Pairing: Shoto Todoroki x Reader
Warning: Me yapping about his childhood trauma, Endeavor being a bad father, dysfunctional todoroki family.
Summary: just me talking about feelings, I have no idea where I wanted to go with this one.
Love, Comfort and Peace.
Shoto thinks that these were the things he never got to experience during his childhood. As far as he remembers it, his entire childhood he tried to chase a 'safe space' that had never existed, not in his family home, at least. He remembered how during his childhood, he had pushed himself harder everyday thinking if he performed good in his training sessions with his father, his father wouldn't punish his mother, that they would actually be able to live like a family, only for a few hours.
Oh, but how wrong and naive his little self was.
No matter how hard he worked, nothing changed. His mother was met with the same treatment and his siblings wouldn't even look at him because of his father.
For a little boy, it was too much to handle. The constant melancholic and scary atmosphere used to suffocate him, it would creep up on him and strangle his throat until he felt he couldn't breath freely anymore, there would always be an uncomfortable lump in his throat that he couldn't swallow down.
The suffocation wasn't the only thing he received from his childhood home. No, there was more. The look of paranoia and fear that he would see in his siblings' and mother's faces, they never voiced it but he knew they were all afraid, afraid of him turning out like his father.
And shoto couldn't help but understand them, why wouldn't they be afraid? After all he was supposed to carry endeavor's legacy, the only purpose of his birth, wasn't it? He hated it so much.
There was always this give and take he had noticed in the house. If somebody did exactly what his father asked, they were praised and if they didn't live by his father's set rules then God knows what would happen because his father was an unpredictable man. He never loved his father because of all the abuse he put everyone through, but he couldn't bring himself to hate endeavor either because he was his father, after all. Naturally, when one of the parents is too unpredictable to rely on, the kids seek sanctuary in the other parent and he thinks that is what he did as well.
His mother, his sweet darling mother, had always been there for him. Yet, he sensed a fear in her, a quiet apprehension he knew she'd deny now, but one he'd always recognized.
Love definetely didn't come easy from his parents, it was only given to him by his father when he performed well in his training or somewhat out of fear by his mother. They definitely didn't hate him but they couldn't fully give their love to him either.
Comfort was entirely out of the picture. He knew his father never had a good emotional Intelligence, all that he ever worried about was his ambition and as for his mother, she couldn't provide it to him. Sometimes he felt bad for his mother, drove into insanity by his father, he had wondered how life would have been like for his mother if she wasn't married off to the hero endeavor.
Shoto knew that all of it was what made him who he was. A hero, yes. But behind the glamour of it all, he thinks he also became a person who was hard to love, made it hard for him to be vulnerable and awkward when it came to his feelings. He had very much wanted to change that image of himself.
But he realized it was not easy, everytime there was something that pulled him from achieving it, it was familiarity he concluded, familiarity of the years of trauma that he had been through that pulled him back.
But then you crash into his life like a stray piece of space rock he never saw coming, you with your bubbly laughs and sparkling eyes made his hear beat faster than ever, it wasn't 'safe' but you, without knowing, made him realize how it was better to take risks than to be safe. You who gave him all the love and comfort in the world without expecting anything in return from him.
He remembered how a few years ago when he was a bit of both—sad and angry at himself—he had taken to sitting in the cold outside as a way to punish himself, going over all the what ifs after a failed Mission.
If only he was a few minutes early, he could have saved more people. If only he was more careful, he could have caught the villan.
So many If onlys until he had felt a warm blanket being draped over his shoulders. He had turned only to see you sitting by his side, you had given him a small smile before taking one of his hands in yours as you traced the pattern his veins formed on his wrist.
"It is alright, Shoto. You do not have to carry the guilt alone, I am here for you, always remember that?" You had said. He had never told you what had been eating him up and yet you somehow already knew.
Those simple words had rocked his world off its axis and he had felt a dam of feelings broke inside him. Suddenly the uneasy lump in his throat from childhood was back but unlike that time, it had been there because he had finally been experiencing what it was like to be seen and understood. To be truly loved and cared for, he felt something sting in his eyes, no he wasn't going to cry, he had told himself and despite all the things he felt, the only thing he had said to you was, "It is cold out here, you shouldn't be here,"
You had shrugged him off as though you didn't care about your well being in the slightest, "I do not want to be anywhere but by your side right now." You had replied so easily.
And just like that he had finally let out everything he had ever felt up till that moment, he finally allowed himself to cry in your arms and to be comforted by your sweet words and even sweeter kisses on his forehead.
So now when shoto opens the door to your apartment and finds all the lights off, he knows what is going on. And without a second thought, he rushes to your shared bedroom where he finds you underneath all the blankets.
"It is alright, love. I'm here now," he whispers it over and over in your, wishing he could chase away everything that was bothering you by just that. He wraps his body around yours, spooning your body against his as he whispers I love you to you over and over again.
"Shoto!" You sob into his chest, already feeling a lot better because he is here now, with you.
Love, Comfort and peace.
He thinks again, these weren't something he knew but for you he sure as hell would try. So that he could give only the best to you.
And if he fails in doing so? Then he would try again and again and again.
Why?
Because you had been his hero. And he would very much like it to be known to you that he loves you.