The Millentleman

Modern Day Common Sense for the Millennial Gentleman @TheMillentleman

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Does It Get Better Than This?

A millentleman always asks the question in any given moment: "does it get better than this?" Because he knows that this very moment is all he has, and if he can enjoy this moment, he might realize that at this moment it technically doesn't get better than that very moment. However if a millentleman plays his cards right in that very moment, he might come to realize that the moment ahead might actually (based on all of the combined data) get better than the prior moment. In conclusion, technically, the life of a millentleman just keeps getting better.

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His Pursuits

A millentleman never shares his pursuits with other millentlemen.

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The Oscars

A Millentleman sees what happened last night and derives from this a realization that we are all living in a computer simulation. He then reads the New Yorker and realizes he manifested an article about it from Adam Gopnik http://www.newyorker.com/culture/cultural-comment/did-the-oscars-just-prove-that-we-are-living-in-a-computer-simulation

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Space

A Millentleman always gives a gal space, especially if she lives 3500 miles away.

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Sharing Women

A Millentleman never shares a woman with another Millentleman. A Millentleman never shares information about a lovely gal he might be interested in because a Millentleman might expose himself to the wrath of the other Millentleman. Because when it comes to a lovely gal, all bets are off.* *This only applies to pre-gentleman code restrictions, Gentleman Code kicks in once the Millentleman has declared his interest in the lovely gal.

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On Listening

A Millentleman never listens to anyone speaking, he has much too much to be concerned about. If he is going to listen, he hires someone to listen for him, he might call them his Listener by saying something like:

“Oh well Harold, this is Jeremy... my Listener.”

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On Breakfast

A Millentleman enjoys a proper breakfast, prepared by someone else. Or he might muster up the strength to hire someone to prepare the breakfast for a special gal he might have in mind.

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On Twitter Being Down

A Millentleman never panics when Twitter and Netflix and Spotify are down because of weird Cyber hackers. He panics when someone spills coffee on his suit. Then he starts a scene in the small coffee shop and after everyone has been looking at him for a short awkward time, he then adjusts his suit, smiles and says "Hey, Friday's right?"

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On Paying the Bill

The Millentleman never looks to see how much a meal cost. The Millentleman simply hands the waiter his card and the handling of the bill is handled. The Millentleman never needs to handle the bill unless he is seeing how much to tip the gentleman or gentle lady (it's always at least 45%).

The Millentleman then takes his receipt and crumbles it up or throws it at his nearby assistant.

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The Millentleman takes a jaunt over to the Chateau Marmont for lunch whenever he pleases.

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On Yoga

The Millentleman is a very spiritual man, he pays a yoga teacher to come to one of his houses and he might partake in the practice for a little while with her, or if he isn’t feeling like it, he’ll just have the yoga teacher stay around for a pleasant conversation over breakfast. She’ll enjoy the meal and the company with great delight. 

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On Ferrari

The Millentleman owns a Ferrari. For when Plato was talking about the forms, the form for “CAR” resembled that of the 1966 330 GTC Ferrari (in Rosso Rubino, or you know what, any color works, if you have a color on the car, and you own the car, you should be in good shape). He keeps this car in the garage and as mentioned in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, in addition to ‘rub it with a diaper,’ the Millentleman enjoys this car, he uses it regularly because he knows that if anything happens to it, he can always just buy another one.

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On Porsche

The Millentleman drives a Porsche. This is his daily driver, he might have a new one, sure, he might, but he prefers the 1967 911 Soft-Window Targa. For this is the true daily driver of a Millentleman, while existing in the modern age, and constantly dealing with the frustrations of things not being ‘how they used to be’, the Millentleman drives this car with a wink and a smile and escorts his date to whatever dining experience they might be having on any given evening.

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On Miguel Montero of The Chicago Cubs

The Millentleman always operates like Miguel Montero. When the bases of life are loaded (as they can be sometimes) and the pitch of life is thrown at him (as it often does), he makes a solid connection with the ball and decimates it completely out of the ball park (or at least deep into the right field stands). The Millentleman watches his Grand Slam ball fly to where it is supposed to be and runs the bases with a leisurely confidence. 

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On Children

A Millentleman has multiple children and he cares for them or pays someone to care for them. They all might not know each other, these children, but a Millentleman pays for all of them, in perpetuity. He might even say things like “Yeah I don’t know how many of them there are, but I really enjoy them when I see them. (Then calling to a waiter at the Beverly Hills Hotel) Derek can I have another Arnold Palmer?”

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On Sundays

A Millentleman enjoys his Sunday with a good chuckle, orange juice, bacon, eggs, a newspaper, a few phone calls, some tennis with a pal and perhaps a round of golf.

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On Drama

A Millentleman doesn't deal with drama. He simply throws money at the problem and that should solve whatever issue was at hand.