Them Thoughts Hurt

Time to screw some shit up

[themthoughtshurt]

In another universe I would be more loveable, kinder, not as held back.

In another universe I wouldn’t be hurt

In another universe I wouldn’t be dying

[themthoughtshurt]

Mama said that it was okay

[a-j-s-the-only]

I had a nightmare you left me so you could be six feet under.

The world got to you.

I wished to come back to reality, to you.

My darling, you were never meant for this world.

You are meant for something far greater.

So show the world what greatness looks like, turn the terrors of the unloved into dreams.

You’ll put the stars into the night sky by only staying here. Stay with me, my love.

[themthoughtshurt]

Goddamn I thought I was getting better there for a hot second

[themthoughtshurt]

A visit to the bridge

The bridge says, “ it has been awhile”

I reply, “yes i think i felt better”

“You think?” The bridge asks

“I came back here,” I tell it

“Then thinking is very valid.”

“Why do I talk to you? You’re just a bridge,” I tell it

“You’re just a person, why do I speak back, maybe I am not just a bridge?”

“Yet you are,” I say.

The bridge doesn’t reply.

A visit to the bridge.

[themthoughtshurt]

A visit to the bridge Part 2:

I sit by the bridge

The bridge says “why are you back?”

I reply “I’m lonely”

“I am not company. I am just a bridge.” The bridge says

“There is not just of anything” I say

The bridge doesn’t reply.

“Bridge,” I say

There is no response.

“Bridge,” I say, standing on the edge of the bridge, poised to step over

“Young one, why are you so ready to die?” The bridge is tired.

“I want to,” I reply

“You’re so young. Give it time.”

-a visit to the bridge

[themthoughtshurt]

I sit down by the bridge

The bridge calls

It says “you fool, why are you wishing wrong?”

I tell it “I wish none. I watch, do you?”

The bridge replies, “yes. I see the birds fly. I feed on the bones of those. I watch animals run past. The fish swim. I see all. You see none.”

I reply “That is a lot”

“Stop waiting. You can move. You can breathe. You can run.”

“I don’t want to. I want to fall.”

“But yet you don’t. You hold back. You know I am right”

And I do

So I leave the bridge

-a conversation between the bridge and I

[themthoughtshurt]

My sister was telling people that I was scared of roly polies and I grabbed one, walked up to her, and fucking ate that roly poly. I am the boss.

[themthoughtshurt]

I scare myself

[themthoughtshurt]

There are times when I realize that the shade of purple in my eyes is not the same shade of purple in other peoples eyes. I think that’s why people aren’t pretty to some people and gorgeous to others

[themthoughtshurt]

Depression. I’m sorry.

Depression is like living in quicksand-you don’t remember entering, let alone the life outside of the comforting quicksand- and at first you’re fighting for your life and trying to stay happy, and slowly pulling yourself out, but then something happens to change that or you lose your grip or just give up-realize that you’re worthless when you’re not and then you’re stranded and you’re sinking and it really feels like death is just giving you a big hug and warmth is all around you so you’re giving up and thinking you’re going to die, and then someone pulls you out. All of the way out, to this cold new world with people all around you talking, and you’ve got this choice to go back into the warm, comfortable quicksand that is slowly killing you or remain in this cold, new, unfamiliar world that youve never been in surrounded by uncaring strangers so you jump back into the quicksand. It hugs you.

And by the time the people that care about you reach you this time, you’re too deep and you’ve breathed your last word and it’s a name but they’ll never know what name, and now they’re in the quicksand and they have to choose between giving up or trying to get back to the surface and maybe you pulled them out of their quicksand and now they don’t have an anchor and now they don’t want to live anymore so they stop fighting but they still have people who care about them. So now they’re in the quicksand and they die now too, and then their people jump in, and they get trapped.

Depression is a cycle of pain and of people who think they’re alone when they aren’t.

[themthoughtshurt]

I’m not a poet but. I try.

I never thought that I would love you

I didn’t like you, didn’t mean to

But now I’m trapped

Starin at you from across the room, sapped

But only of energy-knowing nothin

My friends ask-bluffin

[badjokesbyjeff]

Reblog if you have not been booped yet

[themthoughtshurt]

No boops. I am boopinh other peoples

[themthoughtshurt]

Track is absolutely torture. I signed up for it, I do not deserve to live.

[themthoughtshurt]

Guys I have no water I’m going to die it’s been 78 hours and 20 days since I have drank something my bones are melting. My brain is shrinking. I am dying. Shriveling away.

[themthoughtshurt]

Got me a connamon roll and I’m happy it’s the only acceptable donut

[themthoughtshurt]

so I chugged like a whole bottle of Mountain Dew and a can of Fanta and it was like 6 hours ago and I was like hey I have to pee so we show up to this random Wendy’s at 9 at night and send me in and I’m just like hey the door is locked and the employees are ignoring me and this really shady dude is watching me like go back and forth and he stands up and I’m like fun time to die and he’s like “you need in the bathroom?” So anyway I almost died