So, since this ask was also about the difference between Ann Walker and Mariana when it comes to express their love for Anne Lister, and since @iswearfealtytolexa told me that she was the one to send the ask and that she would like my take on Marianna and how/if she loved Anne, I’ve decided to articulate a bit more on the subject.
I didn’t want to ruin the love radiating from that post 👆 so I condensed my thoughts about Mariana in the notes of my reply:
#Mariana uses the I love you as an excuse to say hurtful things #she’s always like #you’ll never marry you’ll never find someone who will commit to you #I say these things because I love you #Oh Anne how embarrassed I am to be seen with you #but I endure it because I love you #and I’m like #no bitch #you’re just saying hurtful mean sad things #sHUT up
Those are basically my thoughts in a nutshell. Now, let me explain.
I think that the different way in which Mariana and Ann Walker express their love is not only a matter of characterization, it doesn’t only help us to see how different they are, but it is also one of the details that helps us feel how much history there is between Mariana and Anne.
Every time Mariana says that she loves Anne, every time she says “I love you”, her “I love you” is always linked to something else or used as A. an excuse to say harsh truths to Anne – ”I tell you these things because I care about you, because I love you.” [1x01] – or B. a way of comparing her love to Ann Walker’s love, with the intent to highlight that her love (Mariana’s) is better or greater. AL: “Well, good heavens, I’m surprised you ever bothered with me at all if that was the case.” – ML: “Because I loved you. I still love you, more than your Miss Walker ever would have done.” [1x07]
I think that Mariana loves Anne. She does. I just think that she loves her not in the way Anne wants/needs to be loved. Mariana argues that she loves Anne “more than” her “Miss Walker”. I personally think that love is like a switch, either you feel it or you don’t, loving someone “more than” is not the point, the point is loving them “right”.
The fact that Mariana doesn’t say “I love you” just to say it, but she uses it when “it’s needed” to make a point (“I love you more than…”, “I love you despite…”) says a lot about their relationship. They are at a stage where the “I love you”, on its own, is not enough. “I love you” is not enough to leave Charles, “I love you” is not enough to go and live at Shibden. And so Mariana has to prove her love in some other way: “of course I love you, my honesty proves it.”; “it’s clear that I love you because, despite your looks and your attitude that make me feel ashamed and embarrassed, I’m still here.” At the same time, her “I love you” is quite manipulative: she always says it right after having said some very hurtful things, making Anne sad and miserable. The “I love you” that comes right after temporarily soothes Anne’s wound, the wound that Mariana re-opened just seconds before. With Mariana and Anne we are watching always the same scene, we are hearing always the same “I love you”.
On the contrary every “I love you” Ann Walker says is a little different, and it’s different because she becomes more and more aware of the meaning and the implications of her feelings as the series progresses. Starting from the one she blurts out because she’s experiencing a strong sexual and romantic desire, every new “I love you” is said more firmly, more consciously, till the one on the hilltop where Ann is totally aware of her feelings and desires.
I particularly like this line: “I’ve been so in love with you. I always have been, ever since the first time I saw you when I was 18, younger! I think the first time I ever saw you I was 14 and then I knew then, I just knew…” I love how Ann Walker doesn’t even know how to explain or properly express her love for Anne, but she just knew. Ann Walker never says “I’m doing this because I love you”, “I’m saying this because I love you”, and she never does because (contrary to Mariana) she doesn’t feel the need to prove herself. All the other things (what people say, what people think, etc.) have nothing to do with her love for Anne Lister. Her love doesn’t depend on anything other than herself and her feelings. Ann Walker doesn’t feel the need to enrich her “I love you” with something else, her “I love you” is enough, as it should be. She doesn’t have to convince Anne Lister of her love.
Anne Lister doesn’t need (and doesn’t want) someone who loves her despite all the things she is, she just wants someone who loves her. And that’s what Ann Walker does. Ann Walker doesn’t love Anne despite or because of what she is or isn’t. Ann Walker just loves her, period.
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