I am a firm believer in true love. I do believe that there is someone out there for me who will eventually sweep me off my feet and make me wonder why I ever settled for anybody else. There is a man out there for me, with whom I will celebrate countless anniversaries, Valentine’s Days and birthdays. There is a man with whom I will be able to get through any fight, distance or hardship, knowing that nothing will ever change. There is a man out there with whom I will share an unbreakable bond, held together by the deep desires of love.
But not today.
I don’t want someone I “won’t be able to imagine my life without.” I don’t want someone to “have my whole heart.” I don’t want someone to be “my whole world,” or “my rock,” or “my better half.” I don’t want somebody who can understand me better than I can understand myself.
I want to feel whole. I want to be my own rock, my own anchor, my own soul mate. I want to understand myself better than anyone else can. I don’t want to look back and hate myself for altering my future for someone else when I know I wasn’t ready to.
That’s why I don’t want to find the man I will love forever today. Or tomorrow. Or the day after that.
For those who know me, you know that when I fall, I fall fast and I fall hard. I am a hopeless romantic who wears my heart on my sleeve. I simply love the idea of being in love. I can’t remember a time in my life when I didn’t have some type of interest in a guy. I love having a “texting buddy.” I love feeling desired. I have gotten hurt a few times, but I always pick myself up and try to move on. Moving on is hard for me, though, simply because I love being in love. I’ve called guys my “better half” and my “rock.” I’ve convinced myself that I couldn’t picture my life without them. I’m starting to realize now that that’s the last thing I want in my future relationship. Especially as a young woman in my early 20s. Before I enter into any serious relationship, I need to feel like I’m complete. And I need to be able to feel complete while completely alone.
romaincrisis
kaledo-art
baratheonpilled
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ellievsbear
