Memes 'N' Cream

Ain't always what they seem

[theicewizardz]

Fresh new condoms allow you to pretend you don't have a dick so the mice in your basement (by which I mean rectum you kinky minx) can nibble on your ghost balls while your partner enjoys the sensation of LESBIANISM because you're an inadequate gnome who can't please her anymore because my condoms took away your penis for my collection hahaha enjoy a life with no dick loser also the mice live there now please don't complain it will hurt my feelings

[theicewizardz]

If you try to fly you will fall to the ground and get your nose stuck in some kitten's cleavage and then snort its nipples which will give you cat aids but it's okay because it was consentual but Jesus still doesn't forgive you and curses you to repeatedly die in heaven of AIDS and you're never cured of your aids so you resort to a life of crime in heaven, dealing in sinful things like playdoh and stolen nipples for the short time before you die again and your life really begins to feel like grand theft auto but it's ok because it's not Jesus just hates you because you're a cat nipple thief and you should feel bad but then god was like "yo wtf Jesus ya dick stop it" and Jesus is like "k soz dad don't beat me" and god is like "lol it's okay son" so Jesus cures you of aids and gives you a hug which warms your insides or maybe it's the cat nipples because THEY WERE A BOMB HAHA BITCH you gonna die

[theicewizardz]

Who would you rather have brutal sex with, the kind of sex where one of you would probably lose a limb and it involves lions and zebras and shit but you're not actually having sex with them, they're just running around you, and a spotty kid comes in half way through in a clown suit with a 9" dildo ready to peg the shit out of both of you, and a really ugly woman in a wetsuit is in a spectator box above you masturbating. In the end, you parents also join in. Who in the chat would you rather do that kind of sex with (also they end up biting your dick off)

[theicewizardz]

The relatable feeling when you go to kick your friend up the arse because they have kinks like that and your foot gets stuck, and suddenly you hear a rumbling like an engine starting from within them and you can't get your foot out and suddenly smoke starts pouring from your friend's face as you're slowly sucked feet first up their anus to the dark side (they have cookies) and you low-key enjoy it and think it's a great way to take your friendship further but they didn't wipe and now you have shit balls instead of eyeballs. Anyway, in their anus you see a shit ton of other things that they've sucked up over the years, including Theresa May's mum, and you gotta fight her because she is the final boss to life

So you've absolutely hammered Theresa May's mum in your mates rectum and you start climbing, but it's too late and you're absorbed into the death pit that is your friends bloodstream, but then suddenly you see the light of day again when you pop out of their urethra next time they go for a wee, so now you're sitting there looking up at your friend while they piss in your shitball eyes and you both start laughing because now you're both going to die of a disease only one of you had but it's okay because you've made the great memories with your friend of exploring their rectum to the fullest extent.

[theicewizardz]

Sex partners are like marshmallows​, you can skewer them and put them on a fire and they'll taste better. Coat them in chocolate for extra sweet delight!

[theicewizardz]

My favourite party game is when you stick your head in an octopus' rectum and let it ink all over you and then you go blind but it's ok because you can now forever relive your sins in your mind. Then your friends who are watching turn inside out and become human shaped mice with their skin on backwards, and start stealing your cheese and you never notice because you're blind. It's always a laugh ha ha please give me back my cheese

[theicewizardz]

Why be depressed when you can be GAY

[theicewizardz]

Back in my day, many moons ago, we had really cool games which included tearing each other's nipples off and munching the edges of the skin until milk came out, whereupon we would all drink it and have our organs scooped out and replaced by clockwork mechanisms, and we would then be served our organs. It was a delicacy that caused instant orgasm beyond any belief, and it would send you and your friends on a 40 minute trip of sexual hallucinations; this shit was so powerful that i once saw some 90 year old guy cover an entire table in his own fucking jizz in two seconds flat, and after that it was just fucking blood, gushing out of his dick, it was awful, but at the same time, it was the most arousing thing I'd ever seen. I saw three bystanders just fucking die from the size of the boners they got from looking at it some guy even tore a hole in the fabric of reality his was so fucking large (it was biggest when the 90 year old dude just started jizzing his smaller intestine) and i jumped in it and was greeted by an alien who showed me the world and the meaning of life, and i discovered that the meaning of life is to [censored]. It was very enlightening and when i came out i preached to everyone who was just fucking horny off their tits from watching this 90, year old dude jizzing his own bone marrow at this point, but i got through to them and told them that the meaning of life was [censored]. They all stared at me in amazement as they proceeded to gouge their eyes out and replace them with lit bombs, and they died. I can still taste the blood. But it's okay because they knew they had to die for the noble cause; i must now collect nipples to free the world of its fate and make sure nobody discovers the meaning of life again or experiences organ-consuming jizz sessions

[theicewizardz]

That feeling when you wanna post but you don't know what to post so you sleep yourself to fall quietly in sadness due to your inability to think of postworthy-koto and then your intestines are ripped apart by hungry ants who want those mashed baby's arms you had for lunch that are in your stomach but it's ok because you're immortal and Jesus loves you so he blessed you with anti-ant-y powers that you use to keep your baby's arms to yourself because damn that is some good shit but then the babies reform inside your stomach and Jesus didn't give you powers for this so you're not immortal to it and the babies burst out of your stomach and now you're dead by baby rebellion but you have learned your lesson and will never eat stale memes again because you know the side effects that result

[theicewizardz]

For a quick way to impregnate your SO, cut open her abdomen and wank directly into the ovaries. No vaginal canal, no issue.

But remember, you're not a monster. Consent is everything.

[theicewizardz]

A Handy Tip from TheIceWizardz

When naming a newborn child, you should always keep in mind that that name will one day have to be screamed in bed with deep, deep intimacy and passion. Therefore, it should be short, simple and to the point. Your child's future partner will thank you.

[theicewizardz]

Foetus and cream can appear in my spleen scheme

[theicewizardz]

Those moments when you crack your fingers and one falls off but it's okay because the starving African children can eat it, but the fingernails don't digest and tear their assholes open when they next take a shit. 

[theicewizardz]

When you get yo dick stuck in a blender and shamefully enjoy it, then the neighbour be like “stfu m8 tryna sleep yo” but it's too good so you come in the blender but yo bellend is fuckin steak mince right now, so you come out of your dickstump instead and the blood teaches orphans why they shouldn't cook.

#JustManlythings

[iltriceratopoingiardino]

[theicewizardz]

My penis is like the Everlasting Gobstopper. You can suck it and suck it and it will never get any smaller.

[theicewizardz]

If I can lift my own weight, why can't I lift myself up and fly off into the distance like a little fat man on stilts holding an ice cream using his huge penis as a propeller?