The Java Tavern Series

Urban Fantasy / Indie Author / #pride / Cozy Murder Mystery / Witchy / Halloween Forever

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The Java Tavern Series

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Hemorrhaging Happiness

[Trigger Warning: Child death, drug use, death, depression, self harm.] I’ve been in a dark place for about a year. I’m still functioning, though. Ive written a handful of blogs but didn’t post them. I have so much to say but it feels like I’ve said it all before. I’m the wet blanket at a fireside party. I’m the girl crying because the sun is out and everyone is enjoying life around me. I’m only…

Hemorrhaging Happiness

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Celestial Mess

[TW: Death, grieving, cancer.] I didn’t want to do this. I didn’t want to post two blogs back to back about mourning. Another friend passed away. Every time I opened my laptop to write about it, I would sob. I couldn’t talk about it. Not even to my husband. To anyone. I’ve been internalizing all of it. To speak it is to process it and find a functional side of it. I haven’t been ready to do any…

Celestial Mess

[thejavatavernseries]

Life,

[TW: Death, suicide.] I have an unhealthy obsession with death. I know it’s unhealthy because it keeps me up at night and peaks my anxiety for days, weeks… sometimes months. As a child, I wished death upon myself. I would hold my breath and wait for the end to come. I’d only pass out and come back to life later. I wanted to die so bad. I yearned for it. I would day dream about what it would mean…

Life,

[thejavatavernseries]

Painfully Employeed

My first week of being employed has come to a close. This has been by far my most favorite job. I’m kind of sad that it took me this long to consider a merchandising job. It’s essentially resetting planograms at the grocery store chain. I love it. I show up, I’m told where to go and I do the thing. My boss checks on me through-out the day and when I’m finished with my task, she gives me something…

Painfully Employeed

[thejavatavernseries]

Finding Balance

A few weeks ago I had an epiphany that my entire life is sitting. All of my hobbies are sitting. Knitting, reading, sewing, writing, cross-stitch, embroidery, eating… it’s all sitting. So I started applying to standing jobs. Grocery stores, gyms, retail establishments. That’s how I ended up interviewing at a grocery store. (Spoiler alert: I didn’t get it.) I landed an interview with a…

Finding Balance

[thejavatavernseries]

Too Qualified to be Pretentious

I went on an interview earlier this week. At a grocery store. “You have an amazing history in marketing, social media management,” He flipped through my resume, “Why here?” Basically, the economy sucks. Everywhere is downsizing or selling their business. I want longevity somewhere. I need longevity. I really just want to work somewhere that doesn’t drain me of all emotional and physical energy.…

Too Qualified to be Pretentious

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Spring is for Growth

It feels like destiny for the first day of spring to be among the days of my rebirth. Starting over, again. Again and again, over the last couple years of me attempting to be back in the “normie work force” as I’ve been calling it. I know you’re tired of hearing my sad lament about how finding a job just isn’t working out for me. I’m a little tired of complaining about it myself, if we’re being…

Spring is for Growth

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Duality of Existence

I’ve been told for a long time that my head is in the clouds. As a child, I was always daydreaming. I would stare into nothing and be in another world. I could completely submerge myself in these worlds that I couldn’t hear what was going on around me. I could almost smell the adventure into another realm while reality fell away. It would take physical touch to bring me back to earth. I remember…

Duality of Existence

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Every Day is Midlife Crisis

Every Day is Midlife Crisis

[thejavatavernseries]

January Juxtaposition

Sunrise over the OBX January gives me such strange energy. December feels like a “hibernate and survive” month while January is an “open all the windows and doors. Break new ground. Reach new heights.” Type of month. Why the juxtaposition? Well, we’re still reeling from the darkness, mournful, hibernation of December. There is no such thing as a “fresh new start” and I’m here to rain on that…

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A Lack-Luster Christmas

I’ve had an uncertain year. Really, it’s been a few years of uncertainty. Professionally, anyway. I’ve had a gauntlet of jobs and deciding where my self worth was amongst the chaos. This year has felt the most consistent in my home life. The kids are older and can take more care of themselves freeing me up to my own hobbies and wants. The Hubs has started working on himself which is making our…

A Lack-Luster Christmas

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Giving Thanks While Grieving

Photo by Karola G on Pexels.com The holidays are hard. They’re just not easy. There is a lot of sadness surrounding the holidays when there are empty seats at the table. When our political climate is volatile and families are being ripped apart. Global warming is terrifying to think about when no one is doing any preventative measures on a large scale. Our planet is being buried in plastics.…

Giving Thanks While Grieving

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Holiday Humbug

Just as I started to get motivated to find a new job, I get a cold. I swear being at home crashes my immune system like nothing else. When I was at home all day last time I remember being sick consistently. This cold was strange. It started with heavy fatigue and focusing issues. It wasn’t like the flu, which causes body aches. I just wanted to close my eyes and sleep. I’m a few days in and I…

Holiday Humbug

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Ghost of a Good Thing

October is hard for me. Although it is my favorite month, the spookiest of months… it is also filled with birthdays of those past, and death dates. Anniversaries of days that make my soul ache and my bones feel brittle. Reminders that my days walking on the soil are limited yet the days I’ll remain within the soil is eternal. I’ve been grappling with my mortality lately. This must be what a…

Ghost of a Good Thing

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The Rejection Reflection

Photo by Shane Kell on Pexels.com After hours of investing time filling out the same information about myself into various platforms in search of a job and going on a few interviews, the rejections are coming in. It’s to be expected. Most places are only hiring for one position and there are many people trying to shove themselves into that spot. Makes sense that the rest of the us are rejected.…

The Rejection Reflection

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A Fresh Start

I’m not exactly sure how I got here, but I do know where I’m at in the moment and that’s something. I am a married woman seeking employment, yet again. This is the first time in a long time that I’ve been fired from a job. But it felt like a favor. A gift. A gift masked in betrayal and delusions of grandeur. The last time you heard from me I was a pile of emotions sloshing through life,…

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