for the lovely @teaandsunflower an angsty slow burning art piece! i hope you like this! ( p.s inspired by my queen’s Hayley Kiyoko’s song “Feelings" )
Derek always found these nights bizarre, when Stiles came over and asked him to get drunk together, because of a fight with his father, because of a failed date, because of stress and depression, sometimes it was “just because“. Derek never said no, he could never say no to the man he came to love.
when stiles got drunk he said stuff, he said he’s lonely, he said he’s tired, he said Derek has beautiful eyes, and that made the hole in Derek’s heart grow, each of those nights is slightly less bearable until one night Stiles kissed him, it was a dry peck on the lips that grew hungrier and filthier.
The next day when Derek woke up to the man lying next to him smelling of stale beer and rum, he let his heart loose and let his fingers run through the younger man’s hair, soft and longer than all those years ago. when Stiles woke up Derek’s illusion was broken when stiles said “sorry, i guess i wasn’t in my right mind” with a blank look on his face and sheer regret tainting the air around them.
They kept sleeping together casually, Derek would kiss Stiles and hold him tight in hope that his feeling will make Stiles realize he maybe, even if its a small amount, has feeling for Derek too. Erica would call him a dumbass, would call him masochistic, a sick puppy. will tell him to end this “relationship“ with Stiles before his heart breaks so badly that no one will be able to find the pieces. he kept going back to stiles.
weeks turned into months and into a year, Stiles never fell for him.
On Stiles’s 24th birthday they went clubbing, Stiles drank and danced while Derek stayed by the bar talking to a girl who was too young to be in this sort of place, she kept glancing at his lips and Derek could only feel pity for her, when he turned around to the sea of people he found stiles grinding on a guy on the dance floor. it wasn’t the first time stiles took interest in someone else, it wasn’t like Derek wasn’t used to stiles boasting about a fling or two on a monthly basis, its just that, Derek never saw it happen. He never saw the man he loves about to kiss another person in front of his eyes and he never knew his heart would fallout of his chest if he ever did saw.
Derek ran out of the club leaving the girl at the bar confused and Stiles at his next hot piece’s side.
He didn’t expect to feel a hand griping his arm, he couldn’t have imagined in his wildest dreams Stiles running after him after seeing how he looked at the man he danced with, and yet here he was, breathless and hair standing on every end from sweat and hands that ran through them, not his though. probably never again.
“What” Derek growled and snatched his arm back.
“i, eh. Derek i-” Stiles began hesitantly just to be cut off by Derek saying
Stiles’s eyes snapped to his, hand flinching back towards Derek just before realizing Derek doesn’t belong to the younger man, they are casual, they are hollow and empty.
“you are going to let your guy back there think something is wrong and i do-” This time Derek was cut off, by two hands grabbing his arms and Stiles’s voice cutting through.
“There is something wrong!,” he shouted “He isn’t my guy! do you know why my relationships are a fling at best?!” the hands on his arm squeezed tighter making Derek wince.
“Stiles let go of me i don’t want to know about the-”
“You ruined me!” Stiles let his hands fall, hanging limply by his sides “i can only see your eyes, only feel your lips, your hands haunt me when other’s touch me! you ruined me! i can’t even kiss people because all i see is your lips! your smile! the way you run your hands through my hair and the way you whisper in my ears! i can only feel heat if its your body next to mine and i can barely sleep when im alone in my bed! Derek, i-” Stiles exhaled hands clasping at his face and eyes clenched shut “i can’t live without you anymore, i want you in my bed, in my small messy apartment, i want to cook for you and get a cat together, i want to see you everyday and to hear your voice when i close my eyes, i want you all to myself and not to share you with anyone else, and i can’t, i can’t have yo-”
Derek pried Stiles’s hands away from his face revealing his honey gold eyes teary and cheeks wet, he wasn’t lying, Stiles wanted him, he wanted them, he wanted a future and a real relationship.
“I love you,” Derek exhaled making Stiles’s eyes widen “i always had, since the day i met you to this very second, please be mine, please stay with me for as long as possible” Derek dipped his head to place a soft kiss onto the younger man’s lips, a soft gasp escaped Stiles’s lips and hands grabbed Derek’s shirt to draw him closer, when Derek drew back Stiles was looking at him so fondly, so lovingly, he let their fingers intertwine and their foreheads touch.
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