Warnings: 18+, sexual content, lgbtq characters, brief talk of death, more in tags **art not mine
Summary: After getting carried away for a night Prince Olyvar and his knight Lord Harcourt must evaluate what they’ve gotten themselves into and determine how much they’re willing to put on the line to pursue their desire for one another.
I recommend listening to Troye Sivan Talk Me Down, Yuna Mannequin, and MAX IT’S YOU ft keshi to get into the vibe of this part. You can listen to them on my Spotify playlist
For a moment I thought he had fallen asleep as I quietly laid there tucked between his arm and bare torso. To be honest the position was a little uncomfortable, I was laying on one of my arms and the other was stretched across his chest, but I dared not move an inch.
The upside was I currently had the chance to examine his features up close. I’d heard whispers and rumors of others at the Citadel who found him attractive. Hearing such talk would usually make me groundlessly jealous, however, I knew I was now in a position where I was seeing sides and expressions of him that few others had.
Firstly, I noticed how proportionate his profile was. Brow bone large enough to fit both long and dark eyebrows, but not too prominent. His nose was straight and came to a rounded point perfectly paired with his high yet soft cheek bones. I knew well that his eyes were a remarkable sky blue, but from this angle I could see his light eyelashes, although in contrasting color to his brows, were also long and full. His lips were a natural shade of strawberry, tucked underneath his freshly trimmed mustache. The rest of his facial hair was also recently shaved, most likely specifically to look good for tonight’s event.
I was in awe of his hair most of the time. Curls that sprouted from dark roots only to give way to a rich yellow blond like it had been bleached by the sun. He never did much to style his curls besides a slight part and pushed out of his face. Our recent physical activity did tousle his hair quite a bit though, and I realized it was longer than I expected it to be, but not quite as long as mine. I didn’t even want to imagine what my hair looked like right now after rolling around in bed. Although my hair had a similar texture to his, I was constantly fumbling with my curls keeping their shape and how I wanted to style it.
Unable to handle it any longer I lifted my arm slowly off his chest and brushed my fingertips against his lips. I was still in amazement that just a while ago these same lips were kissing me in all sorts of places.
Before I could even think about getting carried away again his eyes opened and he sat up causing me to have to sit up and scoot over a few inches as well. I started to apologize for waking him but he avoided looking over at me as he silently stood up and walked across the room to where the wash stand was.
I watched in hesitation as he dipped a cloth into the bowl of water and wiped himself clean. He returned the cloth to the water and rang it out a few times before crossing back over. Still avoiding eye contact he reached over to hand me the washcloth then proceeded to gather his articles of clothing that were carelessly strewn across the floor.
“Is something wrong?” I asked, trying to keep a quiver out of my voice. Boldly ignoring me he now was trying to hand me my pants he’d also retrieved from where he had thrown them after taking them off me.
I snatched them from his hand and quickly put them back on. While doing so questions swirled around in my head wondering why he was suddenly acting this way. Did he regret it? Did he just want relief? Did he decide he didn’t like it? I tried to keep the feelings of insecurity from bubbling to the surface. Did he decide he didn’t like doing that with another man?
“Look, if you’re not gay then you don’t have to act like we are intimate. We just needed to get off and helped each other out”. I began to create a cover up description of what we just did to try and assure him I didn’t expect our relationship up until now to have to change.
“What?” He furrowed his brows in irritation as he listened to my one sided rambling. “You think that was the first time I was with another man?”
I stared back at him, trying to again judge his expression and come to my own conclusion on what he was feeling about this rather than just asking him out right. In my racing mind I also completely lacked to understand what he just told me. “I’m saying if you don’t want to do that again then just say so. You don’t have to be weird about it”. I scoffed out and threw myself back down onto the bed.
“Do you not want to do that again?” He questioned me in return with an almost insulted tone in his voice now.
I stared up at the ceiling while I thought carefully about how to respond to him. If he was experiencing regret then I didn’t want him to think that it meant more to me, but if he just wanted to have sex then I thought I might not mind at least getting to be physical with him again. Before I could decide on the right reply my face started to redden at the thought of what happened tonight happening another time, or more than just one more time. I covered my face with both hands and started to mumble into them in a way he couldn’t make out what I was saying at all.
I couldn’t tell if he was still ignoring me or if he was just waiting for an actual reply, so I uncovered my face and leaned up to see he was also trying to hide a smile in his palm. I was really confused now.
Once he composed himself he crawled back onto the bed, resting his still unclothed body against mine. Those blue eyes I’d admired for so long looked carefully down on me as he tucked a lock of hair behind my ear.
His movements were tender, not lustful as they were just a while ago. He then took one of my hands and pressed the back of it to his lips before speaking.
“As a knight of the southern realm I have stood by your side and served you, and will continue to serve you in any way Your Highness wishes of me”.
I sighed and took my hand from his hold, “I don’t want you to serve me just because you’ve sworn to”.
“Then what do you want?” He asked me like he expected I would have already answered that myself by now.
“I don’t know” I confessed, because despite how good I felt earlier, I was still a confused mess. My lack of self restraint leading up to now was probably a result of the drinks I had tonight anyways. If he had not agreed to accompany me tonight, or my friends did not serve me up so much alcohol just because it was my birthday, my admiration might still be one-sided.
I knew how I felt about him, being around him made me feel safe, like I didn’t have to mask my true self because he would accept all of me. On the other hand, I knew the challenges we would face trying to pursue something. I was the first prince and heir to my house. I had people looking up to me and traditions to uphold. He on the other hand had his honor to keep intact. His lifestyle and position was a competitive one whether he played along or not.
“Should I know?” I looked to him for support as I had on many other occasions. I hoped he could tell me something to ease my nerves and make the decision easier.
Instead of immediately replying he first offered me a soothing kiss which did not err on the side of restraint. “I suppose you don’t have to right now, but you should soon”. He moved to stand back up again and actually started to redress this time.
I collected my top and threw it back on while I was still mulling over his words of caution. “Do you know what you want then?”
He sat down on the edge of the bed after successfully putting his pants back on “I thought I finally had that figured out, now I’m not so sure anymore”.
“Why is that?” I pressed further, hoping that I could get some more insight into how he felt about me or what his intentions were.
“Hopefully I’ll know when you know” he gave me a half smile, not his usual smirk, but more like a willful gesture.
Questions still unanswered I tried to not get back into my head and instead accept that at least he hadn’t said something along the lines of let’s stop seeing each other. As I was replaying the conversation over in my mind I did find something I’d missed.
“When you said ‘You think this was my first time with a man?’ What did you mean?”
He glanced back over at me like he was surprised I’d remembered he’d said that in the heat of the moment.
“That’s a conversation for another night, you should get some rest”. He quickly shut me down.
“I’m not tired though” I childishly disagreed.
“So you’re ready for round two already then?” He teased with a cocked brow and motioned like he was ready to pounce on me.
“No! My body needs some rest” I couldn’t help but laugh as he wrapped his arms around me, pinning my arms to my chest as I tried to push him away.
“What, you’re tired of me already?” He pretended to sulk when I successfully pried him off me.
“You’re the one who made me tired!”
“So you agree, you’re tired then” now he seemed amused with himself for turning that back around.
Admitting defeat I folded my hands into my lap and fiddled with my nails trying to decide if I was going to be brave again. I gambled and asked him another question, “Could you kiss me again?”
All jokes aside, his smirk softened and he reached one hand over to cup my face, pulling me closer to his. I realized all tonight I’d quickly closed my eyes each time he came to kiss me. Anticipating this one this time, I watched as he slowly arrived to just a few centimeters away. He watched me too, we both sat there looking into each other's eyes until he finally broke the contact and looked down at my lips.
That was it. That was the moment I’d been waiting to see from him. The moment when he yearned for me the way I did him. Like signaling I was ready, I now closed my eyes and he moved all the way in.
It started as a simple kiss, but soon evolved into a deeper more sensual one as I parted my lips and he slipped his tongue inside.
He wrapped his hand that was cupping my face around to the back of my neck and helped lower me back down onto the bed all while continuing to explore the inside of my mouth. Just as I thought I might second guess how tired I was again, the kiss faded in intensity and he pulled back like he didn’t want himself to get too carried away either.
After we settled back down into the bed together, him laying on his back still topless to my pleasure, I laid on my side watching his chest as it raised and fell along with his breaths. Just as he said it was time to rest, suddenly I was more tired than I had allowed myself to admit, and soon I fell asleep as well.
I only realized how late we had stayed up when the morning came. We had left the window open so the room had been filled with a sharp and dry cold. My eyes squinted open when a ray of light beamed in my face like an unfortunate natural wake up call. I peaked over my shoulder to see I had burrowed underneath the thick duvet into Lord Harcourt’s side. He on the other hand had one arm and one leg exposed to the brisk air, the morning light or chill not seeming to bother his soundly sleeping form.
I wished I could just close my eyes and fall back to sleep next to him for a little while longer, but I knew we needed to be getting back to the Citadel before anyone started to notice we were gone.
As slow and easy as I could I pulled myself into a sitting position. I checked my wrist comm for the time. If it was just after sunsrise then I figured the best way to sneak back in would be to avoid the loading yard since there was an import scheduled.
“Your comm is a lot fancier than ours” Lord Harcourt spoke before I’d realized he was awake. “The other guards complain about theirs glitching all the time”.
“The other guards just need to bring theirs into the lab to get updated. They’ve been working on boosting the signals so you have to do a hard reset for it to…” my sentence trailed off because he had pulled the duvet down off my torso and slipped his fingers underneath the hem of my top, his cold fingers gliding across my abdomen.
“I’m listening” he subtly dared me to continue my train of thought while he caressed my skin.
Forgetting exactly where I was just a moment ago I continued on anyway. “You see this is A.C.E the most updated portable comms.” I brought my arm forward so he could get a better look at the silver band that donned my wrist. He gave it one glance before sinking down and disappearing underneath the covers. I felt him roll over onto my lower half and he re-emerged with his head in my lap facing me.
“You don’t say?” He continued in a serious tone so you’d only know he was teasing if you knew his taunting personality.
“Yes..” I rambled on some more trying to stay on subject but more importantly now to distract myself from getting hard. “Yes advanced communications equipment, they’ve added so many new functions that they gave this series a name A.C.E. Except most of those new functions don’t work outside the Citadel at the moment.”
“Mmm, your fancy wrist comm doesn’t work out here?” This time he broke character and cracked a little smile.
“It works!” I quickly came to defend my new accessory, “just not to its full potential”.
“I see” he replied like he’d conceded but then he ran another hand up my stomach, pulling my top up and exposing my skin to the light. He planted a few kisses there before I finally gave in and grabbed a hold of him, pulling him up to my level and joining us in a kiss.
My legs pulled apart to allow his body to lay between them and almost as soon as he settled in there he began to press his hips into mine.
After only a few heated minutes I reluctantly broke the kiss. “We need to leave soon if we want to sneak back in while they’re busy overseeing the loading yard”.
“Fuck, was that today?” He groaned like he already knew I was about to explain when there was an import scheduled which meant half of the guards would be taken from various posts to help. “I was supposed to be there”. He flopped down defeatedly like he couldn’t believe he’d allowed himself to forget.
I patted his head that was now resting in my lap, hoping only a little that he couldn’t tell I managed a chub. “Will you be in trouble?” I almost felt bad for taking part in keeping him from his duties, however, I was also glad we were here now rather than whatever we’d be doing if last night had not occurred.
“I’ll just say I slept in, got too drunk after last night's celebration. My officer will probably give me more assignments over the next couple of days to make up for it”.
“Maybe we should just stay here then” I suggested while continuing to stroke his hair. I pulled a few strands back from the front of his face so I could see his eyelashes turned golden in the morning light.
“No you’re right we should get back” he sighed as he began to get up off of me and move out of the bed.
I followed behind him as we both gathered what was left of our belongings and made our way back down the narrow staircase and out to the street.
Lord Harcourt was determined to figure out on his own how to get back to the Citadel. It was obvious he didn’t come out to this side of Adar much so he was not as familiar with the area. He seemed to know enough, probably from previous experiences, to at least get us down the street onto a main road where I knew we could call for a vehicle.
The main road was lined with shops that to my excitement already had carts out this early, ready to make a quick sale to those passing by who saw something that caught their eye.
I easily became one of those passing by as I pulled on Lord Harcourt’s arm to stop for a moment and take a look at some native pears one shop had piled up in a crate next to their window. I bartered with the shop merchant to get us two ripe looking pears from the bunch.
Motioning for him to follow me, I tossed him a pear and waved down a vehicle I saw coming from further up the street.
I explained to the driver we needed to get to the service road near the Citadel but not the main road that passed in front of the gatehouse. He seemed to be a little confused at first but after I paid him a decent fare he shrugged and started down away from the market streets and towards our destination.
Balen had introduced me to this service road since it was where I usually met him when I snuck out. He had explained to me that most Denzi who came from the townlet to work in the Citadel would take this road rather than go through the gatehouse since it was technically a shorter walk after you were dropped off and less busy. Guards were usually only posted at the end of the road so as long as we got out earlier and walked a little farther we could go around them.
We both sat in the back across from each other in silence as the drive began. Continuing along I noticed he was avoiding looking forward to me. The only noise was the sound of me taking a few bites out of my breakfast, watching him as he rolled the fruit around in his palms.
I knew he could tell I was looking at him because he didn’t once even glance over to check, which meant he was already sure.
I thought about speaking up and asking him if he wasn’t hungry but I decided against it thinking he was probably stressed about missing his shift and I didn’t want to press his nerves any further.
On the other hand the silent treatment was making me nervous that he might be a little upset with me.
After not too long a drive, but long enough to make me feel like I was going to burst at the seams from the tension, we pulled over and the door opened up to let us out. Lord Harcourt finally looked at me in a way to still avoid eye contact and motioned with his hand allowing me to exit first.
When I got out and looked around I noticed we were a bit further than I’d expected but I wasn’t one to complain too much.
Lord Harcourt came out after me, also noticing how far we still had to walk after he saw the Citadel off in the distance perched on top of its highland. He offered me his pear as we started our trek upwards and I wondered if it was indeed because he just wasn’t hungry yet or if even without looking directly at me he’d still managed to notice how I enjoyed mine.
Silence again as we walked the road until we’d arrived close enough to need to veer off so we could remain undetected. You could tell the service road was only upkept enough to still be drivable compared to the busier main roads, but it was still easier on the ankles than the uneven and rocky terrain we were on now.
Although I had passed through this area trying to get back before, I accidentally lost my footing on a slope. Before I could go tumbling down Lord Harcourt caught my arm, his hand gripping just above my elbow and pulling me backwards into his chest.
“Olyvar please watch where you’re going!” He called out in a concerned tone.
“Sorry, I’m just a little distracted” I admitted when he let me go.
“Well this time try to keep your focus until after we get back inside” he directed me like I was someone who generally lost their focus often.
Easy for him to say! I thought to myself considering he was the reason I was so thrown off. He was acting off like he had last night, but I knew now was t the right time to try to strike up a conversation with him about it.
“How close are we to the Stratif Cliffs anyways?” He questioned the location of the Citadel’s natural defense, the reason we chose this plateau to build on. I knew that only a few kilometers behind us was an abrupt drop off the Stratif Cliffs. Cupping the far end of the Citadel’s footprint these cliffs had a reputation for being nearly impossible to climb due to their jagged face and likelihood of falling boulders. We had relied on that notoriety when assigning guard watch posts, generally not as concerned with keeping this area manned as often as the other side where the main road and the loading yard was.
We perched behind a large rock after we found the entryway for the staff that came in from this route. Like I had expected most of the guards were called away and as far as we could tell this entrance wasn’t being posted at the moment.
“Where does this entrance lead to?” Lord Harcourt questioned. As far as I could remember he had never been put on duty in this area so it made sense he didn’t know exactly where this led.
“Through that opening” I pointed over to a barely visible part in the stone wall, “there’s actually a flight of stairs that goes underground to the service tunnels” I informed him before taking one last glance around and getting up to make my way over.
“The service tunnels?!” Lord Harcourt also made a quick look around for good measure then had to hurry along to catch up to me at the mouth of the entryway. “Aren’t the service tunnels dangerous?”
“My father only says such to keep people out” I took one step into the top of the downward staircase then extended a hand backwards. Lord Harcourt looked weary but eventually took my hand in his and followed me down. The stairs had a slight curve as the hallway they were in grew warm from the underground. A slight hum chimed from deep within the tunnels, getting louder the closer we reached to the end.
Finally the stairs gave way to a subterranean passage, one side held with stone like the outside wall, and the other lined with parallel pipes running the length. “The generator rooms were locked behind gates when the accident occurred years back, only the engineers have access to them now” I pointed out down a ways where you could just barely see the steel pipes bend as they fed into the rooms I spoke of. As we continued we passed a few of these generator rooms, all serving specific purposes for keeping the main level of the Citadel functional.
“I’d heard about that accident, a kitchen boy wandered down here and electrocuted himself by accident”.
“He was dared to” I corrected him without further explaining I had known the boy in mention. “Other boys in the kitchen staff used to pick on him because he was often called away from kitchen duties to tend to my brother. They were close in age and were actually nearer to friends than prince and page boy”.
“Your brother must have been upset when it happened” he replied after a moment of silence to access what I had just revealed to him.
I searched my mind to find something to change the subject from the doleful story. “You know, Balen has told me that some Lords have been known to sneak down here to couple with the staff in secret”.
“Balen knows this how?” He questioned with a hint of quick accusation.
“Balen is very serious about his job, he wouldn’t risk it by involving himself in some Lord or Lady’s trifling desires” I scoffed in support of my friend's character.
Lord Harcourt slowed his walk to a stop causing me to lose my grip on his hand. “You know,” he began while I looked back at him in confusion, “I take my job seriously as well”.
Unwilling to give up and desperate to keep our relationship on track I reached out and grabbed both his hands this time. “And my desires are not trivial”. I stepped closer and looked up at him who had his head hung.
He lifted one of my hands to his face and held it there against his cheek and under his palm. Despite his unsure questioning and frankly brazen attitude since we started our journey back, when he touched me it was still tender. In my years of knowing Lord Harcourt, especially in the last few months that we had really grown close, I had only seen this double faced personality of his come out a handful of times. He almost always held up this composed and honorable front, however, recently I had been able to convince him to lower his guard allowing his playful and liberated side show.
At first it started as an innocent tease because I enjoyed his company, but it haplessly turned into a serious crush on my end that had all but been one-sided up until last night.
I put my second hand against his other cheek and tilted his head back to look at me. I searched for what to say to comfort him, but those words escaped me before I could even calm myself. Anxious that I could lose him before he was ever really mine, I launched forward and crashed our lips together. He removed his hands from mine and cupped my face as well pulling me back a few inches but then drawing his face back to mine and allowing us to kiss again just gentler this time.
“How much further do we have to go?” He asked after we separated again, both feeling more at ease after that simple act of affection.
“You should take the first stairway back up, it will put you near the kitchen. I’ll need to go a bit further down to come out closer to my bedchamber, I don’t want to risk too many people seeing me dressed like this”. In fact I was still dressed in the city clothes Balen had brought me last night. Which was a far different get up than what those in the Citadel walls were used to seeing me wear.
“I don’t like you down here by yourself” he admitted as we neared our separation point.
“I’ll be fine” I assured him with a faint smile. “What will you say if you get caught up there?” I warned him that arriving near the kitchen meant it would be more busy.
“I’m a guard, why should they question me patrolling?” He cocked an eyebrow and flashed a smile, practicing his charm on me, yeah it would work. “What about you?”
“I’m the prince, why would they question me?” I copied and stood up straight, looking at him like I could hold my ground if being questioned. He didn’t seem as convinced as I was but still we parted ways and I walked down past two more stairways before taking the next one up.
The top of the stairs had a door and there was no way of knowing if there would be anyone on the other side of the door to see me emerging. I inhaled and held my breath as I pushed the door open and peaked into the hallway. It looked like the coast was clear. I knew all I had to do was hurry down this hallway, take a right and then a left and I would be safely back in my room.
I thought to myself it would be nice to just take a nap after all of this, but I knew I would likely be called for a meeting by this hour.
As hastily as I could I successfully made my way to familiar doors, slipping inside unseen, or so I thought.
“Mother is looking for you” I heard my brother's voice behind me from somewhere inside my room.
“Theo” I acknowledged his presence as I turned around and saw him comfortably at my table, chair turned towards me and legs crossed.
“She was worried when you didn’t come to breakfast. Sneak out again?” He questioned although it was obvious.
“What did you tell her?” I wasn’t worried. Although not always for free, my brother had made excuses for me in the past.
“She was going to send someone to bring your breakfast here, but I told her you were exhausted from last night enjoying your birthday celebration. I told her I’d look in on you. Didn’t bring breakfast though I’m afraid you will have to figure that out on your own”. He fiddled around with a few things on the table as he spoke in an easy manner.
“I’ll be fine” I thanked him anyway and headed towards my wardrobe to change.
He stood as if he was preparing to excuse himself but instead paused and questioned me further. “What’s with the outfit? Don’t want the Denzi knowing you’re their prince when you’re out partying?”
“It’s like you said, I was enjoying my birthday” I responded as I undressed and placed the used clothes back into the corner of a shelf until I could return them later. “Tell mother I’ll come to see her shortly”.
“At some point just changing your clothes won’t make you blend in anymore” he warned me. “You are their prince not their friend”.
“You’re their prince” I shot back at him reminding him that he always was the more publicly revered one, the prince the Denzi all adored in and outside the Citadel and he never had to be anyone but himself. “I’m the heir, everyone wants something from me or has a side to play”.
“You think no one wants anything from me?” He sounded a little hurt, but in a sportive way.
“You’re just better at engaging them than I am” I admitted as I’d finished redressing and moved over to the table he was at earlier to sit down and lace up my suede boots.
“Just be yourself brother” he started to leave on that note, giving me one last token of younger-brother-wisdom he prided himself on possessing.
Be myself? Rang on in my head as I trudged down the halls to my mothers study. Despite the diffident conversation I’d just carried on, I was very good at judging a situation and acting the way I believed my father would approve of. He had spent countless hours over my years putting me through history lessons as he believed throughly knowing our history was the key to making the best choices today. Doing well in my lessons was my strong suit; I relied on that act of intelligence and passed it off as confidence.
“Olly!” My mother praised my nickname only she was allowed to call me. She had been meeting with a few ladies to which I smiled and waited by the door as she dismissed them so we could have the room. “Come sit” she pulled a chair that had just been occupied across the table over and closer until it was situated just in front of her.
“Good morning” I cracked a smile as I took the seat.
Skipping formalities like only a mother could, she reached out and brushed her fingertips against my cheek. “Your eyes are always so sad, just like your fathers”.
I looked up at her perplexed. I’d been compared to father in many ways but never in this manner. Picturing my father I could see the man who had headed not only our family but our community with dignity, well manner, and respect. It wasn’t like I’d never seen my father ‘sad’ before, he wasn't one to hide behind his position for images sake, but I wouldn’t characterize him that way at all.
“Did you enjoy your evening?” Mother pushed along with small talk while she picked up the picture on the table in front of us and poured me a glass.
“Umm, I did” I replied sheepishly since she seemed to be insinuating something. There was no way she could know truthfully what had happened, but she did always have a strong sense of intuition when it came to her children. After all it was only the two of us since our baby sister passed. If I had to choose one of our family to be described so simply as ‘sad’ it would have to be my mother. She loved both her sons equally and undeniably, but every year no matter how many years passed she mourned her little princess.
I hardly remembered my baby sister. I was only a child when she was born and she departed only a few days after she had arrived. We had Theo quite a few years after that, and although he would never admit it, he was always treated more preciously. I didn’t resent him for it, I loved my brother, but I couldn’t help but feel a distinction between us that rooted farther than me being the eldest.
“Is there anything you need to talk about?” There went her intuition again. “Something seems to be on your mind”.
I finished my glass knowing she would not be pleased if I tried to leave before doing so. “Just some things I need to figure out”. I thought for a moment it might be easier to confide in her about my boy problems. I knew after all we’d been through together she wouldn’t judge my imprudent taste. However, with her standing as Queen and my standing as heir I already knew those positions would eventually get in the way of our mother son relationship and she would have to encourage me to make the right decisions for the realm.
She gave me a smile as I did earlier and reached over to brush my cheek one last time, tucking a side of hair behind my ear in the meantime. “Since when did you stop depending on me and become so self sufficient?” I knew she didn’t mean to be patronizing but more like she was feeling left out.
“I suppose since last night”.
How did you like meeting other members of the Royal Family?
If anyone has become quickly attached to the main characters then it must be frustrating to see them going back and forth with one another. Sorry but it’s not over yet 😬
As always I’d love any comments, questions, and feedback
If anyone has become quickly attached to the main characters I know it must be frustrating to see them going back and forth with one another. Sorry but it’s not quite over yet 😬
As always I’d love to hear any comments, questions, or suggestions
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