The Maiditute

Professional third time wifey

[themaiditute]

Men-don't read this.  It is about nail polish, kittens, and the color pink.

[themaiditute]

This is not about surviving the holidays, but avoiding them altogether.

[themaiditute]

[themaiditute]

The Love of my Life, and the bitch that owes me a lap dance. 

[themaiditute]

Coming to a blog near you-Words of Twaddle

Is there a more awe inspiring plethora of info than my tool of a husband? Please just go here http://themaiditute.blogspot.com/2013/11/my-gift-to-brian-regan-and-my.html?showComment=1383864689372#c5696891335281496790

so I don't have to re -rite it here. Thanks!

[themaiditute]

Don't I look like a Mensa Member?

Lori Lopez

Thinking of titles to my book.  This is my fave "My Mommy abandoned me and went to Colombia and all I got was this lousy childhood." What do you think? http://themaiditute.blogspot.com/2013/11/dont-i-look-like-mensa-member.html

[themaiditute]

Rethinking cocaine: 10 Reasons

Recently I saw Sanjay Gupta on CNN plead his case to conservatives on why you should be high. http://edition.cnn.com/2013/08/08/health/gupta-changed-mind-marijuana/    I have contrived a list of poignant yet true ways cocaine has allowed me to live cohesively with my soft-core sociopath spouse for over 4 years. 

1.  Coffee here in Colombia is JuanValdez good.  But the coke is wayyy better.

2.  Amphetamines in moderation do a body good.  Am I the only Gen X'er not pissed at the svelte woman on fb with three kids asking "What's your excuse?"   

3.  Add a beer or two and sex with Mr. Maiditute is almost pleasurable.  Ok, my little vibrating egg should get most of the credit, but my old man is packing some serious dong. I'm just lucky that way I guess.  It helps me put in perspective his big serving of crazy he brings to the table.

4.  I actually feel like exercising.  What else can make anyone feel like doing anything physical?

5.  My thoughts converge creatively and rhythmically.  Need proof?  Your reading it.

6.  The cheddar I save in food is more than what I spend in blow.  Well, at least here it is.  Consider moving-you'll have the energy to do all the packing yourself!

7.  Not too many can say they are 'above' doing it, despite what they admit.   Even George W. did, and he's a grandpa now.

8.  Coke is good for productivity, and thusly, good for the economy.  (BTW, Colombia stocks were up 40% in 2010, and tourism has doubled since 2002.  Pablo and his hoodies left town quite a few years ago, and I've been here for 3 years.  It's relatively safe, people.)    

9.  Do you know anyone without some kind of addiction?  I don't.  If you think you do, you just don't know them well enough.

10.  Just like its' gateway friend, it comes from a plant, as do most other allowable, legal drugs.  My first husband had it stuck up his nose in liquid form after her had his deviated septum fixed.  That was my first exposure to it, and I've been hooked ever since.  

[themaiditute]

An experiment

I know I am probably the only one walking the earth with neuroses and can't afford throwing $20/\hr down on a shrink.  Add a husband who busts his ass all day and night, and surround yourself with people who speak another language ( I live in Colombia) and you're left with me; a real woman, with an anonymous name, actual selfie, and an entire social network to vent to.  Lets see if social media therapy will work.  Its free and that makes me fee better already.  Well, that and the codeine #3 I can get here without a prescription.  I love making up new words that simplify meanings, so I am labeling my condition misfit mom/maiditute syndrome.  Feel free to make up your own, and share with whoever-it makes no difference if anyone reads it or not, but it has kept me from sealing the deal on my thin-skinned wrists.  Hope everyone has an unbad day!      

[themaiditute]

Add failed mother as well

#maiditute is what I can only describe as a careerless woman who was swindled into marriage by a loving sociopath; too broke to leave him, and too cowardly to overdose.

[themaiditute]

Where me and other maid\prostitutes live besides me.  

[themaiditute]

Are there other 40-something Jenny Lawson's out there?

I only discovered her last week, because a lack of any phone, computer, reading glasses, and a tv will do that to a slacker mom.

[themaiditute]

Greetings from "the cocaine capital of Columbia"

According to Madonna's son, that is what Medellin is.  So naturally I am here as well, and as much as I enjoy a good sniff as much as the moral majority, I can't leave Colombia.  You know what is the most fascinating about Madonna's son openly stating the obvious while he was here with mommy dearest as she was grabbing her crotch in front of the masses?  The local media interviewed several offended citizens who were infuriated because Madonna's son spelled Colombia wrong, as I did in the title, with a U.  Goes to show you, cocaine is and will always be awesome despite its' aficionados skipping a few spelling classes.  Lines of love back at ya!