I'm really thankful that I found tumblr back in the day. I was on the Bernie Sanders train by the time I was I think 18? So like, 15 years ago? Before anyone in the general public even really knew his name. And my family would call me an extremist for telling them about him and people would get mad at me for bringing up politics or trying to talk about current events.
And now here we are, and almost everything I ever warned could happen in a worst-case scenario if things didn't change has happened, but lots of those people I warned are a lot more involved/interested in politics than they ever would have been because I have always been so vocal and willing to talk to people and explain things that maybe they don't want explained.
Like, EVERYTHING FUCKING SUCKS RIGHT NOW. But I'm SO SO glad and grateful that I CARE as much as I do and that I'm surrounded by people who care. I guess that's what I'm trying to say. I'm so fucking sad and disgusted and hopeless a lot of the time but I'd rather be that than ignorant or evil.
I was raised in a Christian, racist, homophobic bubble and going to a public high school (instead of the catholic high school I got a full ride scholarship to) and finding Tumblr genuinely SAVED ME from that life. Isn't that a little ironic?
I'm so glad I care about people and love people as much as I do. I have so much love in my body that it hurts almost all the time. (And also hate for fucking idiots. Part of my growing process has been accepting the paradox of tolerance. Essentially, if you don't fuck with everyone, I don't fuck with you.) But I'd rather have the love that hurts than feel nothing at all about anything.
Often lately, that line from Hamilton pops into my brain. "If you stand for nothing, Burr, what'll you fall for?" (I know it's a common phrase outside of Hamilton but shh.) I want to always be so solid in what I stand for that nothing can break me. This involves CONSTANT learning and aching and changing my mind and growing pains and acceptance that I am capable of absorbing wrong information and being okay with admitting I'm wrong as long as I'm always seeking the truth.
It's like, when you're trying to grow your nails out you shouldn't use nail strengthener. It's counter-intuitive, I know. But you want your nails to stay flexible so they don't break. If they're too strong and rigid, they're brittle and snap easily. (this is why cuticle oil is important lmao)
I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore. I have family members still that just believe whatever comes out of Fox news' asshole. I was watching the news at one of their houses recently and a woman who owned a yoga studio in Minneapolis was being interviewed. She started crying as she talked about how she's just trying to stay strong so that she can be a soft landing place for other people in her community. That was all the interview was about. Just "How are you doing among all of this? How is it impacting business?"
And this family member turned to me and goes. "She's faking it." As tears are fully streaming down her face. I said, "Huh?" and he repeated, "They're paying her to fake-cry on camera. It's fake." And he's laughing as he's saying this.
And yeah, it boggled my mind.
I'm just glad I found tumblr at all, and especially when I did.
A line popped in my head recently, I've been trying to come up with an idea for a poem so it's a little melodramatic.
"The fortune-telling me of my youth and her crystal Tumblr ball..."
It would somehow relate to Cassandra, maybe. I don't know, that one line was as far as I've gotten, lmao.
SO YEAH TL;DR thanks tumblr for being my teacher and my political guru in my most impressionable time of my life, I'm a better person for it.
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