twisted words and plums.

Plums of truth

[coda45]

God bless

[millenialconservativecollegegirl]

I’m always open to be proven wrong

[tastefullyoffensive]

[etica]

This man is already living in 2027

[unsettlingstories]

Cursed image.

[sodomymcscurvylegs]

Good morning to everyone except this person!

[deadlywoman-deactivated20210209]

me: it’s okay if people dislike my favorite character. everyone is entitled to their own opinion

person: *dislikes my favorite character*

me:

kids have no concept of anything. i walked into my kindergarten class and one kid asked me what my name was. when i said miss jones, he said “i like that name. did you know i’m in love with you”

[letthemountainsmoveyou-deactiva]

i asked my four year old cousin how old he thought i was going to be at my next birthday and he said 8. im 23

[roonilwazlip-deactivated2022021]

once i told a 6 year old that i had finished school and was doing “more school” [university] and she asked “why haven’t you found anyone to marry then”

[byeeyeslikeacat-deactivated2019]

We were at a museum and I was asking for the student discount and my nine year old cousin looks up at me with his eyes wide and says “wait you’re a STUDENT??”

[meelothemanly]

I used to babysit these three kids and the eldest who was around 11 at the time was talking about how adults are boring and when I told him I was an adult he said, “That’s not true, you’re my age”

[cractasticdispatches]

our aunt teaches and she has this story about a little girl who really was always pretty quiet in class and then on the final day of kindergarten she just up and stated ‘i’m all teached now. i don’t need to be teached anymore. i’m done of being teached.’

[diamondelight92]

once when i was 19, I told my little cousin that i was 19 and she looked up at me with huge eyes and went, “Does that mean you don’t have to bring an adult with you to the pool?”

[maraudersvibes]

My 6 year old cousin saw me driving for the first time, looked up at him mom and said “does that mean she is married now?”

[standard-fiend]

I watched my dad and my niece (3 at the time) arguing over a pair of pants and whether or not they were also a dress. My neice’s argument was that they were, in fact, also a dress because they were blue.

[loveyoutothem00n]

I asked the kids in my daycare class what they thought I should be for Halloween and this little boy goes, “ooh I know! A pickle! You’d be such a good pickle”

[aimmyarrowshigh]

On the first day of class with my favorite student of all time, I said, “Are you okay? You look like you have a question.” And she looked me right in the eyes and said, tremulously,

“Can a piranha eat a stapler?”

[manic-kin]

One time I was working with a kid and he looked up at me and asked “Do you have a boy?” I had no idea what he was talking about, but I told him that I did not have any boys. He looked shocked and then deeply concerned and said “Well, you better hurry up and shave your arms so you can get married; August is next month!”

[dinovia-grant]

I was sitting on the floor with my 3yo niece and we were playing with her younger brother’s alphabet blocks and the O had an octopus on it.  So I picked it up and asked her what it was.

“Octopus,” she said, all curls and smiles.

“And what kind of animal is an octopus?” I asked.  I was looking for “fish” or “sea creature” but I would have accepted almost anything–”weird,” “gross,” even “slimy.”  “Underwater” or “it lives in the ocean” would have also been acceptable. 

She looks me right in the eye and says, happy as a clam, “It’s a cephalopod.”

I haven’t been the same since.

[charadreemurrrrrrr-deactivated2]

I’d like to take this moment to thank zootopia for not putting full heads of hair on the girl animals and only the girl animals

[magehand]

the only animal that had hair was shakiras fursona

[charadreemurrrrrrr-deactivated2]

Shakira can have all the hair she wants honestly

[shittydad]

They don’t give up so easily nowadays

[weavemama]

reblog flying ass giant pants guys for a fortune of good luck and good cash 

[weavemama]

this is a cursed post that is capable of delivering good deeds

[classicantics-deactivated201712]

it’s the babadook’s chill cousin; the jeandeine

[audreynical2]

(Tweet from @nycsouthpaw) Kris Kobach should learn to use folders and cover sheets.

[image] Department of Homeland Security Kobach Strategic Plan for first 365 Days.

——————

Can someone caption this when you get a chance? I’m on mobile.

[tanjir0se]

[Transcript for those who are having trouble reading]

1. Bar the Entry of Potential Terrorists -I. Update and reintroduce the NSEERS screening and tracking system (National Security Entry-Exit Registration System) that was in place from 2002-2005. All aliens from high risk areas are tracked.  -II. Add extreme vetting system for high risk aliens. Question them regarding support for Sharia law, jihad, equality of men and women, the United States Constitution.  -III. Reduce intake of Syrian refugees to zero using authority under the 1980 Refugee Act.

2. [Unreadable] Record Number of Criminal Aliens in the First Year -[unreadable] 193,000 criminal removal cases dropped by the Obama Administration. -[unreadable] ICE guidance memorands(?) adopted by the Obama Administration, issue new guidance [unreadable] “criminal alien” as any alien arrested for any crime, and any gang member.  -[remainder is mostly unreadable; discusses enlisting local and state goverments to aid in the decrease of “criminal aliens”]

3. [Mostly unreadable, discusses PLANS FOR THE WALL] -[unreadable] in addition to the 319 miles of existing [unreadable] covering the entire 1,989 miles planned for rapid build. [unreadable] the PATRIOT Act to prevent illegal aliens [unreadable]

[Most of the rest is unreadable]

5. [unreadable] -[mostly unreadable, the ending sentence contains the phrase “Draft amendments to National Voter…”]

That’s all I could make out. If anyone else wants to add what they can see, feel free to do so.

[avatarthelastzed-deactivated202]

This is a serious breach of classified information handling. I hope he gets fired for this! Better people have been fired for less (and lost an election)

[trixya-trash]

[kevinokevinokevino-deactivated2]

never in my gay life have i witnessed something so iconic

[ryandevon]

In case you didn’t know it’s law you have to watch this every time it appears on your dash or your queer card is revoked

[typheus-denizen]

tbh if stephen kings twitter ain’t relatable then I don’t know what is

[refinery29]

#DisabledAndCute is the best thing on Twitter this week (and there’s been a LOT of stiff competition)

We’ve seen firsthand just how powerful, courageous, and badass differently abled people can be. And it looks like the rest of the internet is finally catching up. An array of Twitter users of different ages, races, and genders are showing up to strut their stuff, share their stories, and prove that their disabilities are just part of what makes them cute and fierce as heck.

[stability]

[grigiogurls]

lush did THAT 😭

[perplexedhedgehog]

@lauralot89 I knew there was a reason they were our favorite.

[queersamus]

BUT WHERE THO. I HAVE NEVER BEEN IN A FUCKING HOTEL OR HOME WITH A TUB THAT FUCKING HUGE THIS IS A LIE smh

[anti-feminism-pro-girl-power-de]

Maybe that person you called racist or homophobic or accused or being sexist is secretly breaking down inside. Maybe they’re crying as they see your hate. Maybe they have feelings just like you 

[femininechrist]

I don’t care.

[cowardiceandsandwiches]

of course the national parks rebelled first