The Holy Heffer

Hoofing it.

[theholyheffer]

Looking For Answers in Today's World

Looking For Answers in Today’s World

I don’t where others are in the process of coming to peace with what’s happening out in the world or even how many people are aware that something on a much grander scale than ourselves is taking place.  How many people are silently scouring the internet looking for answers about what is really happening vs. what the narrative currently is on the world stage?  How many people are feeling more…

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[theholyheffer]

Walk Towards the Tsunami With Peace in Your Heart

Not knowing what’s coming leaves a really big space for us to fill with our own fears, surrounding us with our own darkness versus the truth that lies before us.

Working through our fears is the growth we need in order to become big enough to handle the truth. And the real truth, the higher truth, only ever frees you from the grip of fear. It is only ever a burden lessened.

Only when you have…

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[theholyheffer]

Dream Giving Gentle Reminder of What's Really Important

Dream Giving Gentle Reminder of What’s Really Important

I had some interesting dreams last night that really made me think.  A couple were set at a hotel and the one I’ll share with you begins with me going to my room and seeing that there was already a woman in there occupying it.  She seemed a little off somehow, not really with it.  I tried to just go along with it but I became more and more uncomfortable with the situation.

Then I started to…

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[theholyheffer]

I still want to sing and I still want to dance.  I still want to honor my feelings and soul.  I still believe in happiness.  I still want to try, I still want to dream.  I still want to be kind.  I still want to share.  I still want to be relevant.  I still want to matter.  I still feel like I have something of value to offer.  I can still hear my inner song.  I can still feel my inner love.  I haven’t given up on me yet.  I am not done.

[theholyheffer]

Looking out into the world I am confronted by how consumed we’ve become with suffering.  As if seeking solace, sanctuary in our victim-hood.  But the truth is that we all have a cross to bear.  We are all misunderstood in some way.  You have everything you need inside of you to be who you came here to be, while spontaneously giving others space to figure out who they came here to be.  

Your success and happiness is not dependent on changing another person.  It is not dependent on anyone else accepting or validating you.  It may however, require saying goodbye to loved ones.  It may require losing or giving something up that is important to you.  It may require seeing that you might be in the wrong.  Who knows, as it is different for each person and situation.  

My point being is that ultimately you have a choice.  You can choose to spend your life in the role of ‘having been wronged’ (whether true or not) or you can choose to figure your shit out and head down a road that leads to living the life you came here to live.  Both are hard work, but one ends in regret.                    

[theholyheffer]

The Tea-Off

While doing some deep cleaning in the kitchen, I decided that we had way too much tea that we never drink, so I've challenged my husband to a tea-off and we're going to see who can drink the most tea by midnight. The winner with the most empty tea packages (aka receipts) wins and gets to choose the next game. So far I've learned that we're not above tripping or name-calling in our pursuit of victory. I had no idea how seriously my husband took tea.

[theholyheffer]

The Mountain and the Butterfly

The Mountain and the Butterfly

I’m wanting to come to peace with myself again, but I keep taking issue with me.  I am inconsistent.  I want to be more fixed, more constant, but that’s not how I experience things.  To me every moment is its own situation with a complex feed of information that plays a part in what I’m thinking or feeling.  I can shift and change my perception to see any view point that is given. With that kind…

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[theholyheffer]

The Moment of Truth.

The Moment of Truth.

Recently while watching video clips of recent natural disasters, I felt something stirring in me.  Something deeper, almost forgotten.  Even bursting into tears, as if waking from a dream or snapping out of a spell.  The feeling reminding me more of how I used to experience the world as a child. A feeling that I also experienced while standing in the middle of an office building as it shook…

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[theholyheffer]

Food Hangover

I’m trying to get more comfortable in expressing my feelings, so naturally I ate too much food last night in an act of self sabotage.  But the joke is on me because I’m going to make myself write something anyways.  Making a crappy post that I’m not proud of will be my punishment. You know, it took me awhile to realize that when I say ‘feelings’, I actually mean body sensations.  As in, ‘how does…

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[theholyheffer]

Looking for the Middle Lane

Looking for the Middle Lane

I’m sitting here on the couch at 6 in the morning trying my best to not start complaining because that’s not who I am.  Not at heart anyways.  But it’s become something of a habit in the last year or so.  I’ve also been married for the last year, so who knows, maybe it’s related. It’s been tough adjusting to a new country and being married.  I am the quintessential independent American woman.…

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[theholyheffer]

A Self Prophecy That I'm Not Going To Run From

A Self Prophecy That I’m Not Going To Run From

Do you remember those stories we had to read in school that were about prophecies that foretold certain events, and then the remainder of the story is somebody trying to stop the prophecy from coming about and then that ends up being what causes the prophecy to happen?  Well, I’ve had that theme showing up a lot for me lately and so I decided to stop and think about what that is maybe trying to…

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[theholyheffer]

It's Time To Get Right Within Ourselves

It’s Time To Get Right Within Ourselves

These last couple of weeks have been a bit of a wild ride out in the world.  I wonder what is going on, but at the same time there is a part of me that knows.  Knows, but hasn’t surfaced enough yet for me to remember it more clearly. Even as a child, this part of me knew that adult me would experience all manner of natural disasters and earth changes.  Chaos that was unimaginable to little girl…

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[theholyheffer]

Perfect in Our Imperfections

A part of being human is to learn and grow as you live your life.  We are never really the same person from moment to moment in the same way that you never step into the same river twice. It’s only fair to judge someone based on the entirety of their journey, and that can only be seen at soul level.  And in the end we all get it right, we get it perfect for ourselves.  So all we are really seeing…

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[theholyheffer]

Unseen Perfection of Life

Unseen Perfection of Life

I don’t want to fight against the beauty of life anymore.  I want to give in to all it asks of me.  Swelling like a song from inside my soul all the various hues and tones.  I’ve known insanity, I’ve witnessed death.  I’ve felt my heart stop beating in my chest.  I know a mother’s sorrow.  I know defeat.  I know what it’s like to be broken and brought to my knees. I fought against it all.  Trying…

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[theholyheffer]

Unexpected Mini Tsunamis

Here’s another oddity that is standing out to me and that I’ve added to my clue hunting list of ‘what’s really going on?’:  Unexpected Mini Tsunamis.  Since March of this year, there have been at least four that have been reported, including one here in The Netherlands. In my opinion, this is effing bizarro and points to something bigger.  They get brushed aside too easily, and yes individually…

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[theholyheffer]

The Curiosity of the Bright Late Night Sky

The Curiosity of the Bright Late Night Sky

Back in June of this year [2017] my husband and I were remarking on how it felt more like it was August or September based on the angle of the sunlight.  It gave me the feeling like it was that time of year when you have to start thinking about getting school supplies for the kiddos and are looking forward to the cooler days of fall.  I had to keep consciously reminding myself that it was only…

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[theholyheffer]

Resetting My Inner Mother and Father

Resetting My Inner Mother and Father

In my previous post I was focused on Mother and today I feel a focus towards Father, realizing now that they are the male/female aspects within me trying to reconcile.  It’s less about what my biological mother and father did or didn’t do in my life, and more about how I feel about those concepts within me. I can’t change other people.  I can’t change who my parents were or are.  They have their…

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