the ninja sanctuary @theninjasanctuary - Tumblr Blog

God, I still hate the Tumblr high-contrast mode so so so much. It hurts my eyes.

It's genuinely held me back from posting. I'm trying to relocate to my new laptop and the Xkit fix I have on my old one does not work here, so I can't get the classic Tumblr blue look. Am making do with Ghost, which I hate the least out of the options, it's bright but uniform and I can turn it down.

I just want to make a note of how utterly nice my kitchen smells because there are two vases full of late-in-season peonies on the windowsill. Picked them yesterday ahead of the thunderstorms. Summer's been so chilly and kind of late this year, we wouldn't normally have peonies still blooming in mid-July. Haven't gone looking for wild strawberries yet, either. In fact, today is the first day I've worn a t-shirt at home, it's been a long sleeves and socks kind of summer so far.

A lot's happened since, but it's all the same mundane bs as usual, so it does not feel particularly necessary to try and summarize.

Anyway. Today was a nice day, spent hours gardening with my mother and came home with seasonal veg & herbs and many late-blooming peonies, picked before the strong rains that are forecast. There was already a thunderstorm tonight, but it brushed by with barely any rain here, just lots of lightning. More tomorrow, presumedly. It's a chilly, rainy summer.

Also dropped by the nearest second-hand emporium and impulsively picked up a pair of knit upper flats that are surprisingly good-looking besides being very light and soft. Lovely colour, too, a shade of pink I wear quite a lot. Paid 5 €.

I'm not at the greatest place financially, having arguably overspent for the past 6 months (at least), but also having missed a payment I was counting on, but that I might only get at the end of August and it will probably be a fraction of what I'd like due to my contract having changed.

This spring has been relatively chilly, but I finally switched to my silk and linen summer duvet that I bought last year (the down one started feeling too hot in the mornings), and it's really nice.

Idk if I live up to the other Taurus stereotypes, but insisting on the nicest bedding and towels I can afford is certainly a thing.

Still writing on the old laptop. Such a fuckton of work and worry lately, but my new ebike is good (not that I can take the time to joyride right now), and I got a massage therapy session yesterday. I've also been trying to do a 1-minute plank if not every day then most days of the week.

Annoyingly, the arch of my left foot is achy for no good reason. Special arch support socks and whatnot not working.

I have a new laptop - I've had it for months, actually, but I am chrocnically overwhelmed so I haven't been able to fully convert; migrating files and passwords is a fucking hassle and I'd rather nap. Also, annoying details pop up, e.g. the solution I use on my old one to make Tumblr dash not look like shit that hurts my eyes does not work on the new one. Fml, I hate the high-contrast version so much, and I won't accept anything that isn't the classic blue.

During a trip 2 weeks ago I realized my wardrobe lacks a layerable black crew-neck sweater; ordered several to try from Sellpy once the mere act of looking at Sellpy stopped putting me right to sleep. Also a silk shirt and a green sweater for good measure.

It's been ages since the previous post, and tbh this is turning into a stressor in itself, one more thing that's fallen behind as I struggle to deal. I have no intention of quitting, I just feel overwhelmed a lot with work this spring and am barely managing the chores and whatnot. Did a week-long work trip last week and am still kind of out of it, exhausted on some fundamental level.

Had a quiet birthday at home, no time nor energy to celebrate, also, it is a remarkably chilly spring so any garden parties are going to have to wait. Bought myself an e-bike, and a print on canvas by Kathy Lam of an image I first saw on Tumblr (the ramen capybaras).

Did go out today though, to see busy friends - we set this brunch date a month in advance, which is apparently the approach that works now. It was lovely catching up.

It might get slightly warmer next week, so I finally washed my wool trousers and some of the sweaters and those wool scarves and beanies that got some wear over the winter. Warm winter boots and the warmest coats and jackets have already been cleaned and put away.

It was, indeed, a WEEK. After that Sunday night post, I did respond to emails, scheduled them to send, and went to sleep, only to be rudely awakened by a phone call by my uncle, who generally has no business calling me, but this time he did; he is a literary editor for a media house, and was informing me an article I wrote got nominated for an award and asking for a link or file.

It was unexpected, the piece just came out at the end of the year, and was finished under a lot of time pressure, and while it's not terrible, it's not the best I've written either. And it's outside of my field. The other nominees are heavyweights. There's no way I'm winning, but I guess I should still attend the ceremony next month.

So yeah, that was kind of the highlight of the week. The rest of it wasn't full-on terrible, but a lot of work and not enough sleep, and stress both over work stuff, and sheer dread and exasperation and rage over the state of the fucking world. How in the goddamn fuck am I supposed to manage working towards anything when I keep thinking about my building getting bombed.

So yeah. Over the weekend, I did once more clean a lot and do laundry and buy cat food, and people food, etc., etc., but it genuinely feels like maybe I should put money towards some of that prepper shit rather than kitchen reno or replacing a rug. Thinking a Vtoman power station + solar panels.

Speaking of, the cat threw up alll over a rug on Thursday when I was rushing to work, thankfully it's a cotton rag rug I can just dump in the washer and not worry about. And he also had diarrhea & dingleberry issues, so he had to have two butt showers this week. Poor baby. OTL

As the last 2 nights have been the coldest this entire winter, I loaded the majority of my wool & other moth-tempting fibre clothing into bags and hauled them to the balcony in a bid to kill any possible moth eggs or larvae. Of course I have moth deterrents galore, but I am not willing to take any risks, I like my stuff too much. Although the size and weight of those bags does make me think I should continue my downsizing efforts. Yeah, because inevitably I end up thinking what should and could I pack if I had to leave home.

Trying to keep it together because I can tell it will be another WEEK. Did try to get enough sleep both nights, managed quite a bit of cleaning + laundry, also some handwashing and lint rolling (the cat is shedding like whoa), DIY mani-pedi (no polish on toenails this winter though), got groceries, looked at my bank accounts, even looked at the emails. Which are both anxiety-inducing and infuriating. Deadlines, tasks I cannot grasp, a colleague pretending to be incompetent (it's infuriating).

I kind of think this year will not be much fun due to the workload. I may be delusional thinking it will be manageable, somehow - and this is only if nothing else goes wrong or demands attention at all. Which might be a lot to ask.

I'm hoping that my older brother's contract in Brussels will be extended for another year, because them moving back to the city (a possibility in September) would amplify stress like whoa. His wife is a terrible person with unmanaged personality and mental health issues, and they are ALWAYS looking to dump their kids on my mother, who in turn is such a pathetic pushover when it comes to grandchildren. And has doctor's orders of not letting her heart rate exceed 110 bpm. Contact with brother's wife might literally kill her.

But oh well, I should concentrate on worrying over the things I have to do this week rather than hypotheticals.

Still have just barely started the year-in-review post, and idk if I'll finish it, because frankly looking at the one from the year before it was jarring just how samey it sounded. Zero progress.

Not sure I'm making any currently, either, but hoo boy the new work year is in full swing and I am scrambling to keep up. New role, new responsibilities, discovered 2 big messes 3 weeks in, but have managed to hopefully sort both. Survived the first week of classes, too. Feeling a bit tired in general, possibly because of a week-long, kind fo physically demanding trip to France directly before the classes started again. Not that it wasn't nice. E.g. went to see Notre-Dame, it was surprisingly easy to get in. Quite sunny too, and I hadn't brought any sunscreen nor sunglasses because the previous winters made them seem entirely unnecessary. Oh well. Stayed in 2 branches of Citadines, and a Hotel B&B, possibly overspent on food a bit, but enjoyed it, and also didn't shop anything extravagant, a bit of French pharmacy brand skincare, loads of good tea (Tang Frères and a small Japanese grocery store + even some from yer basic Monoprix), and two cute Japanese porcelain mugs with cats.

Today, woke up with the energy to clean, etc., which was useful. But I've also used this as an excuse to not look at my emails today. Overall, my email anxiety seems to be better, but it's not entirely gone. I have however arrived at a somewhat better sleep scehdule and being exhausted on the trip re-set the urge to look at my phone in bed, I just go straight to sleep now.

I've been feeling a bit more overwhelmed than usual, I guess, and haven't channeled any of it into updates, somehow. I've got so many browser tags open that even locating Tumblr is an issue. OTL

Anyway. Went out with a couple of friends yesterday to catch up and have dinner, and it was nice. Since this semester, or possibly the entire year will be hard work, I need to keep an eye on maintaining a modicum of social life, so hoping to do this again sometime. Haven't managed to go on a coffee date with my cousins, although it has been on the to-do-list since Christmas; one of them has had back-to-back colds and sicknesses. As for me, I've been snacking on Vit C like candy this fall and winter and haven't even had a sore throat. Also glad I got the flu vaccine a couple of months ago, since there's a wave of infections now.

The physio daddy has retired, and I went for the first workout with the new trainer this week (also a physio by trade), and it was fine. Pre-paid for 10 sessions, but scheduling on a weekly basis, as I won't have much free time at all.

The workload is looking scary, frankly, and I'm vaguely worried about the possibility of burnout, because I cannot really offload any of it to someone else, and shit needs to get done. And I can't say I'm showing good productivity lately, even responding to emails is an ongoing problem. (Or do I have burnout already? Who's to tell...)

Anyway. At least I managed to reorganize my wardrobe before the classes start, AND I listed several things and already sold a coat and two sweaters. The coat was Uniqlo ULD I bought used a couple of years ago, and soon realized why it was on the second-hand circuit - it's an issue with bad fabric - it stained like a mofo, i.e. even splashing water on it would leave stains, nvm any trace of hand cream making pocket edges and ends of sleeves looking gross. Sure, I don't mind washing things, but having to fluff each section by hand after every wash is tiresome (and it's not like this was the only down piece I own... but my Uniqlo ULD jackets don't stain like that).

As usual, wardrobe reorganization helps curb the desire to buy more. But I did buy a silk shirt... and it fits me just fine for a change, but has stains I cannot remove. I oughtta take it to dry cleaning, I guess? And if that doesn't work either, return it to Sellpy?

Have placed all my delayed orders for skincare, etc. It's nice not to be broke for a change.

I've come to the conclusion I've developed actual anxiety over the 5 years of this contract that's now ending. Idk if I can hope for it somewhat settling during the new one? It means I'll be independent from my current boss... by the spring, at least, there's still stuff to do.

And apparently I fell of the planet again.

Idk, have been busy and felt overwhelmed a lot, but things are mostly ok - good, even. I got the new contract, I got the bonus - a third smaller than initially discussed but still large, got the new work laptop, have been wined, dined and entertained throughout the holiday season, and am now out of office until the 6th. With a lot of work to do, unfortunately, and anxiety over emails is just not stopping.

Hearing blackbirds sing in December is odd. And it's a snowless Christmas with March-like temperatures.

saintmarc

Received the Sellpy order, returned 2 items, kept 4. The one that prompted the order was an ecru vintage Pringle sweater for under 20 €, listed as flawless, in truth it has a tiny bit of fraying at the end of the left sleeve (watches will do that), but I can fix it easily enough. The rest were, firstly, a neat black fine knit Escada tank top, by the label I'm guessing it's 00s, the care label info is entirely worn away - it's not silk, wool nor cotton, my guess is rayon, but it feels nice enough and has kept a deep black colour, so that'll do. A fine cotton pointelle knit spring-summer sweater by some Scandi brand, I'm not 100% on that particular shade of pink (it's a tiny bit too warm, I think) but it is ok overall. And a long-sleeve supima cotton Uniqlo tee for homewear. During Covid lockdowns I had to update my homewear because I was wearing it all to shreds, but now I'm going to have to ditch some of it because it can take no more.

A workout at the physio daddy's today, and whoa, new developments. He told me he's going to retire at the end of the year, and the day-to-day of the business will be taken over by 2 new guys and a girl. Idk if he'll continue owning it or will he sell it to them? Everything will stay the same, otherwise, or so they say - I am assuming the price will go up eventually though. We'll see.

Massage therapy session, which seemed well deserved. Got the order for kitty goods, everything from litter to toys to food. Made salmon soup for dinner. Ok day, but it would have been better if I'd gotten some work done as well.

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