Depression is currently kicking my ass so I don't feel up to a long post today, but I needed to point out that the acronym on Koh's shirt is C.U.N.T. which I think is fitting.
Koh and Pheem are two peas in a fucked up pod because they've now both asked Jira to move in with them despite Jira having not even agreed to date either of them. Unhinged behavior. Anyway..
So now we have a better idea of why Koh is the way that he is, and the reason is shitty parenting. I wonder if the whole 'you can't trust anyone especially the people closest to you' thing was something his mom told him just the once or a message she hammered into him repeatedly. Regardless, he really took it to heart and became the king of trust issues and apparently also the king of doing shady business. I guess that's what happens when your mother disparages your father for being a trusting and decent man and essentially tells you not to follow in his footsteps. Unfortunately for Koh, he's not a sociopath so following his mother's advice has turned him into a miserable and lonely insomniac. Trying to heed her warning may have brought him financial success, but it fucked up every other aspect of his life. It's no wonder he's latched onto Jira the way that he has. He's spent so long isolating himself and hiding behind a tough exterior and trying desperately to convince himself that he's better off alone that the moment he met someone who could not only see through his bullshit but was willing to call him out on it, he became enamored. Add to that the way Jira's artwork of him made him feel things and view himself differently, and he was a goner. Having seen the conversation he had with his mother's portrait, we know he's being sincere in expressing feelings for Jira, but just because his feelings are sincere doesn't mean that he is capable of expressing them in a healthy way or maintaining a healthy relationship. Actually, all signs point to him being unable to do those things. He opens up to Jira this episode but doesn't tell him why he likes him beyond 'you're pretty'. Even when discussing something personal like a romantic relationship, he's in business mode. He presents an idea of a future for him and Jira to Jira in a way that he thinks is mutually beneficial, much the same way as he would present a business deal to a potential business parter. He probably thinks this is a winning strategy because it has been in his professional life, but a romantic relationship is not a business transaction and Jira cannot be bought. He still doesn't get that because money has probably bought him everything he's wanted thus far but also because Jira keeps saying he'll do things for or with him for money. He thinks he has Jira all figured out but he's wrong, and his misunderstanding of Jira's feelings will probably result in him fucking all this up somehow.
Jira is continuing to be a pretty little liar this episode, lying to both Koh and Pheem. He definitely has feelings for Koh and is finally starting to be more honest with himself about that, but he doesn't seem to trust Koh's feelings for him and understandably so. Koh's given him every reason not to trust him so it's gonna take more than a few words and a visit to his childhood home for Jira to trust Koh is being sincere. Also, I still don't think Jira knows what he wants to do about his feelings for Koh. He's attracted to him and has shown care towards him, but that does not necessarily mean he wants to be in a relationship with him. I think his not knowing whether Koh is being sincere about his feelings is holding him back. Koh already fucked with his feelings once so now he needs to decide whether he's willing to risk being hurt like that again. From the preview for the next episode, it looks like he is going to risk it so we'll see how that goes. As for the whole thing with Pheem, I don't know what he's even trying to accomplish at this point. He's still leading the man on but now he's banging his childhood frenemy which makes it even worse. It looked like he was feeling some guilt about it at the end of the episode and may finally stop giving Pheem false hope next episode, but I could also see him dragging Pheem right back into his mess if things with Koh go sideways (which they likely will). I still think he's mostly been using Pheem as a shield against his feelings for Koh so maybe he's still not willing to put that shield down. Also he was finally able to use Pheem to make art so he may want to try to mine him for more inspiration. Whatever his motivations, they're most certainly selfish, but I guess at least he's messing with the feelings of asshole tech bros and not decent people.
We saw less of Pheem this episode, but what we did see showed him being more genuine than he's been pretty much the entire series. It's interesting that he's capable of being sincere with Mawin but not Jira. Pheem likes to cast himself as the good guy to Koh's bad guy, but things aren't that black and white in reality, and he has more in common with Koh than he is willing to admit. While Koh puts up walls to present a tougher version of himself to the world, Pheem wears masks and presents fake versions of himself. Koh's biggest issue is trust, but I think Pheem's might actually be self-esteem. He's talked about always losing to Koh and also once said something to Jira about him maybe not liking what he'd see if Pheem showed him all of him so maybe he puts on masks and pretends to be what he thinks people want him to be because he doesn't think they'll like the real him. That's pretty sad, if true. And it also unfortunately puts him at a disadvantage with Jira, someone who values authenticity. He's either not comfortable enough with Jira or doesn't trust him enough to be genuine with him the way he is with Mawin, and it's a shame because he's far more likable when he's being sincere imo. He thinks Koh is the biggest obstacle in his relationship with Jira, but the biggest obstacle is himself. It looks like Jira is going to tell him he's dating Koh next episode so that might draw a genuine response from him. Idk if it will do anything to help improve his chances of a relationship with Jira, but who knows. I think it's gonna get messy though, and I'm looking forward to seeing how it all plays out.
Idk how they managed to be even more fucked up this episode than in previous ones, but they managed it. It's like they're in a competition to see which one of them can be the most fucked up.
I'm seriously wondering if insomnia has given Koh some kind of short-term memory loss. He asks Jira if he's mad at him for firing Pheem (which he didn't even do because Pheem quit) and I'm like, sir, do you not remember the stunt you just pulled?? Of course Jira is mad at you! Though I would not be surprised if Koh viewed it in 'an eye for an eye' sort of way-- Pheem and Jira betrayed him (from his perspective) and he got his revenge so now they're even and Jira has no reason to be mad. Yeah, he's definitely fucked up enough to view it that way. He does apologize to Jira 'for today' but he doesn't really specify what he's apologizing for. Is it for toying with Jira's feelings? For stalking him? For passing out at the club and having Jira bring him home? All of the above? The world may never know. I'm not sure Koh even gets how fucked up what he did to Jira (and Pheem) was, because I don't think he understands Jira's feelings for him. We as the audience know that Jira won't do just anything for money (for example, his refusal to use ai to secure a job in episode one), but Koh doesn't know that. Jira was willing to sleep with him on at least two occasions and said it was for money, and Koh believed him. He doesn't know Jira would not have slept with him for money if he really didn't want to sleep with him. He gets that Jira is attracted to him but thinks he keeps coming back for financial reasons which is why he keeps trying to throw money at Jira to get what he wants. This is partially because Jira isn't being honest about his feelings and keeps insisting it's all about the money but also because Koh is emotionally dense. I think he may be starting to get how hurtful his actions are and that it's not just about money after Jira called his ass out for playing with people's feelings. It's not 'an eye for an eye' and now everything's fine like he wants it to be. Koh said playing with people's feelings was fun but not anymore. I think this ties into what we already know about Koh which is that he can't help but care about someone once he lets them in. He let Jira in so playing with his feelings and realizing how badly he hurt him isn't fun. He got some initial satisfaction from his revenge, but the regret set in once he understood the extent of the emotional damage he caused. It's not just regret for hurting Jira though, but regret for the consequences of hurting Jira. Because now Jira is mad at him and doesn't want to give him the time of day, but he can't sleep without Jira and feels like Jira is the only one who truly sees past the walls he's put up and he doesn't want to lose that. Jira calls him selfish, and Koh admits that he is. Koh wants Jira, because he feels better with Jira around. But does he want him enough to be honest with him and stop with his bullshit power plays? I guess we'll have to wait and see.
And oof, Jira really proved he's just as toxic and selfish as the tech bros this episode. Pheem was right to call him cruel, because he is still lying to that man and leading him on, and I don't believe for a second that he doesn't know it. Pheem asked him for the truth about him and Koh, and he blatantly lied. If Koh had wanted to have sex with Jira in the last episode, Jira would have been all in. He only wishes he hated Koh, but the truth is, Koh inspires him in a way no one else does and that's what he can't give up. It's not about the money (yet another lie he told Pheem); it's about the art. I do believe he feels some amount of guilt for hurting Pheem but clearly not enough for him to stop playing with his feelings. Kind of hypocritical of him to get mad at Koh for messing with him when he's doing the same to Pheem. The fact that he lied to him again about how he found him at the rage room was also seriously fucked up. I don't even think he was trying to cover for Mawin so much as he was trying to manipulate Pheem. And when all was said and done, after Pheem spilled his guts to him in the rage room, all Jira cared about was his art. He didn't really care about how badly he messed Pheem up because in doing so, he found inspiration in him. I really think he'd be willing to crush that man again and again so long as he could make art from the wreckage. And that's why a relationship between them would never work-- his art is more important to him than Pheem will ever be, and he doesn't find Pheem naturally inspiring the way he does Koh. Mawin was right to warn Pheem about Jira. He desires someone who both inspires and appreciates his art, and that person is not Pheem. Between the red flag who easily inspires him and was so moved by his art that he cried and the red flag that he struggles to find inspiring and has no appreciation for art, there's really no competition; however, Jira is still not willing to acknowledge the truth so he's going to continue leading Pheem on while being drawn back to Koh. But hey, the longer he drags this shit out, the bigger the fallout will be, and in the words of Marie Kondo, I love mess.
I gotta be honest with y'all, while I find Pheem's character interesting, he disgusts me in a way Jira and Koh do not, and he really cemented my dislike for him this episode. The good news for him is that he doesn't love Jira; he has an unhealthy obsession with him that he's mistaken for love. His ego is at far greater risk of being shattered than his heart. Hooray for small victories, I guess. But in all seriousness, he was genuinely scary this episode. He has every right to be angry with Jira for toying with his feelings, but his level of entitlement towards him and the rage he displayed was disturbing. His meltdown in the rage room made him sound like a petulant child, albeit an incredibly violent one. He's like one of those dudes who thinks his date owes him sex if he pays for dinner. How dare Jira not quit his job for him and risk poverty and homelessness because he's done some unhinged shit to gain his affections and has an inferiority complex in regards to Koh? How dare he not run away with him and leave Koh behind? And oh god, so much of this is about Koh. It's not just that Jira didn't choose to go with him, it's that he chose to stay with Koh. I think Pheem has seen himself as being second best to Koh his entire life and is deeply resentful about it. His sex life is the only place where that's not been the case. He wasn't competing with Koh for anyone's affections, and until Jira, it sounds like he'd never been rejected. It's the one aspect of his life where he had the power, where he always won, and then Jira comes along and destroys that, and he cannot handle it. He's viewing this as yet another competition with Koh and Jira as a prize to be won. Interestingly, I don't think Koh is viewing it that way. He seems to be concerned with losing Jira period, whereas Pheem is angry at the thought of losing Jira to Koh. He's cast Koh in the role of villain so he doesn't have to take responsibility for his own actions. He's been doing this the entire show. Mawin said he had Stockholm Syndrome, but I disagree. His defense of Koh's actions was about him, not Koh, because he has gone along with all the awful business decisions Koh has made. He stayed in that job for so long despite knowing it was harmful and having the means to leave because he could put all the blame on Koh and pretend that he was just another victim. And now he's doing that again with this situation with Jira, calling Koh their prison guard, blaming Koh for Jira not choosing him. It's not Koh's fault though. As much as he would love to have that much control over Pheem and Jira, he cannot control their actions or how they feel. Koh did not force Pheem to be disingenuous with Jira in their every interaction nor is he responsible for Jira not being into Pheem's fake ass fuckboi shtick. Maybe if Pheem had been honest with Jira from the start, Jira would have developed feelings for him. Though honestly, I'm not sure Pheem is capable of being genuine. I don't think Pheem knows who he is or what he really wants. He's gone through life pretending to be whatever he thinks other people want and never became his own person. He really should take Mawin's advice and take time off to figure himself out. Do some eat, pray, love type shit. But it looks like he's fallen for Jira's lies again and is going to continue to pursue him despite his obvious lack of interest. I guess he's never heard the phrase 'actions speak louder than words'. Here's hoping he doesn't beat someone to death once he realizes Jira is full of shit again. With how he behaved in the rage room, he's proven himself capable. It was upsetting how satisfied he looked making Jira flinch away from him. Also fuck him for dismissing Jira's concerns about quitting his job. Sure, he wasn't being entirely honest about why he stayed, but everything he said was still valid. Pheem's privileged ass has no right to judge someone in Jira's financial position about his employment choices.
as someone who remembers the patriot act and all the conversation surrounding it, it's a bit... of an experience being able to remember how many people pointed out that Terrorist was a politically convenient term which could be used to dehumanise and legally strip the rights from someone and that eventually all this would be used internally. and the response was 'nuh uh only browns with funny headgear are terrorists'. and then two decades of 'fighting age males' being blown to pieces at weddings because they might have, maybe, looked at a terrorist once. A week ago a head of state is black bagged in the middle of the night by the US for being a 'narcoterrorist'. And now an unarmed, random woman - white, citizen - is gunned down by jackboot thugs and before her body is cold she is, of course, a domestic terrorist.
If you are reading this, you need to know that the moment the US state needs to kidnap you, the moment a drone pilot decides you're in the wrong place, the moment you are bleeding to death on the sidewalk, you will be a Terrorist. Because anything can be done to a Terrorist.
“One day, Narcissus sees his reflection in the water and falls so deeply in love that he cannot take his gaze away. In the end, he dies because of his own vanity, and turns into the flower we know as narcissus today. The iris, in Greek mythology, means hope, rainbows, and communication. In art, it’s typically connected with an artist’s inner feelings. In art, flowers are never just flowers. Georgia O’Keeffe drew an iris to resemble a woman’s vagina. Van Gogh drew it to feel better.”
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