The Jehanne d'Arc

Let it be.

[thejehannedarc]

You are my one little lie.

You are the one chapter of mine i wont read aloud. Let me leave you out as a little lie.

Those days were long gone and over. The pages had been torn apart and burnt. They’re now just ashes and have been carried around by the wind and no one knows now where it’s been, every single particle of it. It was a few years back that this happened. That this little lie happened. You… it felt like a fairy tale at first and the turn of events felt all so good to be true. I wasn’t that whole yet that time, still broken and healing with wounds still a bit raw of what happened to me before you came. Yet you happened and you made me feel the thing i longed for in such a long time. To be important and loved. You lighted up the embers of what’s remaining in my soul. You breathed life into the butterflies in my stomach and was then flapping around inside again. You made me feel what it’s like to have something to lose again… to be afraid to lose something again. And you brought the curves around my lips back with every single word you told me of how i made you feel, too… and with every little thing you did for me that then turned me simply weak down on my knees and then made me surrender to you. But it was just before you told me lies. Lies i'd never expected you to comfort me with. And which by then i was blinded with what i feel towards you. For a long time, you comforted me with lies. And with those lies, i also lied to myself that i was fine, that everything was fine between us… that there’s nothing wrong going on. But time went by and you’d fallen back and left me hanging with hopes on this thread i was clinging into to not break and whispering for it to be strong, at least for me. But not long enough did i realized that that thread was also me. And i was whispering all to myself. Whispering to hold on, to be strong a little more while. Fool as i was, had forgotten that threads don’t hold that much, not stiff and strong as i was hoping for it to be. I’ve given so much more than i expected to you yet you thrashed me anyway. In the times that went by with you, you made me feel like crap. You made your faults into mine’s. Every single fight was always my fault and you recited every ugly mistakes i made and oh how it was so brave of you to still be the one to threat me into breaking up with me.. into leaving me behind like nothing happened. ... like i was nothing. Oh how fool i was that i handed you the gun and not expect you to shoot me after all. You lied not to lie. You made me lie to myself. And i foolishly accepted all those lies. But i still thank you for everything you’d taught me. Thank you for waking me up with what the true value of trust really is. Thank you. But i will leave you out as my little lie buried deep down hundreds of feet below the ground. And as i also bury the pains and damages you’d caused me like you've never happened. Thank you... ..but you are the chapter i refuse to read you aloud.

[vinstage]

[thejehannedarc]

It's finals week but I haven't started with anything yet. But apparently it's 4am and I certainly have time for tumblr and some late 70's beat. wow

[thejehannedarc]

How can "feeling a lot" seems like a curse? something that seems to separate you from being normal? but isn't being human really is feeling pain, sadness, happiness, and things like that? The thing is when one is "feeling a lot" people would usually think that there must be something wrong with her or that she must be going through something.. I say, yes. She's going through something.. . life... and being a human. She's learning, she's growing and people should see that. Feeling isn't a flaw, it's a strength that allows us to truly know and explore what this life has for us. Feeling is living. Feeling is beautiful. Feeling is being human. #JustSaying

[thejehannedarc]

Friday Thoughts: I always feel like I'm not doing enough. :/

[triflingthing]

The Strand, McNally Jackson, and dinner in Little Italy is a good time

[taraantino]

Cinematography Appreciation

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (2010)

Director: Edgar Wright

Cinematography by: Bill Pope

Aspect Ratio: 1.85 : 1

[did-you-know]

Charlie Davoli snaps pics of everything that interests him through the day and blends them together with several apps on his phone to create surreal worlds and landscapes. 

Source

[stevieeatsworms]

…No one else will ;)

[humansofnewyork]

Susie passed away yesterday evening. She came into my life quite unexpectedly five years ago. I was photographing in Brooklyn one evening when I saw the coolest little dog sitting on a stoop. I sat down to pet her, and after a few minutes, her owner told me that he was unable to care for her anymore. He asked if I could take her. I was broke at the time. I was sleeping on a friend’s couch. And everyone that I asked told me that it was ‘not the right time’ for a dog. But I was so charmed by Susie, and the whole encounter seemed so fated, that I offered to take her.

It was one of the best decisions I ever made. Susie was twelve years old at the time and didn’t need much. I’d never had a dog before. It was a new experience. I was introduced for the first time to a dog’s unexplainable and unconditional love. After a few weeks, it seemed that Susie’s only concern in life was staying as close to me as possible. There was now a joyous reunion waiting for me at the end of every workday. And I learned that there are few greater blessings than a wildly happy dog greeting you at the door.

Over the last few years, my fiancé Erin developed her own relationship with Susie. As many of you know, Erin started a nonprofit called Susie’s Senior Dogs, which seeks to place older dogs in loving homes. Older dogs have the hardest time getting adopted. Because there is such a demand for young dogs, so many senior dogs are either euthanized or forced to spend the remainder of their lives in a shelter. Over the past few years, Susie’s Senior Dogs has placed several hundred senior dogs into homes. There is a warm and active community of people who follow the page. In fact, I think that half the people who come to my book signings are more excited to meet Erin than me.

So it’s been a tough few days, but Erin and I are both very thankful that Susie came into our lives. She was such a special friend. She was my introduction to the love of dogs. And she helped Erin discover her purpose in life. So in a way she’s going to stick around forever. I encourage everyone to follow Susie’s Senior Dogs, and consider allowing an older dog to change your life as well.

[lovely-trek]

[thejehannedarc]

All smiles!

It’s been a year since my ‘darkest winter’. haha nah just kidding. but there’s some truth to it, though. Last summer was, i think, the worst summer ive had. I was all depressed and just crying most of the time. I was going to sleep then at around 1am but still found myself wide awake at 4am. I was just there lying in my bed staring at the blank space between my head and the ceiling. It was horrible, almost a nightmare for me. 

Slowly, as the summer’s about to end last year, i started picking up myself doing everything i could to cheer myself up. Ive realized now that it wasnt really that easy and fast to like rise up and move on. Since then, i’ve been taking all the time i need to be strong and whole again.  It was all a slow process. There were times that memories would just pop out of nowhere and then i’d be all sad and lonely again. That was normal. Things like that would really happen and it did happen to me for like a thousand times, i think or probably even more. But as the time went by, it’s funny how I became more and more resistant to it like it’s slowly losing its power over me. It’s amazing how ive grown up and learned from all of those horrible things ive faced last year. It was surely one of the toughest times of my life but i happened, no, i did pass and overcome that test. I came out stronger than ever and wiser. That experience didnt make me say ‘I will no longer take a risk in love’, ‘I will not give my trust to anyone again’, nor that ‘I no longer know how i will love anyone after this anymore’. 

Life is a really wonderful thing, the most beautiful thing in the world. Our time’s too short to rev and go against where life wants to take us. Let things be. Enjoy every single moment that’s given to you. Smile a lot. Work out and sweat it all out. Try and eat all the foods foreign to your taste. Go places. Talk to a stranger. Be patient, there is also someone waiting for you out there and wanting to meet you. Believe. Love. We all fall down at times but dont let it break you. Rather let it make you and come out stronger than ever. Own your power. xx

[nowyoureinnewyork-deactivated20]

Since my boyfriend broke up with me a few days before I flew all the way to see him from New York to London for our 3rd year anniversary, I’m going to a Kodaline concert by myself tonight wish me luck :(

[thejehannedarc]

You go girl! Enjoy the concert!

[yeahwrite]

To celebrate Women’s History Month, I’m making these quote cards with quotes from books by women that I love. If you want me to make a card with your favorite quote, post it as a comment!

80-character limit. Quotes can either be from books by female-identifying authors, or spoken by female-identifying characters in novels.

[britticisms]

“Smells Like Home” by Tracy Wan for Buzzfeed

I. I thought that as I got older my love of scents and sensuality would dissipate. In the back of my mind, I considered the power of a compelling scent to be the manifestation of my constant nostalgia. I found purpose in everything and if I couldn’t find purpose, I built purpose. Building it gave my life a meaning I needed at 25. I found value in the tangible and the intangible as a method of survival. The world changed around me and I changed too, but building purpose allowed me to stay grounded when everything seemed like a test of instability.

I thought this would go away, but the older I’ve gotten, the more I’ve understood this to be an intrinsic part of who I am. Little things derive pleasure but crisp scents are one of them.

II. On Friday, I took a pause in my work day to cost Rider, a new shop in the West Loop. It’s located underneath the elevated train tracks on Lake in a nondescript block. I almost missed it when I walked by initially.

My purpose for going there was a desire to collect more scents. They sold Maison Louis Marie candles. As a collector of scents, I’ve followed theirs. I believe there are sneaker heads and to a similar degree, but more privately (because how can one truly show off their scents without inviting others into their home), their are scents heads. That is me, someone who collects the moments and memories and ideas laced in scents.

III. I cook not because I like to eat good food but because I love the smell of sautéed garlic, how it lingers on my fingers. I can remove the smell by washing my hands with a metal object, but I don’t, at least not for a while.

I like to collect candles and burn them all the time or not at all. There are certain scents I want to grow into. I’m still waffling in the purgatory of direction of my twenties. I haven’t earned the brightness of a Santal candle, although I’ll buy one from time to time and burn it to motivate me.

IV. The Maison testers are housed in glass domes that you can pick up and use to cover your nose and mouth. It is the best and most thrilling way to envelop your body in a scent. It transported me to a different and better place immediately, like a hit of a drug. I’ll never forget it.

I purchased no. 4 as a perfume oil and number 9 as a candle.

V. At home I burned the no. 9 scent in my bathroom as I showered before hosting duties that night and the humidity made the smell more pungent and present. That is my secret too. Sometimes you save certain scents for the shower, for a place where you can start fresh again, even if it is only for the new day. You let is mutate. You let it seep into your open pores. You let it become a part of you. Some of us need that. Some of us must.

[thejehannedarc]

Last night’s dream

it’s been a long time since he was in my dream. and honestly, I didn’t expect him to be in my dream last night. I was like ‘wow, where did that come from?’. Maybe it happened to just show me the things I couldn’t admit for myself. .. the things that’s been there hiding deep inside of me.

the dream was just short but it sure hit me big time. I could still feel the pain, the heaviness, the memory, and 'him’ right now. I could still remember it so clearly in my head… everything that’s  happened in that dream. you and I were sitting in a waiting shed outside of some school. we just sat there side by side. I’m not sure, but I think it was me that first took his hand (like I always did before) and then he held it my hand back, tight.. so tight that I thought it was real, that it wasn’t just a dream. Then I asked him how he was doing and he answered that it was really hard and it’s still me, that he still cant forget everything. I said something back to him like ‘I feel the same’. then I leaned my head in on his shoulder and I got to admit, I really missed him. then we just sat there making ‘kulitan’ like we used to do before.

sht. it was really hard. it was still so hard. I didn’t think he’ll come to me in this form again. I didn’t expect him to take me back again to what had happened to the ‘us’ we formed before. I guess, losing someone isn’t what will hurt you the most. I think it will be the fact that you will lose a greater part of yourself. In those whole span of time we spent together, I’ve given so much of myself to him. I’ve loved him so much. I’ve given my whole heart to him like he was again my first love. I don’t know. Maybe it’s really like that. When you love someone and time comes you both have to end everything, you cannot really take your whole heart back from him. some pieces of you will still remain be a part of him. you will not come out back whole again in the process. You will be okay in time, but your heart wont still be whole. But I believe it all takes is just time. And in that time you spend with yourself, you learn and start to love yourself again. And maybe that will make your heart whole again. You may have some pieces of your heart to him that you can no longer take back, but you don’t have to worry. It’s already part of your old self, of your old heart. Because I think in the process of loving and healing yourself again also comes you growing and repairing your old heart to become whole and new again. And soon you’ll be all ready. :D

I may not be in that part yet but I think it can wait. And soon I will be ready to open my self and heart and love again. :)

[writingquotes-deactivated201509]

For me a page of good prose is where one hears the rain. A page of good prose is when one hears the noise of battle…. A page of good prose seems to me the most serious dialogue that well-informed and intelligent men and women carry on today in their endeavor to make sure that the fires of this planet burn peaceably.

John Cheever (via writingquotes)