just a nobody who writes

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[inkskinned]

actually, i love you, so you cannot be ugly to me. sometimes i think i have no idea what you actually look like. i know we've been friends for like a while but if someone asked oh who's that i'd talk about how funny you are, how charming. about how i have watched you grow as a person, about how you often choose kindness where i would honestly choose a feral violence. i know you keep a tally of your mistakes and they run around your brain - but in mine? i think they never even make it past the front gate. when i think of you my heart swells up with all the weird shit we've done together and how you've talked me through heartbreak and how i've held your hair back and how we both are like, in therapy, and totally above gossiping, but also like, are going to spill the work tea.

i know! i know you feel ugly. i know you hate that you show symptoms, that you're not normal. you said once - i'm afraid to show others the real me. but i see the other things - about these little quirks that are so, so endearing to me. how you are gentle to strangers. how you stand by your friends. how comfortable you make everybody. how you say hey, did you get home safe? even when it's like 6 feet i'm walking.

i love you. yesterday you spent an hour liveblogging the episode of owl house that you're on and i was like - this person is so fucking amazing. last night you said sorry for infodumping. as if you have anything to apologize for. as if part of the reason we're friends is because i love it when you do this, i love listening. i love you, idiot. i love you so fucking much. i want to stick you in a cage so you stop getting random injuries. i want to throw you into a garbage disposal every time you send me that one specific meme. i love you, i love you, i love you. you mean absolutely everything to me.

[ashstfu]

are u happy or sad or angry or what?

i'm definitely what

[inkskinned]

i don't wanna love myself like "buy this feel good". i wanna love myself like i made a sandwich for later because i knew i'd be too busy. i wanna love myself like hang on take a breath do you actually like this. i wanna love myself like okay we're gonna set a reminder to get up and brush our teeth. i wanna love myself like - it's okay to say no, it's okay to take that nap, it's okay to go home.

i don't wanna feel sexy like tv. i don't wanna feel sexy like little black dress. i wanna feel sexy like high note during karaoke. like just got done writing 14 pages of poetry. like let me show you this scarf i've been knitting. i wanna feel sexy like hand on the back of the headrest while you parallel park. like did i tell you about that time i saved a baby bird. like don't tell her but i've been sneaking money into her purse.

i don't wanna feel pretty like expensive. like high fashion. like paid to be here. i wanna feel pretty like a bird in a puddle. i wanna feel pretty like streak of dyed hair. i wanna feel pretty like calligraphy, like new leaves, like a skinned knee bleed, like a dog running at full speed. i wanna feel pretty like lying next to you. i wanna feel pretty like the new album just dropped, i wanna feel pretty like a shower, i wanna feel pretty like a stone wall all covered in moss.

i keep saying body neutrality. that feels negative - no bad things, no good things, just body. but i mean - my body is neutral like a flower is neutral like an oil slick is neutral like a day is neutral, too. my body is neutral so a kiss can feel like lightning so a dance can feel like a hula hoop so a walk to get coffee can feel like - god, i'm so happy to just be around you.

my body is a site. not the source of the joy, just where i can find it. i don't wanna love like - finally got my body tight/forced myself through a diet/whatever trend is the current hype. i wanna love myself like - i go to this river and i find gold every time i shift around inside it. i wanna love myself like - i feel sexy because it's sexy to be alive, and laughing. i wanna love myself like - bitch, i could have died, and i didn't, and if that isn't the prettiest almost in the whole world, than i don't know what is.

[penpanoply]

[inkskinned]

wow i wanna love myself like extremely pleasing typefacing i wanna love myself like enjoyed this post i made a little art about it i wanna love myself like the little flags on the letter t love to curl themselves against their base i want to love myself like hold on mom, it's a good reason i'm crying

[hamletpolny]

sir, that’s my emotional support imaginary world

[weltenwellen]

Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters of Rainer Maria Rilke, 1910-1926

[lunamonchtuna]

you once told me that the human eye is god's loneliest creation. how so much of the world passes through the pupil and still it holds nothing. the eye, alone in its socket, doesn't even know there's another one, just like it, an inch away, just as hungry, as empty.

— Ocean Vuong, On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous

[deepthoughtsvibes-deactivated20]

My heart is screaming for love. And my mind is screaming for peace.

(-deepthoughtsvibes)

[suliman-a7-deactivated20180427]

[thenobodypoetry]

Let’s put it this way: what ‘forgive and forget’ means isn’t for us to actually forget what happened because that’s quite impossible - what it means is that after you forgive, when you think about the incident again you aren’t angry anymore, nor would you ever hold it against them, because you’ve forgiven them. If you’re still counting the number of times they’ve wronged you inside your head, you haven’t actually forgiven them.

[weltenwellen]

Fernando Pessoa, The Book of Disquiet

[cluts]

who cares?? me. so much

[honigimohr]

“Dear Me, one day I’ll make you proud.”

— (via 10i7)

[ruinsmami]

im in a good place rn. not emotionally. just in my room

[makeuphall]

[thenobodypoetry]

please don’t romanticize me. i’m not beautiful when i sin, not kind when i lash out, not a tragic damsel when my shoulders wrack with my sobs so hard it shudders my core. i’m just broken, and it’s not pretty.  i’d rather you admit it’s tough to deal with and cry with me, than give me empty promises about how you’ll stay because i’ll be stunning no matter what, and run away the instant my ugliness rears its head.

pretty ugly // via @thenobodypoetry 

[thenobodypoetry]

Those hardest to love need it most.

- Lauren Aquilina, Fools

[thehopefulquotes]

Such wounds to the heart will probably never heal. But we cannot simply sit and stare at our wounds forever.

— Haruki Murakami

[stillesgeschrei]

“I don’t dream at night, I dream at day, I dream all day; I’m dreaming for living.”

— Steven Spielberg (via perfeqt)