long forgotten ghosts

there is a softness to growing old

[thenowherecaptain]

(hi so this is unfinished but,,)

how terrible it is to think of people who don’t think of you

she said he loved me but she actually is loved by him so how would she know what just friendship looks like on his face

he doesn’t love me and he doesn’t trust me and the former follows the latter so the latter matters more

but i can’t become someone he trusts because i don’t even cross his mind

he’s never going to love me at all

i want to take a nap in a bed that’s not mine

with two people that aren’t mine - that don’t technically belong to each other either

but some people have necks made to tuck your head into and shoulders meant to kiss

i would like to hold and be held

and instead, i lie in a too small and too empty bed and the only thing i’m holding is loneliness

[thenowherecaptain]

the difference between a threesome and a throuple: a secret i can’t tell you

what’s the difference between a threesome and a throuple?

is a genuine conversation i had and i talked about people in a grocery store and how they act there

but there’s a separate, more distinct difference

a threesome is how i’d sell myself to you

and a throuple is what i’d turn us into

you see, i’d pretend it was just sex

just a chance for you to know what sex with a girl is like without having to sacrifice him

i’d pretend i wouldn’t want to hold you both after

but the thing is

is that i know what you want

is that what i want is different from what you want

but this isn’t new, i’m just a liar

you see, i want to hold his dick and his hand and i want to hold your hand while we hold his dick

i want to suck hickeys into your necks and mark you as mine

i told you that no stress times was just happiness

but we could be happier

i’m by nature, a selfish person

(the milkshake flavor buzzfeed quiz said so)

you know this

and no amount of frustratingly sexy swim coaches and their delicious backs can distract me from the fact that the only sets of legs i want to out my head between are yours and his

you take sexy pictures for him and send them to me to see if they’re okay and god, i wish they were for us both

in your version of our future, i have some faceless partner

but in mine, i just have you and him

i’m a selfish person and i need to people to love, two people to fuck

i don’t fear settling down, i fear settling

settling for one person who i don’t want as much as i have wanted the two of you

i want to kiss down your chests and take your nipples into my mouth and leave marks in my wake and end up in cuddle piles on the couch

i want to hear the way you moan together and be the one to cause then

i want to have children and have them look like him and act like you

i want a lifetime, not a moment

i grew up hearing, “you’d be the perfect boyfriend if only you were a boy” and you’ve said that i’m him and if only you weren’t straight

so you see, i’m here and i’ve been waiting my whole life for this it feels like

i can be enough of a boy for you, i promise

i can be lover enough for you both

i’m here if you want me

and this isn’t even a fraction of all that i want and all that i could let myself want

but the difference between a threesome and a throuple is how much i let you know that i want you

[no-soul-no-problems]

i think the next step for me socially is to fake my death and become a sea captain

[diorbodybag-deactivated20220617]

[weltenwellen]

E.E. Cummings, Complete Poems, 1904-1962

[angelic-baphomet]

[amortizing]

“You can’t lie to your soul.”

— Irvine Welsh (via amortizing)

[randomoods]

isfp: the adventurer

[thenowherecaptain]

“the ocean is the wreckage of God’s curse upon this earth”

— i am the leviathan within its depths

[thenowherecaptain]

this formless void

gathered from stardust and ash

separated by the two hands of God

and upon this land created

you thrived and you sinned

[thenowherecaptain]

“i will rip your heart out and eat it,

the original forbidden fruit,

the heart of a man”

— ry

[thenowherecaptain]

the sea brought you

and the sea shall have you back

[thenowherecaptain]

i’ll love you tomorrow

and twenty and twenty and twenty more tomorrows after that

[thenowherecaptain]

my reality is creation and purpose and power

[thenowherecaptain]

“all little girls want to be God”

-ry

[thenowherecaptain]

you have demons in your bones

[honeysuggestion]

even forever would not be enough time with you