We arrived in El Paso Shortly after 9pm that night. Me and my crew checked into this cheap motel we booked on expedia, at $65 a night. Didnt have much time to inspect it, as our only priority that night was to grab a few drinks and have some fun. There isn’t much to do in El Paso, per say like L.A. or Vegas, but it is still a nice little fun town loaded with bars, clubs, restaurants, and of course there is the border or as some refer to as Juarez, MX. Now, Quickly some people advise us not to go there and we follow this advice just because we have heard it long before we even got here. BUt you know what they say when in rome? eh? Ok so we decide to invade a strip club that night it is our first target and perhaps in hindsight our last that night. I mean we have a few hours left before it turns to midnight and the freaks come out to play. Little does anyone know that we are those freaks from the night. We hear about this club called dreams Cabaret. Local guys tell us this is the place to go to find beautiful naked women. Also, for a few dollars more you can gets some on the side from one of the daring dancers. Get some what ? you ask ? Well you know that hanky panky shit. Like BJs Handjobs, dry humps, touching, grabbing. The sort of shit you would pay a hooker out in the streets. Yeah that kind of kinky stuff guys crave. Now at first i dont get excited over this but one of my crew members who happens to be a real crazy horny guy, does get excited. I’m like, ok I guess I should get excited. IT gets contagious in this group after a while. When My friends start to laughI start to laugh. Even if i dont know what the fuck I am laughing at. So my friend gets excited and so do i just so I will add to the fire. We arrive at the strip club. It is typical. Loud Music. The Smell of cigarettes. A creepy DJ voice reminding a dancer named Ezra that she is up on stage to follow in the next few minutes. At the corner of the club we find an empty table. It looks clean. Somewhat nice. IN the middle there is a small white burning candle that gives light to a small cardboard cutout that features the club special. I believe lapdances are 10$ after 11pm and domestic longnecks are $4 all night long so we order almost a dozen beers. 10 Budlights to be exact. They arrive in a 2 gallon sized tin bucket. This night is going well so far. The Dj is playing mostly top 40 crap. I hear some taylor swift followed by some Luke Bryan followed by some Jay Z. Not exactly the mix I would pick for my song list, but hey man this is EL paso right ? I mean I guess this is how they do things here. Soon enough we start to see beautiful dancers hit the stage. Now what exactly makes a dancer beautiful ? is it her makeup ? is it her nice pretty hair ? Is it her nude body ? Her highheels ? Well I guess every guy can argue differently on this one. BUt you see for me when A girl is on stage, I can tell if you she wants to be there or not, I can tell if the girl is just doing it for the money. Then there is the girl who has an overwhelming joy look on her face. That girl is the beautiful one. BUt this night in El Paso. Inside the Dreams Cabaret Club I see very little few girls that want to be there. Most girls there are there to pay the rent. They hate getting naked and having to get paid for it. IT is not their first choice. BUt for some the money is very attractive and alluring for the soul. This night, this club, here there are a lot of Latina girls here, mostly for the money. Nothing else. Ok wouldnt it be nice if they could get paid just for showing up in their cute stripper hoodrat outfits ? yeah that would be cool. But it doesn’t work that way. Men want to see you get naked. They want to see some tits and ass. The more tit you show the more money that will flow. Its just that simple. Some girls realize this but they still get naked with a big frown on their face. The youngest girl I see is about 18. Although she could pass easily for 16. And maybe she is. I don’t know for sure. We are near Mexico. And most of the illegal shit we hear about tends to come from the that side of the border, Juarez Mexico. So it would be no surprise to me if this girl was underage.
The NIght continues. We finish our beers. The guys order a few lap dances from one of the girls. Soon we order more alcohol. This time we order shots. Someone reccomends the tequila. SO we say sure why the hell not. Lets order 6 tequilla shots. I dont remember how many I take. BUt by this time around I start to feel good. .It could be I may very well regret this the following morning. BUt who cares I am having a good time and thats all that matters in EL paso Texas. As I begin to look around my eyes meet with one of the dancers. Now there is something different about this dancer that sticks out from all other dancers. At first I start wonder. What is it about her that is kind of out of place. Oh yeah she appears to be a bit older than most girls if I could guess this woman is in her early 40s maybe late 30s. She is curvy. Very curvy. Almost as some would say big bone. Yeah ok I would use the word fat. BUt not to her face. Yes Im drunk at this point but even I know how to censor myself under these circumstances. Despite this she is a very attractive latin woman. She is hot. Most of these guys here tonight would probably fuck her. Those she has, they are not really that big. Her nipples are dark really dark, a dark that matches her skin tone. She comes over to my table. She asks if she could join our party, at first I hesitate. And its not because she is older or curvy. NO not like that. YOu see some of the friends that are with me tonight tend to act stupid, by stupid I mean they begin to laugh at obvious jokes and matters that surround us. I am afraid one of my girlfriends will ask her how much she weighs or how old she ?
I begin to get curious about her. But a part of me also begins to want to connect with this cute middle aged hispanic dancer. So I say sure why the hell not. SHe asks me for my name. She ask me where I am from. She ask me how old I am. And of course I answer her honestly. WIthin seconds she knows my name is ELsa Jean. I make movies. I live in Vegas. I have a small condo in L.A. I own three Pugs. I love Pasta. I love Vodka, And from the looks of this night I also like fine aged Tequilla from Juarez Mexico. She laughs at first she pauses and reflects on my answer. And she soon follows through with more questions. Like DO I like being an adult film star. I say yes. I love it. She begins to ask what exactly about the sex industry do I like best. I tell her I love sex. I have always loved sex. If I didnt get paid for sex I would be having sex for free. BUt since I can make a few bucks off of it why the hell not. She pauses again and looks away. I can’t believe what I am about to do, but I do it anyway. I ask how old she is ?
She laughs louder. And looks away. Almost like she has been placed in a rather embarrasing situation in which she has been placed before many times. How old do you think I look.She replies. I try and be nice I say uh hmm “30?” ish ? ? Maybe 39 ? I giggle at my answer. Not because its funny but because I am a little nervous. Maybe this isnt a good idea to ask. I think To myself. Though I am drunk by this time- my feelings of insecurity begin to emerge. She looks back at me and straight into my eyes and says I am 42. HOLY SHIT I think to myself. You are not to far away from 50. But thats ok she looks good for her age. We begin to talk into the night. Mostly about stupid shit. You know boys. Sex. Alcohol. Music. Politics,.Dresses. Shoes. Girly stuff like that. She is nice. Down to earth I would say. BUt very social and convincing for a stripper. Meanwhile my friends keep getting more wasted. I doubt they even know whats going on around them. One of my guy friends begins to doze off. Somebody better look out after him. Sure as hell not gonna be me. I continue my talk with this stripper. She tells me her name is Misty. Always has been Misty she tells her last name. I dont remember it very well. I think she says it was ramos or Rodriguez, Or Robles, maybe Ramirez. Really I don’t remember. Just, except that it was misty something. But soon after that she confesses that she too did a few movies back in the days. This catches me by surprise. I ask her what name she went by ? She replies she went by Misty Mendez Back in the day. I pull out my Iphone X and immediately google her name. A few sites come up. Yes thats her Misty Mendez. She still looked hot back in the day. I begin to play some of her movies on my phone, she watches along side with me. I can’t believe I am partying with a retired slash pornstar slash Stripper. I ask her why she left the business, At first she is not clear, except she says she got tired. She begins to tell me a tale about her earlier days. She wanted to make money. She wanted to make a lot of money like most girls. BUt she wasnt happy having sex with some of the guys in the industry. She recounts a time when she did threesome video, she was opposed to doing anal. Halfway through the shoot, one of the actors penetrated her anus. It began to bleed. She said stop. BUt the director insisted they continue. She said stop but they wouldnt listen. They continued anyway. She began to cry and the director halted and grabbed her by the throat. With the other hand he punched her in the stomach and told her that if she didnt finish this shot she would not get paid. Also The shooting was taking place in an abandoned warehouse about 200 miles north of Los Angeles in the middle of nowhere. She was told that if she didnt quit her shit and complaining she would be left out all alone by herself without her clothes. She went ahead and finished the scene. It was horrific. She recounts. Before I can ask her why ? How ? When ? Who? Her eyes begin to get watery. So I know this is a cue to stop my questions. BUt without asking I know these sort of stories happen everytime. Although they have never happened to me, I know of girls that have been asaulted and raped on set. I pretend that these stories are not real. I Pretend I dont hear them. You see if I do I have to do something. And what would I do. really there is not much. I have a career. I have a job to do. I have an image. My image is not to a cop or snitcher, No I too make movies. Each girl has her own motive for doing so. I have my reasons. She (misty) had her own too. Sometimes life kicks your ass. What can you do thats part of the territory.
Misty manages to wipe away a small of stream of tears that descend from her left eye. I offer her a napkin. Along with a cold beer. That still has crispy crushed ice on it. She declines the beer but grabs the napkin. It wasnt the sexual assault that drove me away from the sex industry she says. I ask then what was it ? She tells me that in 2004 she met an amazing guy. A guy that swept her off her feet, She fell in love with him. And he fell in love with her. They begin to date like most couples do. There was one problem though; Misty didnt tell him immediately what she did for a living. She couldnt find the right time to do it. When he asked her what she did for a living, Misty didnt really lie to him at first. She said she worked as an actress but mostly as an extra and she did a couple of photo shoots. The guy she was dating was under the impression that she a movie extra and she did occasional photo shoots.It was six months into their dating timeline that he asked her to get married, She amazed and happy at first. But there was still that one hurdle she needed to Surmount. Misty had to tell him the truth about her line of work. She was a pornstar. Just how do you unveil this sort of information to a man that loves you and wants to start a life with you. face it there is no easy way out. Misty decided to do this anyway and invited him over to her place and told him they needed “to talk”. Misty prepared for this. BUt in reality no preparation was good enough. Misty told him the truth, This man at first though it was joke. No it wasn’t. She showed him her videos. She showed him pictures. She told him in her own words, Despite this Misty told him I still Love you and if you want to spend the rest of our lives together, I am still open to it, but I thought you should the truth about me. If you don’t want to marry me I understand. She said. This man was beyond heart broken. This man could not talk. Much less walk. He was In shock about the news. He fell to the floor. He began to cry. Misty soon followed him with tears of her own. This man walked away from her for good. She never saw him ever again after that encounter. But most tragic was that Misty had her heart broken too. She asked herself why did she even enter the porno world in the first place. She regret it as far as her soul could ever imagine. She knew she did wrong. If she could do it all over again she would become something else. Like a chef or teacher. Or something or anything just not a pornstar. She told me her heart and soul died that year and decided to leave the adult film world in 2006. SHe moved El Paso because thats where her parents lived. She wanted to start her life over. She managed to get jobs as a bartender and as a salesperson at a T-Mobile Store. But none of those jobs could ever bring her the controversy or money that the sex industry could bring. So she ended up back in square one a few years ago when she lost everything to an apartment fire. She told me she makes about $150 a night as a dancer and sometimes she pulls a few tricks on the side. I ask her about her boyfriend that left her. She tells me she hasnt seen him in over ten years. I ask her what about facebook ? Have you tried there ? She replies why ? Im afraid I mightfind him happily married to some other girl. Happily with kids. That would hurt me a lot. So much I would probably want to kill myself. I get sad a little, after i hear her stories. I try and console her, I try and tell her how beautiful she is. I explain to her there is always tomorrow. The sun also rises then, With a new day. A new opportunity, She smiles back at me almost as to say how sweet of you. I offer her a beer once again and once again she declines it, She offers me a lapdance. She says its free of charge girl. I say Hello. Go ahead, dance away. She begins to rub her sweet thick body on my skinny white girl petite bosy. I am drunk. A whole lot of drunk I am not sure if the room is spinning because misty is pounding her ass on my lap or because this tequilla is kicking in. Either way I am having a good time. The Dj Begins to play “Crazy train” by Ozzy. Somehow I am drawn back to my earlier years in highschool. I begin to think How much I have accomplished since then. I think i have accomplished my own set of rules my own happiness. Yes I love sex. But its not just sex, its a connection, its an art, its world i create both me and others who wish to watch me. Soon after this Ozzy ends with Some R&B Soul music that I am unfamilar with, Misty Grabs me by the face almost as though she is about to kiss me, but inches ways she looks into my eyes and tells me its been a hell of a good time talking with you. I feel sorry for her. So I tip her $40. She says thanks. And walks away. My friend ask me who was she ? My friend notices the smile on my face. They ask me If I like her ? I say she’s alright. Under my lips I mutter and say she is a dead pornstar. But the music is very loud, my friend barely hears what I say. I look the other towards the stage, I think to myself: Did I just get a lapdance from a dead pornstar ? A girl who is dead inside. A girl who no longer has a soul because of the adult film industry. A girl whos hopes and dreams were taken away by a reckless decision she made. yes I think thats just what happend. I don’t want to be that girl. I don’t ever WANT TO BE THAT GIRL !! And shortly after this they begin to play some sean paul. I take a sip of my Bud Light and smile away into the night,
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