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@thepenandcamera
The Comeback - ELLA BERMAN
The Comeback – ELLA BERMAN
The Comeback by Ella Berman
The pandemic keeps me at home, but it’s the fires raging across the west coast that force me to stay indoors. I select books that keep me from feeling like every day is groundhog day. I read books to temporarily escape the disasters within the disasters within the disasters. It’s practically fall now. 2020 creeps past us in a figurative and literal haze.
So let’s…
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“Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers” by Mary Roach
“Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers” by Mary Roach
I don’t know about you, but this year my death anxiety crept up on me like a colony of ants that wriggles its way over an unassuming child’s arm sitting in a meadow.
Instead of dealing with it the way I usually do, which is by reading books on spirituality, I went straight for a comedic, factual, and rather unself-helpy take on what happens with our physical bodies once we die.
Mary Roach’s…
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The Haiku Mind: 108 Poems to Cultivate Awareness & Open Your Heart - PATRICIA DONEGAN
New Review! This time a wee bit of poetry! The Haiku Mind: 108 Poems to Cultivate Awareness & Open Your Heart - PATRICIA DONEGAN
Poetry is one of those genres that’s been hard for me to get into. I don’t know why. Perhaps it’s because I’ve tried to live the past few years with narrative clarity. Poetry, much like lyrics to certain songs, leave so much to interpretation that it requires a certain type of patience to look between the lines and find meaning. (more…)
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The Autobiography of Malcom X As Told to Alex Haley
New review up: The Autobiography of Malcom X As Told to Alex Haley
The Autobiography of Malcolm X is one of the important non-fiction books. And I didn’t know it was. No one told me! Not school, not the internet, not my friends. I only stumbled upon it by chance when one afternoon I strolled past NYU in Manhattan and browsed a long table of used books set up by a street merchant. The cover caught my eye, because the subject of racism had been heavily on my mind…
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The Gift of Time - JORD
The Gift of Time – JORD
I have long been drawn to all things vintage. I love typewriters for example. They are there for you to write stories and nothing more. Record players only play music for you to enjoy. And watches are there to exclusively tell time and only time. I have fond memories of my father collecting watches back in the 80s and 90s. He seemed fascinated with both the mechanics and the internal miniature…
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Gook - JUSTIN CHON
My review for "Gook" by my buddy JUSTIN CHON is up!
Talk about breaking Asian American stereotypes in cinema! Justin Chon, writer, director and main actor of “Gook” brings to you the movie that many of us Asian Americans have been waiting for. He does what I’ve always wanted to do as an artist; he screams “Hey, your life is shitty, but so is mine. Quit pretending that I don’t exist.” (more…)
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Last week, I was undulating between two emotions: pride and disappointment. For one, my film I CAN I WILL I DID screened at the Asian American International Film Festival in New York to a sold out crowd. It was invited back for an encore screening the following week and picked up its third festival award (this time the Audience Choice Award). In addition to that, we received invitations to two mainstream film festivals. I am beyond thrilled! I want to thank my facebook friends, film collaborators and blogging community for the kind congratulatory words that were sent my way. Filmmakers bare their souls for everyone to see and make themselves vulnerable to scrutiny and pain. An audience that is moved by what you have to say, is everything.
To hell with self-promotion. In the spirit of wanting to be a more honest artist, I want to share about something that we all go through in some shape or form. Let me tell you about the time ICIWID received the opposite of accolades. Rejection is a bitch.
We’ve been sent a number of festival ‘thanks, but no thanks’ already. This is normal, because festivals have their unique sets of criteria when it comes to programming. One committee might exclusively look for high concept social dramas and another for fun horror flicks or family friendly comedies. Many operate on star power and most have a tendency for nepotism; your film will only be viewed if you know someone who works with the festival. The odds of you getting in are always stacked against you.
This particular rejection, however, came from the San Diego Asian American Film Festival, the same one who seven years ago gave me the George C. Lin Emerging Filmmaker Award for my film school thesis short films. At that time, I was over-the-moon happy about the support and thought of this festival as a home to showcase all of my future works. AA fests help push their own to the foreground, after all, especially female Asian American directors who are essentially unicorns in media. So after I won that award with them back in 2010, I sent them my first feature film SOMEONE I USED TO KNOW, but right out the gate, they oh-so graciously declined it. I was perplexed. They were the only Asian American film festival in North America to reject us. I was stunned, but in the end, I figured okay, I will try again. They must really think that “The script is contrived, trying way too hard to be hip (in the dialogue and in the situations, like those of drugs and sex), and hinging on a laughably unbelievable revelation.” That was verbatim from a feedback email with the festival director. Okay then. Although I didn’t author the screenplay, it was still my first feature film, so it still sucked not getting some love from them. But I thought, you just wait and see, San Diego.
Applying this year with I CAN I WILL I DID, I figured to have a winner on my hands. This film was crewed by 50% women and led primarily by POC, a rarity in a sea of movie sets with pay gaps for women and minorities. It’s suitable for a broader mainstream audience. It has a diverse cast, featuring an especially positive representation of a Korean gal who happens to be a wheelchair user in the female lead role. It does not follow the white savior trope; he actually has to save himself. And, to top it off, it is spearheaded by an all Asian American team. And the final clincher of confidence: I believe it’s a genuinely heartwarming film with a positive message. Maybe not a great film, but good at least, okay at the worst. Asian American support worthy for sure.
They’ve rejected me again.
SDAFF is not a top tier festival but it still stings, because these are supposed to be my people. The one festival that I thought would be most supportive of my career, the one that had championed me as a young filmmaker back in the day, didn’t think my film fit into their programming yet again. This time I didn’t even bother getting feedback. I know that I can’t let that sting grow into a painful burn by barraging myself with questions of self-doubt (“Did they have a problem with my casting a white actor in the male lead role even though everyone else was of color? Did they expect flashy martial arts scenes? Was the dialogue too dense?”). Now I know that no matter what I submit, there are movies and filmmakers they just deem way better and fitting their criteria of AA stories. I can’t pull an anti-affirmative action/Harvard stunt and demand entry just because I thought I checked off all the marks on their list. I get it. It’s not personal. I’m just not their type. I’ll take Sex and the City’s Miranda Hobbs “He’s just not that into you,” for three hundred, thank you. That is the valuable lesson. I should never expect that my community will support my work just because I, Nadine Truong, made something. They don’t show up for you just because you’re a woman or a minority. It’s just something that is or is not.
Here’s my plea to my fellow artists. Your product of creativity matters. Every application that gets turned down, every critique that blemishes the intention of your vision can cause any sensitive artist to spiral into a vortex of self-loathing. These no’s remind us of the time, when a boy or girl you thought was super cool in kindergarten, didn’t want to play with you. They trigger painful memories of not feeling good enough for your parents. They make you relive the excruciating heartbreak you couldn’t prevent after having invested blood, sweat and tears in a romantic relationship. Rejection pours salt into a wound that refuses to heal completely.
But here’s the thing: The laws of the universe favor the concept of balance. There’s always a form of rejection that follows a period of praise. This teaches you that you must know your worth regardless of success or of failure. Although there’s always something to improve, you must remember that you are already enough. It makes sense. After a big high comes a big blow. Your “good” is not when you’re feeling high. Your good is when you’re feeling steady. Learn to sit with the sadness that befalls your heart when someone does not appreciate what you’ve made. It eventually will fade. You are courageous. Acknowledge your bruised ego, then lean into it. It will heal. Then go back into the arena and create again.
So who else is working on their next manuscript?
On Joy and Rejection Last week, I was undulating between two emotions: pride and disappointment. For one, my film…
The Handmaid's Tale - MARGARET ATWOOD
New Review: "The Handmaid's Tale" by MARGARET ATWOOD
We are living in an era that has enabled an openly misogynist man to become president. Backed in part by alt-right religious fanatics, Trump’s administration actively works on dismantling protections for minority groups, including women. Reading Margaret Atwood’s 1986 novel “The Handmaid’s Tale” against this backdrop strikes a particularly sensitive chord with me. Her story is set in a world that…
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The Summer that Melted Everything - TIFFANY MCDANIEL
The Summer that Melted Everything – TIFFANY MCDANIEL
This is Tiffany McDaniel’s debut novel, and let me tell you… that is one hell of a novel! Set in the Midwestern town of Breathed in the mid-80’s, The Summer That Melted Everything is a story about the strange happenings surrounding the arrival of a young black boy. True to time and setting, we are thrust into a saga that tackles everything from racism, prejudice, small-town mob mentality,…
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On Whiskey and Wonder Woman
New post up: "On Whiskey and Wonder Woman"
I’m with Brian, my husband of nearly two years. We enter a fancy New York lounge and he immediately strolls toward the bar. i’m right behind him, waiting for him to order my go-to drink. The bartender does his thing and then comes back with the two beverages. “Here you go,” he cheerfully says. “One Jameson neat and one Stella.” He pushes the whiskey glass toward my husband and hands me the beer.…
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The Martian - ANDY WEIR
After a little hiatus, I'm back! Read my newest book musings on "The Martian" by ANDY WEIR
What a fantastic, entertaining novel. Do not expect literary nuggets, but if you’re in for an emotional planetary ride, this is your book. I was always at the edge of my seat and found myself laughing out loud more than once. The geek in me is pleased and my interest in sci-fi is deepened. (more…)
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The Girl on the Train - PAULA HAWKINS
New Review is up: The Girl on the Train - PAULA HAWKINS
It’s not enough to be a gripping and jumpy novel. Often, the most successful stories are the ones that remind us of our darkest selves or make us revisit moments in our lives that we thought we had safely left in the past. Good novels make us regurgitate our experiences. We project the nadirs of our existence onto works of art, from a distance at first. If the writing is good and doesn’t…
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28 WEEKS LATER - Rowan Joffé
28 WEEKS LATER – Rowan Joffé
Of all the horror genres, I’ve always liked the zombies the best. The prequel to this film, 28 Days Later, directed by British filmmaker Danny Boyle three years prior, was such a big box office hit, that (of course!) Fox queued up its sequel soon after. But when writers and directors change hands, you get very different movies, almost unrecognizable from each other. (more…)
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The War of Art - STEVEN PRESSFIELD
Newest review up:The War of Art - STEVEN PRESSFIELD
There is honor in writing. But don’t be a one, unless you’re prepared to suffer through years of rejection, financial burden, and critique from peers that make your heart sink to the bottoms of your feet. Thus, I repeat: There is honor in writing. (more…)
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The Cuckoo's Calling - ROBERT GALBRAITH
Novel Wednesday: Read my review on The Cuckoo's Calling by ROBERT GALBRAITH aka J.K. ROWLING. #bookreview
Robert Galbraith put together an enticing cast of characters, rich in complexity and distinct in their agendas. I would not expect otherwise, since Robert Galbraith is actually a pseudonym for none other than Harry Potter creator J.K. Rowling (the cat’s been out of the bag for years on that one though, they actually reveal that fact on the back of the cover). (more…)
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The Danish Girl - LUCINDA COXON
Screenplay Mondays: Read my thoughts on The Danish Girl by screenwriter LUCINDA COXON
The telling of such a story comes at an apt time. Too long have trans experiences been marginalized and branded as too risqué or too perverse for mainstream consumption. There are powerful activists reigning the stage to raise awareness today, from Laverne Cox, a well-known cast member of Orange is the New Black to model Geena Rocero (watch her wonderful TED talk!), Hollywood has finally made…
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Confessions of a Sociopath: A Life Spent Hiding in Plain Sight - M.E. THOMAS
Read my newest book review of "Confessions of a Sociopath: A Life Spent Hiding in Plain Sight" by author M.E. THOMAS
Ever been in conversation with a total narcissist asshole and wonder “What the hell is going through your head right now?” Confessions of a Sociopath is your chance to peek into the mind of an extremely unsympathetic, self-aggrandizing person. (more…)
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