I’m cold as ice, but in the right hands… I’ll melt
Summary: Loki is afraid to show you his true self, for the fear of scaring you away. You are the only person he could call a friend, and whilst everyone else thinks of him as a monster, you think quite the opposite…
Warnings: Angst, self-deprecating thoughts, touch starved loki, lots and lots of soft loki, language, hurt/comfort, fluff
Pairing: Jotun!Loki x female!reader or GN!reader
You had been living with the rest of the Avengers for a few months since you joined them and Loki had joined them around the same time as you.
You can remember Thor arriving back at the tower and hearing his booming voice down the corridor, shouting “Isn’t it wonderful here Brother?! You’ll love it!”
You knew who he was as you could remember his attack on New York, but you weren’t one to judge.
You knew that there must have been a deeper reason to his actions, you were very good at reading people.
The rest of the crew definitely were not thrilled that Loki would be joining us, but you held no grudge to the man because you had never met him before.
Who were you to judge a book by it’s cover?
You were more of a loner yourself, and you weren’t that close to the others but you didn’t feel excluded.
You mainly chose to be on your own, it brought you comfort.
But sometimes it also brought you loneliness.
At first, you never really saw Loki. He would simply stay out of the way in his chambers, not that you could blame him.
He knew that everyone basically hated him, and you understood why.
But you couldn’t help but feel a pang in your chest when you saw him scurry away upstairs when someone other than you would walk into the room.
You had noticed that you and him were often both up at around the same time every morning, being the first ones awake.
And as you both made your coffee in the kitchen, you would steel little glances at him and offer him a small smile.
You could tell every time that he didn’t know what to do, you could see his mind working as he stared down at his mug of coffee.
Maybe he thought he was being tricked?
That you were only being nice to somehow hurt him?
That definitely wasn’t the case, you just wanted to show him that he wasn’t alone and that he had a friend.
Words were never exchanged between the two of you in the beginning, Loki always not knowing what to say to the beautiful creature in the kitchen and you not having the confidence to speak up.
But that eventually changed when you worked up the courage to ask him if he wanted his usual cup of coffee when he walked into the kitchen after you.
“That would be lovely, thank you.” He said and you were stunned by his beautiful voice.
You smiled at him and started making it for him the way you have watched him do it in the past, eventually placing it in front of him at the breakfast bar where he sat.
He thanked you again and you both sat in comfortable silence for a while, neither one of you knowing what to say.
That was the first breakthrough with Loki, you knew that he was definitely a tough one to crack but you were so intrigued by him.
You couldn’t believe that voice came out of his mouth, it was something that you wanted to hear more often.
You needed to hear more often.
Your wish was granted over the next few weeks as you started to see more of him, he would come into the kitchen more frequently during the day and scan the room until his eyes landed on you.
You wondered what he could possibly be doing in his room all day and were curious enough to ask Thor to see if he knew anymore, “He may be reading in his room or he could be in the library, he always did love a good book!”
“The library?” You questioned, “I didn’t know we had a library!”
Thor told you what floor of the tower the library was on and you immediately headed down there, shouting a quiet “Hello?”
You didn’t get anything in reply to tell you that someone was already in here, so you walked in and you were amazed by the size of it.
There were numerous rows of bookshelves, and the room was dimly lit with lamps all over the place.
It had a small area in the middle with a few fluffy beanbags and a coffee table, it looked so cosy you could have cried.
You wondered up and down the aisles looking for a book to start now and you nearly jumped out of your skin when you saw a figure sat on the floor, leaning against the bookshelf with his legs crossed and a book in hand.
He flinched at the sound of your footsteps and immediately looked up to meet your gaze.
“Oh— I’m sorry! I didn’t know anyone was in here…” You said and you turned back around ready to leave.
“No it’s quite alright… you can stay if you wish.” Loki said and you smiled, taking a seat on the floor opposite him.
That was how your relationship with him grew, once you got talking about the books you were both interested in, you would talk for hours.
You would meet in the library at the same time everyday, and it quickly became the highlight of your day.
It was almost like a safe-haven for the both of you, no one else would ever come in so you could just talk and be with each other for hours on end.
Although there was one time when Thor came down in search for the two of you, saying that you had been missing for hours and everyone was starting to get worried.
Time didn’t exist in the library, not for you and Loki.
You would talk about random things from your favourite books to recommendations for the other to read, you even brought your annotated copy for him to borrow one day.
“You’ll love it, honestly. I got it years ago from my favourite bookstore down the street, I must’ve read it a thousand times!” You said and he laughed at your exaggeration.
“Well I think you must show me this bookstore, I don’t think it can top ours.” He smirked as he used his hands to gesture around the room.
“Oh I’m not sure… I’ve been going to it since I was a little girl because I grew up here in New York, but it’s not far from here! I’ll take you…” You said and you saw his facial expressions drop.
“You’re from New York and you still wish to speak to me?” A bitter chuckle escaped his lips, but you saw the sad expression linger in his beautiful green eyes.
“Yeah, why wouldn’t I?” You looked at him knowingly and he stared right back at you.
“I’ve noticed that people aren’t that fond of me around here, but who can blame them?” He shook his head as he looked down at his hands.
“I don’t blame you,” You said to him and he turned to you in shock of your words.
“How could you not blame me? I was the one who brought down an army from space,” He chuckled and you could see the pain in his eyes as he recalled the memories.
“I know there was something else going on then Loki, because from what I’ve seen with my own eyes… you couldn’t hurt a fly.”
His eyebrows raised in surprise and you felt your heart shatter just a little bit more as you looked at this beautiful, broken man before you.
“You clearly don’t know me then, Y/N.” He looked into your eyes.
“No I don’t, but I want to.”
_______________________♡______________________
That moment was a month ago now, and you and Loki were more close than ever.
Your daily library time together was still going, and it brought you both so much comfort.
It was your escape from everyone else and the outside world, and that’s what Loki loved.
He would actually be excited to wake up in the morning, because he knew he would be seeing you.
That was until today, when you were sat in your usual place on the beanbags waiting for him.
You stuck to your normal time of midday and Loki was usually here at bang on the hour, he was probably just running late.
Today was an extremely hot day in New York, with the forecasted heatwave hitting and it was sweltering.
Not to mention that the air conditioning in the tower was broke so Tony had been trying to fix it all morning, but obviously his room is his top priority.
You waited another hour for Loki to show up as you didn’t want to leave and miss him, but he never came.
You decided to go and search for Thor, maybe he knew if Loki was busy with something else.
“Hey Thor, have you seen Loki? He was meant to come to the library at 12 but it’s gone 1 o’clock!” Thor gave you a big bear hug like usual and you laughed.
“No I have not seen him today lady Y/N, but if he is not with you then I imagine he is in his chambers!” You nodded and carried on walking until you reached Loki’s bedroom door.
You knocked quietly, cautious of startling him or waking him if he was asleep.
“Who is it?” You heard his voice speak up, but it was different than usual.
It was more hoarse? Strained?
“It’s me Loki, are you alright?”
A weak voice answered back, “I’ll come to the library tomorrow Y/N, just… leave me alone.”
You knew something was wrong because his voice was always so perfect, now it sounded like he was in pain.
You panicked at the thought of him being hurt, “You don’t sound ok Loki, please just let me in and I can help.”
“No you can’t! Nobody can! I don’t want you to see me like this Y/N…” His strangled voice turned into a soft whisper.
“If you’re hurt or sick Loki then I don’t care, I just want to help you.”
“I am sick! Sick in the head for thinking for just one moment that— that I had a friend…”
You could actually feel your heart breaking at his words and you knew you needed to get to him.
“Loki… open the door.” You whispered softly and you heard his footsteps get louder.
“You’ll never see me the same way again Y/N, you’re going to treat me just like the rest of them do!” You heard a quiet thump on the other side of the door and you reached for the door handle.
It was silent for a moment until you heard the click of the door opening, and you slowly pushed it open to reveal Loki sat on his bed with his back to you.
“Loki…” You approached him slowly and laid a hand on his back, but he jumped at your touch and that’s when you saw it.
Your eyes widened in amazement as the soft colour suited him so well, that was until you realised he was visibly shaking.
And his forehead was dripping with sweat.
You reached out slowly and carefully with one hand and rested it on his forehead, and he looked terrified as you touched his skin.
“Loki… you’re burning up.” You could feel that his skin was on fire, and you knew it wasn’t normal.
“I-It’s too hot… I had to turn into my Jotun form, Stark said the air conditioning was broken.” He opened his eyes and you bit your lip at the bright red colour.
The colour made his eyes even more intense, and you found yourself looking at him with so much love in your eyes.
“Oh Loki… I don’t know much about this, I’m not sure what to do!” You panicked slightly but tried to stay calm for him.
“I need to cool down… heat is torture for me— for a Frost Giant…” He told you and you looked him in the eyes, resting your hand gently on his bare knee.
You realised he was in a T-shirt and shorts, “Let’s get you out of these love, they’re only making it worse.” You said in a soft whisper and he looked at you with shock in his eyes.
“W-Why do you even care? Why bother helping me? I-I’m just a monster! Can’t you see that?!” He raised his voice but you didn’t budge from your place kneeling on the floor in front of him.
“No I can’t see that Loki because you are not a monster, you’re beautiful. And I’m going to prove that to you,” You cupped his cheek gently and stroked his soft blue skin.
You lifted his big arms up and pulled his top carefully over his head, and he released a big sigh as his top half was now bare.
“I’m gonna go and fetch some things to help you love, I won’t be a minute.” You said and as you stood up to leave, you felt a cold hand wrap around your wrist.
You looked down and saw the fear in his eyes, gently stroking the stray hairs out of his face, “I’ll be back, I promise.”
You made sure to shut the door behind you and you took off on a mission to find Tony.
“Jarvis? How long until the air conditioning comes back on?” You shouted whilst frantically jogging to the elevator.
“Mr Stark is still fixing it Miss L/N, shall I get a message to him for you?” His voice sounded over the speakers back to you.
“Yeah, tell him I’m coming to kick his ass unless he turns that fucking air conditioning back on!!” You pressed the button to the floor where the common room and kitchen was.
You ran straight to the freezer in the kitchen and grabbed as many ice packs as you could carry, and ran to Tony’s suite upstairs.
“Tony?! I swear to god if you haven’t fixed that damn air conditioning—
You barged into his room to see him typing away on his laptop, “Ah Y/N, polite as ever!”
“Please Tony, it’s killing Loki… you call yourself a genius when you can’t even fix something as simple as—
“Relax rolo, it should be back on any minute now. Now please, hurry on back to Reindeer Games!” You rolled your eyes at his sarcasm and headed back for the door, but before you left you reached over and grabbed his fan.
“Hey!!” He yelled out and you couldn’t help but laugh as you ran away with his electrical fan that he had plugged in.
You made it back to Loki’s room as quick as you could and you found him laying on the hardwood floor, his head lifting when he heard you.
“It should be coming back on anytime now Loki, but I got ice packs and I kind of also stole Tony’s fan… but he doesn’t even need it so!” You placed everything on the floor in front of him and he sat up slowly.
The cold air of the fan made Loki sigh in delight as it blew directly at him, and you handed him an ice pack to put on his forehead.
He lay on the floor for as you gently placed ice packs on his body, he hissed at the feeling at first but then it started to help with his temperature and you saw his body ease.
As if on cue, you heard the whirring of the air conditioning unit above you kickstart and cold air came rushing into the room.
“Oh my god, I swear I was about to kill Stark!” You mumbled under your breath.
“Loki? Do you feel any better?” You asked him, leaning over his shivering body.
“I’m cooling down, b-but it may cause me to become too cold after so much heat…” He said quietly and you took the ice packs off of his body, sitting him up on the floor.
“I’ll be here, you’re safe with me Loki.” You placed a delicate kiss on his forehead and he sighed at your touch.
You could feel that his skin had cooled down very quickly, so you helped him sit on top of his bed and he tugged on your arm for you to join him.
“Please… stay.” He pleaded and your heart melted for him.
You layed back on his pillows and he slowly began to lean into your side, his head falling on your shoulder.
You closed your eyes for a moment and when you looked back down, his skin had gone back to a pale white instead of blue and his eyes back to green.
“Oh Loki…” You pulled him in closer to your body let him rest his head completely on your chest as you ran your nails up and down his back.
In that moment you swore to yourself that you would prove to him just how special he was to you…
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