How Talk Therapy Helped Me Conquered My Depression.
“Baji I feel that it is so sad that people have no one to talk to and they pay you to listen to them.”
These words caused me to feel uneasy. Last night while talking to my only, beloved sibling who happens to be a medical doctor and endorses mental health but dismissed therapy as something that produces no result but an outlet to express oneself. I understand that being a doctor she believes in medication more than in therapy because what can talking to a psychotherapist for 50 minutes do for you?
The year was 2003, I was living in Karachi and was suffering both from anxiety and depression. I was taking a concoction of anti-depressants and I thought they were working really well. To me at that time everything was under control. I didn’t have suicidal thoughts and was working hard; really hard in the country’s most prestigious business school. After my last unsuccessful attempt, my husband was too attentive and always available. I thought I would be fine as long as I take my medications.  Antidepressant were the best thing I did for my mental health and then something happened and I was struck by the realization that no drugs are not the answer for my problems regarding mental wellness.
I received a call from my uncle that my mother and sister had been missing, they inquired if I have any idea about their whereabouts.
My only sister and mother were missing!? Nobody was at home. No one was picking up the landline and the cell phones were off. My uncle asked if I can think of any place or anyone that they could have gone, and if till evening they did not get any clue he would report the matter to the police and I felt nothing. Nothing at all. Not a worry that where could be my sister and mother be? They are not adventurous people. We do not have family in other cities beside Lahore and Karachi and if they had come to Karachi I should have known but I was indifferent. I am here in Karachi what can I do? Do I even need to do something?  My husband was worried, everyone, my uncles and my cousins everyone was worried and I was “Ha Kia ho gia , Chali gai tu chali gai”. Even if they are kidnapped, then what? Let the police find them. After all, that is their job. I didn’t feel anything. They came back and I was “agai , Acha, Ok”
And then after one month later when my cousin asked me why I didn’t feel worry or fear for their safety, Or relief or happiness upon them being found I realized, I was just not feeling any emotions and these antidepressant that I thought are magical pills had numbed me towards emotions. I was not feeling sad or depressed true, I was not feeling anything period. No negative emotions nor positive emotions.
I was not cured of my depression I was actually adapted to my disease. I had lost the ability of feeling any emotion, I had lost the capacity to destroy but at the same time I have the capacity to create. Restoring relationships and family is central to restoring well-being; and I was not feeling that at all. I realized that because I was not talking, I was not aware of what was happening to me or people who are very important to me. Language gives us the power to change ourselves and others by communicating our experiences, helping us to define what we know, and finding a common sense or meaning; we have the ability to regulate our own physiology, including some of the so-called involuntary functions of the body and brain, through such basic activities as breathing, moving, and touching; and we can change social conditions to create environments in which children and adults can feel safe and where they can thrive. When we ignore these quintessential dimensions of humanity, we deprive people of ways to heal from trauma and restore their autonomy.
Being a patient, rather than a participant in one’s healing process, separates suffering people from their community and alienates them from an inner sense of self. I was depressed and grieving the death of my father, and struggling with displacement anxiety but due to the limitations of drugs, I was not concerned about what was happening around me and attracting more trauma. I started to wonder if I could find more natural ways to help myself deal with my post-traumatic stress than just filling myself with chemicals.
The triumph that I felt was short lived, I had lost the sense of wellbeing.The drug that started out with so much promise has actually ended having done as more harm than good. The theory that mental illness is caused primarily by chemical imbalances in the brain that can be corrected by specific drugs which  has become broadly accepted, by the media and the public as well as by the medical profession. I thought this is not right and then I tried to seek therapy I was suppressing my problems I was escaping without addressing the underlying issues. Antidepressants can make all the difference in the world in helping with day-to-day functioning, and if it comes to a choice between taking a sleeping pill and drinking yourself into a stupor every night to get a few hours of sleep, there is no question which is preferable. For people who are exhausted from trying to make it on their own through yoga classes, workout routines, or simply toughing it out, medications often can bring life-saving relief. The SSRIs can be very helpful in making traumatized people less enslaved by their emotions, but they should only be considered adjuncts in their overall treatment. Like in my case my routine life was a just fine but when something so traumatizing had happened I was not able to feel it taking care finding solution fixing in a farfetched situation.
Consider the case of antidepressants. If they were indeed as effective as we have been led to believe, depression should by now have become a minor issue in our society. Instead, even as antidepressant use continues to increase, it has not made a dent in complains about people suffering  and going to hospital for depression. The number of people treated for depression has tripled over the past two decades. The new generation of antipsychotics, are the top-selling drugs in Pakistan. You can get them over the counter, but nobody is holding anyone accountable. These medications often are used to make abused and neglected people more tractable, manageable and less aggressive, these people are at risk of becoming morbidly obese and developing diabetes.
Mainstream medicine is firmly committed to a better life through chemistry, and the fact that we can actually change our own physiology and inner equilibrium by means other than drugs is rarely considered. This lack of awareness for therapeutic measures is an issue in modern society and must be addressed.
