your arms,” silent tears fell from his eyes. Shaking his head, Severus took a deep breath, “All that I feel, I feel it through my very core, burned into my soul. For years, I’ve worked hard to keep myself from revealing what I truly feel - hide my emotions rather than wear my heart on my sleeve. Because if I do, Voldemort will use all of that against me.” 

Severus leaned against the wall, his strength practically seeping from him, “I swore to both you and Athena that I would betray him.” There was a hint of fear in his eyes, “I know you think you already have a target on your back, Lily, but this will make it so much worse. Not just for you, or for me, but for all of the wizarding world.” And there it was. He was trying to fight for the good, do the right thing, be ethical, find the light in the darkness rather than succumb to it as he had done in the past. The scared to himself were proof enough. Now, he wanted to take away these memories in hopes of protecting all those Athena loved, and pretend to be loyal to the Dark Lord while simultaneously plotting against him. A spy. It was the only way - and he had to rid himself of any shred of the side of good to do it. “I’ll become a spy - hiding in plain sight in his ranks. This is how I can be of use to you, The Order, Dumbledore... to all those who have fallen victim to the ones I once called comrades and friends.”

Turning to her fully, Severus’ jaw trembled. Of course he didn’t want the memories taken away, but for him there was no other option. And that also meant taking away the memories of Lily as well. When she said that he needed to rest, Severus gulped, “There’s more...” his black eyes, filled with tears were filled with anguish. “I need to erase memories of you as well...ever since we started speaking again at Slughorn’s party...” Coming back, closer to her, Severus took her hands. Snape knew he was begging now, shaking his head, “Believe me, it’s the last thing I want to do,” he broke eye contact for a mere moment before looking back to her - black meeting green, “But if I’m going to be of any use from now on, it has to be this way.” his hand reached up carefully, brushing her cheek, “And I can’t lose you too.”

[thehalfbloodprince-always]

An Unfortunate Meeting

[thehalfbloodprince-always]

unspeakableprcwett‌:

He barely noticed the others leaving, Gideon pressing a hand to his shoulder as he left, understanding why Fabian wanted this time alone. The funeral had been quiet, sorrowful. Her parents were devasted, as were her friends. She had left a mark on all of them, but it wasn’t enough. He kept thinking of Magor’s prophecy, an unfulfilled life. Athena was supposed to have so much more than this, a cold and lonely grave to rot in. 

Hearing footsteps behind him in the snow, Fabian could only assume it was Gideon returning to comfort him or Molly refusing to leave him alone. But the tread didn’t sound right and confused, he looked up, only for his reddened eyes to narrow and every nerve to tighten in barely surpressed rage. 

Severus Snape. He searched the man’s eyes for any sign of that goodness Athena had spoken of, of love. Maybe it was there, in those dark depths, maybe Fabian just couldn’t read them. A distant part of him tried to remember, she had loved him enough to write of him in the very last letter Fabian had received from her. But all that he could really think of was the fact that this man had been as near to a Death Eater as one could get and Fabian had known that. He’d known that. 

“I don’t know if you’re brave, stupid or cruel to come here,” Fabian finally said slowly, bitterness and sorrow pulling at him in equal measure, before he finally gave in to the anger that had been building all day. Knowing Athena had loved him wasn’t going to redeem this man in Fabian’s eyes. The only thing that could have done that was if Severus Snape was lying dead in a grave near his cousin. “You were with her. Weren’t you? You have to know. Tell me who killed her and I won’t kill you.” Unless it had been him. He couldn’t rule that out either, reaching for his wand but stopping his hand before he pulled it out. He wasn’t going to duel over his cousin’s grave - unless Snape gave him a reason. 

Reddened eyes, full of rage as Fabian turned to him. Severus Snape expected nothing else. He wasn’t welcome here. Because of what he had been... a part of who had killed the woman he loved. Meeting Fabian’s gaze, Severus’ eyes were just as red, his cheeks stained form the tears he had shed. Black eyes, full of sorrow, desolation, and anguish. A traitor. The word was a pain in his heart - knowing he had been the reason Rodolphus went after her; had killed her. Someone Snape had once called friend. And Fabian represented everything against that - encompassing and radiating light and goodness.

The words stung, but that didn’t make them any less the truth. Any less painful. However, Severus did not lash out. Not here. Not today. Not ever with Athena’s family. Snape was grateful that Fabian had not pulled out his wand, keeping calm as well. His eyes looked over the grave, beginning to become misty once more. The emotions built up in his throat, stuck there. Still, Severus managed to say what he needed to. “Athena and I loved each other. As hard as that is to believe, it’s true,” he gulped, a tear running down his cheek, “I came to say farewell...” his voice faltered and once more looked to Fabian, “and keep my promise to her in saying goodbye to you,” his eyes kept on the other’s for a long moment, until looking back to the grave.

Yes. He’d been with her. Watched it all. Held her in his arms as she breathed her last breath. Closing his eyes tight, Severus tried to keep more tears from falling as he read her name on the headstone. Their future had been so bright... “It was a curse. I don’t know what it was, as he put the cruciatus on me when he used it on Athena...” turning to Fabian, he stated clearly, “You know who it was...” Rodolphus hated Fabian enough that everyone knew.  Looking to the grave once more, his voice was shaken, Severus whispered, “I’m sorry I wasn’t fast enough...” goodbye, my love.

[thehalfbloodprince-always]

daisyhooks-um‌:

It was still difficult for her to believe she had found a friend in Severus, someone she never expected to be friends with. But she did care about him, about how he felt and if he was dealing with everything in an alright manor. And it wasn’t just for Athena, Daisy had found Severus to be quite friendly the night he had come in to the shop and she regretted not attempting a friendship before then.

She was glad he didn’t pull away from her after a moment and allowed her to squeeze him for as long as she needed to. She was sure he needed it, too. “Thank you for coming over.” She whispered in to his chest before she pulled away from him. She definitely needed to see him, for her own sanity and to be a good friend to Athena. She would have wanted Daisy to check up on him.

As they sat down, she noticed how uncomfortable Severus looked. He wasn’t allowing himself to relax, but she couldn’t blame him. For the first couple days Daisy found it difficult to do anything, but the more she cried and spoke to people about what happened the more she was able to find herself more comfortable with the idea that Athena was gone. “You know that she did love you, right? More than anything. I’ve never seen her more happy than when she spoke about you.” Daisy shook her head and her eyes focused on the floor, “I can’t believe you had to see the whole thing… Are you dealing with everything okay? Talking to people? Taking time away from work?”

It seemed as though for the first time in his life, Severus had found some shred of happiness in his sorrow. All other times, he blamed and cursed the world, turned in on himself. Now, he was grieving with, what he believed, was now a friend. As he exhaled, his breath faltered a little. If he went through with what he intended to, then he would lose this as well. What a horrid thought that was. Gulping, Severus nodded as she pulled away from him. For now, this would have to do. He could only hope she would understand, even if she couldn’t forgive him...

Daisy’s words pulled him out of the dark thoughts of his mind. While he knew Athena had loved him - her words indicating as such and the most beautiful Severus had ever heard spoken to him - it was another thing to hear it from someone else. Someone who had been so close to her and known her for so long. Wiping the last of his tears, Severus nodded, “Sometimes I still can’t believe she fell for someone like me.” The emotions caught in his throat once more, taking a breath before replying with, “Lily. I’ve talked to her...but I find myself only working more,” he pushed the hair away from his face, “Daisy, I’ve asked Lily to help erase my memories of her...” he paused, “I can’t explain fully...but jut know that I’m doing this to keep others safe and protect them. Protect you, Tilden, Fabian, her family and all those she loved.”

[thehalfbloodprince-always]

[thehalfbloodprince-always]

Was It Worth It?

[thehalfbloodprince-always]

wormtailpettigrewpeter‌:

Peter looked down, though he was fairly certain in this case that the other’s anger wasn’t directly at him, Peter wondered briefly what it could’ve been; maybe Severus had lost someone in the attack in Puddlemere? He nodded after a moment and quietly said, “It’s j-just been l-long.” For months, every since he’d left school everything had felt long and difficult and scary.

He half-lent forward when he saw the other reaching for the glass but when Severus reached it he lent back against his chair again and watched him drink, “I s-suppose. O-or bad a-aim if y-you think about it.” It could’ve hit him in a much worse way; frankly he’d gotten off pretty lucky, more so than he’d expected he had any right to.

There was no response for several moments, “N-not after that.” he whispered, “Not for a long time after that.” He may have spoken to Sirius after a few weeks but he’d refused to do anything with all of them for longer, he’d been hurt in several ways by that evening, by more people than just Sirius. Peter looked over at Severus and again didn’t speak for several moments, “I-I think there a-are several t-things all of us d-did as t-teens with n-no excuse.” He’d heard what Severus called Lily in their fifth year. “B-but if y-you only f-focus on that n-nothing will e-ever change.” 

“Why do you say that?” Severus asked without thinking for a moment. It was a rare thing if he ever did that. Although tonight, after all that had happened, he supposed a strange thing or two could slide. Besides, he did feel out of sorts. But what could Peter Pettigrew be on about, he wondered. His friends from school, his tormentors, seemed to be fine for now. Why was it long for him?

At Peter’s response, all he could do was nod. If he didn’t want to reveal what had happened, then so be it. That wasn’t his business. With the glass in his hand, Severus rolled it in between his palms lightly, “Could have been worse,” he whispered softly. Much worse.

Hearing that Peter didn’t follow Sirius around after that incident was a bit of a surprise to him, arching a brow as he looked to his company. “Finally the straw that broke the camel’s back?” Severus asked - more musing than anything else. It was better than to think on other things that had occurred that night. But a bitter memory made itself aware in Severus’ mind from Peter’s words. That fateful day at the lake... “I suppose you’re right.”

[thehalfbloodprince-always]

Was It Worth It?

[thehalfbloodprince-always]

wormtailpettigrewpeter‌:

Peter just took a quiet breath as Severus’ expected response. He had never been talented when it came to speaking, hell, he’d never been particularly talented at many things regardless. “B-best I c-could think of… S-sorry.” he said quietly. Where was Lily when he needed her? It was plain Severus didn’t like him and probably only hadn’t sent him away yet because being alone was a worse option… It was also the reason Peter had come over to begin with.

He left the glass on the table but pushed it to the edge so that it would be easier for him to get; or if he wanted the other could just ask him and he’d hand it over again. “D-debris.” he answered. Peter didn’t want to say he’d been herding terrified crowds to the Portkeys and trying to keep that tent safe, odds are the other wouldn’t believe him anyway.

Peter’s eyes widened at Severus’ next accusation before his lip tightened in a very rare display of anger. “I h-had no idea about that.” he told him, voice quiet but suddenly with more backbone. “A-and I hated S-Sirius for doing it. P-partly because it put y-you and James in d-danger. B-but… R-Remus still h-hates himself for t-that night.” he swallowed, “H-he was a s-stupid teen b-but that was no excuse.”      

When he heard Peter say he was sorry, Severus shook his head. “There’s no need for that,” he may have said a little harsher than he had meant. But there was a large part of him that didn’t want pity. Especially not from one of the ones he has detested so in school. Even so, he had to think about Athena. What she would have wanted, thought of him treating them this way. Gulping, he said to try try and (weakly) apologize, “It’s been a long night.”

Sitting up higher, with a bit of strain, Severus reached over for the glass. A part of him wished it were whiskey. Wanting something to dull the immense pain he felt. Peter’s answer only left him a little curiosity. But he also knew he would not tell Severus. However, he knew there was more to the story, being sure to give one of his pointed, all-knowing looks. “Had great aim,” he said quietly in a low voice - which was most of what he could manage.

As Peter’s lips tightened in anger, Severus felt his own bubbling up. No matter what the other said, he knew what had happened. How Black had lured him. How Potter had “saved” his life. “Hated him enough to still follow them all around like a lost pup?” Severus questioned, sighing deeply. The wound on his side aching now. When Pettigrew admitted that it was no excuse, Severus could only nod, “There were many things they did as ‘stupid teens’ as you say that had no excuse,” he said softly.

[thehalfbloodprince-always]

daisyhooks-um‌:

Daisy was a little surprised that Severus had returned her hug, she figured it would be one sided, that he would stand there as stiff as a board while she held on to him. But he wrapped his arms around her and held her, something she definitely needed. The tears wouldn’t stop falling, even after they entered her apartment, despite her best efforts to wipe them away. She was going to lead them over to her sofa where she had the tea set out and ready, but when she looked back up to Severus, there were tears in his eyes.

She listened to his words, it almost sounded fake. Like when Fabian had arrived with the news of her death, like it was a joke. But Daisy knew better this time, she knew it was the truth and not everyone was playing an elaborate practical joke on her. She approached him again, wrapping her arms around him for another hug. She rested her head on his shoulder and softly rubbed his back. “I’m so sorry, Sev…” She managed to get out, her voice was barely a whisper, “I’m so sorry.”

Daisy pulled away from the hug, taking Severus’ hand and guiding him over to her sofa to sit down. Even if he didn’t want any tea or cookies she didn’t want to talk just standing in the entry way. She sat beside him, a little closer than she normally would have, having a hard time looking at him past the tears in her eyes. “I should have been there, with you both. I should have helped protect her.” Daisy felt guilty, she was with Athena only a few moments before the attack started. If she would have stayed, she could have helped. She could have pushed Athena out of the way and taken the blow instead. “Did she say anything else? What were her words to you?” Perhaps that was a bit of a personal question, but she wanted to know. What she used her final breath to say.

Preparing himself, Severus expected this from Daisy. There weren’t very many close to him, or that he allowed such intimate touches with. It was still knew and odd to him. That someone would want to embrace him. But here, in their shared sorrow, he threw all of that apprehension away. For now, at this time, it was about comforting those that Athena loved. Not only for her, but each other as well. He could only hope that he was healing; not causing more heartbreak and harm to the other.

Again, Severus felt Daisy’s arms wrap around him once more after he had told her what he promised Athena that he would. For there was nothing Athena could have asked for that he would not have done. His own arms made there way around her, letting her stay there as long as she needed. “I’m sorry too, Daisy,” he managed to whisper back. They had been best friends. He could only imagine that she was feeling the same heartbreak that he did.

As Daisy pulled away, Severus gazed down at her before being led to the sofa. There, he sat rigid, not letting himself get comfortable. Even in the softest of beds , sweet dreams did not fill his mind, and hardly thought he’d ever feel any sort of comfort again - feeling that familiar numbness to the world around him. When she spoke, Severus shook his head, “No. That Death Eater was out for blood. For Athena’s in particular.” he sighed, gathering his thoughts. It was difficult for him to think back to that tragic night. But he knew for Daisy’s closure, he had to. “That she loved me,” he said in a whisper, almost in disbelief.

[thehalfbloodprince-always]

gryffinborn‌:

Lily didn’t know if she was right to let the scar go, but she didn’t think she had the energy herself to argue with him, or the heart to upset Severus further. Lily thought back wildly to that awful moment, Marlene lost, James gone for hours. She’d been exhausted and afraid like she’d never been before and little did she know the worst was yet to come. “I heard you crying out. I had to come,” Lily said slowly, not knowing how to explain herself further.  It just was. Even when she’d hated him most, right after that awful incident during OWLs, heart shattered and eyes sore from crying, Lily had still felt the tie. She might have run into danger for anyone, true, but she definitely had for Severus. 

The thought of more blood spilled was enough to sink her further into closely guarded despair. More fighting, more death, there was no escape. This was all her life was going to be. But she couldn’t show that, he was the one wounded, Lily the comforter. “She won’t,” she spoke, scarcely above a whisper. He looked so fragile and vulnerable, exactly like the skinny boy she’d met years ago and taken into her heart. Maybe he didn’t remember what he’d done. It would have been a terrible impulse, the work of utter heartbreak. “When we left, I saw Rodolphus. The curse you used …” Lily shivered slightly as the horrible sight flashed in her mind, Lestrange’s blood and Severus’ face as he yelled the curse. “I don’t know what it was, but I think he was dying. There’s no one to tell her. And I’m going to get you away from all of them,” she vowed, voice unsteady as her stomach twisted in guilt and sorrow. For all he said otherwise, she had promised to help him and done nothing - now Athena was dead. For Severus to be next, she could not let that happen. “I’ll speak to Dumbledore - there’ll be a way.”  

He rattled off questions, questions Lily would be unable to answer anyway, if he’d left a breath of pause between them for her to say something. It didn’t seem as though he needed answers. Maybe Sev knew there were none out there. “You did everything you could,” Lily blinked back tears of her own, her arms gripping him tightly as he clung to her. The last time they’d met, she’d forgiven him largely because Lily had realised she hadn’t wanted Severus to carry regret all his life. And now he would. And she was powerless to stop it. That almost pained her more than anything else. “And she was happy before it, that means something. I think that - I know Athena wouldn’t want you to be in this pain.” 

The reasoning Lily gave for coming after him made Severus’ heart almost skip a beat. Then maybe...then maybe he did men as much to her as she did him. For he knew, even if he hadn’t met Athena continued down the path of The Dark Lord’s bidding, he could never hurt her; in fact, hurt his own comrades to protect her. Just as he had in Puddletown. Gulping, he sighed. If the circumstances were different...if he hadn’t loved Athena, and the bright ring wasn’t on her finger...then perhaps he would have confessed what he felt about her; truly felt. But now, his heart was heavy while feeling as though he’d never feel whole again. For now, all he could respond with was, “Thank you...”

Lily’s whisper was enough to gather that something, more than what they were grieving for, was amiss. For so long, seeing the Dark Lord, his followers, he’d known all along what was in store for wizardkind. What he had said only further confirmed what The Order feared; Dumbledore; Lily...that their future held many - if not only - bloody battles, death, and difficult sacrifices. And just as she was comforting him, he wanted to be  her shoulder to cry on if need be. He didn’t want to be so selfish. Not even in his heartbreak. Turning around, Severus took her hand, squeezing it lightly; almost running his thumb along the ring there, in plain sight, but sighed as his brows knit together. “She’ll kill you, Lily. Or worse. Much worse. Break you by killing James. All those you love, because of what I did to protect you,” a tear slid down his cheek, looking up to her. His usual black eyes, cold and bleak, were now full of sorrow and yet passion. The same fire that made conjure that spell to protect her. “Rodolphus is cockroach. I can only hope that the spell I created was enough...” his thumb brushed across her hand, “It’s not enough, Lily.” 

Standing, shakily, Severus tried to keep himself balanced. Instead, Snape put his hand on the stone wall to keep himself upright. “Bellatrix is the closest one to him. If she even gets an inkling that something is off, there is no telling what she’ll think up as revenge. And The Dark Lord...” Severus paused, gulping, “I cannot let myself even think of Athena.” His head felt fuzzy, imaging the torture he’d endure if Severus let either one pry into his mind for even a moment. “I’d become easy prey - letting my sorrow get the best of me...” It hurt him further to simply think of his next words, “I have to erase my memories of her. Completely.” And while Athena and Lily would not want him in this pain, Severus knew the feeling all too well. It was strangely comforting to know this hallow sensation. “I need you to take them from me.”

[thehalfbloodprince-always]

An Unfortunate Meeting

WHO: Severus & Fabian ( @unspeakableprcwett​ ) WHERE: Athena Fawley’s Funeral

“You’re not alone any more, Severus. I promise. You never have to be alone again.”

A soft sigh escaped Severus’ lips. The day had finally come: Athena Fawley’s funeral. By now, he had done all he needed before this. Before he was to say goodbye forever.

Dressing himself in his usual all-black attire, Severus paused where the scar was caused by Athena’s wand that night in Puddletown. For now, that line of tender flesh was a subtle reminder of the woman he loved, as well as all he had written in his journal - that only his eyes could see.  That was all he could trust now, rather than his own mind. It was dangerous for others to know of his love - his betrayal to the Dark Lord.

Shaking the thought away, Severus finished dressing. Arriving at the funeral, he took to the shadows and far behind a tree where no one could see. He didn’t want to disturb any of her family. They deserved better - she deserved better. As her loved ones said their goodbyes, Snape let tears roll down his cheeks, closing his eyes, and wiping them away roughly. This was exactly why he had come. To bid his final farewell to the woman he loved, and put on a mask to hide the pain he truly felt; to keep others safe.

Once the ceremony was over, it was as though the world had gone cold and dark. After a while, it was only Fabian left near her grave. Gulping, Severus remembered how she wanted them to meet; for her cousin to help. It was only right that he would say something. Walking up, slowly, Severus cleared his throat as to not scare the other. However, as he saw the grave with his own eyes, Severus could help but let out a shaken breath. He meant to say something, but no words could form. Not in this particular moment.

[thehalfbloodprince-always]

Was It Worth It?

[thehalfbloodprince-always]

thehalfbloodprince-always‌:

wormtailpettigrewpeter‌:

He had a very low bar for niceties. Peter had been without them for most of his life and small things like that still meant a lot to him, even if they were easily overlooked by others. “T-they think so.” he said quietly, a small nod following, “B-but they’re n-not sure how much is d-dark magic and h-how much is n-natural.” Luckily that was all he’d been harmed by. A straw peace of blasted off wood smacking him in the temple; one concussion and a lot of bleeding… It could have been much worse.  

Peter didn’t say anything for a few moments, instead he took the glass Severus had laid on the side and lifted the jug to fill it up halfway again, partly for something to do, a way to justify his presence here, and partly to save the other the strain of having to do it himself. “I-It’s not the b-best word.” But it was the only one he really had. Peter would never say he was a particularly good speaker.  

“N-nothing very e-exciting.” he said with a small shrug, “A piece of w-word hit my head.” He didn’t add that he’d been fighting Death Eaters at the time since even remembering that made him tense up further. His gaze grew sad at the other’s next words, “N-no.” he shook his head, “Y-you know that r-real pain was n-never what they wanted.” James had risked his life to save Severus from that as much as Remus.  

Perhaps Severus should have used his talents in the hospital field. Even hearing of another’s injuries - someone he hadn’t met or looked at the wounds - he already knew a fair few spells and potions to try. Yet, that had not been his path to take. His own was shrouded with darkness that he couldn’t seem to escape; in any way. Saying nothing, he merely nodded. There were many others who had suffered a worse fate...

Cautious, Severus’ eyes watched as Peter refilled his glass. It was odd, seeing the boy who had been a part of the group that tormented him for so many years, show any signs of kindness towards him. “No, it’s not,” Severus responded plainly. It only it had been him instead of Athena...perhaps things would be a little brighter in the world - still captivated by her good heart.

At hearing how the other had gained his injury, Severus arched a brow. That was all? Not even a brawl to accompany it? A Death Eater missing their target? “Were you even in the fight, or just debris?” he questioned quietly. There had to be more to it all, he told himself. Peter’s next words almost made him scoff, turning awake, “No? Then why lure me to Remus during the full moon? Black knew exactly what he was doing.”

[thehalfbloodprince-always]

daisyhooks-um‌:

The knock on her door startled her slightly. Daisy inhaled deeply, letting her breath escape slowly as she stood up to answer. She could only assume it was Severus, and was nervous about how this would go. He wasn’t a man of many words, would he be willing to open up about how he felt? She desperately wanted to give him a hug, but would he let her hug him? Would they remain friends even though they no longer have their connection through their love for Athena?

Her hand shakily extended to the doorknob, holding it tightly as she closed her eyes momentarily, trying her best not to start crying. There was already a lump in her throat, but Daisy desperately tried to ignore it. She gulped hard before swinging the door open, a small smile on her face as she was ready to greet Severus. But as soon as she saw him, her smile faded, she was at a loss for words. Her eyes met his briefly before she looked away, the look in his eyes solidifying the truth even more.

“Severus…” Was the only thing she could say, before she let go of the doorknob and crashed in to him with a hug. Uncontrollable tears started to fall the moment her face hit his chest, “I’m so sorry.” Daisy sobbed, before pulling away from him. She stepped aside letting him enter her apartment, trying her best to wipe away her tears as she closed the door behind them. “Um.. Make yourself comfortable. I made tea and baked lots of sweets. Raven is around here somewhere…”

A smile fading the moment Severus came into view. One would think he’d be used to it by now. And while he was, Severus also knew that the reasoning was quite different to what it usually had been. This time, the eyes of two acquaintances met, with an immediately feeling of loss reeling through them; a reminder a shared loved one was dead. At least, that was what Severus felt the moment Daisy opened the door and saw her smile falter. As she looked away, he did as well, accompanied by a small sigh escaping his lips. It was time to face the harsh reality. Their friend - love - was never going to return.

“Daisy,” Snape heard his own voice reply back, hardly more than a whisper, but controlled. Soon, he felt Daisy’s arms wrap around him. The lump in his throat made it hard to breathe, trying to push down all of his emotions with a gulp, to no avail. As she sobbed, Severus held her, and soon, wrapped his arms around her. Eyes closed, he tried his best to kept his tears from falling, “I’m sorry too,” he managed to rasp out before she pulled away. Wary others would see, spy on him, he followed her inside quickly. Without even glancing around, Severus sighed. He didn’t even know where to begin. All his thoughts went back to that horrid night...

“Will you tell them for me? Tell them I loved them….and I’m sorry. I’m sorry I had to go early,” her voice cracked...“Promise me, Sev….promise me you’ll tell them. I love them so much. They need to know.”

Another breath was taken, looking to Daisy with misty eyes, “She loved you, Daisy, so much,” once a tear rolled down his cheek, Severus paused. It hurt more than anything he’d ever experienced...“Some of Athena’s last words were to make me promise to tell you that. And that she was sorry she had to go early.”

[thehalfbloodprince-always]

gryffinborn‌:

His words about keeping the scar hardly seemed as though they were said by someone in his right mind, but Lily suspected arguing with him about it would only distress him further. She didn’t want to do that. “Alright, if that’s what you want, we’ll leave it.” Lily couldn’t entirely disguise her worried tone, but it wasn’t as if it would stand out. She had been afraid for him from the moment she had heard his scream and then set eyes on Rodolphus Lestrange. 

His betrayal. Lily supposed there was a part of her thinking, this is your fault. After all, Severus had been willing to join them, at least to an extent. As much as she tried to forgive that, resentment did pluck away. But he’d regretted it, that was what mattered. He’d realised what was right. So how could this be laid at his feet? She didn’t want him to carry that pain, he was bearing enough, and Lily feared Severus would break - but maybe not if she didn’t leave him alone in it. “I said I’d help you. Help you protect her.” But she’d done nothing, had she? “If it’s your fault, it’s mine, too.” Then her tone hardened. “Or we can blame Rodolphus. Who killed an innocent girl for no reason other than spite and cruelty. He did this, Sev. Not you.” 

She didn’t know what to expect. For all they’d known each since they were children, this friendship was all new again. Maybe he would rather she left. Maybe her hands on his shoulders were pain more than comfort. The Severus she’d known had been private and proud, it had been difficult to see his pain, when he’d felt it, to comfort him. And Lily couldn’t forget the time he’d lashed out at her in his pain. But when he broke this time, it was a collapse of a very different kind, Severus turning and grasping onto her as if she was a lifeline. Lily pulled him into her arms in response, not needing to think about it. 

“Shhh…” she whispered, though in this, the quietest of rooms, with barely a soul other than the two of them nearby, it seemed to echo all around. “It’s alright. It will be alright. Just rest. Rest.” 

Thankfully, Lily seemed to take Severus’ reasoning for keeping the scar caused by Athena’s wand to heart. While he was sure not many others (if any) were to understand, he was. Even if the memories faded...with time. Severus would always have a reminder of the love he had shared with the most wonderful woman in the world. That was all he could ask. Something to keep her memory as long as possible - hold it close to his heart. Hearing her worried tone about the scar, Severus gulped, “Why did you come after me?” he had to ask. Yes, they had their friendship, but it was still fragile from being pieced back together. Did he mean as much to her as she did him? Was that possible?

As she spoke more about protecting Athena, Severus couldn’t help but look to his scars, tracing them as Athena had that night. A sharp inhale was taken, gazing up at the ceiling as if to hold back more of his tears. This, no matter how he looked at it, was because of him. If they hadn’t met - been together - then no one would have wanted to harm her. Athena Fawley was a Pureblood, beautiful, kind, and so much more. This was his doing. A moon, moving in between the sun and Earth, letting darkness consume all. There was not a fiber inside of Severus that would ever let Lily take even a slight chance at any of the blame. “That’s how they all are, Lily. This will only end in more blood. And if Bellatrix finds out it was me who attacked him, she will kill me - and all those I care for.” No matter how short the list, he added in his own mind.

“How could I let this happen? How did he gain the upper hand?” Which was the true question, but Severus knew the answer. Love. He’d been too distracted by love - letting it cloud his thoughts completely. Internally, Severus vowed to close himself off more, detach if he had to. For if it happened again ...and with the young woman holding him in her arms...there was no chance that Severus would be able to survive. Severus took in a shaky, ragged breath, clutching Lily’s shirt to keep her close, “I’m so sorry...” he whispered. It was his doing. All of it. His siding with them initially, their broken friendship, Athena...all of it.

[thehalfbloodprince-always]

gryffinborn‌:

Lily could see the moment Severus remembered and felt the impact of all that had happened. His eyes had turned from the confusion and grogginess of unconsciousness to a deep and knowing pain. How it had all happened so quickly, she didn’t know, but now here they were. The girl he loved was dead. What could she say to make that better? It would never be better. 

There had been plenty of times when Lily hadn’t known how to talk to Severus, But usually it had been anger and bitterness holding her tongue. This time it was nothing of the sort. For once all she wanted was to reach out and comfort him, only Lily didn’t know how. “You do need it. You were tortured,” she said back helplessly, not knowing what else to do, certainly not wanting to see him in needless pain. Her eyes tracked to the scar on his side, remembering the others Severus had shown her.  “Let me give it to you, please.” 

But then he turned away, Severus’ back all she could see. Far from feeling hurt by the gesture - how could she when she knew what pain he must be feeling, and guilt besides - she moved her hand to rest on his shoulders. She couldn’t see his face anymore but spoke fiercely nonetheless, “Don’t think that. It was Lestrange. All of them who did this. Not you.” 

If she thought about it, she was so angry, hated the Death Eaters so much her hands could shake … if they weren’t resting already on Severus’ shaking shoulders, as she looked down at the back of his head. He needed her to be strong, to be there for him, so that was what Lily would be. “You’re not alone. I’m here, alright? I’m not leaving you.” 

"Tortured...” Severus could have scoffed. What he endured was nothing compared to what he had witnessed with Athena - her cries. Severus gasped, pushing the thought from his mind as his body trembled once more. No. He couldn’t allow himself to think about that. How horrible it was; how much he wanted to save her, but couldn’t. And then it hit Severus: no matter how much power he gained while perfecting the dark arts; working for the Dark Lord, there was nothing that could bring her back. Nothing that could bring him happiness from aligning with the Death Eaters.

As Lily asked once more to let her heal him, Severus looked at the scar. his fingers traced along side the short cut, teeth clenched. “No.” His black eyes, clouded with anguish, met her green. “It was caused by her wand - after Lestrange practically ran it through me...” Snape traced it over once more, shaking his head, “I don’t want to part from it.”

Once his back was turned, Severus hadn’t expected Lily to continue to try and reason with him. Make sense of it all; try and pry the guilt away from him. What he hadn’t expected, was Lily’s hands on his shoulders. Sighing, he let his eyelids all, blinking away the tears as he listened to her carefully. “But what cause did Lestrange have, Lily?” Snape shook his head, “Somehow he found out about the two of us and my betrayal.”

You’re not alone...I’m not leaving you. Suddenly, Severus felt the tears fall from his eyes - free of any control trying to keep them back. Now, they stained his cheeks and were soaking the top part of his shirt. There were so many - it seemed endless! Gasping, Severus tried to take in a breath once more, before sinking into her touch. It was the only thing giving him comfort, pulling him back into reality rather than images of what had happened. He was glad she was there; more than glad. Never did he want anyone but her to see the state he was in, and was forever grateful she wasn’t leaving. While he knew it must have been difficult, unable to miss the ring on her hand, Lily had chosen to be with her friend in his time of need. And that was all he could ask; eternally grateful. 

Emotion, high strung, more so than ever before, caused a lump to gather in his throat, gulping. Never had he experienced a loss like this and was rendered useless. Taking another sharp breath in to try and compose himself once more, Severus turned to his beloved friend and into her arms - her embrace; holding onto Lily tightly and closing his eyes. He wanted to call her name; say something...but felt he was too broken to even attempt.