Too many walls up, closed off from contact.
Only allowing in what you know won’t hurt you.
Too much damage; the walls appeared almost overnight.
You can’t afford to keep getting hurt.
You put so much of yourself into others.
Being used as a battery. Who knew you had so many outlets?
Your gravitational pull keeps drawing people in, despite knowing the repetitive end result.
All you want is for someone to give back even half of what you give out.
It’s much too big an ask. The weight of it is too much.
How you still have so much to give out despite getting crumbs in return is beyond me.
You are a power source, but the question remains if you’re renewable or non.
Will you eventually run out? Dry up and burn out? Will it be a glorious big bang or will it fizzle out quietly, as not to disrupt anyone. Not to inconvenience anyone.
This is a habit that should be broken, but fear takes a chokehold on you. So you just keep on the same track, not veering slightly.
Keep letting others plug into your energy, being used as a nutrient, a life support for others while it slowly and painfully chips away at your own soul.
“Call your energy back” “ground yourself”
But what if they need it more than me?
That shouldn’t always be the first reaction. It’s not always a bad thing to be a little selfish. To put yourself first.
I can dish out that advice all day, every day for others.
I don’t even know how to attempt to talk about things in order to make them better.
You keep this wall around you, and only let pieces show as to appease professionals. To make them believe you’re opening up and showing progress.
You know the truth though. You are a master in masks.
You wear so many, that at times you can even trick yourself into believing your ruse.
———————————————————————————
You have to find a way through this fortress you’ve built.
You deserve to finally be happy.
After all the shit you’ve endured for others.
After all the shit that’s been done to you.
You deserve your goddamn happily ever after.
That was taken from you. (Fuck you.)
Now you should take it back.
Try not to let all your trauma hold you down.
Let yourself be open to others, pursue love again.
Don’t let all defenses down, but lower the gate to allow others to cross the poisonous moat you’ve let surround your castle.
Don’t let that poison into your head.
Don’t constantly second and triple guess, and overthink every single thing.
Be on the pursuit of happiness.
titsay
stormborns
theartofmadeline
kianamaiart
baratheonpilled
snowghoul
