SNL standby: What it's about and a 'How-to'
In two words: life changing.
In many words: what you're about to read.
So, I'm assuming (making an a** of you and me) that a lot of people are interested in doing SNL standby or just plain curious if they can't purchase an expensive airline ticket to NYC just to sleep on the street for a night. After all, it's definitely one of the coolest things I've ever done in my entire life. No joke.
With that in mind, I'll go over some cons, pros, a checklist of things you should have and an FAQ if I can even think of some obvious questions. This post is incredibly long, I apologize. But I wanted to provide details because even though you're not in a tent in the woods, at times, you could definitely out-camp a camper if you do it right. Maybe even survive the apocalypse. I mean it.
I want to go over the cons first because there are so little of them, but they do make an impact. A big one: it's cold, sometimes unbearably so. I've done standby twice so far, once in April and once in November. It is New York, so it's cold. Really, really cold when the sun goes down. I thought April was bad, but when I did it in November, I was frozen the entire subway ride back home the next morning and stayed frozen even after a hot shower.
Another thing: unless you have a sweet set-up (body-length lawn chairs, sleeping bags, pillow... yes, I've seen this) you probably will NOT sleep. I was highly unexperienced back in April, and also wildly unprepared as my friend and I decided VERY spontaneously to do it. We slept on a tarp that wasn't ours. On top of the sidewalk. While it was raining. I thought I developed a severe case of pneumonia. I spent an hour drying my jeans under the hand dryer in the McDonald's bathroom around the corner. And yeah, I took my pants off. We were all classy ladies there in that warm bathroom (and I had on leggings, calm down).
Anyway, I will warn you: you're looking at 5 hours of sleep at the most. Doing standby is really exciting and that energy will sustain you for a while, plus your limbs will be so frozen you won't be able to get in a comfortable sleeping position anyway. Prepare accordingly.
-The new standby YouTube/social media series: Ok, these cool people come out WITH CAST MEMBERS and you get to play games and interact with them, all in the name of some fun YouTube videos and Internet posts! (THIS IS ME!)
-The nearby food and coffee choices: Right across the street from where the line forms is a pizza place, a Five Guys and maybe 5 other places to eat. There's a Duane Reade if you need anything from a drugstore, and there's a Starbucks underneath the main lobby of 30 Rock, behind the iceskating rink. Can't miss it. There's a 24-hour McDonald's around the corner (where I dried my jeans) and a Dunkin Donuts further down the street towards Times Square.
-Security guards stand behind you all night (that's to make all the moms feel good). I feel bad for them because they definitely overheard some weird conversations both times I was there. Sorry dudes.
-Um, HELLO, you're waiting in line for the best show ever. Honestly, I would probably give a finger to work there. Or a leg. Maybe. I don't know.
And here, a checklist for all of your standby line needs:
-A friend: Please, do not do standby alone! I mean I guess you can, but it's more fun with a friend. You'll have nothing to do for hours, so you'll need someone to quote SNL lines to, unless you have 20 portable iPhone chargers, in which case, may I have 5 of them?
-At least $40, or just a debit/credit card: You can pack all the snacks you want, but trust me, the temptation of Five Guys, pizza and four Starbucks runs will require some cash. If you have a Starbucks card, you better have it loaded and with you.
-A CHAIR: Please bring a chair. Please do not do what I did the first time. Please do not sleep on a tarp-covered sidewalk. Please. It's SO worth hitting peoples' lower bodies with a lawn chair on public transportation when you're incoherent the next morning from lack of sleep. You'll thank me later.
-A tarp or covering of some kind: Please bring a covering of some kind. The bigger the better. Also bring rope or something to hold down said covering. Wait, definitely bring rope.
-BLANKETS: More than one. Trust me. It gets cold at night. I haven't mentioned that yet, I know.
-Warm layers of clothes: The preparation for standby is half the fun. Both times, I felt like I should have been in an action movie "gearin-up to kick ass" montage because I was zipping, velcro-ing, taping, tying, covering and lacing up. Wear long underwear for. sure. Jeans...not always the best option (they get wet, did I mention that?) but I think any pant will work. Sweatshirts. At least one on, and bring another. Or two more. Winter stuff. Coats. Hats. Gloves. Scarves. Yes.
-trash bags, a tarp, some kind of plastic covering. Tarp, to make a pseudo-tent. Trash bags, because you can burrito yourself in a blanket, step into the trash bag, and stay warm until the harsh, Northeastern wind blows your tarp off and rips through all of your clothing, the blanket and the bag, releasing the sweet, sweet body heat you just spent 30 minutes incubating in. I'm not bitter.
-duct tape (you never know) (also, for taping trash bags together, taping the tarp to things, taping your friend's mouth shut at 5 a.m., whatever)
-scissors, unless you pre-cut the rope because you think you're better than me
-portable phone charger: not necessary unless you really feel the need. I usually text my parents one final time around 11 p.m. Friday night (I'm not dead and I've been to Starbucks three times now! But a homeless man threw up on me. Goodnight Mom!) and then turn it off.
-A backpack to carry the small things. Use the trash bags for blankets and the tarp.
To conclude this horrendously long post, here's a brief FAQ:
Q: How many times have you done standby?
A: Um, sounds like someone didn't read the long post I just labored over for hours. I cried tears of my own blood. Anyway, I've done it twice.
Q: Did you get in to the show the next night?
A: YES. Both times. I wanted to cry tears of pure joy both times but I figured an NBC page would drag me out by my collar if I did so.
Q: Where does the line form?
A: It's a secret. Just kidding. No I'm not. Don't show up please. (It's obvious where it forms if you read my post and either know the area or you're capable of using Google maps. I hope you know neither.)
Q: Is Lorne Michaels as miraculous in real life as he seems?
A: Yeah. He is. I've seen him in person. I almost cried, but then I felt someone staring at me. It was the NBC page.
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