man in the lighthouse

fascinated by transactional nature of counterknowledge & public discourse in socially mediated spaces which simulate (but don’t engender) counter-public spheres.

[themaninthelighthouse]

how do filipino families decide?

feb. 26, 2026 10:51 pm, makati, dela rosa street. a place full of stars from a distant view, all at the same level as me, like the sky decided to meet the ground halfway. just like a jungle, i am new here, and it is easy to get lost. i am staying in this place because of work. i probably should not be typing this because i still have a lot of workloads not yet finished and a lot of responsibilities waiting for me. but don’t get me wrong, i am enjoying my stay here. i have been loving every single bit of it. a cebu raised boy in makati was something that truly excited me. i like being here, minus the drastic change in expenses, which i do not mind because my work covers it.

area 55 is just a few blocks away from me and i attended an event there today, my second time actually. the first time i visited, i did not expect much, but it turned out fun and informative. i really enjoyed being there. today, i came because of another invite and hopefully just to network with people. i did not even bother reading anything about the event. i just signed up through the luma link because i genuinely love attending events. little did i know i was walking into something that would redirect my attention to an idea i have always been aware of, but sometimes choose to place at the back of my mind.

the topic of the session was, “how do filipino families decide?” it was broad, covering everything from health to retail to banking, but it mainly focused on the dynamics inside a household. and based on their report about the filipino families, only 9 percent of filipino households consist of a single member living alone compared to other countries. and that makes sense. bec we live with our families, extended families, and sometimes even more. it is the opposite of the typical 18 and living alone situation in the united states. we live with our families because that is how it has always been.

inside a household, decisions are constantly made. groceries, entertainment, savings, leisure. that part struck me bec i have lived with my family all my life and have witnessed the arugments being made about expenses at a very young age. also according to their report, the top priorities of filipinos right now are saving enough money to feel secure about healthcare, and second, building savings while staying healthy. both are deeply connected and work together.

to answer the main title of this entry, how do filipino families decide? according to their research, it is a collective process. mothers usually decide on groceries, medical loans, travel, and daily expenses. fathers often decide on hardware and entertainment. that is the typical filipino setup. there is more depth in their report, but what stayed with me was the connection between those priorities and who really gets to decide.

the survey already reflects an answer, but the event made me reflect enough to form a different one. filipino families do not really get to decide. we only choose within the limits the system gives us. mothers handle household expenses because that is what the system has long expected women to do. even today, women are often given fewer opportunities. they are expected to manage the home while men work from 9 to 5 and come home as providers. men handle hardware expenses because patriarchal structures assign them that role. they are expected to be the pillars of the house and the ones responsible for sustaining the family financially.

then when it comes to priorities like health, i think for most if not all, a 10,000 peso bill is heavy, especially for families with only one person earning. and this brings me back to the title. do filipino families really get to decide? decide on their health when the healthcare system in this country makes basic care feel like a luxury? where the most basic right becomes the hardest thing to access.

healthcare in this country is not something filipino families freely decide on. the system decides for us. we are left believing we are choosing because that is what we are used to thinking. the system determines when we can save and when we cannot. the economy and inflation move first, and we just adjust. we simply choose who sacrifices.

there is still so much to unpack, but this feels heavy and i am starting to lose myself in it. so to answer the title. filipino families do not really get to decide. we follow structures already built around us. and it hurts me because i am a 22 year old. i should still be figuring life out freely. but sometimes i feel like i am living the life of someone pushing 40. i work in makati, a dream feeling. tho i am living my dream, but i am not sure i am living my life. and that's sad.

[themaninthelighthouse]

Intercultural Communication in a Globalized World

After reading Chapter 1 of Baldwin's Intercultural Communication for Everyday Life, I've come to the conclusion that intercultural communication is something that students should also think about as being equally important. This is because, in the digital age we live in today, technology—specifically, platforms like social media—has brought people from all over the world together, and it's important for us to learn as much as we can about them.

There are several reasons why the study of intercultural communication is essential. One of the things I realized is that we students are driven to study intercultural communication because we want to be informed of what is happening internationally, and we want to be careful about what we say and know about people outside our country. Secondly, as individuals living under the same celestial dome, we want to coexist harmoniously with other human beings, regardless of cultural disparities, given that our collective desire is to lead a life that we are all harmoniously living. Thirdly, engaging in intercultural communication enables us to recognize the significant impact that multinational corporations have on our lives when they make choices that greatly affect us. Moreover, possessing communication skills is advantageous while travelling and visiting other countries. By being culturally aware of their views, we may enhance our confidence in interacting with people. Lastly, we have the opportunity to differentiate themselves from the media's portrayal and critically assess if their representation truly represents the culture or individuals they are presenting to us. Considering the immense influence of media in modern-day society, even the smallest factor may significantly impact a collective of individuals.

Indeed, intercultural communication is an essential concept that we communication students should be aware of because even if we live in our country and do not have the opportunity to interact with foreign people, we are all intersecting in other ways, whether economically or digitally. Because of technology, we are all like a PVC line: we may be going in various directions, but once anything breaks, we must find a way to fix it so it does not worsen. Intercultural communication does more than only help us solve conflicts and learn about other people; it also helps us learn about ourselves since it allows us to see how our views and beliefs vary from others'. Although I am not denying that we may tend to generalize or oversimplify cultures, we must also understand that a collective culture does not completely define an individual and does not necessarily apply to everyone because culture is fluid. In particular, all of us communication students will look back on this exact moment and appreciate that we were able to learn about this subject in the future, regardless of the careers we pursue. This is because, in today's connected digital world, we will all soon be even closer.

[themaninthelighthouse]

It wasn't comforting at all.

TW: War and Violence

Today I got the chance to view Nuremberg the film in the comfort of my home, but while watching it and appreciating the importance of it. It simply wasn't comforting at all.

Nuremberg was a film I didn't think I'd be interested in seeing. When I initially started watching the movie, I was completely disoriented since I had made the error of not reading a little of the plot before viewing it. So for the first few minutes of the film, I was so perplexed. I was losing interest in it until I saw the part when the German Nazi Swastika flag appeared, which I had just thought about the previous few days as I read an article about lower-ranking Nazis being in trials. After World War II ended in 1945 with the fall of a shattered Germany, the Allies gave twenty-one Nazi commanders POW a fair trial as an example of countries' intolerance of horrible acts in war. It was something I never expected as people were brought to another nightmare after dealing with a war that basically has ruined lives all over the world.

The Nuremberg trial was, without a doubt, one of the most momentous trials of the century. It witnessed the collapse of a dictatorship responsible for the Holocaust and the first time in history that an international court condemned individuals to jail and death. It was a solution to bring justice without executive action to thousands upon thousands of people, regardless of whether they committed any war crimes or not. This charter outlined a system in which the four legal systems of France, the Soviet Union, the United States of America, and the United Kingdom would be merged into a single court. According to British and American law, there were prosecutors and defense counsel, but under French and Soviet law, verdicts and punishments were imposed by a group of judges. However, it would have been preferable if Adolf Hitler had also been there to be conducted in these trials since he was the one who was superior in executing these things. After seeing the film, I came to many conclusions. I have recognized that all sides of the trial made great arguments that should be explored even now so that we may learn something. Even though this trial was commonly deemed the winner's inflicting retribution on the losers, some individuals, including the defendants, saw the judgements and choices in these trials as victors' justice. Whereas atrocities and bombs carried out by allied forces were justified since they were victorious. At the end of the day, war is horrible and should not be justified as a solution to issues.

War is Never Good. Just like what is happening in Ukraine and Russia right now, the film itself showcases the effects of how war is a destructive thing that has caused several things like inequality and religion. I've always thought of war as something that has never contributed to something; it has only brought so much disaster and casualties to innocent people. War is a horrible thing in and of itself, and it is at the root of many other evils such as unemployment, disease, poverty, illiteracy, and instability, and war has never aided anybody. When wars last for a long time, such as the World Wars, they result in human cruelty, mass extinction of races, and unfathomable crimes against innocent populations. The causes of war are frequently complex and dense, but a few significant variables usually lead in the direction of war. Greed, envy, and power are all factors that lead to wars, but the truth is that wars are complex and unexpected. With today's technological breakthroughs, it is simple to have access to power where anybody can fire missiles at each other with the click of a button, which is truly horrifying to consider. That is essentially why these trials, such as the Nuremberg trial, were so significant. That trial affected a large number of individuals, as well as international law. As a result, it has demonstrated how the head of a nation can be held accountable for any violence that has harmed humanity.

[themaninthelighthouse]

God's Country

A road that's longer than it's hard, where there's no one to guide you and hold you, is something that best describes my current state. With no best foot forward to sway the odds, but just a voice inside you and a stone to throw. Truly these are things I've dealt with my entire life; where it may appear daunting and difficult to get a handle on life without the assistance or comfort of others, it is more of a long learning journey than a painful one, despite the fact that pain is involved.

There is always something to fight for despite the existence of suffering, even if one does not have a clear grasp of things at the outset or any idea of where they are going. Because of this, I listen to a lot of music, and I also try to take things one at a time so that I don't really occupy my mental state that quickly. Just as much as I need my physical body to be balanced, I also need my mental state to be as firm as possible because I would go insane if something were to go wrong with it.

It will never be simple; life will always have some acorns or thorns where we are constantly harmed, and we endure things we don't deserve, where we frequently wonder, "Is this truly God's country?" Is this the place that God created, where everyone is meant to have something to look forward to in life, and that is their purpose in life?

Although this could just be another episode of me having a week where my mind is completely drained by things I'm still thinking about and haven't done yet. You know, it's just so exhausting. I clearly have no idea what I want to do with my life in the future, but with the things we do, I've always managed to come across as someone who has it all together and has their life planned out.

[themaninthelighthouse]

1 of the 14M

Movements are significant activities targeting a problem that needs to be addressed. These are generally carried out by a group of individuals who get together and do something to capture the opposition's notice because they disagree with the status quo. Even when I was younger, I had heard and seen motions. The video I saw helped me comprehend the origins of labor movements and how they have changed through time. It was never easy for people in the past to be in situations where they felt helpless and unable to affect change. I was dismayed to see how past workers were treated unjustly by those in higher positions, which turned a blind eye. Who behaved as if they didn't care about the individuals who work for them? The labor movement's first objective was to address socioeconomic inequality problems that were undoubtedly a big issue way back before, and the labor movement was created to fight for working people's rights. The goal was to get more wages, safer working conditions, and more flexible hours. People in the past were forced to work even when they were only paid half of what they were promised, and they were pushed to overwork themselves to the point that it was harmful to them. Unions were formed to do this. However, this was not always the case. It came to the point where the opposition never did anything and refused to listen; thus, people had to organize or engage in protests in the past.

When you know what is right, it is never wrong to seek aid and justice. In a society filled with cruelty and violence, it is up to us, the people, to use our voices to create the future we want and deserve. Movements provide individuals with the chance to get together, voice their thoughts, and assist others in becoming aware of the problems that are going on around them. We can construct a society in which everyone is visible and not invisible by using actions. Although it may be difficult with the current setup, it is essentially why social media was developed. We should utilize the platform we have to communicate this problem and hopefully motivate others to do the same since it is not only crucial for them but also for us as humans.

Even with the recently concluded elections, it may have upset me a little since I had hoped so much for the change and the movement that I had participated in and yearned for. Though I never had any regrets about embracing this movement, I know I'm on the right side. I'll never forget how it offered me so much bliss and hope, as well as new friends that I met because of the movement.

[themaninthelighthouse]

What does it feel like to watch a single episode of Star Trek?

A film like Star Trek is one sort of experience; I get a lot of suggestions from my friends that I should watch this, but unfortunately, I wasn't able to do so for some reasons I don't remember. Luckily, I was able to do so with our professor. Science-fiction has always piqued my attention in strange ways that I don't always comprehend. This film, for example, has undoubtedly contributed to it. It astounds me that films like this were made in the late 1960s or early 1970s. In my view, how could a period so far from the technology we have today has produced something intriguing and relatively advanced?

The first few sections of the film were so fascinating to me that I got confused at one point since I was essentially watching an episode like this without having seen several previous episodes. The USS Enterprise, a space research vessel created by the United Federation of Planets, was around the cosmos exploring. They were a group of people that has been putting colonies on different planets. In this episode, they have visited this planet where the people inhabiting it are known as "Edos," and they visited this planet to gather new information. Surprising was an understatement as I saw them visit the location. It was interesting to see how people in that area had customs such as running as a mode of transportation and a fairly sensual greeting, even though they term it as a healthy sensuality practice. Edos' seem to promote health and happiness as they resemble a wellness cult. While wandering around the place, it was entirely amusing for them because it is unlike anything they have ever seen before, but the beautiful place they have stepped into also has a dark side. Lt. Tasha Yar was informed about how they go through their justice system, and she was completely surprised by what she heard. It seems that if someone violates the law, they must be executed as a penalty. At the same moment as this, Wesley has already violated the law by disturbing fresh plants. I was likewise concerned about Wesley and would not want to be in his shoes. It was frightening and such, but come to think of it, they have expatiated on matters that were mostly serving some points, such as how they respect their rules, which have made them a peaceful and beautiful planet. It seems that they regard these rules as the only foundation of their judicial system, which is terrifying. Still, when they stated it was a particular method for people not to commit these crimes, it reminded me of how we had gone through similar processes as well, particularly when the Liator questioned them about how they had previously practiced this. It reminds me of how far we've come as a nation or civilization, particularly in our country. We were subjected to the same procedure, which was fortunately abolished. 

Capt. Jean-Luc Picard mulls over another spacecraft they've encountered, and it was a vessel that seems to be partially solid yet can be seen in various places. Not that long, Rivian was brought to the ship, which answered some of their questions. They seem to have regarded this vessel as a god, which astonished the crew on board. Of course, they would see it as a god, given its level of technology, which was much superior compared to their world. The vessel that was preventing them from connecting with the Away Team had spoken; it was complaining about how it doesn't want them visiting and interfering with their children. Thanks to Data, who was buzzed by a shimmering ball of light that made its way to the bridge, they discovered that the vessel was not a single entity. 

Given Wesley Crusher's circumstances, it was difficult to determine who was correct and who was incorrect. They should be punished since they were the ones who tampered with the planet and violated the law, even if they were unaware of the law. It was undoubtedly a difficult one to decide at some time. Wesley did not deserve to be killed for the same reason that they did not know everything about the planet, just like our justice system. It must go through an extensive review in which the accused may plead their case, which will result in a correct judgment that is both fair and just. If they were used, it would certainly be a simple debate, but the director must write that section because without it, there would be no episode, and the narrative would be boring.

I was still perplexed at one point in the film since they used words that I didn't understand. To begin with, the Prime Directive was one, but when I went to check it up, it brightened up and clarified some of my uncertainty. A Prime Directive is a ban against interfering with other cultures and civilizations encountered by the Starfleet officials throughout their cosmos exploration. The Prime Directive was sought to avoid interfering with the internal development of less technologically sophisticated societies. This mainly served to illustrate how things should have been done. They were visiting a secluded planet where no strangers had ever set foot on its soil while also wandering around its premises and doing stuff that was new to them. Of course, the people will approach them as if they were a prisoner that has violated their customs, or even in worse cases; they will regard them as their god. They clearly had no idea about them as a species, so they should respect the liberty of other planets and strive to avoid inadvertently harming them. Just like how we may come across perplexing things, it should not deter us from asking in order to gain information and avoid doing needless things.

[themaninthelighthouse]

The Rest Is Noise

I consider music to be a personal experience for me. I've been largely obsessed with music since I can remember. I began singing when I was three years old. The first time I recall singing was in the car, on the way to a mall, when I heard a song on the radio. The song had me mentally grooving, and the last thing I remember was I was singing already. My uncle and dad heard me sing and thought I sounded wonderful. So, basically, that was the first time I realized I could sing.

My parents put me in singing lessons when I was six years old so that I could improve my singing, but the instructor told me I didn't need one and that I should've enrolled in guitar lessons instead so that I could learn to play an instrument. So, after my singing lessons, I went to guitar classes the next week. That was certainly a great experience, and I did learn a few things, but I'm still not up to par. To me, music is something that transports me away from the chaos and strife of the world and transports me to a state of oblivion that I can never reach in reality.

This week, I was going through my Twitter feed when I noticed one of my followers talking about an artist I've fought so hard to keep hidden from people. He began by sharing a phrase and, ultimately, the complete song on the app. It really got on my nerves since I was trying so hard not to share or discuss this artist of mine. I'm even listening to the artist as I type this. I mean, I know it's horrible to gatekeep an artist and that they deserve to be in the limelight because their music is art, but it bothers me that the music I deem so personal and real to me is being listened to by others as well. The fact that they're listening to this specific musician makes me feel as if they're reading my journal as well, and that irritates me to no end. When it comes to things I want to convey or feel, music has always been my therapy. That's why I'm so serious about it and why I take it personally when subjects like that come up. I suppose the artist I admire deserves the attention and hype. Still, I'm not sure I'm prepared for the reality that he/she will become popular and, eventually, a mainstream musician. I've been fascinated by so many musicians throughout my life, but when they get big, they generally grow so used to the attention that their music becomes dreadful. It displeases me since I was a fan of their music for a long time, but when they became famous, they completely changed. So that's why I don't talk about it too much since it involves certain personal matters that I take seriously.

[themaninthelighthouse]

Gibson Boy Dreams

The last month has been filled with bizarre events that I could never have imagined. I've gone to places where I've felt totally miserable, befuddled, unsure, and more human. I met a few new folks with whom I feel unexpectedly more at ease.

“Are you alive?” I’d be a millionaire if getting asked about this would equate to money. And yes, I’ve never felt so alive. 19 is for sure a crazy roller coaster to ride in; now I know why I feel more connected to songs written by “youngsters”, to which, for the most part, I have been denying hahaha. I’ve never even cared about my teenage life, but for some reason, I’ve always longed for it.

I clearly wasn’t even thinking about what it felt like to be a teenager.

I recently checked my lastfm account, and Everytime by Ethel Cain was my most played track for the month of March. That song is insane, man! I swear to God, I've never heard a song so lovely that I listen to it on repeat while we go to areas I've never seen before. It's about leveraging relationships to cope with what's been going on, and boy, can I relate to that. I've always been the type to prefer remaining in my room for 90% of my whole life, which I probably don't regret. Without it, I would never have known how much I needed those connections I've built this year, and I'm not just talking about people I've been picking roses with; I'm talking about people I never thought I'd be able to feel my blood running with.

I didn’t even know I’ve constantly been going out till someone messaged me thru my DMS saying, “I love that you’re flourishing, pls continue sharing them on your stories” for a sec, I thought this was a reach about me going out every day, well maybe it is. Still, it’s just funny because I didn’t even think about it. I hated being outside, but staying in my room has rarely happened nowadays. It’s either I’m in a different city, or I’m on a beach I didn’t even know existed.

[themaninthelighthouse]

The Art of Love

People frequently describe love as a delicate blossom of rare beauty. One that can never be discovered by chance when roaming through life's gardens. They believe that loving another is the ultimate self-sacrifice since it requires us to give freely and entirely of ourselves to another, without reservation or condition. When it comes to a topic like this, we all have various things to say since we have all experienced love in some form that has made us happy, free, lonely, or sad all at the same time. Having stated that, love may be either subjective or objective. Though I would much resonate with the objective definition of love, in which the essence of love is unconscious and spontaneous, because that is exactly what I have felt based on my experiences.

I don't mind if people define love differently because they have the right to do so. Everyone has something to say, which is why we all have opinions, but what bothers me the most is when people try to dictate or force you to believe in what love should be. Love, as i said, is both subjective and objective. You can never tell or impose on someone's life that this is how love should work and be defined, or that this is what love should be. For me, love is simply the act of opening our hearts and letting the love within to transmit its energy into another's heart. If it is appropriately accepted and well cared for, the energy of love will build a link between the two hearts. If I'm in a scenario where my own love asks for no more than the other person can provide and when we can supply the required energies to allow them to be satisfied as well, then that's essentially love for me. Love is unconcerned with equality, but it insists on balance, and love is unconcerned about time, location, duration, or pacing. It's just a matter of balance, and that balance can only be achieved when both individuals are happy that their personal expectations and demands in a relationship are being met satisfactorily. It doesn't matter if you meet this person in this time frame because there is no science to the amount of time we have to fall in love with someone. I believe that falling in love is a process that should not be labeled at a given period. We are destined to sense an initial physical attraction toward someone and then mature into feeling a deeper and stronger emotional connection as we spend time with one another.

Thus, I hope that people would stop telling others how they should feel and how they should define their thoughts on love because it is in our hands to choose how we should feel the essence of love. We should not impose our love-filled thoughts and experiences on other people's lives since it is basically like telling them how they should spend their lives. We will all experience love, and it is up to us to decide how we will define it.

[themaninthelighthouse]

If it's unwanted, don't say it.

There are different spaces within our community that is considered to be used fairly by all kinds of people, a public space to be specific. These public spaces, such as a park or walkways, should be easily accessible to and used by all members of society. That, however, is not the case for me and my loved one. It was 3 a.m., and we headed to this location near Velez College in Ramos Cebu. It was basically just an ordinary dawn with us waiting for our food since we were so hungry we couldn't wait. Not until this group of people walked in and started talking so loudly, which I didn't mind since some of them were a bit drunk, and I assumed the liquor had something to do with it. They were in front of us since they were ordering meals, and we were simply seated behind them because we had already ordered ours. After ordering, they sat behind us and spoke in a language I scarcely knew, but my loved one knew. It was gay jargon, so in some instances, only my loved one was capable of understanding. As they spoke with their friends, my loved one told me not to look back, and I asked myself why he wouldn't let me look back.

It wasn't until then that he told me that the people behind us were actually talking about us and saying things that were upsetting to hear. So I didn't glance back, despite the fact that I wanted to confront them about the behavior they were displaying. I remained cool, as did my loved one. After a few minutes, one of the guys in the group poked the person I was with, which essentially sparked the most out of me. I genuinely wanted to stand up and call them out, but my loved one begged me not to since he didn't want any mess, and I, as well, didn't want to disrupt other people eating at the establishment where we were. As a result, I had to calm down and wait for it to end. I couldn't take it anymore after a few minutes, so I turned around to check for their faces, and to my surprise, there were individuals I knew. They were teachers from a school where I used to go. It was startling because I was already disturbed that these people were so comfortable harassing others in public, and I was much more disturbed when I discovered that they were instructors or professionals I respected. I didn't want to mention names, so I tried to be calm, and when they canceled their orders and went somewhere else, it calmed my raging emotions.

Street harassment is a massive global problem that needs to be addressed. It is not fair for people to comment and make fun of people on the streets, particularly in the case of people who have a particular niche, whether it's queer people, women, or people in general. Those cruel people already dominate enough of these spaces, limiting the access that people often getting harassed have. This leads to them often being fearful of public spaces, caused by the fear of harassment, sexual assault, or other sorts of deviant behavior. People's thoughts have been instilled with these possible risks from an early age. Although these are reasonable concerns, it reinforces the impression that public places are for cruel people and that, by design, they do not belong to individuals who do not fit into the "normalcy of our society" or to people who are marginalized.

[themaninthelighthouse]

To me, this is a delicate matter.

I've never been so open or loud about my Religion in my life. I've never been one to constantly share and discuss such topics. To be honest, I hardly pray. But last week, I went to a place where everything is sacred. It was filled with cross shapes. Although I've been here before, it was noticeably different this time, and so much has changed. This place, which I've recently returned to after many years, has somehow become more magnificent as if it's physically attracting attention to the heavens. It never occurred to me that I would return to this place that I had once visited. Let me state unequivocally that I am not an atheist. I simply haven't been practicing, as shown by the fact that I can't recall the last time I attended a church. Religion, in my memories, seemed to be something that individuals could cling to. I used to be a practicing one myself, and I once went to church every Sunday. I feel like it had the potential to bind individuals in order for them to repent on things they believed needed to be repented of. I guess you can say I was a devout Christian. When I was having problems, I prayed practically every night. It was absolutely something I could go to if I felt lost or puzzled about anything.

Indeed, my ideas on religion are more like to those of a new age thinker than to those with which I was raised. I simply feel like some of my thoughts as I grew up were so complex and vast that it created a notion in me that is really receptive to things that Catholicism condemns. Divorce, for example, has remained a tough constitutional matter in our nation because many people believe it violates their religious beliefs. It has always been a topic that people would immediately dismiss without even listening to what others had to say. It's not like a divorce would harm you or that individuals getting divorced would have an impact on your life? It is not our right to impose individuals to agree on our beliefs and on how they should spend their lives. You can't simply let people live miserable lives because Catholicism demands it. Religion should not, in my view, be used to exercise control over others. Do what you're told in ways that educate you to love and care for others, but it's still up to us, not the church, to decide how we should live our lives.

[themaninthelighthouse]

A Sudden Look Back

Ever since high school, I've always been quite public about my political beliefs. I've always enjoyed engaging discourses about various political themes as I've been surrounded by people who do the same. That essentially became a part of who I am; I was always mindful about what I chose, said, and supported. I've been pretty critical of what the government does and what they should do. I mean, it's not just politics, it's basically us talking about the future of our lives, so I was pretty much quite eager when I got to speak about it with others I meet. Although I do not jump straight into that kind of discussion when I meet a person as not everyone is that interested in politics like me, I guess, which I understand. Still, it's rather disappointing since politics is something everyone should be worried about. We all must genuinely be aware of topics like this as it is literally our lives that are placed in a scenario where if we don't fight for what we deserve or simply just our rights. We will be abused by those in authority.

Especially now that we're moving closer and closer each day for the forthcoming May 2022 elections, which is probably the largest choice I still am going to make, and it's also my first time voting, which is exciting, I suppose. Recently I've had a debate with my friends or people I know about who they're going to vote for, and to be honest, I'm delighted that most of my friends support the same person as me. It's wonderful to see that someone truly cares for their rights and is actually aware of what's happening right now in our country. Especially towards the marginalized people with whom I truly have a soft spot. However, not everyone in my circle feels the same way as me. Some of them genuinely favor the other side, which upsets me because how could they support someone who technically has been convicted and has been accused of things that were eventually accurate. The fact that they support someone who doesn't even attend debates or discussions, which I believe is crucial for one candidate to do. I mean, as much as I want to respect their opinions for voting this candidate, I do want to listen and know why they genuinely had thought of supporting this political figure. Like can you at least come up and explain to us what your platforms are and how you could be someone people can trust. Of course, candidates are given the opportunity to decide whether they want to attend a debate or not, but what bothers me is that it's like they're tricking people because aside from them not being able to provide their platforms to the public properly, they're actually avoiding to attend these events since they're avoiding the chance where they would get contrasted by other candidates. Aren't debates practically the least thing a running candidate could do for his supporters? It's simply these obvious things that sadden me that are genuinely very obvious out there, and, nonetheless, people still choose to support candidates who do this.

What makes it worse is that my parents also support the same candidate. It's simply frustrating to know since I've been very vocal about what I think and have continuously informed them about my political beliefs and what I believed they should be aware of. It's almost as if they weren't listening to me when I said those things since they still voted for that politician. Although I'm not giving up hope, we're still months away from the big day, and I'll do all I can to help open the minds of individuals I care about and make them see things they should've realized long ago. In the end, they're still a part of what we're fighting for, which is the good of our country's future.

[themaninthelighthouse]

For you,

I don't know why I remember your name every time it's 3 a.m. in the morning. It's like you're in my head or something. You've always had a knack for getting into my head when I least expect it. I mean, we hardly chatted at all. We've rarely had a true chat since every time we see each other, it's always going to be me with my friends and you with your friends. You seemed to be the kind of person I would not have liked if I had met you a few years earlier, and I would never consider keeping an eye on you. It's odd to think that I don't get to be the most confident when I'm with you. In fact, when I'm with you, I'm the complete opposite.

People sometimes even envy my demeanor. They think I exude confidence and that I'm not frightened of my imperfections. I'm not sure why, but I feel most vulnerable around you. When we initially met that morning, I considered returning home since you seemed to be someone who wouldn't like me. Someone who seems to be too far away for me to reach and like. I literally had no idea you'd be with me for the whole morning, and with that, there's something about you that plays a crucial part in me.

If I had to break it down, I'd say it's the way you make me realize that it's okay to feel vulnerable. You said it's fine not to be the version of yourself you imagined you were. However, it was difficult for me to believe at first since you were the first to point this out to me. But then I listened, and part of it was because of your tender voice, soft and somewhat comforting, like Cocteau twins with the color bleached away. It's one of my favorite things about you. I thought I was a genius, not until I met someone who has been nothing but very critical with things they do, and it's all starting to feel like the only thing I could do is listen and just shut up. With your cozy room, your amazing collection of stuff, your lights that were very calming to my eyes, and even your taste in music was brilliant.

In my head, I play a supercut of us. With all the magic we gave off and visions that never stopped. You left me a memory of you that was like a ribbon that wrapped me up. You were like all these shapes that had multiple corners of persona, a shape that I just couldn't understand. A shape that seemed very light, but honestly, our shapes in the dark are the reason I've stayed. I guess I'll always be this way. I'll always be swallowed up by the words in my mind and halfway to space. Even though it may seem like I wasn't even trying, you fooled me into thinking I'm doing a lot of things to make you smile. It looked like I had so much to tell but not enough time to do it in person. You're definitely a big star to me; you felled me clean as a pine, with the light in your eyes that was just too bright it concealed my inferiorities. Even though it was less than a week since we'd seen each other, it seemed like we'd been through so many hard times. For that, I'm willing to be your quiet afternoon crush, your violent overnight rush, one that could make you crazy over a touch. Even if I fall into continents and cars, I'll still come home to you, and that's probably the reason why I'll always remember your name. Hence why I'm writing this to you. For you, the man of my 3 a.m. thoughts.

[themaninthelighthouse]

For King,

The 5th of March, precisely 3:47 a.m. I was lying in my bed, looking blankly at the ceiling, wondering why I had awoken at this hour, on this particular morning. I've never been the kind of person that goes to bed early and then gets up early. It's always been me sleeping around 2 a.m. and then getting up at 11 a.m. It's simply something that disturbs me since I don't remember sleeping early that night. A second later, I shed a tear for no apparent reason, I got too emotional, and I was terrified since I had no idea why I had cried? I don't remember being upset or unhappy about anything the day before. Then I returned, looking at the ceiling as if I could see anything, despite the lack of light. The room was pitch black, and I could only hear my own pulse. It was me wandering aimlessly in the desert of my mind. Thoughts that were plainly too chaotic and jumbled to really consider. I even considered that the reason I woke up so early was that the sunrise wasn't worth waking up to. Maybe it was meant for me to wake up with nothing but a blank ceiling in front of my eyes, which is pretty much how my life is. Where there is nothing to look up to and everything is blank and dismal, and you'll always have the feeling that you're going to wake up to the same routine every day, and it's a routine I wish I could simply get out of. Like, who the heck enjoys getting up early and then spending the rest of the day in their room, basically like being in a jail cell where all you can do is eat, sleep, study, and clean your room? Don't get me wrong; I'm grateful for the circumstances I'm in right now since not everyone has had access to adequate shelter since Typhoon Odette hit our city. It's simply that I've been feeling like I've been missing out on something. It's as though I'm barely living my life, a life I imagined a teenager like I would have. I mean, we all have so much to live for, so much to anticipate.

Although this isn't the first time I've asked myself whether what I'm doing right now is making me happy. Like, Is it anything I want my children or just the people, in general, to know about my life? I just don't know, and my life was essentially non-existent. With no one to guide me and hold me accountable for the things I struggle with. I want to get out there and simply meet people, chat with them, and maybe even form relationships with a couple of them. If I had the courage, I'd probably attempt trekking. But I know it's not going to happen given the present situation we're in. Only the rain is something I look forward to every day since it is the only time I can be so calm and composed. As a matter of fact, I would always bet a clock on a drizzle because rain allows time to slow down. You get to feel anything you want and just let it all out. You begin to consider the possibility of us getting gray hair and being unable to do things that individuals our age have had the opportunity to do. It's as if I'm approaching the conclusion of something, and I just wish it hadn't begun in the first place, so I wouldn't have to feel confused and unhappy, like a ghost orchid. Cause really? I just hate not being a kid anymore.