crazy cat lady @theophilus3 - Tumblr Blog

RIP

Isn’t it overwhelming to think about your existence? Like I didn’t choose this and yet I’m supposed to live it. And there are so many questions about life that the answers to are unknown.

chaos in my mind . . . . . . . Both faith and unbelief are the result of one's decision. I decide to believe in someone or something, and I decide to disbelieve in someone or something. Sometimes I choose consciously and sometimes unconsciously. But always, it is my choice whether I put my faith in something or not. . . . As I've shared before, grace is an overwhelming gift that I'm struggling to receive. However, my Lord, who knows all things and knows the very depths of me, helped me realize that I struggle to receive grace because I simply refuse to accept it. . . . . Well, rip dude. What now? My wretched mind and fickle heart aren't easy fixes. . . . . Pray. This is a cliche answer for anything and everything, but sometimes that's all a girl can do. Whenever I come to the end of myself and reach my limit, man, the terrifying presence of hopelessness bombards me from within. But the Spirit fights for me and gives me the courage to even ask for help. His grace and mercy are not depend on me, but on who He is. . . . . "I believe, my Lord, help me in my unbelief."

accurate . . . . . . . . This past Saturday, I went on a hike with a few peeps from school, and let me tell you.... Bruh, my spirit was willing, but my flesh was weaaaak. It wasn't even 20 mins into the hike when I had to admit defeat and ask to turn around. The first part of the hike was steep as heck and mostly stairs all the way up. Of course, I tried to keep up with the group by pushing through the sharp burning pain in my lungs and legs, while internally yelling at myself, "I can and I will do this freaking hike." Well, I started feeling nauseous, light headed, and my guts started cramping too, that I had to sit and actually vocalize my predicament. I gave everything I could and my mind was so fixated on powering through, but my body was physically unable. (I work out 5 times a week, I should have been able to do this hike, but I was on my period, I have exercise-enduced asthma, I didn't eat breakfast, I didn't drink enough water-- everything was just a recipe for NOPE) I was very embarrassed for being “that person” in the group and then fearful of their reaction and response. But you want to know how they reacted? WITH GRACE AND TRUTH. They didn’t begrudgingly agree to end the hike there and go down, NOPE. They met my humiliated defeat with understanding and patience, and they revealed genuine concern for me through their words and actions. Man, I was so frustrated at myself for being an inconvenience, all the while they were speaking life and mercy to me. “It’s better you’re here with us” and “It’s better that we suffer together.” and “Having you with us is better than a mountaintop view.” HOLD UP. What? I just ruined the hike, you guys! Why are y’all being so nice? We woke up early, bought snacks, and drove all the way here to hike. You should be upset and resentful right now. But y’all are not. I honestly don’t understand. You guys didn’t even mock me or humiliate me further for being physically incapable of continuing this hike. Wow. Grace. This is it. The rest of the day, I wrestled with receiving their grace and even now, days later, I’m still wrestling with it. So we ended up exploring a little cave on the trail, going to Squamish, checking out Valhalla, getting drinks at 1914 coffee shop, and appreciating art at Sea Sky art gallery, where the pic above was taken by my homie, Hannah. We also spontaneously roamed around IKEA. Oh yeah, and Hannah and I vlogged. It was good times. The Lord gave me a tangible and real life event to refer back to when I’m struggling with being a recipient of grace. I think I’m beginning to get it now. Being is better than doing and I need help.

Joy, remember: grace and truth go hand in hand

The road to healing is not painless. Sorry.

YA BOI MADE IT TO PLBC!

Preparing for this unbelievable milestone includes ridding of my leg and armpit hair after almost a year of growth, peacing out of the Shuswap Pie Co after 8 months working full-time, saying goodbye to beloved people in Salmon Arm, and then packing up my whole life and moving to a whole new world called Surrey, BC. I thought that I'd leave out the part about my crying and doubting my decision to attend this school, but I think that's an important part of this next adventure.

My life with the Good Lord involves a buttload of trust and grace-fueled faith, and often it looks like a jump into the deep end, but this time, it's a jump into the open ocean. When this season is over, I hope to bear good fruit and make much of God.

I am but dust, dear Jesus, please use, grow, and transform me as you will.

the Christian life is a fight

•for true lasting joy in Christ

•against sinful flesh

•against the rulers, authorities, powers of this dark world, and spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms

•for contentment in Christ

•that takes place every day, every hour, and every second

•to choose to treasure Jesus, forsaking all others

•to turn away from lesser glories, and fix both eyes on the Perfect Lord

•to wholeheartedly follow Jesus, denying the desires of the flesh and taking up one's cross every single day

•to remember truth and the sure promises of God

•to live by grace alone through faith

•to live applying both faith and works together

Mama Joy

Yesterday, I became a foster mama to two jelly beans. Jelly and Bean are newborn kittens, who were abandoned by their birth mother (yesterday). I accepted the challenge of caring for them for a few weeks until they’re grown and are able to return to the farm they were born at.

These babies are so different and their personalities are already so evident even at their being less than a day old. Jelly is stripe-ish and Bean is black all over. Jelly is strong and very active, and he loves to cry for his mommy, whereas, Bean is not as fiesty and she’s quieter because she’s mostly always sleeping.

Last night, I had really sucky sleep because Jelly and Bean are supposed to drink their formula every two hours, and so I was up to feed them multiple times. This was brutal, but I didn’t want them to die, so I endured the waking up at awful hours.

I’ve never taken care of precious and fresh kittens before, so I’m hoping that this first time will be good. I want them to live and I’ll do my best to not kill them because of ignorance or stupidity. Here’s to hoping. ✌🏽

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“was that awkward eye contact or were we checking eachother out” - a life story

theophilus3

yes, do tell

i done goofed

Today I messed up big time. I forgot to bring proof of identity to my final exam (MTER180). I was dropped off by my Mama and we live so far from the examination place. I thought, "No, not like this." Then I accepted my fate, "This is the end of me." I mourned because of my stupidity and I cursed myself for 20 seconds and then proceeded to call Mama and ask her to bring my driver's licence. She was like, "Bruh," and I was like, "Bruh pls." And she brought it 15 mins later. Mama bear came up clutch

“wag mo muna kainin” steam2017. it's okay to get lost, just find your way back. patience is a virtue; confidence is key. make connections, not small talk. truth is not relative. gentle and quiet spirit. gray not gay. sleep deprivation brings about creativity. innovation: creativity, curiousity, collaboration, courage. chickens need protein. bees poop. "you have a nice flick". ulti is essential, lunch is not. cats > dogs. there is a time to shut up. give with a happy heart.

#steam2017 #icecream #chardons #sleepover