ᓚᘏᗢ

you said i killed you - haunt me then!

[orthoscheme]

the paper is warm because the printer just layed them

[karafina]

[lustcannibalism]

ok I endured it. now what!!!!!!!!!

[kulluto]

just know that if i die and someone reads a chatgpt eulogy at my funeral i'm coming back.

[animentality]

[louisegluckpdf]

i was born in the absolute RIGHT generation if i had to have children i would KILL MY SELF!!!!

[sukinapan]

where i post from

[philcollinsenjoyer]

about 90% of fanfiction takes place in a utopia where men are thoughtful and unsure of their place in the world

[kulluto]

i guess i just wish people understood that two months is not a very long time at all to reach a point of acceptance. like this is a lot to handle when i didn't really expect any of this and even if i did suspect something was off i think it still would have been a difficult discovery. i still can't fully wrap my head around the fact that my brother is going to drink himself to death at this rate. but nobody gets it. i don't even know what to say anymore i don't even know where to get support from because everyone thinks it's going to magically improve with time. like if it was going to improve over time surely it would have started improving by now. even the smallest amount of change would have been made by now. but everything is always the same the only thing that seems to change is what emotion i feel about it on any given day

[kulluto]

it kind of just feels like nothing will ever be okay again. lol. my birthday is in two weeks and i didn't even realize until my best friend asked if i was planning anything for it. i don't want to do anything. i'd honestly rather just be alone because last year my brother had a little birthday party for me because i had just moved and didn't have any friends in my city yet. and i'm going to be really really sad about that this year. it was one of my happiest memories. now every memory i have is tainted by his alcoholism because i constantly wonder how i didn't notice or if it was always this bad or if all of that was fake and whoever he is now is who he's always been. i wish i knew how to explain anything i'm feeling to anyone but nobody gets it regardless. this is the most isolated i've ever felt in my life and also it's been two months of this emotional turmoil and people won't admit it but they always put an unspoken time limit on how long you can have emotions about something. i had someone tell me that i have to start living for myself and i'm not my brother's keeper so i should just stop involving myself with him. like okay yeah thanks for your useless fucking comments about something you clearly never had to experience. how fortunate you must be

[grox]

The CIA did some neferpitou shit to charlie kirk & now they got him in a lab covered in frankenstein stitches using his body to train S.J.W Bush

[kulluto]

my grandpa died 4 days ago my brother is in active addiction and all anyone wants to say to me is a sarcastic comment about how i look so happy. like ohhh my bad i forgot to consider how everyone else might feel about me being unhappy.

[spelldealer]

cousins and coworkers are addicted to getting pregnant

[peach-pot]

maybe I like talking about the weather okay…… it’s not awkward to me. we’ve both been outside today and the sun and clouds were there too, let’s discuss.

[fairycosmos]

accidentally got stuck in a compulsive thought loop instead of living any sort of life

[kulluto]

sometimes i wish i could just share my lived experiences by transferring my memories to someone else's brain instead of having to tell the same story over and over. because no matter what i say and no matter how much time i take to explain myself i still feel fundamentally misunderstood. i've been cancelling plans a lot lately because as soon as i agree to plans it turns into "oh and we're going to have alcohol" like okay then i'm good actually. i don't want to be around alcohol when i'm still witnessing how it's destroying my brother. he was sober for 4 days and now he's at a bar again as i type this so it's just this constant heartbreak over and over and over. and then i get shamed for not showing up. like these are people who know about my brother and who have unfortunately witnessed my devastation and anger and they think i should be over it by this point. how can i be over it when i have to survey his visitation with his daughter every week because he can't be trusted alone. i still have some of his things in my apartment even though he isn't staying with me anymore. i have constant reminders all the time and everyone thinks it's nothing to me. i moved to a new city for my brother and my niece. my brother was the person i trusted the most in the entire world he was my best friend all my life and now i don't know him at all. and they think it means nothing to me. because really it means nothing to them.

[kulluto]

first time i've seen my brother in almost a week and we actually did have a good day today. he stopped by my apartment to grab his stuff then we took my niece to the mall because she loves the play place there. it actually felt like a very regular day. which sucks because when things feel normal is when i get the most sad lol.