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@theideaofsomeone
I dont understand
Well. okay weird realization. like. im like super asexual and like or atelast i thought i was but now im thinking im demi? but like idk. i met the first guy that ive ever been like damn i would like to fuck him. and its weirding me out. idk what to feel.
Biromantic Ace????
Idk
Well. Congrats to me for once again being hopelessly head over heels for my best friend. And having him like a girl. And come and talk to me about it. Ugh. Fucking Christ. I just can't. It sucks so much. I'm also in desperate need of physical contact. I would kill for one of nics hugs. I need a cuddle buddy real bad. This week is going to be a long one. Cuz it's tech week. And I feel a real need to kiss boys and do something stupid. So idk we shall see. Fuck. I'm so tired. BLAH.
I am just really confused. Like. I know he’s a jerk and kinda of a self observed asshat. But like I can’t help but have feelings for him and it’s just so frustrating. And like I just can’t bring myself to make a decision either way. And I didn’t think I was going to have to. But then he asked me to hang out this weekend. And now I don’t know what t do. And I just. Ugh.
Well shit.
I really don't know what to do. I have this friend and he's like weird and super desperate. But then again so am I. But the way he's been talking he might be into me. And like. Idk if I want to go for that. Or if that is a horrible idea that might end super badly. Because I feel like it could go well and we could be super cute. Or it could also go terribly and we could crash and burn. Ugh. Idk what to do. I just want him to make a move. But I feel like he respects me too much to make a move without knowing I wanted him to. Ya know. Ugh. I just don't know what to do.
Well I hung out with hottie McYoungerson and his friend today. And it was nice. I realized how much is missed him this summer. His smile still sends me reeling and his laugh. Ugh. I can't focus on what he's saying when he starts laughing. Because he just looks so cute. Blah. I can't do this. He so doesn't like me any more and he's kind of an ass. But he's so. Ugh. I'm stupid.
I just want to like make out with your stupid asshole face. And like go to mcdonalds and be pieces of shit together. Except you probs think I'm a freak and would never ever talk to me. Fuck.
Well. He hugged me today. And asked about my summer and stuff. I hate to admit it. But I missed him. And he's such an ass that I hate that I missed him. Ugh.
Also. Hottie McYoungerson wore a bow tie to the first day of school. And hasn’t talked to me since the end of last year. I also want to cry every time I see him.
I feel so stupid. So today was the first day of school and I have one class with this guy that just. I have this little like fantasy crush on this guy. Like last year I would daydream about him all the time. And like it’s totally stupid and I know that. And I’m totally like the “idea” of him more than I would probably actually like him. He’s just ugh. His face is so freckly and adorable. But he’s totally an asshole. But I would totally be down to make the fuck out with him. But he also probs thinks I’m a freak. Loop zoop. Idk.
Panromantic demisexual
I hate this. I hate all this college shit. I want to leave more than anything. And I can’t wait to start my life. And I know I have to go through all this stupid, redundant filling out of forms and applications. I know I have to write my essays as if the person reading them gives a crap about my story. I know I have to put in the work to make my dream come true. Hopefully by this time next year I’ll be moving into my dorm in California and ill be starting the next chapter of my life.
Idk I feel like I'm being stupid about this. But like. I think that since nothing with a guy has ever worked out for me in the past I'm just really skeptical that a guy could actually genuinely want to be with me. And like. I can't help but over think it. And think worst case scenarios like he's just trying to take advantage of me and hook up. And doesn't actually like me. And I really can't tell. Because sometimes he's sweet and caring. And sometimes he's distant and a bit of an asshole. I just don't know.
A guy tried to kiss me yesterday. And I panicked. And I'm pretty sure I scared him off. Either that or he was only interested in kissing me. And I'm just freaking out about it. And I'm just. Gah. I froze and I freaked out. And I thought he was chill about it. But idk he's been weird all day. And won't text me back. And I just don't know what to do because I kinda liked this guy. But now I'm freaking out about whether he really liked me or was just like opportunity to make a pass at this girl. And ugh.
Well frick frick frick. This weekend I have talked to both Mr. Cool and Hottie McYoungerson. Things seem to be going well with Mr. Cool. I'm gonna talk to him this week I swear. Fuck. I need a boyfriend. It's bad how desperate I am.
Talked to Mr. “Cool” tonight. Which was nice. I need to start talking to him in person. This needs to happen.
Also saw a few friends that are home from college today. Which was super fun. But kinda bittersweet.
Fuck I missed you.