17 and 18 in the angst/fluff prompt list for dukeceit!!!
warnings for some ns//fw comments and references, as well as some somewhat graphic, violent ideas- its pretty heavy on the āintrusive thoughtsā part of remus, so if you struggle with said thoughts, please proceed with caution!
theĀ hc of rem bursting with thoughts and havingĀ āepisodesā came from SOMEWHERE and i cannot remember where?? if anyone knows the source pls tell me so i can credit them for it!!
17.Ā āAre you okay?ā 18.Ā āIāve got you.ā
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Remus encapsulated all of Thomasā intrusive, unwanted thoughts, and was very loud and invasive as a result. He couldnāt control it, not very well anyway- he did his best to spare others of the truly grotesque ones. But, unfortunately, his constant, active repression of himself caused him to get a little... unstable.
If he restrains himself for far too long, heāll burst- and not in a fun way, like ejaculation and whatnot. He would, in a sense, lose control, and start senselessly babbling and getting all the awful thoughts out of his head, until they had all fled his mouth and successfully scarred everyone in the vicinity.Ā
Usually, he had Janus to help him ride out the episodes when they struck. He would sit there and hold him, preventing him from hurting himself or others (because sometimes, the outbursts effected him physically as well), and reassure him that he was there and listening until Remus settled down.Ā
This time, he was alone.
Well. Not alone, actually, he was in a pretty crowded room, but no one there could help him so he was pretty well alone.
Plus, no one even knew what was going on.
When heād felt it coming, he tried to leave or, at the very least, summon Janus before he succumbed to his mind, but nothing worked- they kept pestering him and forced him to stay and partake in their discourse- and his mind was too much of a clusterfuck to successfully summon anything, and soon enough, he felt something snap in the back of his mind and it all came pouring out.
āWhat if you bodyslammed a bride as she was walking down the aisle of her wedding?ā Remus began, his crimson eyes brighter than usual, but no one seemed to notice. They merely cringed at his suggestion, and tried to ignore him. However, Remus continued, because he couldnāt hold back anymore-Ā āImagine if you set fire to a funeral home, while a funeral was in session!ā
āDude,ā Virgil cringed, shrinking back into his hoodie, and Thomas looked disturbed. Remus tried to catch Virgilās eye, because if anyone knew what was going on itād be him, but the Side was pointedly keeping his gaze turned away. Remus felt his stomach drop as he realized he was going to have to ride this one out alone.Ā
āWhat would human taste like? If you eat yourself to death, is it cannibalism or suicide?ā Remus babbled, and his fists clenched, the urge to scratch and pull hitting him like a train. He forced it down the best he could, but it made his skin tingle uncomfortably.Ā āWhat if you made bread, and fucked the dough, and served it to your family?ā
āRemus!ā Pattonās affronted gasp fell on deaf ears, all sound around him going muffled and distant, as if someone was holding their hands over his ears.Ā āWhat if we made pancakes with our own blood and gave it to the elderly? Did you know your jaw has enough power to bite off a finger as easily as a carrot- and the only thing stopping you is your brain telling you itās a bad idea? We should test it, we should bite and keep biting until it snaps and the blood comes pouring out and bleed out on the floor-āĀ
āRemus?ā Thomas fretted, watching Remusā fingers dig into the sides of his head, palms pressing against his ears so hard that his arms shook with the force of it, and realized this wasnāt as simple as Remus being his usual grotesque self- he was going through an episode of some sort, and Thomas had no idea how to help him.Ā
ā-What if you made a voodoo doll of your grandma and tossed it in the oven-ā
āGuys, what do I do?ā Thomasā voice was a little higher in panic, and the others didnāt seem to be doing much better.Ā
āI- I donāt- I don't know-ā Patton stammered, trying his hardest to ignore the thoughts Remus spewed,Ā āIāve never dealt with this before-ā
Roman and Logan looked just as lost, and Thomas felt hopeless, because if Logan didn't know how to handle it then what was he going to do-
āYou need to summon Deceit,ā Virgil finally burst, his eyes wide as the realization of what was happening washed over him. Heād only ever been witness to two of Remusā outbursts before, back when he was still one of them, but he knew they happened more frequently than that, and that Deceit was the one that dealt with them most of the time.Ā āLike right now,ā He stressed as he was merely given incredulous stares, whereas Remus was starting to yank and pull at his hair.
āI- uh, okay-ā Thomas stumbled over his words, closing his eyes and rubbing the bridge of his nose.Ā āJanus, buddy, we kind of really need you, please- like really need you, if you could come as soon as right now-ā
āThomas?ā Janus rose up in his spot next to Logan, the Side stepping closer towards Virgil to make room,Ā āWhat is it you need my assistance for?ā
Ignoring Virgilās exclamation of shock at the use of Janusā name, Thomas gestured wildly towards Remus, and looked helplessly at Janus.Ā āVirgil said we needed you for this, I donāt- I don't know whatās going on with him-ā
Finally, Janus seemed to hear the babbling from the corner of the room, his eyes stretched wider in surprise than anyone had ever seen, and he sprung into action at once.
āRemus, darling, can you give me your hands, please?ā Janusā voice was soft, soothing, despite his worried expression, and as he approached Remus, he held his hands out to him, gloves vanishing with a snap of his fingers.Ā
The new sound, something soft and purring and so distinctly Janus made Remusā eyes open (he wasnāt quite positive when heād shut them), and saw a smudge of gold and black through the tears clouding his gaze. Shakily, he shook his head, the action taking far more effort than it should have- he couldn't move, couldnāt take his hands away from their scratching and pulling no matter how much he wanted to.
āThatās alright, Iām going to touch you now, okay?ā Janus soothed, and, slow and steady to make sure Remus wouldnāt freak out at sudden movement, reached forward and gripped Remusā forearms. Slowly, he slid his hands up until he could squeeze his fingers between Remusā and his skull, holding Remusā hands and forcing them away from himself with a small grunt of effort. Luckily, the new, cold sensation of Janusā skin was enough of an intrigue to Remusā muddled mind that he clung to them and followed their directions without much of a fight.Ā
Now holding onto Remusā hands, the other squeezing him so hard his knuckles were white, Janus managed to manouvre them a little closer to the stairwell and further away from the others (Virgil had leaped over between Logan and Thomas as soon as he saw Janus and Remus approach), just in case Remus lashed out in some way.Ā
ā-youāre so cold Janus what if you were thrown into a freezer would you hibernate or die of frostbite or-ā Remusā body tensed up as he ranted on, his eyes glassy and full of pain, and Janus blinked back kindly at him. He knew how awful Remus felt when his intrusive thoughts became violent towards those he loved, and he tried his best to non-verbally assure him that he was perfectly aware that Remus wasnāt actually going to hurt him and that he was safe.Ā
āItās alright, darling, Iām here, Iām listening,ā Janus kept repeating over and over, like a mantra,Ā āLetās sit down, alright?ā With minimal effort, he coerced Remusā uncooperative form to sit down at the stairs with him, Janus kneeling in front of his shaking form. In any other situation, Janus would have been embarrassed to be caught so loving and soft towards anyone, but given the circumstances, he just ignored the stares he felt boring into his back, his own skin prickling uncomfortably.Ā
āJan- Jan-ā Remusā choked words cut off with a whimper, and Janus pulled Remus close to his chest, shushing him softly.Ā āYouāre okay, Rem, I have you, Iāve got you,ā He soothed, and nodded his head towards their audience.Ā āCould one of you make yourselves useful and get some water, and put on a movie or something, as long as itāsĀ distracting?ā
At once, Patton sprung up and raced into the kitchen faster than Janus had ever seen him move, and Roman fumbled with the television remote and DVD player, trying to turn something on as fast as he could.
With the help of the added distraction (which also helped with distracting Thomas from the intrusive thoughts as well), and Janus encouraging Remus to sip water between his outbursts, slowly, the never ending train of thoughts eased up until Remus was able to put a cap on it, gasping for breath and clinging to Janus like a lifeline.Ā
āAre you okay?ā Janus murmured, capturing both of Remusā hands in his scaled one, and using the other to card his fingers through Remusā tangled, greasy hair.
āI- I think so,ā Remus rasped, his trembling lessening as the seconds passed.
āCan, uh, can anyone please explain to me what just happened?ā Thomas finally spoke, his voice just as shaky as Remusā as the barrage of gruesome thoughts fell from the forefront of his mind.Ā
Janus sighed, and as he explained to Thomas (and everyone else) what the outburst was and how it was triggered, Remus finally came out of his episode and was able to move, flexing his fingers and cracking his neck. His entire body felt sore and he wanted a nap.
āOh, Remus, Iām so sorry we forced you to bottle yourself up until you exploded!ā The guilt and sorrow in Thomasā voice made Remus cringe in disgust- he hated feelings,Ā āIs there any way we can make those outbursts.. stop? Or at least, really lessen their frequency?ā
Janus and Remus both shrugged. Remus had been holding himself back for as long as he could remember- he had no idea if he was just eternally cursed to his episodes or if there was a way to stop them.
āWeāre used to it!ā Remus chirped, the croak in his voice the only thing indicating he even had a breakdown.Ā āNo need to worry!ā
āWh- No need to worry? Remus, this is dangerous, itās hurting you-ā
āAnd what do you care?ā Remus scoffed, the bitterness in his tone taking even Janus by surprise,Ā āIām the bad Creativity, remember? It doesnāt matter if it hurts me or not, because Iām not a good guy.ā
And with that, Remus had disappeared, taking Janus with him, and leaving the others to stew in their own guilt.
āDarling, are you really okay?ā Janus asked him the moment they had arrived to the comfort of Remusā cluttered bedroom, and Remus knew by the look in his eye that he wasnāt asking because of the episode.
āAs okay as Iāll ever be, Jan,ā Remus replied, and as much as he hated to see the dissatisfaction in Janusā expression, he couldnāt offer a better answer.
Luckily, Janus dropped it, and gestured towards the bed, instead.
āCome on, you must be exhausted, letās nap.ā
And Remus perked up, becauseĀ that was the best thought heād heard all day.
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