Where do I start with this mess of an episode? I guess with Varys, the man who survives everything for the betterment of the realm... and here he gives up as Tyrion continues on his character destruction, ratting out Varys and watching on without protest from him and Jon as Daenerys burns his ‘friend’ alive. Now to the siege, so Euron’s fleet has quadrupled in size so Dany doesn’t stand a chance right? I mean, six ships killed a dragon and obliterated her fleet... nope, she swoops in and in the space of maybe five minutes annihilates the fleet, killing everyone except Euron (his plot armour is fire resistant). In the meantime, Jon’s foot army is ready to attack kings landing and no one is wearing a helmet or carrying a shield... in a siege. The golden company has been stationed outside the walls (GOT tactics in full swing as always). So, we’re going to get a battle here right? wrong, Danys sneaks up on them somehow, blowing up the gate with Drogon (because that’s how fire works) and wiping out the whole golden company before destroying all the scorpions on the wall (I’m so glad we built them up as dangerous last episode) as the army charges in, The Lannisters instantly regret wearing armour as it proves to be made of heavy tissue paper and the ‘good guys’ start to slaughter and rape the civilians, One so intent on raping he attacks Jon (great writing as always). Before long the city surrenders as the bells start ringing, Tyrion wandering unarmed through the streets still teaming with enemies. Before all this though, Jaime has entered the city, after being previously caught because he forgot to remove his golden hand... because apparently, he’s the stupid Lannister (and not that the writers are the worst). Tyrion lets him go off to save Cersei and that’s the destruction of Jaimie complete (I genuinely believed he was going south to kill his sister, but no, I gave these hack writers too much credit). The hound and Arya ‘Deus ex’ Stark are also in the city, brazenly walking around. The show hasn’t ruined a character in about five minutes so Dany goes crazy and starts massacring civilians, Grey Worm also takes this opportunity to go crazy and begins killing soldiers that have surrendered, Jon ‘wet blanket’ Stark watches on as usual and wonders where his character went wrong. You begin to feel sorry for Cersei at this point as she starts crying, then Qyburn tells her the battle is lost and she starts to escape, the tower collapses and half the queen's guard dies, the hound then appears and kills the rest except for the mountain. To rewind a little bit, the hound and Arya enter the red keep and the hound tells Arya to go home because if she follows him they’ll both die... and she does, Arya, the super assassin gets scared and runs off, ignoring her number one target... dear God, I hope we don’t get pointless scenes of her running around King’s landing and getting civilians killed... oh... anyway, Qyburn orders the mountain to protect the queen and gets comically hurled down the stairs and killed (It’s so funny, yet utterly in line with this shit shows MO) he hound lets Cersei escape and fights the mountain in a pretty crap, underwhelming fight where they both go through a wall, plummeting to their deaths in a flame pit... what an awful ending for such a good character. In the meantime, Jaimie has made his way to the secret beach passage where he runs into... Euron, well shit, how convenient, rather than helping Jaime, or escaping, Euron tries to kill him. Jaimie is mortally wounded but kills Euron in yet another craply choreographed fight. Euron declares he’s killed the Kingslayer, to himself I guess and dies. Jaime reunites with Cersei and they go to escape together, but the escape tunnel has collapsed and they die together as the ceiling crushes them both as they embrace. Twenty minutes into Dany’s rampage Jon orders a retreat (great leadership there) as she’s clearly murdering anyone in sight. The episode ends with Arya waking up after her plot armour repels dragon fire and finds a horse, riding off into the distance.Â
This episode destroyed nearly all its main characters and engaged in the worst tropes of fantasy shows, botching character arcs and built up fights wherever possible. Worst of all it has proved the leaks right, so now all there is left is to watch King Bran roll onto the throne... fuck this show and its writers